The Seven Longest Yards

by Chris Norton

  I’d never met anyone with a spinal cord injury. I’m not sure I even knew what exactly that meant.

  Chris’s injury sounded as if it must have been a big deal, and I was curious to find out more. I did a Google search on his name, and I went down an internet rabbit hole, reading article after article. With every article I was struck that Chris seemed devoted to doing what he could for others. Just like that, I went from not being sure if this guy was worth the time to feeling a very strong attraction to him. He was already doing exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I never expected to find someone like him through a dating app.

  As I read more about Chris and his foundation, never once did I think, Oh, he’s in a wheelchair, I don’t want to deal with that. More than anything, I was amazed at the way he didn’t let his condition hold him back. I love getting to know people who are different than me and learning how they deal with difficult situations. I still wasn’t thinking about dating Chris or even meeting him just yet, but I was dying to hear more about his experience. And he was very attractive.

  By the time I finally closed my browser, I was thinking, Okay, now I’m curious. I need to respond to his message. I knew I wanted to get to know him, but I didn’t want him to think I was a stalker, so I decided not to mention that I’d researched his story. I typed a quick message saying that I was visiting my Grandma Max and asked what he was doing. There. No big deal.

  I anxiously waited for him to respond. But he didn’t. I stared at my phone, annoyed that I cared. You’re the one who messaged me in the first place, I thought, and now you don’t answer me?

  I checked my phone a couple of times throughout the evening. Nothing. I got a little mad at myself for letting this dating app distract me from Grandma Max. My grandma lived two hours away, but I tried to visit her as much as I could. She was the most special person in my life. I always felt so connected to her, and I admired the strong faith she had. She was a fighter, and I strived to be like her. Every moment I had with her was precious because she had a lot of health issues. Life had never been easy for her. She was a single mom to seven after she and my grandpa divorced. She continued to fight through every situation with so much strength, trust for God, and love. She was one of the most amazing people I knew. Who is this guy who’s distracting me from her? I don’t care if he replies to me or not, I told myself.

  But late the next morning, there it was—a message. “Ha ha oh nice. I’m just getting ready for the day.”

  Seriously? You waited until today to text me that? I should have ignored him, but I couldn’t. I messaged him back. Then he replied. And I replied. We went back and forth messaging through the dating app with the usual small talk conversation you have a million times in college: “What school do you go to? What’s your major?” He told me he was a student at Luther College, majoring in business management and communications.

  I told him a little about me and asked him if he knew what he wanted to do with his degree. His answer was exactly what I had hoped: “To run my nonprofit and do public speaking,” he said.

  Although I already knew the answer, I asked him, “How’d you decide to start that?”

  “Because I got a neck injury in a college football game,” he responded.

  “I just checked out your foundation,” I messaged him. Again, I didn’t want to creep him out that I knew his entire story and had read every article about him. “That is seriously so awesome, Chris! You are such an inspiring person. I think it’s amazing that you were able to make something positive out of a hard situation.”

  Now we were messaging back and forth on the dating app in real time, no waiting between responses. I really wanted to ask him about his recovery, but I didn’t know if it was okay to ask someone with a spinal cord injury that question. I decided to go for it.

  “How’s everything going with your recovery, if you don’t mind me asking?”

  “I don’t mind at all,” he typed back. “It’s going really well. I’ve been doing some walking in a walker and on crutches. My goal is to walk across the stage for graduation.”

  I couldn’t put down my phone; I was so fascinated. “That’s so awesome! I have a very good feeling you will make that happen. From reading your story online, you seem extremely motivated and determined.” Hope he doesn’t mind that I just internet stalked him, I thought as I typed out the message.

  “What’s helped you get through this and allowed you to be so strong?” I asked him. I realized my questions weren’t your usual dating app questions, but I was too engrossed in his story to hold back. I wanted to find out everything I could about this guy who seemed almost superhuman.

  My question didn’t seem to faze him. “Well, my faith, family, and friends helped me,” he said. “I’m also a pretty optimistic person. I knew feeling sorry for myself wouldn’t do me any good, so I just concentrated on getting better every day.”

  So he is a Christian. Wow. This seems almost too good to be true, I thought. When I thought about the kind of guy I’d be interested in dating, a deep faith in God was at the top of my list. Like many students, my relationship with God during my college years wasn’t quite what it was when I was in high school. I had always felt very connected to God as I prayed, and I listened to him as he directed me to help other kids at school. I never felt closer to him than when I was following my purpose in life. In college I let myself get so busy with classes and homework that I never made the effort to find a church. My relationship with God suffered as a result, but my faith in God was still foundational to my life. I always knew that my future husband had to be a Christian. Hearing this about Chris drew me to him even more.

  We messaged back and forth throughout the next two days. Sometimes we simply talked about what we were doing throughout the day, but other times we dove into some deeply personal topics. I told him about Whittley and why I wanted to help teenage girls someday. Then on the third day, he messaged me again. “Hey, this app really drains my battery. If you want to keep talking, text me!” And there it was—his phone number.

  I had never planned on talking to anyone from this app, but I knew I didn’t want the conversation to end. So I texted. Here goes nothing, I thought before texting, “Hey, it’s Emily! Here’s my phone number so you have it!”

  He replied quickly. Our text conversation continued over the next couple of days. Sometimes I had a text waiting for me when I woke up in the morning, and I never went more than a few hours without hearing from Chris. We never said hello or goodbye—it was like a conversation that never stopped. And I certainly didn’t want it to.

  Eventually I mentioned that I was moving back to college that weekend.

  “No way!” he said. “I’m visiting my high school friend at Iowa State this weekend too! I’d love to meet up with you.”

  I froze. I was definitely drawn to him, but the idea of meeting a stranger made me nervous. Sure, we’d texted, but we had never even spoken on the phone. Was this crazy? But Chris was clearly a positive, amazing guy who had the qualities I’d always been looking for in a lifelong partner. What could it hurt to meet?

  I must have typed and deleted my response five times before I finally texted back, “Absolutely, I’d love that.”

  We agreed to hang out that weekend but didn’t make a solid plan for what we would do. Our plans were pretty noncommittal, but that didn’t bother me. I wasn’t ready to call this a date anyway. This was just two new friends meeting for the first time. Our first few attempts to get together didn’t work out. Finally, we decided to meet at the Campustown Square near the Iowa State campus at 8:00 p.m. on Saturday.

  A short time before I needed to leave to meet Chris, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I’d just spent the day unpacking boxes and it showed. I’m definitely not a high heels, full face of makeup kind of girl, but for this night I wanted to wear something nice. Even though I didn’t want to admit it to myself, I cared way more about what I looked like than I usually do.

  A knot formed in
my stomach as I drove to the Campustown Square. What was I thinking meeting a guy I’d never even talked to on the phone? This could be the most awkward night ever.

  I parked across the street from the hot dog stand where we’d agreed to meet and strained to see if he was already there. Sure enough, I saw a guy in a wheelchair with a few other college-age guys. My heart beat faster as I walked toward him. Mistake or not, it was too late to turn back now.

  “Emily! You made it!” Chris said. His smile was so warm and friendly that my nerves melted away almost instantly.

  “It’s so good to meet you!” I said. I noticed his arms reaching up, so I met him halfway and knelt to hug him. Seeing him in person was surreal and yet the most natural thing in the world.

  “So are you all moved in?” he asked after introducing me to his friends.

  “Yep. Finally. Move-in day is the worst,” I said, laughing.

  “Oh, I know. It’s brutal. Did your brothers help you? You have two of them, right?”

  I was impressed he remembered so many details I had told him and that he took the lead in steering the conversation. He didn’t wait for me to ask him questions but jumped right in, wanting to know more about me. The conversation flowed, and we kept talking long after his friends wandered over to a few benches far enough away to give us some privacy.

  The next few minutes were a blur. I can’t remember most of what we talked about. I only remember looking into his eyes and seeing this light and energy that emanated from him. I went into this night thinking there was no way he could be as positive and upbeat as he seemed in his texts. Yet here he was, smiling and laughing when he had every reason to be mad at the world. I found myself feeling more drawn to him every minute.

  I felt so comfortable that when he asked if I wanted to head over to his friend’s house with him, I didn’t hesitate. I noticed as we walked to the house that Chris could get himself around in his manual wheelchair that had power assisted wheels, but any time we crossed gravel, grass, or went uphill, he needed a friend to push him. I was naively surprised that he needed any help at all. Huh, I guess I have a lot to learn, I thought.

  Once we were in the house, Chris’s friend Cory said, “Okay, who wants to play cards?”

  “Me!” I turned to Chris. “Want to play me?”

  He grinned. “You’re on.”

  For the next few hours, we played cards and talked as if we would never run out of things to say. I looked for red flags or signs that his app persona wasn’t real, but everything checked out. I thought for sure I was going to see cracks in what I thought might be a facade when he reached for his drink next to him, and his hand awkwardly knocked it over. Sprite spilled all over the plastic end table and onto the shag carpet below. My eyes jerked from the mess to Chris, waiting for the anger and embarrassment I was sure would follow. I listened for a shout, a curse word, anything. But he just laughed and shook his head. “Well I really missed that, didn’t I? Whoops.”

  I burst out laughing. Not only was he not embarrassed that he spilled his drink, he was also so confident that he could make fun of himself. He’s the real deal, I thought. You can’t fake that kind of reaction. “Let me help you with that,” I said, jumping up to find a roll of paper towels. I finished wiping up the soda and looked up to see him smiling at me with this indescribable look in his eyes. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach, and I smiled back nervously.

  “Thank you,” he said. “I really appreciate your help.”

  “Oh, of course!” The noise of a dozen other conversations filled the room, but I didn’t even notice. My eyes were locked on his.

  Suddenly, my vibrating phone woke me out of my daze. I picked it up to see a text from one of my roommates. “Just checking to make sure you’re okay!” she said. Then I realized what time it was.

  “Oh, man, it’s getting really late. I should probably get back.”

  “Already?” Chris’s face fell. “That went by fast.”

  “It really did.” I pulled out my keys. Normally this is the part where a guy asks if he can walk me to my car, but since this wasn’t exactly a normal situation, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Maybe he’d have a friend go along with us in case he needed help getting back.

  “Well, this was fun. I’m glad we did this,” he said.

  “Me too,” I said. I played with my keys, waiting. Finally, I realized the walk to my car wasn’t going to happen, and I was slightly disappointed. My dad would have warned me that this was a bad sign. I told myself that in this particular circumstance, it was alright to let it slide.

  I bent down to hug him. I noticed that we lingered a little longer than when we first hugged when we met.

  “We’ll talk soon,” he grinned as I turned to leave.

  As I walked to my car, I had a feeling he was right. This wasn’t love at first sight, although I definitely thought he was cute. And I wasn’t thrilled about trudging down the dark neighborhood street and past the Campustown Square by myself in the middle of the night. Still, my lips couldn’t help but curl into a smile as I replayed bits of our conversations over and over in my head.

  I didn’t know exactly what role I wanted Chris to play in my life, but I already knew I wanted him to be a part of it.

  6

  Finding Emily

  CHRIS

  When I arrived at Luther College as a freshman, I wondered if the girl for me might be in one of my classes or cheering for me at football games. Before I could even think about trying to meet her, boom, I mistimed a tackle, broke my neck, and life as I knew it changed in an instant. Suddenly, all the things I thought girls cared about—my athleticism, my strength, my ability to protect them—the things I thought made me attractive, were gone. The way I saw it, everyone just thought of me as the guy in the wheelchair.

  I thought that because there were days when that was how I felt about myself. My injury changed a lot about me, but it did not change my desire to find love. But deep down I wondered if it was ever going to happen for me. Late at night when I had trouble sleeping, the same worries with which I wrestled in the hospital right after my accident came back to haunt me. Lying in the dark, I wondered how any girl could ever love me in my condition. Let’s face it, anyone who decided to be with me was signing up for helping me shower, get dressed, and even use the bathroom for the rest of her life. What kind of person would be willing to do that?

  Over time I slowly learned that physical abilities weren’t at the top of every girl’s priority list. The more people I met and got to know, the more I realized that people cared more about who I was and who I was trying to become than my chair. I started to accept that someone could like me for my personality and what I did for others. Still, I had trouble getting past my physical limitations and dependence on others. In the early days after my accident, I struggled to fully accept myself. My unspoken question was: Even if I could fully accept myself, could anyone else? These feelings were driven home every time a doctor recommended that my parents install a ramp at their house or that I buy a handicap-accessible van. Why would we do that when I’m not going to need them forever? I thought. I tried to convince myself that my condition was temporary, even though I knew it wasn’t. I felt as if I needed to walk again to truly be myself and have the life I’d always wanted.

  All of this swirled around in my head as I eased back into college life post-accident. I had my eyes open for a girl who sparked my interest while also wondering if my limitations might scare that girl away. My standards for the girl of my dreams were pretty high. I always told myself I would never date a girl I couldn’t see myself marrying. Setting the bar that high, plus my own insecurities, combined with the fact that Luther College is pretty small, meant that a year after returning to campus, I was still single.

  I was thinking about all this late one night while hanging out with my buddy A.P., watching Jimmy Kimmel. The two of us weren’t talking too much, just watching the show, which gave me time to think. I looked around and it hit me: I have eight
or more friends who all pitch in to help me at school, but once I graduate, will one person be able to handle all the responsibilities? And where am I going to meet that “one person”? I certainly don’t have any prospects now. Once I go out into the real world, it will be even harder to meet someone. Time is ticking, but I also don’t want to force anything.

  Thankfully the TV show distracted me enough to pull me out of that dark place. The person Kimmel was interviewing told a funny story about her friend who signed up for a dating website that rated you on whether you’re beautiful or not before you could get into the site. A.P. snorted with laughter. “Oh my gosh. That’s a real thing? That website probably crushes a lot of people’s confidence. If you lack self-esteem, that might not be a good dating site.”

  “I wonder how harsh they really are,” I said. “Like, how depressing would it be to think you’re a ten and get rejected from a beautiful people website?”

  “You know what we should do? We should make a profile and see if they vote us in.”

  “Yes!” I could always count on A.P. to come up with something hilarious. He was already pulling up the website on his phone when another guy from the cluster wandered out of his room.

  “You know, it’s not really the same thing, but a lot of people are using this other app to meet girls,” our friend said. He’d clearly overheard what we were talking about. “It pulls up people who live within a certain distance from you. If you think a girl is cute and she thinks you’re cute, you match up and start a conversation.”

  My ears perked up. I’d just been complaining that the dating pool at Luther College was too shallow. Maybe this app was the answer.

  We all created profiles. It didn’t take long for me to match up with girls, and I was so excited that I didn’t waste any time before starting conversations with them.