Bent not Broken

by Lisa De Jong

  But would he still want me? Would the time away make him realize he was better off without me?

  Gasping against the pain, I accepted that I at least owed him that time to decide, reasoned that this was all meant to be.

  “Hey.” Daniel smiled as he walked through the door, his face dropping as soon as he saw mine. “What happened? Are you okay?”

  This was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever done.

  “I’m just having a really hard time, Daniel. I think I need some time away to heal.” How could I sit here and lie to him? The last thing I wanted was time away from him. But I’d never allow my father to hurt him, and beyond that, I owed him that time

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m going home with my mom for a few months. I just need to deal with this on my own.”

  Lie, lie, lie.

  “No.” He shook his head adamantly. “No, Melanie. You need me as much as I need you. Please, don’t leave me.” Tears flooded his eyes as I broke our hearts just a little bit more.

  I didn’t know how we would get through this. I needed him more than anything, and I couldn’t imagine life without him, even if it were only for a month or two.

  “Please, Daniel. Just let me go, just for a little while. Then I’ll come back to you. I promise. I love you more than anything. I just have to go now.” At least this time my words were the truth. I touched his face, praying he could feel my love, praying he’d understand that the last thing I’d ever want to do was to be away from him. I was doing this for him.

  “I...Melanie...” he cried, his voice shaking. “Is this because you blame me?”

  “No!” I yelled. How could he possibly think that? My voice softened to a whisper. “No, Daniel. Never.”

  He moved forward and took my hand in desperation. “Then stay.”

  Tears poured down my face, and in my selfishness, I wanted to agree. I shook my head, knowing this was for the best. I was too tired to fight my parents and loved Daniel too much to take this option from him. “I can’t.”

  He took a step back, his mouth twisted in despair, and he turned to leave the room.

  “Please, Daniel. Wait for me,” I cried out in my own need.

  He paused at the door and looked over his shoulder. “Forever.”

  Then he walked from the room. For the first time ever, he needed to escape from me, running from the pain I’d inflicted on him. I held it together long enough for the door to close before I let go. I could hear myself sobbing, but I couldn’t stop.

  “Melanie, what the hell happened?” Erin grasped my shoulders, shaking me. Reaching out, I clung to her, weeping into her shoulder.

  “You’re going home with your mom?”

  I pulled back from her and realized she wasn’t trying to comfort me. She was pissed. Her face was hard, her eyes narrowed and filled with accusation.

  “You just broke him, Melanie.”

  This sent a new wave of guilt over me, more tears pouring down my face.

  “Erin!” I wailed, clutching her to me. “I love him. I promise. More than anything,” I said, gasping as I tried to make her understand. “Promise me you’ll never say anything, but you’re the only one I can tell,” I begged her as I sat up, digging my fingers into her arms.

  She shrugged off my arms and sat back, waiting for an explanation.

  “My parents are going to press charges for statutory rape if I don’t go with Mom. I have to protect him, Erin.”

  “What? That’s total bullshit, and you know it, Melanie. It doesn’t even apply. You’re seventeen.” She shook her head, still not understanding why I would do what they said.

  “I know it’s just a threat to pull us apart, but there’s something about the way my dad’s acting, like...I don’t know. I’m scared, Erin, for Daniel.”

  “That’s crazy. Your dad’s just mad.”

  “It kills me to go, Erin. I’ll go for a few months until things cool down. Besides, it’ll give Daniel a chance...” I pressed my lips together when I realized I was about to voice it aloud. Erin caught it immediately.

  “What, Melanie? Give him a chance to what?” she spat angrily.

  “You know what, Erin.”

  “Decide if he wants you?” she yelled. “Just stop it, Melanie. He’s devastated right now, and you’re sitting here thinking there’s a chance he doesn’t want you? This is all so fucked up!” Her hands flew up in the air.

  “I know.” I groaned and grabbed my head with my hands. Nothing was right.

  “You’re really going?”

  “You know I’d stay if there was any other way. I can’t risk him, Erin. Promise me you’ll never tell him. If he knew why I left, he would confront my dad and I can’t handle another fight between them.”

  Hesitating, she seemed to waver, nodding when she gave in. “I don’t agree with this at all, Melanie...this is just...” She shook her head before she looked me in the eye. “I’ll do it for you.”

  She brought me in for a tight hug, whispering in my ear. “Don’t leave him waiting long. Promise me. He’s dying right now, and I don’t know how long he can handle it.”

  I didn’t know how long I could handle it either, or if I could at all.

  The expression on his face when he returned hours later killed me. He looked dead. The light had disappeared from his eyes and there was no joy in his smile.

  Unsure of where he stood, he looked uncomfortably around the room. Reaching for him, I drew him to my side. Uneasily, he climbed into my hospital bed, lying behind me and pulling me to his chest. How we had tears left to shed, I didn’t know. Neither of us slept as we said goodbye the only way we could, holding each other through the night. He kissed me softly as the sun began to rise, our time coming to an end.

  At nine, Mom came as she said she would, standing by the door while she watched Daniel cling to me, refusing to let me go. Julia stood crying at the back of the room while Patrick tried to convince Daniel that it would be all right. Two aides brought a wheelchair in to take me from my room, and Patrick had to physically pry Daniel from me as he begged me to stay.

  I couldn’t breathe as I felt my life being torn from me. “Daniel, you have to let me go.” The words stung, tasting foul in their untruth; it was the last thing I wanted him to do.

  Finally, he released me, and the two orderlies helped me into the wheelchair.

  Soon my things were loaded into the trunk of the taxicab that sat waiting to take me away from my home. Daniel stood and watched, silent tears streaming down his cheeks, his arms slack at his sides.

  Patrick and one of the orderlies helped me into the cab. The pain was excruciating—not the one they were trying to shield me against as they gingerly placed me in the car, but the one created as I was torn away from my life.

  “Melanie,” Daniel cried one more time before my dad shut the door in his face.

  I reached for him through the window, just needing to touch him one more time, and his fingers reached out for mine.

  “My love,” he mouthed, and the cab pulled away.

  “His face,” I sobbed into Katie’s chest as she held me. “It was devastating. I knew right then it was a mistake. I had to go to him. I begged my mom to take me back, but she refused.” How could I have been so stupid? To let them take away the one thing that mattered to me? To force him from my life without giving him the choice? But in the end, I’d done what was best for him.

  Katie’s face was stained with tears. “Was that the last time you actually talked to him?”

  I nodded.

  “I just can’t believe he would do that to you. I could see it on his face last night. He still loves you just as much as he did that day.”

  “I know he loves me. But I always knew he deserved more.”

  “Hmm, I don’t think so, Melanie. I’m pretty sure you’re the more.”

  She sat with me a long time, both of us saying nothing, deep in thought.

  Sniffling, I glanced up at her. “Please, tell me what
you’re thinking.”

  She grimaced and held me closer. Her voice was soft. “I think you broke his heart.”

  I cried harder as I pictured Daniel’s face last night, finally accepting that in some way I had.

  She held me until my tears finally subsided. I sat up, wiping my face with the back of my hand.

  “Katie?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You know when you offered to help me the other day?”

  She nodded.

  “When you make your break, I think I’m ready to make mine.”

  She exhaled a weighty breath and smiled. “Thank God.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  I finally gave up. The anticipation was just too great. Rolling to sit up on the side of my bed, I rested my elbows on my thighs and buried my hands in my hair. I fought futilely to calm the raging of my nerves, my heart still pounding just as hard as it had been since the moment I had seen Melanie last night. I’d crawled into bed around two in the morning, hoping to find sleep. But I’d only found her. I had dreamed of seeing her face again, but had never allowed myself to believe it could actually happen. Now I couldn’t rest until I saw her again.

  Last night had given me a newfound reason to live. What I’d seen in her eyes, felt in her touch—I couldn’t question it any longer. Melanie loved me.

  Everything I had believed about the life she had left me for and the picture I had always imagined was so wrong.

  I had never been so confused. The way she looked at me as if I had broken her heart. It haunted me. I thought she’d found someone to love, someone to make her happy, someone who wouldn’t remind her every day of what I had taken away. Instead, seeing her was like seeing a reflection of myself, a mirror of my pain, my loss, my regret. A mirror of what stirred within me now—this love that had refused to die. She had found me. I had always felt her heart calling to mine just as mine called to hers, this power bringing us together once again.

  What was I supposed to do about it now? She was married, and I didn’t even know if she wanted me. Well, I really didn’t believe that. I felt her—there was no denying her desire for me. The pull was just as strong as it had been the first time I had met her.

  How could we ignore this? Even if she could, I couldn’t.

  I stood and made my way to the shower, relieved to know it was almost time. Standing under the steaming water, I allowed it to relax me as I anticipated seeing her once again.

  I put on a dark blue T-shirt and pulled on some jeans, unable to control the way my fingers trembled as I tried to button them.

  Because I was unwilling to call, I sent a text to Dad, letting him know I wouldn’t be in the office today, but I would see him tonight. I was not ready to face his questions. Once I made it to my parents’ house, I would have a lot of explaining to do, but none of that concerned me now. All that mattered was Melanie, and I was determined to at least catch a glimpse of her today.

  I didn’t know what time Nicholas left for work, but I thought it would be safe if I waited until ten. It was only seven-thirty and I was positive I would go insane for the next two and a half hours.

  Grabbing some coffee at the downstairs café, I began walking, allowing my thoughts to take over. For the first time in nine years, my memories didn’t completely crush me. I was able to think of her and just…love her. I loved every broken piece of her and was determined to make her whole again.

  After forcing myself to wait a couple of hours, I made my way back to my complex, this time getting into my car and entering the address into the GPS. This was probably stupid, but I didn’t care. The directions popped up and I shook my head as I read them on the screen. What kind of asshole had a house in this kind of neighborhood and then made his address public? Exactly the kind of person Melanie had always run from—one who wanted to be seen. I just couldn’t understand it. Why did she want him? The thought of him made my stomach turn. And the thought of him touching her—I shook it off, refusing to think of it.

  I slowed as I turned onto the quiet street. Tall maple and ash trees lined the sidewalks and manicured lawns framed the massive houses set back from the road.

  Nearing the address, my heart fluttered in my chest. The closer I got, the more I could feel her. I passed by once. Turning around, I parked on the opposite side of the street but not close enough to be seen. At least I had a car that wouldn’t set off any red flags in this neighborhood.

  Melanie has to hate this house. I shook my head, once again clueless as to what would lead her to this life. Did I hurt her so badly that she would do this to herself? Yeah, from the outside, it looked like she had everything: The perfect husband, the perfect house, more money than anybody could ever spend. I knew firsthand none of that mattered to her. And after seeing her last night, there was no question. Nothing about this lifestyle made her happy.

  A silver Camry was parked out front. I glanced at the clock. It was just past ten. I settled into my seat. I was willing to wait forever to see her.

  And even if she never came out, I was happy to just sit there and feel her. It was as if I could sense her as she moved around her house, pulses of energy slamming into me, each one Melanie.

  Finally, more than an hour later, the door swung open, and Melanie and Katie stepped out, embracing each other. My heart ended up in my throat when she came into view.

  I groaned, my fingers twitching toward the door handle. My girl—so close. I wanted to run to her, but I couldn’t. What if she rejected me? Yes, she’d almost kissed me last night, but what if she regretted it? What if she remembered what I’d done, how I’d ruined our lives? What if she told me to leave? I didn’t think my heart could take it, so I did the only thing I could—I admired her from afar. That would have to be enough for now.

  I watched as she and Katie exchanged their goodbyes, and Katie jumped into the silver car and drove away.

  Quietly, I called to Melanie when she turned her back to go inside, murmuring, “I love you, my beautiful girl.” I knew she heard, or rather, felt me. Her back stiffened and she stopped. Her hand clutched the door as she caught her breath. I felt her love radiating back to me. I leaned into the wheel, clutching it to keep from going to her. Every part of me longed to hold her, to comfort her, to make her mine once again. I watched as she stepped inside and shut the door behind her. I released the breath I didn’t know I’d been holding as she disappeared from sight.

  Now what? I knew I should leave and let her continue with her life, but I couldn’t bring myself to.

  Shit.

  I was officially a stalker. But I’d take any title in order to be near her. So once again, I waited—and waited.

  Hours later, a little before three, the garage opened, and a small black four-door sedan backed out. It was newer, but didn’t even begin to look like it belonged in the garage that housed it.

  I laughed. Only Melanie would be surrounded by all this wealth and drive a car like that. I took comfort in knowing she was the same girl I’d fallen in love with so many years ago. None of this had affected her. So why was she here? Because she loved him? No, I didn’t believe that, did I?

  Shit. My mind was so messed up. I had no clue.

  She pulled onto the street, leaving in the same direction I had come. I was almost ashamed of what I was doing, but I just couldn’t resist the pull. I prayed I wouldn’t scare her. I just needed to be near her.

  I was nervous I’d lose her. Instead, it was easy, as if I could anticipate her every move, my body naturally trailing hers. We drove back downtown and the surroundings became increasingly familiar.

  “Holy shit,” I muttered aloud. We were on the street in front of my office. She was doing the exact same thing I had done all day.

  I pulled in several spaces in front of her. Through my rear-view mirror, I could see her trying to peer into my building.

  She looked nervous. Her door opened and her foot touched the ground before she hesitated, pulling it back inside.

  “What are you doing, baby?�
�� I asked as I watched the panicked look on her face. Her hands came up and obstructed my view. When she brought them down, I could see she was crying.

  I couldn’t handle anymore; I had to go to her. I reached for the handle to get out, but faster than I could comprehend, she jumped her car back into traffic and sped away. I punched the steering wheel in frustration. How many times would I have to watch her drive away from me? I sat in my car, not knowing what to do from here. Clearly, neither of us did.

  Easing my car back onto the road, I headed back to my apartment to get ready for dinner with my parents. Tonight was going to be hard. I was going to break Mom’s heart again. I dreaded seeing the disappointment on her face.

  And Dad, I didn’t even want to face him. I’d been so reckless. He had so much faith in me, inviting me into his practice right out of my residency, and I repaid him by doing something completely unethical.

  At seven, I pulled up in front of their house, my movements weighed down with the dread I felt. The huge 1890s mansion was about forty minutes outside of Chicago. Mom had spent the last six months remodeling it; the result was beautiful and comfortable, just like everything else she touched.

  As I stepped from my car, Erin squealed from the doorway, ran down the steps, and threw herself in my arms.

  “Hi, big brother.” She squeezed me and I hugged her close.

  “Hey, baby sister.” I kissed her head, reluctantly setting her down. Her arms stayed firmly around my shoulders, her eyes wide as she tried to read everything in mine.

  “Daniel, what’s wrong?”

  Averting my eyes, I tried to hide my guilt.

  “Can, we…uh,” I stammered, “I’d rather tell everyone at the same time, okay?”

  Erin’s eyebrows furrowed, accentuating the first hint of wrinkles on her forehead, and she nodded. “Okay.” She took my hand and led me up the walkway.

  Dad stood at the door, trepidation clear in his posture. He grabbed me and pulled me to him, whispering against the side of my head, “I don’t know what’s going on, son, but we’re here for you. Always remember that.”