LOUDER: A Contemporary Romance

by Jorja Tabu

  “You mean you got real crazy,” Darris said, shaking his head and laughing. “That girl has got you twisted, dummy.”

  “Yeah,” Echo agreed. It was pointless. She did.

  “And y’all are fighting over some bullshit,” Darris finished, taking the Mild back. The weed they’d packed in it was terrible, and he took one more hit before just waving it all at Echo. “Take this bullshit out of my old ass hands. Listen: she didn’t do anything to you. Chances are, she does think she’s too good for you, and she might hurt you without meaning to. But I was wrong on a lot of the shit I thought about her. She’s a good girl. She’s just different. Sailing, and poetry. Fuck.” He shook his head again. “There’s a chance, E, that she might not hurt you.” Darris was suddenly serious. “She likes you. She’s honest. Why you gotta complicate it?”

  “She complicated it--she said she shoulda known I wasn’t going to understand her. Like she’s so fucking deep. Her life must’ve been real hard in college.”

  “You’re ignoring that shit about her mom, motherfucker. Everybody alive has been through some shit—you ain’t special.” Gabby had finally shared with the group that her mother had passed away last year after a debilitating car accident. “Listen to yourself, man. That is exactly the same shit we were saying to you four weeks ago, and turns out, your white ass was right. We didn’t know her. And she’s good people.”

  Echo looked at him askance. “You know what? You’re right. Last time we talked about this, we thought the opposite of what we think now.” He stared at Darris. “You know how hard this is for me? To try and nip this before...”

  “She’s not like Tanya,” Darris said. The surety in his voice was calming for Echo, but it didn’t get rid of all of his misgivings.

  “No. But she could be like her, couldn’t she? If she knew...”

  “If she knew how you felt about her?” Darris studied him. “I don’t think so. No. She’s not the kind of person to take advantage of somebody’s feelings. She’s a good girl, E. You were right.”

  “Yeah.” Echo looked up at the dark sky, his breath puffing out in a cloud. “Well, she still thinks she’s too good for me, even if she’s a good girl.” He stubbed the Mild out and looked at Darris. “It’s not gonna happen. I have to let it go.”

  “Okay,” Darris said, shrugging again. He knew it made Echo crazy; it was his way of saying ‘sure, if you say so.’ They started back inside.

  ----

  Gabby watched them talking from her frozen van. She watched Echo’s outburst with some dismay--what were they talking about that would make him so upset? He never yelled. As she knew first hand, when he was angry he tended to become even quieter.

  She hoped nothing was wrong at home.

  Over the weeks, she’d come to believe that the real and only love of Echo’s life was his daughter. As he made his regular phone calls home, his expression melted into something almost sweet. If there were too many people around, it would abruptly meld back into its almost supernatural blankness, but for the most part, when he spoke to his child, Echo looked every inch the doting father. She only watched him from afar, though; Gabby got a vicarious shot of sweetness seeing his face soften, and it was a bittersweet pleasure she didn’t want anyone to notice her enjoy. Least of all Echo.

  Maybe she could go sleep in the bus tonight, after they’d gone to bed. Hell, she could probably just go once Illa and Versus showed up, snuggle up on a couch, and wait. That would be better than watching her breath frost up the inside of her van any more.

  Instead, it was Trajilla that arrived to knock on her window. “Come on, little girl,” he said, grinning. “We got some hotel rooms. It’s cold even in the damn bus. I know you’re freezing.” Gabby tried to pack her things up without being too eager about it, and failed. Illa just laughed at her, and they jogged together towards the limo Echo had called in to take them downtown.

  Gabby was glad the seats were roomy. She almost wanted to make fun of how excited they all were, considering how many limos they’d been in before, but it just made her smile to see them laughing and drinking champagne. When they got to the hotel, she wished she’d dressed up a little fancier; the gilded building loomed over them as they bundled back into their coats and ran into the lobby, ducking the cold.

  “Everybody’s room is on the fourth floor,” Darris said, turning back towards the group. “Don’t make me act like your grandpa--everybody behave, dammit.” Illa and Versus waved goodnight and headed towards the bar. Darris, Echo, and Gabby all headed to the elevator.

  Gabby tried not to stare at Echo’s reflection in the mirrored doors. He looked strait ahead, never turning his head, as Darris ran down a couple of ideas about tomorrow’s set. It was going to be their first stadium show, and he wanted things to be perfect; Darris was nothing if not particular. The doors swished open, and Gabby and Echo awkwardly waved each other forward in turn. Finally, she stepped in, him after her, and they both turned to see Darris waving at them through the door. “Goodnight!” His grin set her hair on edge--he’d obviously meant to trap them together.

  She shouldn’t have worried. To Echo, she may as well have not been there. After a solid thirty seconds of silence, she broke.

  “It must be hard to avoid looking at me with all these mirrors in here,” Gabby said. He didn’t even blink. She took a step closer to him; the elevator crawled upwards at a snail’s pace. “It’s hard for me to avoid looking at you.” There it was--the briefest flutter of his black lashes as he scanned her reflection for just a fraction of a second. “Echo,” Gabby said, letting her exhaustion and annoyance become evident in her tone, “I can’t do thi--”

  His mouth was on hers, hot and needy. Strong arms wrapped around her waist and lifted her mercilessly from the ground; in a second, Gabby’s back was against the wall of the elevator and her hands were under his shirt, pulling him close. His kiss was so hard it took her breath, and she bit his lips, feeling her center lunge greedily against his body. Thank God they were still wearing clothes... “No,” Echo panted into her neck. “No.”

  “Echo...” Gabby felt his fingers grip her asscheeks, flexing roughly as he struggled. She dropped her legs and stood on tippy toe to hold him. Just to hold him. He was still breathing hard, but now his hands were clenching by his side, all she could see from where she burrowed against his chest. “Echo...I’m sorry,” she said softly.

  He pulled away from her, and picked his hat up from where it’d fallen on the floor. In that quick second, his face was half a mystery once again. “Me too, Gabby,” he said, his voice returning to its customary monotone. “No big deal.”

  “Really?” She felt the tears rising up inside of her, embarrassed, angry tears. “Kissing me like that--holding me...That’s not a big deal?”

  “Not according to you,” he said softly, looking down at her. Even though the words were harsh, she knew he hadn’t said them to hurt her. His expression was almost inscrutable, but she knew him now. She’d hurt him when she’d said what happened between them wasn’t serious.

  Why hadn’t that been obvious to her before?

  “We need to talk,” she said, her voice shaking. “Will you come to my room?” He stood still in the elevator, even as the door finally opened behind her. “Just to talk.”

  He silently followed her down the hallway to her room. As she fumbled with the lock, she wondered what she would say...What did she want to say?

  “I’m sorry,” he interrupted her thoughts as soon as the door clicked open. She instantly thought he meant that he was apologizing because he couldn’t come in. He couldn’t do this.

  It wasn’t important enough for him. But that kiss...

  “It’s alright,” she sighed, feeling one tear finally wrench loose and wriggle down her cheek. She turned her head to hide it from him. “We all need to get some rest. For tomorrow.” She had been so preoccupied with this misery that she hadn’t even remembered to be nervous about her first stadium gig.

  “No, I...” He s
tood there, looking down at the ground for a second. Gabby walked in to her room, but before the door closed behind her, Echo slipped inside, angling past the door.

  They stood there, quietly. Just as Gabby got herself together to ask him what had happened between the two of them, her phone rang.

  Marvin. It figured. “Hang on, please, just one minute,” she begged. “This is my manager, I’ve been trying to get him to call me back for two weeks.” Echo’s face was frozen, so she had to take that for assent. Hopefully this would be quick. She just wanted to know if he’d heard back from her latest attempt to get a single with another rapper. That’s all. A quick yes or no. Instead, she got a Marvin version of ‘no.’

  “You are a pain in the ass,” his noxious voice said, lilting out of the phone loud enough for Echo to hear. He didn’t move, but she saw his nostrils flare. “You are the worst client I have, hands down.”

  “Marvin, listen, I just wanted--”

  “--I don’t care. Listen, you haven’t screwed this tour up, have you? This is our money-maker, sister. This is the ticket.”

  “No, I haven’t gotten fired yet.” Her anger came through in her voice and she once again felt rather than saw a ripple of malevolence from Echo. “I want to know if you’ve heard back from Caustic--”

  “--This is more important. Good, don’t get fired, because I have the best opportunity we’re going to have. Have you gotten good and cozy with our benefactor yet? I told you--”

  “--I know what you told me, and it was disgusting,” Gabby snapped, turning her back towards Echo. She couldn’t stand to face him while this vile tripe was coming out of her phone. “I couldn’t possibly be expected to take that kind of thing seriously, could I?”

  “Strap yourself in: I have arranged for you to give a huge tell-all interview with KTv about Echo. They’re going to do an hour long special, just you and Dwyer Summons, head to head.”

  “No,” Gabby said bluntly. She tried to keep her voice down, so Echo wouldn’t hear, but she knew it was pointless. She’d be surprised if he was even still in the room, after this.

  “They’re offering you 750,000 dollars,” Marvin breathed. In spite of herself, her breath caught. But then she remembered her mother’s voice.

  This is exactly the kind of thing she’d expected him to pull. And she’d been right. “You’re fired,” Gabby said into the phone. She whispered it, praying that Echo hadn’t heard any of their conversation. “Don’t ever call me again.”

  She hung up. Her chest was heaving, but she made herself take a couple deep breaths before turning around. Chances are, Echo wouldn’t be there when she did...

  But he was. His hat was off, and he was looking at her.

  “I never liked him,” Echo said quietly. She gave him a rueful smile.

  “You should’ve told me weeks ago,” Gabby said,

  trying not to cry. Marvin was awful, but he was still her connection to most of the people she knew in the industry. Well, in the recording industry...She still had a lot of friends from her slam poetry days...

  “I would’ve, but I thought you’d dropped him already,” Echo said. His deep blue eyes took her face in. “He’s the one that booked you with us, right?” Gabby nodded. “Yeah,” Echo said, shaking his head, “he sucks. He should’ve gone to jail for what he did three years ago, but I figured he did a decent job of marketing your single, so--”

  “--You’re serious?” Gabby peered up at his face. “You know who my manager is?”

  “Yeah,” Echo said quietly. “I know who he is, where he is, what he does for spending money. I know your producer, too--nice guy. Liked him. And I talked to a couple of the people you toured with back in--”

  “--What the fuck, Echo?” Gabby wasn’t sure if she should be enraged, or flattered. “What are you saying?”

  “I know about the interview, too,” Echo said carefully. “I know some people who know some people at KTv, so...”

  “You’re spying on me.” Of all the hypocritical...

  “I did a lot of research on you,” he said in his flat voice. “I found some Slam Battle Championship on the internet a couple years ago...And the winner was cute.” He allowed his mouth to quirk. “Funny. And good at what she did. So I looked her up, whenever I thought about it. And you started making music, so I bought it. I never interfered,” he emphasized, raising his hand as if swearing in court. “I just...I liked your style from way back, Gabby. So when you started bringing in crowds, I wanted to tour with you. I could give you exposure you can’t get anywhere else.”

  “You said you wanted to help me,” Gabby said, not sure what to think.

  “I’m your biggest fan,” he said softly. After a minute, he sighed. “I set up the interview.”

  “No,” she gasped.

  “Yeah,” he said, and shrugged. “It was before we...I got the wheels in motion, and I guess I got distracted. Before I knew it, your fucking manager was trying to plant cameras in my bus. I didn’t think you had anything to do with it, but then...The thing with the vents.” He cocked his head, piercing her with his eyes. “I thought you were sneaking.”

  “I’m not a liar,” Gabby snapped.

  “I know,” Echo said, softly. “I am, I guess.”

  “That’s not what I meant--”

  “--I just wanted to help you, Gabby,” Echo said, his eyes latched onto hers. “It wasn’t supposed to be an expose on me, it was supposed to be a tour diary for you. I knew I’d help sell it, but...With a pretty girl, all you got to do is set shit up and wait. And you’re not just pretty, Gabby,” he said. “You’re beautiful. Brilliant.” She didn’t know what to say. “I didn’t mean to go behind your back--well, I guess I did in some ways. I didn’t want some psycho on my tour bus,” Echo said, with his small smile, “and I just got carried away. I got too interested. And I’m paranoid,” he finished, shrugging, “so I take bullshit real serious.” He met her eyes. “If you hadn’t taken his call in front of me, this would be over. If you hadn’t been borrowing my phone to call him all damn month, this would be done. If you were any kind of liar--”

  “--I’m not,” Gabby said harshly, and he nodded.

  “I’m sorry,” he said simply, and with that he turned towards the door.

  “Echo,” she said, and he halted. She saw his face in the mirror in front of him, reflected back to her. Impassive. Unknowable. Untouchable. “Don’t.”

  He turned towards her.

  In a minute, they were on each other.

  Gabby had never felt this way--not that she’d had many chances, but this was different. Where ever Echo’s hands landed on her body there was heat, a deep, penetrating heat, plumbing down through her and reverberating inside. Her mouth seized his, their teeth nipping each other’s lips, and she dug her nails in, clinging to him. He arched back to rip off his coat, then returned his hands to her body and pulled hers down as they stumbled towards the bed. Immediately, they were crawling under her shirt, slipping over her body, leaving trails of heat in their wake. When his fingers reached the top button of her jeans an eruption of moisture in her panties almost embarrassed her into slowing down, but Gabby was so eager she helped pull them over her hips. In what seemed like seconds, she was practically undressed before him; he let her sit on the bed, her knees slightly apart, panting. He knelt in front of her.

  “I’ll get these,” he said, his voice simmering. The light hit his eyes and painted them all the shades of a stormy sea. He tugged her boots off, and the legs of her jeans. “These too,” he murmured, and kissed her knee. Gabby felt his hands wrap around her and tug her towards the edge of the bed. One of her bra straps slipped, and her nipple peeked over the edge of her demi cup; as he kissed the inside of her knee, his hot fingertips slid over her belly and teased her before returning to her panties. She held her breath as he eased them over her hips; his face came up as he pulled her down for another breathless kiss.

  “I want you,” Gabby whispered, and his breath caught. Somehow, she knew he’d wa
nt to hear her say it. He pulled her closer to the edge of the bed, and her legs widened to let him between her knees. Before she knew what was happening, his hot kisses covered her belly. The effect was instantaneous; Gabby was helpless under his touch. His hands anchored her at the edge of the bed as his mouth moved closer and closer to her pussy, her stomach shuddering under the light kisses. When he reached her mound, he gently stroked her clit with his tongue in three quick strong strokes, and the lightening inside of her quickened. “Oh, Echo,” Gabby cried, her back arching as she pushed herself towards him, the hot center of her pleasure bare to his greedy mouth. “Please make me come!” He eagerly sucked on her clit, swallowing the juices and lapping at her clenching pussy as she prepared to come for him. “Echo, please, please, don’t stop, don’t stop--” She begged shamelessly as her body thrilled to his touch, feeling the ripples and peals of pleasure stirring inside her. The flames licked outwards as he relentlessly sucked her swollen clit, and then...Gabby was coming. And coming. And coming.

  It only made her hungrier for him.

  Echo pulled back and looked at her; he was still wearing his t-shirt and baggy jeans, and his lips were raw from their rough kisses earlier. Gabby reached a hand down listlessly, then gathered herself together and sat up. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him solidly, willing her tongue to be gentle on his red lips. Echo’s hands massaged her back. She pulled away to look into his eyes. “Do you want me?”

  He nodded.

  “Not good enough. You have to say it,” she whispered. “You have to tell me if you like it.”

  “I want you,” he said, his voice hoarse. She ran her fingers over his soft, short hair. His eyes raced over her body. “I want you now,” he said, and stood, ripping his shirt off over his head, kicking away his clothes, finding a condom. In an instant, he was on her, hungry.

  Gabby had never seen him completely naked. He looked like a Renaissance painting--milk pale skin with taunt muscles that bundled and surged underneath. His tongue was still insistent on her body, raging over her throat, her collarbones; his teeth gently seized a nipple and pinched it until she bucked. Below, she felt his hands working her ass cheeks, kneading them, sliding back and forth as if to coax her thighs even further apart...And she felt him. The tip of his cock teased her damp opening, and she gasped.