Bent not Broken

by Lisa De Jong

  “I heard this calling out for me every day.” His breath whispered across my face, his words so sad, filled with so much regret. “Did you hear mine?”

  “Yes,” I breathed out as I began to tremble beneath him. His eyes swallowed me, drawing me deeper into his soul, his beautiful soul that held so much sorrow and so much loss.

  I covered his hand with my own. “It was the only thing I had.”

  A wistful smile arched his mouth as his hand slowly pressed into my skin through my shirt. He brought his mouth back to mine, his lips smooth, his tongue sweet.

  Exploring the body they’d missed so badly, my hands roamed his chest and his arms. Where I touched, his muscles twitched, jerked in recognition.

  Snaking his hand under my back, he drew me close, pressed his body into mine. “Daniel,” escaped as a moan from the back of my throat.

  My whole body ignited when he began to slowly move against me.

  He wet my neck with open-mouthed kisses, and tingles shot down my spine when he traveled across the sensitive skin to the back of my ear, licking and sucking the whole way. He moved down my neck and over my shoulder, kissing a trail across my collarbone.

  I found the hem of his shirt and tugged. He sat back and I ripped the fabric over his head, tossing it to the floor, leaving his heaving chest exposed. When he threw himself back at me, his mouth was urgent. His hands were everywhere as he ran them up and down my body.

  “I wish I could tell you what I’m feeling right now,” he whispered against my lips, his voice hoarse with desire. “How many times I fantasized about this.”

  “Yes...” I whispered back, unable to voice my own emotions—too many, too strong.

  Above my head, he gathered both of my hands in one of his, skimmed down the exposed flesh of my arm with the other. He grazed past my jaw and neck, ran his thumb across my breast. He released a heavy breath when he found the band of my pants, his fingers trembling as he tugged the drawstring loose.

  He pulled back, looking me in the eye as if to ask permission. Slowly, I lifted my hips, and he slid his hand between the fabric and my skin, pushing my pants down inch by inch until they fell to the floor. His fingers caressed my bare skin, awakening the desire I’d always held for him but never thought would find release.

  His face was so close, his forehead against mine, his shaky breath mixing with mine. Gentle hands pushed my shirt up and over my head, his gaze never leaving mine.

  Cool air hit my bare skin and combined with the heat radiating from Daniel. Thrilling shivers raced through my body.

  His eyes swept over me. There was an audible intake of air as he looked down upon my naked flesh. “So beautiful,” he murmured, more to himself than to me as his eyes traveled farther down. I heard a small gasp and his body stiffened.

  Chapter Eighteen

  My eyes roamed her body, taking in every change and remembering all that was the same. I froze, my breath gone as old sorrow took its place. Eva. Her face filtered through my mind when I saw the scarred flesh, tangible evidence of my baby girl. Our baby girl. I looked at Melanie. Her face filled with understanding, her love and pain for Eva mingling with my own. My fingers shook as I reached a tentative hand out to touch them, to run my fingers along the skin marred in perfection, the deformity a treasure. I ached to embrace my baby girl as I left small kisses along the long-healed wounds, praying Eva could somehow feel my love for her.

  I found Melanie’s face, desperate to tell the one person I knew would understand. “I miss her.” Gentle fingers reached out to run through my hair, her expression soft as we shared in a loss I was certain neither of us had ever healed from. No words were needed as we mourned for our daughter, our heartbreak freely given to each other. And for the first time since I’d lost Eva, my thoughts of her were not completely unbearable.

  I’d never stop missing my baby girl, never stop loving her, but as Melanie and I clung to each other, I knew I could finally allow myself to heal.

  The intensity of the moment was overpowering in the quiet stillness of the room filled. The tension grew as our energy surged in the air. Finally, it was too much.

  “Daniel, please.”

  Simple words, words I was all too happy to heed.

  Hooking my thumbs around the edges of her panties, I pulled them down slowly down her legs. “Beautiful,” tumbled from my mouth as I looked down upon her fully unclothed and waiting for me.

  I scooted off the bed and removed my jeans and boxers in one quick movement. Slowly, I crawled back between her legs. I showered her in adoration, hands and words and mouth.

  I pulled back, just a fraction, so I could focus on her face. Never had I felt more loved—more complete. Green eyes stared back at me, filled with so much emotion. Melanie’s spirit swam behind them, promising me that I was everything.

  I took her hands in each of mine and pressed them into the bed at either side of her head, hugging her body close, the energy so intense it almost burned.

  “Are you ready for me?”

  “Yes,” she whispered, her mouth a breath away, her body trembling as she anticipated me. Her eyes held mine and I pushed into her slowly, every nerve aflame in expectation of the greatest pleasure I could know. Melanie’s skin was flushed and radiant. Her face told of ecstasy and life, a spirit roused, two souls rejoined, marking it the most significant moment in my life as she became one with me.

  Sweat shone across her forehead, her mouth twisting with a hint of satisfaction. I nearly cried when she began to move beneath me.

  I fought to maintain control, focusing on the beat of her heart and the warmth in her eyes. I caressed her face and kissed her mouth. Intuition took over and I began to move with her.

  The memories I had of making love with Melanie could never compare to the real thing. This physical gratification was greater than any other. Ever. Nothing could possibly feel better. But it went so far beyond that, this connection we shared. I almost wept as she clung to me, digging her fingernails into my skin as we shared the most intimate of embraces. I was filled with awe at being able hold this precious woman again, the one who had invaded every thought of mine for more than eleven years. Eleven years.

  “Promise me,” I grunted in desperation as I moved against her. “Promise you’ll never leave me.”

  Sweet, soft hands stroked away my worry, and Melanie uttered the only word I would ever accept. “Never.”

  “I’ll never let you go again, Melanie. Never. Nothing will come between us...nothing.” I would destroy anything, anyone who tried to take her from me. Being away from her was no longer an option. She was mine, only mine.

  “Never,” she promised again, unwavering, unshakable.

  I finally gave myself over to her, my body rushed against hers. I was lost in soft murmurs of love, our heat building and breaking. Waves of release rolled from Melanie’s flushed body, beckoning, coaxing me. Words of love and need and devotion came indistinct as I cried out in pleasure, a pleasure that had no comparison. It was a pleasure that went deeper than physical. It was a pleasure attained by a heart made whole. It was a pleasure found only in this beautiful, perfect girl.

  ****

  Heaven.

  There was no other way to describe it. Melanie laid wrapped in my arms, her head on my shoulder as she ran soft fingers over my chest.

  My hand trailed up and down the soft, creamy skin of her shoulder and arm, the other wrapped around her back holding her close.

  We’d lain silently together for more than an hour, basking in each other’s touch. We had so much to talk about, but we couldn’t seem to let go of this quiet moment.

  I still couldn’t believe I was lying next to her—next to my life. Long ago, I’d accepted I would never truly live again, that I would merely exist. Then when she’d reached for me, I’d been reborn. I glanced down to find her eyes. The pain, so evident this morning, had been wiped away. Her mouth spread into a radiant smile. She looked so—happy.

  I beamed down at her. Melani
e’s cheeks immediately reddened, and she buried her head in the crook of my arm, mumbling into the skin, “You have no idea how much I missed your smile.” She propped herself on her elbow to look at me, running her fingers over my bare chest.

  I quirked an eyebrow. “That’s what you missed?”

  She released a small giggle before turning serious, her voice low and laced with sadness. “I missed you, Daniel. Everything about you, including that smile.”

  “You have no idea how much I missed you.”

  “I think I do.” She shifted to recline against the headboard and tucked the sheet under her arm. I mirrored her, trying to relax through the sudden unease that filled the room. It was apparent our quiet time had come to an end.

  She took my hand, holding it between us. “How did this happen to us?”

  I shook my head. We would probably spend forever asking the same question and never find an answer. “I don’t know, Melanie.” I pulled her closer, hating the distance. “How could you believe I would choose Stephanie over you...or anyone, for that matter? Had I ever shown anything less than commitment to you?”

  She grimaced, her body stiffening. “I was eighteen and heartbroken, Daniel. I didn’t know how to deal with everything that had happened. In one moment, it seemed like I’d lost everything—Eva, my ability to have children. I was depressed and insecure. In that frame of mind, it was easy to believe you’d been stolen from me too.” She sighed and closed her eyes, before opening them to me, contrite and guilt-ridden. “I never should have doubted your devotion to me. Deep inside, I always knew you wanted me, but those thoughts just kept creeping up on me. I felt I wasn’t good enough for you anymore and that you deserved more.”

  I closed my eyes, realizing everything she’d sacrificed because she thought it was what I wanted. I hooked my index finger under her chin, pulling her beautiful, distraught face back to mine. “Melanie, there’s no such thing as family without you.”

  I wiped her tears that flowed down her face. She shook her head in my palm, her hair hanging over her shoulder and brushing across the sheet.

  “You said you kept having those thoughts. When? What made you think that?”

  Her voice was small, hesitant, but necessary if we were going to deal with this and put it behind us. “When you told me in the hospital that I couldn’t have more children, it was the first thing I thought.”

  I clutched her to me, whispering reassurances as I ran my fingers through her hair. “Baby, I wanted to call you every day, every second. You were all I ever thought of. I should have, I know. I was so stupid, but you told me not to and...” I said, trailing off. If I had dialed once in the thousand times I’d picked up the phone, none of this would have ever happened.

  “And what?” she pressed, not letting it go.

  I was aware she already knew, but somehow it was hard to admit it aloud. “And...I blamed myself.” My guilt was probably the biggest factor in all of this. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair in an attempt to calm myself.

  “When you went back to Dallas, I was devastated, Melanie. I was convinced it was because you thought it was my fault and needed to get away from me. When you didn’t call me in all that time, some part of me started to believe you couldn’t forgive me.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t understand how you could have ever believed that.”

  I looked at her, incredulous. “What did you expect me to believe, Melanie? One minute you’re moving in with my parents, and the next you’re leaving me...telling me not to contact you. I just assumed you’d finally realized the truth.”

  She cupped my face, searched my eyes. “Daniel, never, not for one day, did I ever blame you. You have to believe that.”

  “I know that now, Melanie. I’m just trying to make you understand what I felt then. Honestly, it’s what I felt up until three weeks ago when Erin finally told me your parents forced you to leave.”

  Melanie grimaced. “She told you?”

  I nodded as I ran my fingertips over her cheek. “You should have told me.”

  “I was just trying to protect you,” she whispered urgently.

  “I know, but it was wrong to hide it from me.” Really, I should have figured it out myself, the way her father had acted, the things he’d said. Grief and guilt had left us both irrational, vulnerable to our own thoughts and insecurities.

  “I’m so sorry, Daniel. I needed you so badly.”

  I shushed her, whispering how badly that I had needed her too, that I wasn’t angry, that neither of us was to blame—that maybe we’d both just been too young and naive to handle the circumstances we’d found ourselves in.

  I breathed her in, thankful that in spite of the disaster we’d created, she was here in my arms.

  She took a deep breath as her tears slowed. “You were always in my thoughts. Every night I’d pray that you could hear me.”

  How had we spent these years apart feeling exactly the same? How had one of us not broken down and sought the other out?

  “I do know,” I murmured, hugging her closer, “You invaded...everything. I wanted you every day. I stayed away thinking you had found some kind of happiness in your new life.”

  A sound that would be impossible to recreate came from deep within Melanie’s throat. “I was anything but happy—I never could have been without you—but I still managed to end up in the most miserable place possible.”

  Eventually, I’d have to ask her how she gotten involved with an asshole like Nicholas. I really didn’t think I could stomach it at this point. We’d dealt with enough today without evoking the jealousy that conversation was sure to bring. The thought of anyone else touching my girl had me nearly homicidal.

  “It’s all behind us now.” I pulled back so I could smile down at her.

  Melanie fidgeted for a minute. “How’s Erin?” She flinched when Erin’s name passed through her lips. It hadn’t occurred to me before then that Melanie had missed Erin as much as Erin had missed her.

  “She’s really good. She misses you.”

  She eyed me skeptically.

  “She loves you, Mel. Believe me when I say you’ve been a sore spot between us all these years.”

  “What?”

  I sighed, not looking forward to this revelation. “She had gone to Europe after graduation and didn’t get back until after I’d gone to Dallas for you. When she found out what happened, she was dead set on finding you but I wouldn’t let her. I made her promise to leave you alone and never contact you.”

  Melanie recoiled as if she had been slapped. “Why?”

  Why? Because I thought it was a really fucking bright idea at the time, that I was doing you a favor, that it would be easier for you that way.

  I groaned, once again disgusted with myself. “I thought you’d feel guilty for leaving if Erin confronted you about it. Melanie, baby, I thought you wanted me...us...out of your life. You and I both know how Erin is. She would have had you packed and on your way home, even if that wasn’t what you really wanted. I couldn’t allow that. I wanted you to live, to be happy, and I thought that meant removing my family from the picture.”

  “I thought you all had abandoned me.” Melanie shook her head.

  “I’m so sorry. I hurt you, all the while thinking I was protecting you.” I drew her close, praying none of the shit we had to hash out would drive a wedge between us.

  Closing her eyes, she pressed her lips together, seemed to be trying to accept what I’d revealed. “I understand what you were trying to do. I was just so alone. I had lost everybody...everything...you, Eva, Erin.” I flinched at her words, realizing I had no idea how much she had suffered. “Your mom and dad had been like parents to me, and they were just...gone.” She hesitated. “You know, I haven’t spoken to my father since leaving the hospital nine years ago. And things with my mom, well, they were never the same. I’ve seen her a handful of times since then, but I just could never completely forgive her for taking you away from me.”

  Alon
e.

  I knew how empty I had been, how alone I had felt. Still, I’d had my parents who had supported me, made sure I survived each day, and a sister who loved and encouraged me. Without them, I would never have been where I was today. In the beginning, they had kept me sane and breathing, but Melanie—she’d had no one.

  “You’ll never be alone again.” I could promise her that.

  Truly, I was a little shocked that she didn’t have a relationship with her parents. Yeah, they messed up our lives, no doubt. But they were her parents and Melanie was always the first to forgive. I just couldn’t fathom that she’d spent all of this time hating them. On the other hand, I would never forget they were the ones who set in motion the chain of events that ultimately took my girl from me.

  “I can’t believe you haven’t talked to your dad since you left the hospital.”

  She pursed her lips, shaking her head. “I never even knew what he was most angry about, me getting pregnant or the fact that I hid it from him. Either way, he disowned me. I was hurt at first, but over time, I realized just what a jerk he was. I mean, who would do that?”

  I shook my head, at a loss. I was positive it was me he was angry with, not Melanie.

  “What about your mom?”

  She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I don’t really know,” she said, shrugging, “ I guess she knew I’d never completely forgiven her and she kept her distance because of it.” She smiled a little, glanced up at me. “She called a few weeks ago...I could just tell things were different. She’s coming the week of Thanksgiving. I think we’re going to be okay.” With that, her mouth spread into a real smile, and while it would not be so easy for me to forgive Peggy, it was obvious Melanie needed her mom in her life. There’d be no way I’d stand in the way of that.

  I rolled onto my back, pulling her with me. I reveled in the feel of her naked body pressed against mine as she lay against my chest. Slowly I caressed her back, her shoulders, her head, relishing the feel of her hair as it fell over her shoulders and onto mine.