Dial D for Deadman: A Space Team Universe Novel (Dan Deadman Space Detective Book 1)

by Barry J. Hutchison

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Whatever Ollie had been expecting to happen, didn’t. Unless she was expecting nothing to happen, in which case, it did.

  Still on her knees, she looked around in a sort of mute confusion, before concluding with a shrug and a slightly disappointed sounding, “Huh.”

  “Oh, for…” Dan rasped. He pointed frantically towards the middle of the road. “Gun. Get my gun.”

  “Gun?” said Ollie, frowning, like she’d never heard the word before. Her eyes fell on the fallen weapon. “Oh! Gun!”

  She sprang forwards like a sprinter off the blocks, making a bee-line for the gun. Halfway to it, Dan hit her in the back at high speed, and they both rolled to a stop in a tangle of arms and legs.

  “You’re not helping,” Ollie said, her legs pinned beneath Dan’s back.

  “I didn’t do it on purpose!” Dan snapped. “The fonker threw me.”

  They both rolled free and set off for the gun again.

  “What are you doing here?” Dan demanded.

  “I saw you on the moving picture thing,” Ollie said. “You looked like you could use my help.”

  “Your help? And how are you helping, exac—?”

  A hand caught him by the ankle and he thumped forwards against the ground. “Not again,” he groaned, then he was swung like a throwing-hammer and sent flying through the air in the opposite direction, far away from Mindy.

  His landing was less than graceful, and involved skidding several feet on his face. By the time he picked himself up, the von Haff thing was looming over Ollie, its ever-more-hideous bulk penning her in on at least three sides.

  She was too far away for him to reach before the thing attacked. And even if he did, what could he do? He was powerless against the monster.

  Ollie dragged herself backwards away from the thing, one hand held protectively in front of her. She held her pendant in it, the cryptic symbol dangling from its broken chain.

  Why had she snapped it off? What was she…?

  No.

  No, surely not.

  Pick on someone your own size.

  “Aw, fonk,” Dan grunted, as he realized her plan, while simultaneously realizing it was far better than any he had so far been able to come up with. He cupped his one remaining hand around his mouth and shouted. “The necklace. Toss the necklace.”

  Ollie glanced his way, then did as she was told. The pendant chinked as it landed several feet away. The von Haff creature watched it for a moment, then howled as it raised both medieval fists above its head. The howl rose in pitch, becoming a sickening roar of triumph as it swung the fists down towards the helpless Ollie.

  And then a long thin tentacle wrapped around von Haff’s wrists and jerked him violently to one side, making him miss his target.

  Dan had seen many things during his visits to the Malwhere. He’d seen the very worst the Hell-dimensions had to offer.

  Or so he thought.

  The thing emerging from a fold in the fabric of space was now a new entry at the top of his list. It seemed to be all shapes and every size at once. Reality itself bent around it, as if afraid to get too close. One moment, it was a shapeless expanse of nothing, while at the same moment, it was a thrashing ball of slimy tendrils, a howling vortex of luminous wind, and the fiery heart of a supernova.

  And, also at the same time, it was a man. A very plain, very naked man. He was easy to overlook, as he didn’t immediately draw the eye the way the billion other forms the thing took did, but he was definitely there, standing in the middle of it all, hands crossed behind his back.

  Von Haff screeched and tore his hands free of the new arrival’s grip. The monsters hurled themselves at each other, hands and teeth and tentacles and claws ripping and tearing as they locked in battle.

  “Hey,” said Ollie, making Dan jump.

  “Shizz. Don’t sneak up on me like that,” he told her.

  “Sorry. I got your gun,” she said, holding Mindy out to him.

  He took the weapon without a word, and quickly checked it over for damage.

  “You’re welcome,” Ollie said.

  “What?” Dan asked, then he grunted. “Oh. Yeah.” He gestured to the multitude of shapes currently slapping the von Haff thing against the ground. “Is that…?”

  “Kalaechai,” Ollie confirmed. She looked down at her feet for a moment, then back up. “My father.”

  “The resemblance is uncanny,” said Dan. “Think he can beat that thing?”

  “Ha!” Ollie snorted. “He has scarier things for lunch. Yes, he can beat it.”

  “Right. Good,” said Dan. He turned away, then hesitated. “And then what?”

  Ollie puffed out her cheeks. “Then he’ll take me back with him,” she said. “Or, you know, destroy the world and then take me back. One of those.”

  Dan stared at her, agog. “Great. Well, that’s… great. A big improvement. Thanks.”

  He limped across to the truck just as Artur and Nona appeared from the shadows. “Hey, Deadman, good to see ye in one…” Artur looked past Dan and winced. “Oh, what the feck is that now? That’s not…? Is it?”

  “It is,” said Dan. He looked up at Nona and scraped together a smile. “Hey. I’m Dan. We’re here to get you home,” he said, but the sight of his face made Nona turn away in fright, so he didn’t go any further.

  “Don’t take it personally,” Artur said. “She’s had a rough time. Speaking of which, where’s her old man? I’d very much like a word with him.”

  “He’s over…” Dan gestured to where Janto had fallen, but the bamston was nowhere to be seen. “Shizz. I stunned him. He shouldn’t have been awake already.”

  “Ye lost him? Ye daft bollocks. Go find him!”

  “I will,” Dan said. “Look after the girl.”

  He had barely gone a few paces before Ollie called out to him. “Good luck.”

  Dan paused to look back. She smiled, but her eyes gave her true feelings away. “I’ll… I think I’ll be gone when you get back.”

  She gestured over to where Kalaechai and von Haff were still locked in battle. It was shaping up to be as one-sided as Dan’s fight with the mutant biker had been.

  “And, you know, thanks,” Ollie said.

  “For what?”

  “For helping me.”

  Dan blinked. “When?”

  “Uh, always. Pretty much.”

  “Just get a feckin’ move on!” Artur snapped. “Go and kill that evil shoitebag before he gets away.”

  Dan nodded, and began to run. Ollie stopped him again, almost at once.

  “Uh, he went that way,” she said, pointing through the broken fence to the darkened factory beyond.

  “You sure?”

  “Sure.”

  Dan changed direction and headed for the fence. He soon stopped again.

  The von Haff thing was being slammed repeatedly against the ground by a billion shapes all masquerading as one enormous tentacle. Kalaechai would be done with it soon, and then…

  “Why did you come here? Really?” Dan asked.

  Ollie’s face took on that not quite getting the joke expression. “Because you’re the only person I know. And because before he… Ned asked me to look after you.”

  “He did, huh?” Dan mumbled.

  “He kind of made me promise,” Ollie said.

  Dan looked up, shook his head, then sighed. “Fine. Come on,” he said, beckoning with the gun for Ollie to follow him.

  Ollie pointed to herself, then looked back over her shoulder. “Who, me?”

  “Don’t make me change my mind,” Dan grunted. “Help me find this piece of shizz.”

  “But… he’s going to come after me,” Ollie said, her eyes darting to the ongoing battle.

  “Yeah,” said Dan. “Probably. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

  “Aw,” said Artur. “Isn’t this just a beautiful moment that we should all take some time to… No, wait. I tell a lie. Get a feckin’ move on!” />
  * * *

  Janto hobbled across a metal walkway and heaved himself up a flight of stairs. His warped, leathery limbs creaked as he moved, but there was no pain. His lack of nerve endings meant pain was nothing more than a memory, albeit one burned into every nightmare he’d had since the fire had stolen his life away.

  He’d almost stolen it back. He’d found her, even after her witch of a mother had changed their last name, he’d found her, and all the secrets he’d hidden inside. Everything he had ever worked for, every worthwhile thing he had done in his miserable life, right there inside the girl.

  And then he’d lost her.

  No, not lost her. She had been taken. That freak with the gun had stolen her from him, kept her from him. But he wasn’t done yet. He’d get away, hole up, use the information he’d been able to get to make himself better. Stronger.

  And then, when he was able, he’d come back. He’d find Nona – his Nona – again, and plunder every one of the remaining secrets from inside her.

  Yes, this was a setback, nothing more. He smiled, although the tightness of his skin would have made it impossible for anyone to tell.

  And then, just as he readied himself to take another set of stairs, a bolt of energy struck him in the back, and the entire contents of his bowels were evacuated in one sudden explosive thwurp.

  “Don’t move,” Dan warned, stepping onto the walkway behind him.

  “Aren’t you supposed to say that before you shoot?” Ollie asked.

  Dan shrugged. “I like to mix it up sometimes. Keep it fresh.”

  “I don’t think that’s fresh,” said Ollie, her nose wrinkling as the smell reached her.

  Janto stood frozen, his face a wide-eyed mask of horror. Even more so than usual.

  “W-what is…? How did…?” He clutched at his stomach as another jet of hot effluent erupted down his legs. “Oh… shizz!”

  “Bingo,” said Dan. “I call it Brown Noise. It’s messy, but effective.”

  Janto hugged himself and hopped from foot to foot. “But… but why?”

  Dan shrugged. “Mostly for my own amusement. I wanted you to suffer. You know, before.”

  “B-before what?”

  “Mindy. Lethal rounds,” Dan ordered. The cylinder spun. The lights illuminated.

  “No! No, don’t!” Janto pleaded. “I can help you. I can make you better.”

  Dan took aim. “I doubt that,” he said.

  “Wait!”

  The voice echoed around the factory. Dan didn’t recognize it at first – not when it was so out of context – but when he did, his unbeating heart sank.

  “So, you found him, then?” said Paradise. She glided along the walkway on a hovering CareChair, a tartan blanket wrapped around her legs to keep out the cold. “Good for you, Mr Deadman. I knew you had it in you.”

  “Hey, it’s that old lady!” said Ollie. She moved, as if to greet her, but Dan caught her arm. Without saying a word, he raised his eyes to the walkway above them. A dozen or more henchmen had weapons trained on them, ready to open fire.

  Paradise stopped a few feet from Janto and crinkled her nostrils in disgust. “Ugh. And I see you’ve been up to your old tricks,” she said, shooting Dan a disapproving look.

  “How’s the carpet?” Dan asked.

  “Replaced. There was no other option.” She wagged a finger at Dan, reproachfully, but then smiled. It was a shark’s smile, cold and calculating, and broadcasting the suggestion that it would be the last thing you’d ever see. “Still, no matter. You brought me to this gentleman, and that’s what counts.”

  She beckoned to Janto with a withered finger. “Come on, then. But keep your distance. Your stench is not something I wish to become any more acquainted with than is absolutely necessary.”

  “What? What are you doing?” Dan demanded, his gun still trained on Janto.

  Paradise raised her eyebrows in surprise. “I’d have thought that was obvious. I’m taking him to work for me.”

  “No,” said Dan. “You aren’t. I can’t let that happen.”

  Overhead, a number of guns that had been aiming at Dan started to aim at him even harder. Paradise clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “Oh, but you can, and I am, Mr Deadman. See, I’m calling in one of those favors you owe me. You’re going to lower your gun and let our friend walk out of here with me.”

  “He killed those kids,” Dan said. “He has to be punished.”

  “And he will be, I assure you. You have my word on that,” soothed Paradise. “But I could use a man of his talents in my organization, and while I can understand your desire to kill him, I’m afraid I can’t allow it. He’s too…” She looked over at Janto, just as the Brown Noise loudly demonstrated its effects once more. “…valuable,” Paradise concluded.

  “Yes!” Janto yelped. “Yes, please. Take me. Take me with you. Don’t leave me with him.”

  “Trust me, you don’t want to go with her,” Dan said.

  “Better that than you kill me!” Janto sneered.

  “Nope. It really isn’t,” said Dan.

  “There are two ways this can go, Mr Deadman,” said Paradise, reversing slowly on her CareChair. “You can be a man of your word, uphold your side of our bargain, and do me this favor – in which event, I leave here with this gentleman. Or, you can refuse, and my men kill you and young Oledol, and do so in a way that will ensure you stay dead. In which event, I leave here with this gentleman.”

  The old woman shrugged her slender shoulders. “I have no real preference for which option we go for. I suspect, however, that you probably do.”

  She smiled that shark smile again. “So, what’s it to be?”

  Before Dan could give his decision, a sizeable chunk of the factory wall collapsed, revealing the shapeless, yet simultaneously multi-faceted form of Kalaechai. From this angle, he looked like a big spider, a gelatinous blob, a swarm of insects, and a tower of light, all at once.

  “He’s here,” Ollie whispered.

  “Yup, noticed,” Dan grunted.

  “What… What is that?” Janto asked. “Did I make that?”

  Kalaechai threw back his heads and screeched. Paradise’s gunmen opened fire, and Dan made his mind up on what he should do. Raising Mindy, he took aim at Janto, but a scything tentacle carved upwards through the walkway, and the metal screamed as it was torn in two.

  Ollie lost her footing as the walkway bucked, then sagged. Her hands slapped against the metal, and she clawed frantically at it, trying to get a grip as she slid down, down, down towards the ragged edge. Kalaechai waited below, an enormous set of snake-like jaws unfolding beneath the struggling Ollie.

  She screamed as her momentum carried her over the edge, then jerked to a stop when Dan caught her by one flailing arm.

  “Hold on,” he told her, hooking his foot around one of the walkway’s hand rails to stop them sliding any further.

  “Holding on. Definitely holding on,” Ollie confirmed, then she let out a yelp when a thin tendril tangled around her ankle and yanked her downwards. Dan grimaced as he felt her grip slip. Once again, he lamented the loss of his other hand.

  Heaving and groaning, he fought against the Malwhere Lord’s pull. “Metal pole beside you,” he grunted, nodding towards a broken piece of the walkway. “Grab it. Don’t let go.”

  Ollie followed his directions without question. She took hold of the pole first with one hand, then the other. It grumbled in complaint at her weight, and the force of the pull on her leg.

  A series of wails followed three of Paradise’s goons as they were yanked from their perches and tumbled into Kalaechai’s waiting mouth. Dan watched them be swallowed up by the gaping maw.

  “When he lets go of your leg, climb up and get out,” Dan said.

  “He won’t let go,” Ollie said, gritting her teeth as she fought to hold on.

  “Trust me,” said Dan, drawing Mindy from her holster. “He’ll let go.”

  He stepped up to the walkways buckled
edge. The whole structure creaked and bobbed like a diving board.

  “Mindy. Slowdown. One per cent,” he ordered, and before the cylinder had even finished spinning, he jumped.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Dan fired three shots into Kalaechai’s open mouth, then a couple more, just to be on the safe side.

  To be on the even safer side, he emptied the rest of the battery into the fonker, finishing just as he tumbled into the monstrous throat and slid down its gaping gullet.

  He landed with a gloopy splosh in a knee-deep pool of stomach acid and partially-chewed henchmen. The impact fractured bones in his legs, dislocated something in his spine, and made one of his shoes fall off.

  He’d had worse.

  Sliding Mindy back into her holster, Dan fished around in the bile for his shoe. Once he’d found it, he tipped out the yellow-green mucus, then pulled the shoe on, and waited.

  And waited.

  He realized a hip had come out of its socket.

  He popped it back into place.

  Aaaand waited.

  In hindsight, he may have overdone it with the slowdown rounds.

  Kalaechai’s innards were an unmoving mass around him, almost completely frozen in time. The slimy stomach lining seemed completely solid, yet oddly ethereal at the same time, like a dream trapped under a microscope. And yet, even this firm and intangible thing was only one manifestation of his physical form, Dan knew. There was more – much more – to the Malwhere Lord than that.

  “Come out, come out, wherever you are,” Dan sang, exactly as tunelessly as you might expect.

  It took almost a full minute more before Kalaechai’s humanoid avatar materialized inside the stomach beside Dan. He appeared gradually, as if someone were slowly turning his brightness up.

  Dan hadn’t been sure the slowdown rounds would affect Kalaechai on every level, but as he faded into view, it became clear the monster’s movements were laborious, his voice a drawn-out tedious drone.

  “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave—”

  “I done to you? I slowed you down to a fraction of your normal speed,” said Dan. “I thought it’d give us a chance to… talk. To get to know each other a little better.”