I Shaved My Legs For This?

by HJ Bellus

  I give him a weird look.

  “Then I’ll take you home, and you can show me where it is.”

  “Show?” I look around the small bar where a band is playing. “Is there a stripper pole in here?”

  His eyebrows shoot up into his hairline.

  “Soldier, you’re something else,” he chuckles and rises to his feet.

  Diesel disappears through the crowd until his back is no longer visible. I feel sad when I no longer can view his gorgeous face and stature. He’s so opposite of everything Taylor was. Taylor was a business man, always dressed to impressed and Diesel is a complete contrast. He always seems to be sporting a tight Henley shirt, dark jeans, and either a beanie or ball cap. He’s never dressed to impressed, and it’s sexy as fuckballs.

  “Is he stripping?” I ask and point to Olivia.

  Her mouth falls open. Oren laughs his ass off.

  “He’s in a band.”

  “A band?” I ask, trying to process everything.

  “He’s the lead singer in Word Champ.”

  “As in the band, Word Champ, that’s taken the city with their music?”

  She nods.

  “Holy fuck,” the two words fall off my lips.

  He’s a hot mechanic, lead singer, and has an oddly sexy name. Before I have the chance to comment any further, I hear his deep voice boom over the microphone.

  “Big shout-out to Dixie for having us. This first song is going out to a girl named Soldier.”

  I don’t miss the odd look my best friend sends me, but I sit on the edge of my seat waiting to hear his song. Not only does he sing, but he sings a song just for me. I grin like a fucking idiot.

  The powerful strum of the guitar hugging his chest booms around the small bar. He sends me a wink from the stage before he starts singing Bad To The Bone. I’m up on my feet swaying to the song forgetting the awful events of the evening. My ovaries feel womanly again watching Diesel belt out the song.

  Olivia and I dance the rest of the night away while Oren strums his fingers on the table top. Diesel’s band is good. Like way better than just playing on the make-shift stage here at Dixie’s. They play familiar songs and a few they’ve written on their own. It’s stirring up my curiosity for the man on stage.

  Chapter 5

  “My legs are burning.”

  “You walked four blocks, Scout.”

  “Exactly! I need an ambulance.”

  “More like a Wambulance, pussy.” Olivia pats an office chair next to her.

  Operation Train Scout session one is about to commence. I have no idea why she’s so nervous about this…oh wait, yes, I do. Her father is her world, well besides Officer Lady Boner now. I’ll officially be taking over next weekend. My anal ass friend is a slight control freak at her best. She wants to give me a few trial runs while she’s still around planning her small-ish wedding before her Hunk of Burning Love sweeps her off on their honeymoon.

  Olivia prattles on about bookwork, invoices, and making sure her father eats healthy. There’s a shiny-ass black Harley Davidson in the shop. The machine turns me on, and I begin to wonder how it would feel to dry hump it. Damn, I need to be laid. Laid so hard that my legs quiver and soul shatters. I need a good ol’ dick inside me.

  Preferably one that’s longer than two inches and not being walked in on by a co-worker, oh yes, that would all be so damn good.

  Olivia finally takes a breath from her endless ramble letting me get in a few words.

  “Why are crusty old men are always on the back of those sexy bikes?”

  “Eh?” Olivia turns to me before swooping Pedro up in her lap.

  “Every time I hear the rumble of one of those engines there’s a big old fat guy on the back. I mean I’d be a biker bitch in a heartbeat, but I need something to work with.”

  “Scout,” she warns.

  “No, seriously those bastards typically don’t even have teeth in their head.” I kick my feet up on the desk. “I wonder if that makes for good pussy eating. I mean I see the perks of no teeth while sucking dick, but does that work in reverse?”

  “Scout!” Olivia’s voice is more urgent, but she still has quite the prude in her even though she’s being banged every day.

  “What?” I throw my arms up in the air. “My kitty is lonely. Shaved, cleaned, and damn lonely. I’ve had only shitty-ass sexcapades since Taylor left me, which leaves me wondering why did I shave for this?”

  Olivia covers her eyes flushing with embarrassment to a painful point. Then I hear a throat clear behind us. Olivia’s old man has heard it all, so I’m not sure why she’s so embarrassed. I swivel around quickly in my chair to come face-to-face with Diesel. It might just be the first time I’ve been embarrassed. Okay, the second time…I mean nothing tops fucking Easter.

  “Olivia, just letting you know I’m taking off,” Diesel says with a huge grin plastered on.

  “Okay, sounds good. Sorry for her.” She points in my direction. “I’m just going to throw out a permanent apology for this one.”

  My cheeks are on fire. Flaming, hot embarrassment from the diarrhea of mouth illness which plagues me once again.

  “Oh hey, Soldier, your car is out back and all fixed up.”

  If I didn’t find him hot at the family barbecue then sex on a stick on stage last night, then the man right now is a fucking sex god on ‘roids. Throw in a few sprinkles of nice and a dash of hard working hands and well I think I just went kaboom my panties.

  “Th…thank you, Fuel.”

  He gives me the sexiest of smirks before turning around. I whirl in my chair and begin frantically kicking at Olivia who is in full on belly laugh mode. I’m sure she’s tinkling in her crotchless panties right now.

  “I hate you, asshole!” I whisper-yell while still letting my legs flail wildly in the air.

  The rattling and roaring sound of the Harley lights up the office. I stop my ninja kicking attack mid-air to turn and see Diesel on the back of the sexy-sexy double-crossing Harley. He looks over at me through the door of the office. Of course, I’m doubled over peering out the door with my wild blonde hair cascading over my shoulders.

  He sends me a wink and then a full smile showcasing all of his pearly whites. Each one of his pretty Chicklets shines brightly back at me. He’s a fucking prince stud combo on a sex machine. And now I feel like a fool.

  I watch him as he inches the bike back out of the shop until he vanishes. The loud roar of his engine lights up my insides.

  “Don’t even, Scout,” she shoves on my shoulder. “He’s a great worker and is helping Dad out so much around here.”

  “Don’t what?”

  “Wipe the damn drool off your chin. And you know what I mean.”

  I hold my finger up to the spot where the motorcycle use to be. “He must pound my pussy.”

  “No.”

  “Yes.”

  “No.”

  “Olivia. It’s bitch code. Jesus, he’s a sexy mechanic, sings in a band, and has a motorcycle, so that voids all other friendship pussy blocking pacts.”

  “Scout,” she warns.

  “I need sex,” I whine.

  “No, I’ll have Oren set you up with a guy from work.”

  I roll my eyes once again. “Sure, whatever.”

  I don’t engage in any further conversation with her because let’s face it…I’m sure I scared the living shit out of the man. I’m one hot and very horny mess with an angry vagina.

  Chapter 6

  “I do.”

  “I do.”

  “You may kiss the bride.”

  Blah, blah, blah, blah.

  Thoughts of a rabbit humping a cat make my weird inner child grin. It’s a video I saw the other day, and I’ll give it to Thumper because he was thumping the hell out of that pussy. It’s my go-to tactic to avoid all and any emotions. I’m so happy for my best friend, but crying isn’t in my game.

  The love in the air is promising and forever. Olivia is gorgeous in her simple white dress.
Her smile is contagious and my heart is overflowing for her, but I refuse to cry. Hell, I still have to get through the toast without cracking.

  Oren dips Olivia back, lip locking her like there’s no tomorrow. Everyone cheers and I crack a bit when I look over to her dad who’s wiping away a stray tear. The happy couple disappears into a cottage for a long time. I pluck a glass of red wine from the bar before walking down by the river to gather my thoughts.

  The riverbank is sandy and comforting. I pause for a moment to slip off my flat sandals letting my toes be tickled by the sand. The setting sun provides just the right amount of skin approving warmth.

  “Want company?”

  I look over at Diesel dressed in a white button-up shirt rolled up sleeves, and button-downed at the top paired with khaki dress pants. I haven’t had the opportunity to run into him since my toothless pussy eating theory, and I’ve thanked God for that. His dark hair is even more grown out adding to his amazing rocker vibe.

  “Sure.” I pat the sand next to me.

  He eases down on the spot right next to me balancing two beer bottles between his fingers and one glass of red wine in the other.

  “Thought you might want this.”

  I quirk up an eyebrow. “How did you know?”

  “Saw you grab one at the bar and noticed you weren’t your fiery self today.”

  “Sorry, I’m only funny on weekdays, Fuel.” I throw a handful of sand out in front of me.

  “There she is.”

  I turn my face to him downing the rest of my first glass of wine. “I’m just not a real fan of love.”

  “Clean kitty and all.”

  “Horny and love are two different things.”

  “True.” He finishes off his first beer then hands me my second glass of wine. “Some asshole really mind fucked you, eh?”

  “Yeah, that’s about all that gets fucked these days.” I take a swallow of the bitter wine. “He’s now engaged and expecting his first child with the woman he’d cheated on me with.”

  “Ouch. Epic mind fuck.”

  “Then sexual experiences after that have been epically dreadful.”

  “You know you need to have your own comedy show.”

  “The Life of Scout and her lonely pussy,” I pause when he blushes. “Cat that is.”

  “I’d buy a ticket to that train wreck,” he winks at me.

  I lean in closer to him, feeling my head begin to spin slowly; soon it’s resting on the top of his shoulder. His fingers lace with mine on the sand fitting perfectly together.

  “You’ll find someone one day who won’t break your heart and is magnificent at entertaining lonely pussy cats.”

  “Ha,” I blurt out.

  “Scout.” I hear my mom’s voice from under the tent.

  I hold up a hand to let her know I heard her.

  “Well, I guess it’s time for the epic, loud-mouth, failure of a best friend to give a romantic ass speech.”

  He licks his lips. “You’ll find a man that will love that epic, loud-mouth.”

  I raise both eyebrows. “Oh yeah.”

  “Yeah,” he nods. “And they’ll probably love to lick, nibble, and devour your hairless kitty.”

  Our lips barely brush before I pull back. “Thanks for the drink and uplifting encouragement, my kitty thanks you.”

  “Anytime, Soldier.”

  I wipe away the stray sand from my ass as I sashay up to the tent. Oh, you bet your sweet honey buns I’m swaying my ass back and forth just like fucking Beyoncé. It took everything for me not to spread my legs on the beach and shove his face between them for a proper introduction of my kitty. I’d like to blame it on the wine, but we’d all know I’d be lying.

  Oren and Olivia are at the head table with beaming smiles and all nuzzled in. Oren’s best man, Diego, goes first with his speech. He’s a fellow police officer and has been thrown into my face time after time since Olivia picked up on my need for Diesel. Diego is just too damn sweet, kind, and normal. He’s tanned and all model looking, but I’m pretty sure he spends more time on his crew cut and skincare than I do.

  He doesn’t appreciate my belching abilities or my theory on sharting. One night over drinks, I went into a deep conversation about the build-up of the deadly shitting and farting combo. I do consider myself an expert in this area considering I’m a fifth-grade teacher. Diego also put his nose up at all my random facts about mammal penises. I mean it could save your life one day.

  He drones on and on about lifelong love, respect, and the typical never going to bed angry shit. The women in the crowd melt to gooey puddles at his romantic gestures. It’s all fairytale, love story shit. Well, I’m about to give them the real-life love shit that my best friend deserves.

  I stand up swallowing down a glass of water slowing my role on getting shit face drunk. I’ll save that shit for later tonight after Oren sweeps Olivia off on her honeymoon. With shaky hands, I take the microphone from Diego and don’t miss the wink he sends me and the way his hand brushes across my ass. I know he’d love to tap this, but couldn’t handle the rest of me.

  “Olivia, you did it. And you did it well. You’ve scored your prince charming and a life full of great dick action for the rest of your days.”

  A loud gasp follows. Bingo, I have everyone’s attention. Olivia blushes, Oren smiles widely like he’d love to grope his anaconda right now, and my mom drops her head to the table.

  “Oren, she’s still my best friend. None of this you just married your best friend bullshit. She’s mine, and I love her. I’m her wife and your husband. I still expect her to be at my beck and call at all times of the day. I also need to give both of you a heads up on a serious subject matter. While you two were busy bumping uglies all over the town, Pedro and I bonded quite nicely. I’ve officially filed for custody and will stop at no length to gain custody over that little bastard.”

  Light laughter fills the glowing tent. I hear a few people ask if I’m drunk.

  “No, I’m not drunk, this is the full-meal deal right here, boys and girls.” I look over to Oren. “She’s my best friend, my sister, and my person in life. It’s always been Scout and Olivia side by side through everything. She’s mine!”

  I pause for dramatic effect. I’m pretty sure some in the crowd are waiting for me to lay a hard kiss on Olivia.

  “The reason today is so darn fantastically special is because I get to give her to you. My best friend is the happiest she’s ever been. Her world is complete now, and that makes me happy. Oren, she’s still mine if you missed that part. But I want to say thank you for treating her like a queen and loving the piss out of her. She’ll never be wrong, mess up, or make mistakes because I’ve taught her everything she knows. So, Oren, you’re not part of this crazy. I love you, Olivia, so damn much and nothing will ever change that.”

  I raise my glass along with everyone else, clink mine to hers, and then swallow the bitter champagne. We embrace in a hug, and the tears finally come. I let all the emotions I’ve been holding in flow out. I know I won’t lose her, but our lives are changing forever.

  “I love you, Scout, even if you just gave the worst speech ever.”

  I giggle into her shoulder. “I love you, too, always.”

  “My turn.” Oren wraps me up in a hug and then whispers in my ear. “I’ll never take her away from your crazy ass.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper back.

  “Diego is really into you.”

  “Meh.” I push back on his chest. “He’s too wussified for me. I’m into hardcore bondage and all that shit. He couldn’t handle me.”

  The bubbles have been blown, the happy couple on their way to the airport, and the cleanup crew has commenced. I’ve perfected the talent of sneaking off when cleaning starts, so I creep toward the cottage where we dressed for the ceremony.

  “Great speech.”

  I look up to see Diesel placing the last of the chairs in a trailer.

  “Thanks,” I wink and then twist the brass
doorknob open.

  “Fuck it.” Diesel pounces on me pushing me into the cottage.

  He slams the door, locks it, and then wraps his arms around me. We are nose to nose, and my breathing is freaking out of control. His hands roam down to my waist, then to my backside cupping my ass cheeks.

  “Diesel,” I whisper.

  “I want to meet your kitty.”

  “Oh,” I gasp.

  “Or was all that just big talk?”

  I shake my head side-to-side. “No.”

  “Then introduce me.”

  He pushes me back onto the couch, inching my dress up around my hips until my panties are exposed.

  “Does your kitty have a name?”

  I try to squeeze my legs together to ease the old honey pot, but Diesel’s tall, athletic body blocks the motion.

  “Love Taco.”

  He looks up at me with a devilish smirk and then drops his nose to my covered folds. “Nice to meet you, Love Taco. My name is Diesel, and my favorite food just happens to be tacos. We’ll get along perfectly.”

  I groan out loud when he shimmies my panties down around my ankles then tosses them on top of his shoulder.

  Holy Meow of All Meows.

  “Stunning, Love Taco. I love your hair cut.”

  I perch up on my elbows, peering down at him admiring Love Taco. Holy shit, his nose runs along me causing me to buck up toward him. I need more right goddamn now. Diesel licks his lips, and the only reason I know is because he brushes my folds.

  “Jesus Christ, boy, get to it.” I lace my fingers through his long hair tugging him down to my center.

  Goal!!! I hear the prolonged loud screaming of a sports broadcaster screaming in my head. His mouth gets very acquainted with my love taco taking long licks, and then he pays very close attention to the magic button. It only takes one tug then a hard suck before I’m ripping his hair and screaming out my release.

  Diesel slowly rises from between my legs, teasingly licking his lips with a raised eyebrow. I swear the image could make me fire off again. Diesel tosses my panties down to me.

  “That’s how a man should treat a lady.” He turns for the door.