by Raeann Blake
“I promise, Laine. I won’t go up there and stay. I know you wanna go with me. And I know you’re worried about me. But I have to do this by myself. I won’t be gone long and we’ll go together soon. Okay?”
“Yeah. I know. You go ahead.”
Clay turned to the horse then turned back to him again. “Laine…I lied to you. Ummm…I don’t know if I used a condom or not. I, uh…I don’t even know if I had sex. I don’t remember who Cherry is or where I was. I just…I don’t know.”
“Oh, man. Okay. It’ll work out, Clay. Get on your way now or it’ll be after dark before you get there. And for God’s sake, be careful.”
Clay nodded and then mounted and looked down at him. “I’m sorry I lied,” he said then lifted his head when he heard the bunkhouse door open and waited for Shack to reach them.
“Be careful out there, son. Don’t forget that first creek’s gonna be bad after that rain.”
“Yes, sir. I’ll remember. Guys…while I’m gone, would you please think about movin’ in? You don’t have to answer me right now, just think about it.”
“We will. Sun’s gonna be up soon. You better get movin’. Come home soon,” Shack said quietly.
Clay waved a hand at both of them then turned and started Ringo out of the yard. Laine waited until he was out of sight before he spoke.
“I had to do it, Shack. I couldn’t stand seeing him sitting on that porch alone that way,” he said hoarsely.
Shack laid a hand on his shoulder and started him in the direction of the house. “I know, son. I was at the window myself. I almost started that way, too. But I saw you walkin’ across the yard, so I knew he’d be okay. Let’s go in here and start some breakfast for you. We’ll make Isobell sit down and eat when she gets here. God knows she’s gonna be spittin’ mad when she finds out he’s already gone and she hasn’t got to chew on him yet.”
Laine chuckled softly and nodded. “Yeah. I know. Shack, Clay slept just a little last night and I went back and looked at those pictures again. I know it’s none of my business, but I want an explanation of that one where his hand is on her face. I think that one hurt him more than any of the rest.”
“Yeah. You’re probably right. We’ll show them to her and we’ll get an explanation of each one. I can’t blame him for thinking what he did, Laine. There aren’t too many things in this world that hurts worse than seeing another man put his hands on the woman you love,” Shack said quietly.
Laine frowned and hesitated for a few seconds then glanced up at him. “Yeah?”
The frown deepened when he saw Shack swallow hard then nod. “Long time ago, son. But not long enough to forget.”
* * *
“I wanna know what was going on right here,” Laine said evenly as he pointed at the screen.
Isobell gasped and looked up at him then Shack before she looked back at it again. “Where did you get these?”
“Somebody sent them to Clay.”
“He saw these? Oh, God. If he’d just asked. This one was…wait I have to explain. Hailey had given Isaac that list and he said he knew some of them. When she asked him if his daddy might know any of them he wanted to know why. She said something to him that sort of implied that he thought what the man had done was okay. Isaac was offended and told her that she hadn’t been here long enough to know what he’d done. He told her that he had all the respect in world for Clay and that he wasn’t sure how he turned out to be the man he is but that he was certain neither Mr. Cardell nor his daddy had anything to do with it. And he told her about something he had witnessed that happened to him and how it made him feel. She started crying and…”
“Wait. What are you talking about? What did he tell her?” Laine asked.
“He told her about the day Clay’s daddy drove off and left him in town to walk home in the dead of winter.”
Shack groaned slightly and sank down in the chair. He looked down at the floor for several seconds then shook his head. “I should have killed that sonofabitch that day. I should have killed him that very day. I had my finger on the trigger. Why in the hell didn’t I kill him?”
“Somebody please tell me what you’re talking about,” Laine said quietly.
Isobell and Shack together explained what they knew. By the time they were through, Laine’s throat was so tight he could barely swallow.
“Anyway, that’s what he told her. She was crying and Isaac reached over and wiped her tears away. That’s what this picture is. Who took these? And…oh. The cop, too? What is going on?” Isobell said quietly.
“Tell us about the cop,” Shack said lowly.
“He just stopped by. He was only there a minute or two. Evidently he’s had to get between her and Yates once or twice and he just said it was nice not to see her ready to chew nails, or something like that. Don’t get me wrong. He’s interested. If he gets the chance, he’ll ask her out. But this was just a very short, very cordial and casual conversation. I don’t understand why he didn’t ask her, but…damn. He’ll never trust her again and she didn’t even do anything,” she finally said sadly.
“What about the one where she’s got her hand on his arm?” Laine asked.
Isobell shook her head and said, “That was when he told us why he was still working for his daddy. She apologized to him that she hadn’t even realized that it meant that his daddy tried to do the same thing to him that Clay’s daddy did. That’s all. Guys, I can understand him being upset. But the two of you, you know her better than that.”
“Yes. But you didn’t see him last night, Isobell. You didn’t see him sitting on the front porch, on the floor, alone and crying. The first time I’ve ever heard him cry. And I had to know. I had to know for sure. I encouraged him to take a chance on her. I had to know that I wasn’t wrong. I had to know that I didn’t do this to him,” Laine said hoarsely then quickly pushed away from the wall and walked out when his eyes filled with tears.
“Oh, Shack,” Isobell whispered.
“He’ll be okay, honey. We’ll all be okay. I’ll go talk to him,” Shack said as he rose and gently patted her hand then followed Laine out.
* * *
He was almost holding his breath now. He had stopped at the place they always made camp and dropped his gear off but he hadn’t seen any sign of her at all yet. He studied the cabin for several minutes before he urged Ringo forward. There was no movement, no sign of life. He walked him slowly towards it but stopped and dismounted before he got there. He dropped his reins to ground-hitch him and studied the ground around the cabin and the lean-to. The breaths came a little easier now. He could see her boot prints in the damp ground and the horse’s trail was easy to see. She left there in the direction of the herd.
He blew out a long breath and walked back to Ringo again. “Well she survived the night anyway. That’s all I wanted to know. We might as well go see the herd since we’re so close. Right?” he asked as he mounted.
He rode slowly through the trees then moved him into a lope until they reached the last rise before the land opened up into the wide valley. As soon as they topped it, he reined him to a stop and just let his eyes roam across the backs of cattle as far as the eye could see. They were scattered pretty good, but that wasn’t unusual. He had expected it to be worse after that storm. More often than not it would take days to find them all after one like that. He let the image seep through him for several minutes before he started scanning the perimeter of the herd with the frown deepening by the minute. He didn’t see her anywhere.
By the time he’d made the full circle, he was ready to turn and go back to the cabin and see if he could follow her trail. He’d just gathered the reins when he heard a horse neigh and lifted his eyes to scan the hillsides around and above where the cattle were situated. It took him a while but he finally spotted her. Soldier was close behind her, but she was sitting on a ledge about a hundred feet up the side of the hill with her legs dangling over the side…and she was watching him steadily.
It hurt to see
her. He didn’t know it was going to hurt to see her. He didn’t know how long he sat there before he could make himself look away, but when he did he turned Ringo and walked him back over the rise without acknowledging her in any way.
Hailey let out the ragged breath when he disappeared and finally turned back to watch the cattle again. She had expected Laine to show up. She knew he was worried and if the storm was as bad at the ranch as it had been there she was sure he probably hadn’t slept any wondering whether or not she was okay. But she had never expected Clay to show up there.
“What do you think, Soldier? He couldn’t wait for me to get back to tell me that it’s time to go? He couldn’t let me have just a couple more days?” she asked the horse without turning around.
She sighed and glanced up at the darkening sky then shook her head. She knew he would probably be at the camp. She should probably just go back to the line cabin, but what was the point? It was just putting off the inevitable with another sleepless night. Might as well get it over with. She let her eyes trail across the backs of the cattle one more time before she dropped her head in despair but only let herself hold that position for a second. She lifted it right back up and straightened her shoulders as she rose and turned back to Soldier.
“Come on, buddy. I guess it’s time to go,” she said evenly.
She rode slowly and the dusk was settling into night when she reached the camp and reined Soldier in sharply. Clay turned his head from the campfire to look at her then turned right back around without saying anything. Now that she was this close, she couldn’t breathe. How was she supposed to do this? She let her knees nudge Soldier just slightly and started him forward but stopped him again when Clay spoke lowly.
“It’s too late to move on somewhere else if that’s what you’re inclined to do. Bed him down and sit down and eat,” he said lowly.
Hailey hesitated for several seconds then turned him and walked him over to where Ringo was picketed. She took her time rubbing him down then brought her supplies back to the fire and placed them on the opposite side from where he was sitting.
She spread out her ground blanket then her sleeping bag before she moved to the log close by and sat down on top of it before she spoke without looking at him.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“It’s taken care of,” he said then motioned to the foil-wrapped coffee cake he had set to the side. “Laine sent that. It’s the rest of the coffee cake.”
“Thanks,” she said without moving or looking up.
Clay didn’t know if she did or not. He didn’t look at her. He wasn’t sure he could. They sat in silence, both of them watching the fire until Clay finally spoke again.
“That’s hot. Go ahead and eat. There’s coffee, too.”
“I’m really not hungry.”
Clay clenched and unclenched his jaw a couple of times then muttered, “Laine said you didn’t eat last night. When was the last time you ate?”
Hailey finally lifted her eyes across the fire and said evenly, “You don’t have to take care of me, Clay. I’m a big girl. I’ll eat when I’m hungry. If you want somebody to take of, go home and see about Shack and Laine.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Clay snapped.
“It means you weren’t there to see what you did to them. You weren’t the one who watched the very life leak out a little at time until there was just nothing left. If they had just known you were okay it would have been better. But they didn’t. Because you didn’t let them know. Every minute that went by, I watched them die a little more,” Hailey said heatedly.
“I’ve already apologized to them,” Clay muttered.
“Oh, well. That makes it okay, doesn’t it?” She couldn’t have kept the sarcasm out of her voice if she had tried.
“No, it doesn’t make it okay. But I can’t change it, now can I?”
“What are you doing here? I know they told you I was here. So why are you here?” Hailey shouted.
“Guess what? This is my fuckin’ ranch. I get to go where I want, when I want. This is where I come. If you don’t like it, if you don’t want to be in the same place I am, then get on that goddamned horse and go,” Clay said as calmly as he could.
“Maybe I will,” she said as she stood up.
“Do that. But I’d suggest you find somewhere besides that ledge you were sittin’ on,” he said as he turned his head and looked into the night.
“You don’t want me to camp here, and you don’t want me to camp there. Suppose you save me some time and just tell me where I am allowed.”
Clay snorted and shook his head. “You wanna camp there? You go right ahead. You just be sure to nod real cordial like when that big-ass mountain lion that likes to sun himself right there every mornin’ shows up at first light.”
Hailey stopped and turned back to him then studied him for a few seconds before she spoke again. “If you know he’s up there above the herd, why haven’t you shot him?”
“Why in the hell would I do that? He ain’t hurtin’ a damn thing. Never lost any cattle to him as far as I can tell. You leave that cat alone. He belongs here more than we do,” Clay said coldly.
Hailey watched him quietly for a few seconds then spun on her heel and walked to where she had laid her saddle bags and got a bottle of water. She twisted the top off angrily as she stalked back to her bag and sat down then took a long drink before she laid down with her back to him.
Clay shook his head and glanced at her but then looked away quickly. He waited several minutes before he decided to just say it.
“You’d save us both a helluva lot of time and grief if you’d just go ahead and tell me what it is you want from me and get it over with,” he growled.
Hailey stopped breathing for a couple of seconds then slowly sat up and turned to face him.
“What are you talking about?”
“Just tell me what you came out here after? What is it you want? You’ve got Laine and Shack both fooled. You even had me fooled for a while even though I knew better. But they’re wrong. You’re not different from any other woman. Every woman on this planet looks for a way to get whatever it is that she wants from a man and when she gets it she’s gone. So just tell me what it is you want.”
Hailey blinked at the sharp tone. Not even the first day had she heard that in his voice. She let out a ragged breath and looked down at the fire.
“Are you saying you can’t wait for me to tell you so I can be gone?” Hailey asked hoarsely.
“That is not what I said. What do you want from me?” Clay asked in an even colder tone.
Hailey looked around her then back to him again. “I want to stay on this ranch. And I want to do my job. I want to be able to ride. And I want you…that’s all. That’s all I want.” The words were almost out. I want you…to love me.
“Finish it. You want me to…what?” Clay snapped.
“Nothing else. That’s all,” Hailey mumbled.
“You’re lying. I told you the first day I expect honesty and loyalty. Don’t lie to me.”
Hailey dropped her head then turned around and laid back down. Clay swore under his breath and waited long enough that he wasn’t sure she was even still awake.
“I know you’re lying to me. I know a lot of things now. But I want you to stay on the job. If that’s what you want. That’s what I came up here to tell you,” he said quietly. He clenched his jaw and closed his hands into fists in an effort to keep both his emotions and his anger under tight control when he heard her let out an uneven breath that he knew from experience said there were tears on her face.
“Thank you,” Hailey whispered hoarsely.
“I want you to sit up and eat, Hailey. I know damn well you haven’t eaten all day. If you won’t eat any of this chili at least eat that coffee cake,” he said quietly.
Hailey furtively slid her hand up to steady her lips for a few seconds before she shook her head slightly. “I’m not hungry. I’m just tired.”
Clay leaned his head back and looked up at the sky then suddenly rose and walked away, disappearing into the trees that surrounded the pond. When he reached it he dropped into a crouch and let his head fall into his hands.
“God this hurts,” he whispered to nobody.
No matter what he did, those pictures just wouldn’t go away. The way she was smiling at them. She wasn’t supposed to smile at somebody else like that. And that bastard touched her face. She wasn’t supposed to let him touch her face. Why did she let him do that?
He knew he had to stop this. He had this all worked out. He’d worked through it all on the way there and it was settled. He would tell her she could stay and nothing else. He had everything set just right in his head. And all it had taken was to look up and see her on that ledge to undo it all.