by Raeann Blake
She finally rose from behind the desk and started for the door. “I’m finished.”
“That’s it? You don’t have to do anything else?” Clay said lowly.
“That’s it. If the power goes off, it will keep the computers going and it’ll start beeping to alert you that it’s not receiving power from the electrical outlet. If you do nothing, it’ll shut down automatically.”
“Fine.”
She took one more step before she stopped and turned back to face him. “What is your damn problem?”
“Who said I had a problem?”
“You’re pissed. At me. What did I do?”
“When’s your date?” he snapped.
“I don’t have a date. Is that what you’re pissed about?”
“It seems pretty damn convenient that every time you go into town you run into somebody named Yates.”
The comment took her by such surprise she had to stop and think about what to say. “What does that mean? What do you mean ‘convenient’?”
“Nothing,” Clay growled.
“If you’ve got something to say to me, spit it out. I don’t know what you think I’ve done, but whatever it is, go ahead and say it.”
“Why don’t you have a date? You seemed pretty damn chummy to me.”
“I don’t have a date because I didn’t want a date. And why shouldn’t I talk to him? He was perfectly nice and I’ve got nothing against him. If everybody held the sins of the father against the son, where would that leave you?” Hailey fired back.
Clay spun and walked back to her, stopping inches from her face. “How long after you hit town did you hook up with him and make a deal to come out here and…”
Hailey glared up at him and cut him off angrily. “Stop right there. Don’t you say another word. If you say what I think you’re about to say, it’ll be the last damn thing you say to me. I’ll take a lot of crap from you, Clay. But I will not take you accusing me of something like that. I’m going to my office. You’d do well to stay out of it for the rest of the day,” she hissed then turned and walked stoically across the room and into her office, closing the door none too gently behind her.
“Goddammit,” Clay muttered. He’d known to just keep his mouth shut. Laine tried to warn him and he could hear everything he’d said echoing inside his head. Still he couldn’t keep the words from coming out of his mouth. Seeing her talking to the man, laughing, smiling up at him had done something to him. And when he heard the word ‘date’, that had just sealed the deal. Everything inside of him was unsettled. If he thought his world had been out of balance before, it was nothing compared to the way it felt now.
No he still didn’t believe it. Not really. He couldn’t help that the doubts were floating around in his mind and kept popping to the front without any warning. Of all the things that should have come out of his mouth, what had wasn’t any of them. What he had seen had bothered him. His stomach had clenched, his lungs had quit working, and his heart had dropped to somewhere around his knees. Instead of telling her that, he’d said enough that she knew that he suspected her of working with Yates.
But he couldn’t tell her the other stuff. That would just give her more leverage to get whatever it was that she wanted. If he told her that, she’d know that there was an easy path to get to him. If she couldn’t get what she wanted then all she’d have to do is make sure that he saw her with the Yates boy again. That would fix him. He’d already told her too much the night before. Why had he told her how much he liked having her in his bed?
He turned and leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. It was a pretty sure bet she wouldn’t be there tonight. She had every right to be angry. But goddammit he had every right to be suspicious. Didn’t he? He felt like he was lost out in the middle of nowhere. He didn’t know how to trust. And he didn’t know what he was supposed to do about it. At the same time, he couldn’t seem to get past that need to have her close to him. That was something he’d never felt before in his life and he didn’t want to feel it now. And he certainly didn’t want everything inside of him to ache at the thought of her seeing somebody else or even worse, leaving the ranch.
He sighed as he slowly opened his eyes and made himself move away from the wall. He knew that he’d done it again. If he was wrong, he’d said the very worst thing he could have said. He couldn’t pretend that her stopping him had made a real difference. She knew what he was going to say. That he had said enough for her to understand what he was thinking was the same as if he had finished it. She heard it in her head.
He needed to go apologize to her, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t say he was sorry when he wasn’t sure he was wrong. On the contrary, he was almost positive he was right now. It was just too much of a coincidence that the man had been in that store at the same time they were. He didn’t know how she had contacted him or what the point of it was. Maybe just to do exactly what it did. Upset him enough to say something so that she could threaten to leave, hoping he’d ask her to stay.
“Don’t hold your breath,” he muttered. He had just sat down at his desk when he heard her door open. He waited silently until he heard the front door open and close. He set his jaw, determined he wasn’t going after her. She wasn’t leaving. If she was she would get Laine to drive her. And Laine would never agree without being in his office expecting an explanation first. He tried to concentrate on the work he needed to do then finally tossed the papers back on his desk and shoved himself out of the chair. He walked to the kitchen to get some coffee and met Isobell’s questioning gaze with stony silence, turning and going back through the house and out the back door.
“Hey, you. Hailey, what’s wrong?” Laine asked as he met her in the main aisle of the stables.
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m going for a ride. I won’t go far. Maybe I’ll go to Mystery Creek,” she said as she kept walking.
Laine turned and fell in beside her and studied her face. “Want some company?”
She hesitated for a few seconds then shook her head. “Thanks, Laine. But I’d really like to be alone right now.”
“What happened?” he asked as he pulled her to a stop.
“Laine, please leave me alone. Just let me do this. I need to ride and I need to ride alone,” she said as she gently pulled her arm out of his grasp and stopped to get a saddle as she went to Soldier’s stall.
“Hailey, listen…I’ll let you ride, but please listen to me for just a minute. I don’t know what he said. I’m sure it was something wrong. Please try to understand where he’s at in his head. He wants to let you inside, in his life and he doesn’t know how. It really upset him to see you talking with the Yates boy. And he doesn’t know what to do with that,” Laine said gently.
“I know it upset him. He made that very clear. But you’re wrong about why it upset him. It’s not that he wants…dammit. Please leave me alone,” she said hoarsely as she turned away from him so he wouldn’t see the tears that were trying to fill her eyes.
“Hailey, please. Honey, try to understand what it’s like to not be able to trust anybody but want to so badly that you can taste it. He doesn’t know how to do that. He doesn’t know how to deal with needing you with him and being afraid to let you know it. Whatever he said, I know it had to be bad for you to be this upset. Please give him time to learn how to give back as much as he takes. If you can do that, I swear to God it will be worth it.”
Hailey kept working silently and waited until she had the saddle cinched and ready before she turned and started back to the stall gate.
“Hailey…please don’t leave this ranch. We need you here. I need you here. He needs you here.”
She clenched her teeth together and wouldn’t look up at him. She was so close to losing the battle to hold everything inside that she knew if she looked at him that it would be over. She waited several seconds before she managed to speak, but she still didn’t look at him, instead keeping her eyes straight ahead of her.
“Maybe after supper, if yo
u’re not busy, you could come up and let me start showing you some of those reports.”
“Okay. I’d like that. You be careful on your ride now. Stop and get a rifle. I’ll go get you some water and meet you at the front,” he said then leaned down and kissed her softly on the cheek. His heart dropped when that caused a single tear to slip from the corner of her eye and she quickly pulled away and led Soldier out.
He sighed deeply as he followed them out. When she stopped by the room where all of the firearms on the ranch were stored he kept going to his office then came back with two bottles of water. He went through the stable doors and held it open for her to lead Soldier out before he handed her the bottles and waited for her to stow them in the saddlebags. Before she mounted he touched her arm gently and saw her flex her jaw several times.
“Maybe I’ll come up early and eat with you guys tonight. Then we can look at the reports after that. Does that sound okay?”
Hailey nodded slightly without looking up at him and said, “That sounds fine. Back up now.”
When he’d backed up several steps, she mounted smoothly and gathered the reins then quickly kicked Soldier into a lope then a fast canter as she rode out of the yard. He watched her go and waited until she was out of sight before he turned his head slowly to look back at the house. He debated on whether or not to go up and talk to Clay but decided he would wait for a while. The steps that led him back to the stables stopped before he got there and he reversed directions. As soon as he went through the front door, he could see Clay on the back porch and started that way. He was sitting on the top step with his head down until he heard the door open. Then his posture changed, his back straightened and his head turned slightly to see who it was then turned right back to look out at the yard. Laine walked silently across the porch and sank down beside him then waited.
After a protracted silence, Clay finally muttered, “What?”
“I thought I’d come eat supper with you tonight. Is that okay with you?”
“Why in the hell wouldn’t it be? I’m tryin’ to get you to move in the house. Why wouldn’t I want you to come up here and eat?” Clay snapped.
“Just checkin’, buddy.”
Laine waited as Clay lit another cigarette then took a long drag and blew the smoke out. The longer he waited the more Clay’s shoulders slumped until his elbows were propped on his knees and he looked blankly down at the ground. He had just put the cigarette out on the heel of his boot before he finally spoke.
“I fucked up, Laine,” he whispered hoarsely.
“I know. Tell me what happened. Let’s see what we can do.”
* * *
Hailey dried her face as she sank down beside the creek and took a small drink of water. She had known when she first came to this place that it would be an impossible task to try to leave it. It had settled into a spot inside of her so quickly that she didn’t doubt that Laine was right about it being a place that fit something in her that was missing. She hadn’t been prepared to look and find that Clay was in that spot as well. Somehow he had stepped in when she wasn’t looking or wasn’t paying attention. She didn’t know when or how he’d gotten there, but he was there. And for him to think now that she was working with Yates hurt worse than anything else that he could have said or done. She knew it was partly the things that Lynn had said. And she knew that it was mostly what both Laine and Shack had tried to explain to her. That didn’t make it hurt any less.
Was it foolish to listen to her heart? The things that Shack and Laine had told her didn’t quite agree. Laine sounded so sure that Clay would find his way to that spot that would let him trust. Shack didn’t hold out the same hope, only that he hoped he would. To even think that he might was probably a very big mistake. If she held onto that hope, wouldn’t that make days like this harder to take every time they happened?
That need to feel him want her was so strong. But was it strong enough to keep her moving forward in spite of his doubts? She had never needed to be with someone before the way she needed to be with him. And what they had shared together was special. She’d never had a real relationship with any man. But she had a few one-night stands. Not a lot, but enough to know that what happened between them was something different. Was it enough? Maybe she could have handled the physical relationship if it was just physical. But it wasn’t. And somehow she had let herself believe for at least a few minutes that it was the same for him. Now she wasn’t so sure.
She kept hearing a war of words in her mind and she couldn’t seem to stop them.
I don’t want you to go.
How long after you hit town did you hook up with him and make a deal to come out here and…
He might screw you. But he won’t keep you.
I like the way I feel when you touch me. And I like the way it feels with you here beside me. Can that be enough?
“I don’t know,” she whispered as she wiped her face one last time and stood slowly. She stared at the creek for several minutes before she turned to walk back to Soldier. She swung into the saddle then faced the creek again, and wondered if it was a sign. It was dry today.
* * *
“Hey, Hailey. Did you enjoy your ride?” Charlie asked as she came out of Soldier’s stall.
“I did. Did you get to finish your meeting with Laine earlier? I know you got interrupted when he decided to go into town with us,” she said as they walked together.
“We finished it when he got back. He’s got some things you’re gonna need to order for my office. I sure hope they know what they’re doing. I’ve never done what they want me to do,” Charlie admitted.
Hailey grinned up at him and shook her head. “Are you kidding? You’re a natural. You’re perfect for the job.”
“Thanks. Maybe. I hope so. I don’t know about going from just another hand to bein’ a boss though. I mean, I watched Laine do it and he did okay, but keep your fingers crossed, just in case,” Charlie said then laughed when Hailey bumped him with her shoulder then smiled up at him.
“I’ll even cross my toes if you want me to. But you won’t need it. You’re exactly the right person to put in this position. You’ll see. Goodnight, Charlie.”
“G’night, Hailey. Have a good one.”
“I thought I heard my favorite Business Manager out here,” Laine said as he stepped into the doorway and waited for her to reach him.
“I’m your only Business Manager,” Hailey shot back.
“Ha. Well, that too. I’ve got a list of equipment and supplies we need to order for Charlie’s office. I thought it would be better to just give it to you than it would be to try to put it in the computer and have you decipher what I mean.”
“That’s fine. Why don’t you bring it with you and we’ll go over it tonight? You’re still coming up, aren’t you?”
“I am. In fact, I’ll walk with you. Just let me get the list,” he said then went back to his desk and got a sheet of paper then walked back out, flipping off the light as he went by. He hooked an arm over her shoulder and smiled down at her.
“How was your ride?”
“It was good. Mystery Creek’s dry today.”
“Told you. It comes and goes. Go back in a day or two and it’ll be running again. I was talking to Isobell earlier. You should hear the menu that she’s got planned for supper tomorrow night. Right down to an apple cobbler. Guess who’s coming for dinner?” he said then smiled and wiggled his eyebrows at her when she laughed.
“I take it you like apple cobbler?”
“Yes, ma’am. I could eat a whole one all by myself. But it’s a special occasion. I might share.”
Hailey looked down at the ground then lifted her head back up again as they started up the steps to the porch. “It is a special occasion isn’t it?”
“Very. They’ve never been out here for more than an hour at a time. Clay wants to spend time with the kids but he just can’t stand staying in town. He says he can’t breathe with the neighbors so close on each side of them.
This will be really special for him. Hell, it’s special for me. I love those kids. They’ve got the best laughs. You can’t help but feel good when you hear them laugh.”
Hailey took in a deep breath and closed her eyes just briefly as Laine reached for the door. When she opened them again, she found him watching her and waiting.
“It’ll be okay, darlin’. I promise. Come on now,” he said as he opened the door and waited for her to go in ahead of him.
As much as she tried to ready herself, she wasn’t prepared for him to walk out of the dining room just as they walked in the door. Her eyes met his then she quickly turned and started for her room.