Bent not Broken

by Lisa De Jong

  He winced a little. “Can you keep it a secret until I leave town?”

  Alexis pretended to zip her lips. “Our secret,” she whispered.

  Chris winked. “Thanks. So you don’t mind that I’m here, then? Hanging out with your mom?”

  Her eyes went wide. “Are you kidding me? This is freaking awesome!”

  I glanced around the darkened neighborhood. “Let’s go inside before someone sees us out here.”

  “Good idea,” Chris said, nodding.

  Before long, Chris and Alexis were hashing it out over a game of Gin Rummy, while I fixed never-ending rounds of popcorn with my old-fashioned stovetop popcorn maker.

  I tried not to let my imagination run wild. This isn’t going to happen. We are not a family. You are living a fantasy. Don’t get your hopes up, Salem.

  But every time I caught Chris staring at me, those thoughts were nudged away, and I found myself melting like the butter I’d just poured over his bowl of popcorn.

  “Thanks, Salem,” he said, the look in his eyes was intimate, as I handed him the last bowl. He caught my wrist. “You don’t know what this means to me. Tonight. This normal night.” He looked at Alexis who seemed to understand what he meant.

  She nodded sympathetically. “I guess it’s hard, huh? Life on the road?” Alexis asked.

  “No doubt,” Chris confirmed, sounding tired. “I haven’t played Gin Rummy and Crazy Eights like this in a long time. It’s a breath of fresh air.” Chris smiled. The dimple in his cheek deepened while the emotions in my heart grew, and the war in my head raged on.

  I was falling for him, helplessly. Not only was he gorgeous beyond belief, but he was humble, sweet, amazing, and compassionate. I couldn’t fight the urge inside of me to allow myself to completely accept the feelings I couldn’t deny.

  Alexis yawned. It was a fake yawn. I could tell by the way she exaggeratedly stretched her arms above her head. Plus, she hadn’t been to bed before midnight on a Saturday night in years. It was only ten, so I knew she was just trying to be sly and let Chris and me have some private time.

  “I think I’m gonna head to bed early tonight. Long day today,” she lied.

  I nodded, discreetly winking at her like it was our secret. “Okay, honey. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  She returned the wink then turned to Chris. “Thanks for coming, and thanks for the necklace, Chris.”

  Chris smiled at her. “You’re very welcome. Now don’t go instagramming or facebooking about me. Wait until I’m long gone. We don’t need a mob at this house tonight.”

  “I won’t. I promise,” she grinned back.

  “Goodnight, Alexis,” I told her.

  “Night, mom.” She gave me a quick hug and darted toward the stairs.

  The moment she was out of sight, Chris hopped up and wrapped me in his arms. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed this, you in my arms like this,” he said, pulling me tight against him.

  I sank into his chest, laying my head over the thumping beat of his heart. “I miss this too,” I admitted, breathing in his manly, musky scent.

  Our bodies melded together as he cradled my head against him. Kissing me gently on the top of my head, he whispered, “I’ve missed you so much, Salem.”

  I lifted my eyes to look at him. “Thank you for coming tonight. I know it wasn’t easy to get here, especially knowing we only have a few hours together.”

  He looked down at me, smiling. “Baby, even if I had to drive all night just to spend one minute with you, it would all be worth it.”

  My heart flipped in my chest hearing him call me ‘baby.’ It was definitely a nickname I could get used to.

  He lowered his lips to mine. The hot rush of passion tore through my body the moment his lips touched me. God, I’ve missed him. I parted my lips, an invitation for his tongue to find a deeper connection.

  He ran his hands down my back, sending shivers up my spine. The caress of his fingers across my back left me hungry for more.

  Chris reached up, gently grasping the sides of my face and caressing my cheeks with his thumbs. His soft, luscious lips moved against mine. My fingers found their way to his hair and tangled themselves up in it, pulling him closer to me. He thrust himself against me, causing me to arch my back in response. A gentle tug of his teeth on my lip sent a flaming burst of yearning through my core. He was hungry for me, too. I felt it in the gentle pulse of his erection beneath the fabric of his worn-out jeans.

  A quiet moan escaped my throat, triggering a frenzy of him clutching, grasping, and pulling me toward him. I could sense the desperation behind his actions.

  “Salem,” he whispered between kisses, “what are you doing to me?”

  Pulling away from his mouth, I asked, “What do you mean?”

  Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and sliding his thumb down the length of my jaw, he said softly, “I didn’t mean to do this.”

  “Didn’t mean to do what?” I asked, my eyes wide with worry.

  Chris smiled that sexy half grin that melted my heart every time. His eyes held a softness, full of affection and adoration. “Fall for you,” he breathed.

  He didn’t give me a chance to respond. Instead, he kissed me again, feeding his growing appetite. But, that eagerness and hunger was quickly replaced with deep, meaningful kisses.

  Tender kisses that spoke of love and affection…kisses that made me feel cherished. His supple lips gently caressed mine, delighting me with their sweet softness.

  Releasing me from his enchanting kiss, he opened his eyes, staring at me with magnetic intensity. “I meant it when I said you were everything I’d been wishing for, Salem.”

  “Chris, I—”

  He put his finger to my lips. “Shhh, don’t say a word.” Without hesitation, he swept me off my feet and carried me toward my bedroom.

  He closed the door the door and locked it behind us, setting me down on the bed. Pulling a lighter from his pocket, he lit a candle on my bureau and lay down beside me, curling his body against mine. “Salem?” he whispered in the darkness.

  “Hmmm,” I purred, searching his dark irises that flickered in the candlelight, burning with intense passion like the flame from the wick.

  “A few months ago, I never imagined this would even be possible,” he admitted, glancing toward my window, “finding myself falling for someone again. It seemed like a distant dream in some alternate fucking reality. I especially never thought I’d run into you again.” He shook his head as if he were remembering that night at the concert when I first walked up to him.

  He caught my gaze again and continued, “But, here we are. I can’t explain it…this connection we have. You were always like a shining light showing up in my darkness. Like that time I lost my shit in segregation.” He grimaced. I thought back to that night, how he crumbled in my arms, helpless.

  He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to shut something out and kept talking, “I can’t stop myself from having feelings for you. Believe me, I tried. This life I lead is complicated. It can get messy sometimes. I don’t want to drag you along in this glass aquarium I live in, where the public keeps their nose pressed against it, watching my every move.” He pulled away and sat on the edge of the bed, looking at the door. I wondered if he was thinking about leaving because he looked like he might bolt at any minute.

  I gulped, wondering what I could say to make him stay. But the instant I opened my mouth to speak, he was in my face, pushing me back against the bed. I stared up at him, wide-eyed, fighting back the emotions that were pulling at my heart. His face was inches from mine as he hovered over me. I felt small under the strength of his masculinity. He stared at me, pupils dilated. The look on his face was desperate, hungry. Swallowing hard, he glanced at my lips. His voice low, he rasped, “But, I can’t help it. I find myself falling harder and faster every day. I want you, Salem. I want you. I need you. And everything in between.”

  My stomach quaked the instant the words left his mouth. From want. Fro
m need. From fear. Taking a deep breath, I whispered in the darkness. “I want you too, Chris. I want everything you want.”

  And there it was. The truth. Raw and real. Laid out for both of us to see. Basking in the moment, we soaked in the hard truth we’d both been denying for months. We stared at each other, knowing how wrong it looked, but how right it felt.

  With that admission, Chris pulled his shirt over his head and tossed the long-sleeve Henley to the floor. He lay beside me, pressing his body against mine. The warmth of his skin radiated through my thin cotton shirt. We laid quietly in the darkness, as he softly grazed his fingers down my side. My breath hitched as he brushed the edge of my breast. Chris stared down at me with a look of intensity, fully aware of what he was doing to me.

  He tugged at the hem of my shirt. I raised my arms above my head as he slipped it off, tossing it in the floor with his. He took his time unhooking my bra and sliding it off, staring at me with amazement. I felt exposed, but completely at ease. I felt so at peace with everything about Chris, that I trusted him fully. He didn’t make me feel old, ashamed, or wrong. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered.

  Leaving a trail of gentle kisses from my shoulder to navel, he worked his way down my body. Every nerve ending from my head to my toe ignited. Each tiny peck of his lips on my skin sent bursting shockwaves billowing through my core.

  His fingers slid themselves between the waistband of my pants and my skin. Everything deep within pulsed with desire at the stroke of his fingers across my belly. Sliding them down, he slipped my pants off and tossed them down rest of the heap of our clothes. I carefully reached for the button of his jeans and accidentally brushed against the stiff bulge of his pants. “Oh fuck,” he groaned with pleasure.

  I tugged the button of his pants free and unzipped the fly. He slid them off quickly, removing a small packet from his wallet and flicking it onto the nightstand beside us. The outline of everything he kept under those briefs drove me wild as he positioned himself between my legs. The only thing separating us was the thin cotton of my panties and the slick polyester of his boxer briefs.

  I thrust myself against him, unable to contain my yearning for him. “Mmmm,” I hummed. The vibration of my chest against his radiated through us, causing an intense throb of his erection against the heightened and overly sensitive crux between my legs.

  “Damn,” he breathed. Suddenly, he crashed his lips against mine, caving into his ravenous appetite.

  I kissed him back, alternating between sucking his tongue and biting his lip, feeling just as thirsty for that pleasurable release as he was. He clutched me, pulling me toward him, pressing himself into me. I felt the frenzy deep within that I knew he was withholding. I pushed the waistband of his boxer briefs down the length of his body, exposing him entirely. Pleasantly surprised, I slowly slid my hand down toward the throbbing ache of his own desire, grasping him softly in my hand. He released a sensual, ragged breath, grinding his hips eagerly toward the feel my fingers on his sensitive skin. He slid my panties off and tossed them onto the floor with the rest of our clothes. Reaching for the packet, I ripped it open and carefully rolled the condom down his length. I leaned toward him, welcoming his gentle, but ravenous kiss. The sensation he felt as I hungrily nipped at his lip was enough to cause him to groan with pleasure.

  Running my hands up his chest and into his hair, I tangled my fingers into his brown, messy locks. A gentle tug from me was all it took. His lips crashed into mine, taking my breath away. Hot, lustful need took over our bodies as we continued to grind ourselves against each other. A frenzy of kisses and touches ensued, and before long I was completely straddling him. Slick with excitement, I felt a quick burst of pleasure pulsate through my body, fully aware of what came next.

  “God, Salem,” he whispered. “You’re fucking killing me.”

  “You like it,” I teased, flashing a mischievous smile.

  A sexy grin lit up his face. “Damn right.”

  Rolling me onto my back, he traced his fingers down my inner thighs. My stomach quivered. Positioning himself between my legs, he leaned down to kiss me—sweet, tender, heartfelt kisses that filled my soul. I gasped at the gentle pressure as he pushed himself into me, wrapping my legs around him and pulling him close to me. He began rocking slowly against me, proving that he was in no hurry.

  Together, our souls played a beautiful melody while our bodies kept the beat with every pump and thrust. My heart swelled with passion, bursting with excitement. Training his eyes on mine, he never closed them—watching every facial expression of my enjoyment. He fine-tuned his senses, listening and reacting to my moans of pleasure, concentrating solely on me.

  And then it hit me. I’d never felt more respected or more adored than I did when I was with Chris. The overwhelming feelings I had for him in my heart leaked out in the form of tears.

  Chris froze. “You okay?” he asked, wide-eyed with worry.

  I nodded, tears dripping down the sides of my face and into my hair. “I just…I …” I looked into his worried eyes. Suppressing the sob that threatened from deep within, I strengthened my resolve. Staring into those dark, intense eyes, I whispered, “Everything is perfect.”

  The fear and anxiety that had taken over his face disappeared. Complete adoration softened his expression. “I’ve fallen so hard for you, Salem. I can’t fucking believe it. I don’t know how it happened. But I did.”

  It was a feeling I’d been denying for a while—a feeling I thought was wrong. But now, in this moment with him as he opened his heart and poured himself out to me, I realized it. “Me too,” I said softly.

  We continued to make love in the candlelight, relishing every moment our bodies were united. We rocked and swayed against each other, kissing and caressing, heightening our excitement. The build-up of pleasure happened slowly. But, the moment of intensity had arrived…the moment that my feelings for Chris would literally shake my body to its core. The impending euphoria ebbed and flowed each time he rocked against me. My legs shuddered with every stimulating thrust. Tremors of my impending orgasm flittered with each release of pressure of his hips on mine. I pumped my hips harder and faster against him, panting and gasping. Clutching his sides, I pulled him toward me, unable to stop the locomotive of ecstasy that was about to blow through my center with powerful force.

  “Oh, Chris,” I moaned quietly.

  “That’s it, baby,” he panted, matching me thrust for thrust.

  My lips reached for his, kissing him, eager for the last pump of his hips that would send me toppling over the edge.

  “Oh yeah,” he groaned just as the final thrust between us momentarily caused both of us to lose our senses. A quick burst of pleasure was followed by a strong, blissful quaking that took my breath away. The look on Chris’s face and the shudder of his body proved that he was experiencing his own moment of delirium.

  Chris laid his head in the crook of my neck, clinging to his satisfaction. Only the sound of our heaving breaths filled the air. I reveled in our peaceful indulgence, never feeling so close to anyone in my entire life.

  Before long, we were both sleeping soundly in each other’s arms. I barely remember him brushing his lips across mine and whispering in the darkness, “Goodbye, sweetheart,” on his way out the door.

  I awoke the next morning feeling a chasm in my heart that I couldn’t explain. I missed him so much already, and I knew that the hollowness I felt in my soul could only be filled by Chris.

  The note he left on my pillow was a sweet reminder of the kind of man Chris was. I’d never felt so treasured.

  Salem,

  Dum spiro spero. Dum spero amo.

  While I breathe, I hope. While I hope, I love…

  You are my hope. You are my love.

  Always,

  Chris

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  SALEM

  Two long, painstaking weeks had passed. While Chris texted me every day just to say hi or tell me how much he missed me, too many
days had passed since the night we’d spent together. I missed everything about him. His eyes. His smile. His laugh. His spine-tingling, musky scent. His arms wrapped around me. I quickly realized that one glorious night of deeply satisfying love-making wasn’t nearly enough. Every day I craved him more. I needed him. I yearned for him. With each passing day, the ache in my heart grew more unbearable while the pangs of my physical needs grew more insufferable.

  He was in Phoenix, having just finished a show there.

  “I miss you,” Chris said on the phone late that night.

  “I miss you too.”

  “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since we shared that amazing night at your house.”

  The way the words ‘amazing night’ rolled off his tongue sent tremors of heat zinging through my body.

  “Watching you enjoy the way I made you feel…That was so damn sexy. God, Salem, I just want to drive to your house and kiss the hell outta you right now.”

  I imagined his lips on mine, soft and luscious. I craved the feeling of his body against mine. I wanted to rub my hands down his chest and across his rock hard abs. I lusted for the masculine scent of his cologne, enticing me with its cool, refreshing essence. I needed his arms around me, and the heat of his breath in my hair, on my lips, and across my skin.

  An exquisite ache welled up inside me that was too hard to ignore. I rolled over on my belly and pressed my hips into the mattress, trying to assuage the delightful agony of my needs. The pressure of the mattress against me momentarily alleviated the twinge that centered in the crux of my thighs, but the moment I released the tension in my hips, a short burst of pleasure pulsated tenfold, instinctively causing me to thrust my hips into the mattress again. Each time I did so, my yearning for release grew stronger and stronger.

  “I need you right now, Salem. I wish you were here so I could rub my hands all over your body, kissing and tasting every inch of you.”

  “Chris,” I stammered. “I…I need…”

  “I know what you need, baby,” he said, his voice deep and gravelly, a sultry tone that awakened the kaleidoscope of butterflies in the pit of my stomach.