I Shaved My Legs For This?

by HJ Bellus

  “Come help me in the kitchen.” Olivia slaps my back.

  She hands me a fruity cocktail then arms me with a knife to prepare the salad. She knows all too well about my cooking disability. Let’s hope Diesel never catches on to my empire of little white lies. He loved the fried chicken the other day. I didn’t have the heart to correct him when he complimented me on it. I mean I did happen to wrap it in tinfoil.

  “Spill. Girl talk time.” Olivia takes a healthy drink then refills it.

  “Easy there, Hulk.” I eye her glass.

  “We’re trying to get pregnant, and I just got my period today.” She wipes at her teary eyes.

  It fucking sucks to see your friend in pain. It hurts worse than words can express, however, what my girl needs is my smartass reassurance.

  “You’re a young kid with a healthy vay-jay-jay just have The Big O keep on pounding it. He’ll get the job done.”

  She laughs the same instance her eyes dry up. “Thanks. I needed that Scout. Now tell me about your hump-a-thon.”

  “The most epic hump-a-thon of all hump-a-thons. It happened so fast, but we instantly connected. I love him.”

  “Does he have a big wanger?”

  “Ten foot.”

  She spits out her drink choking on her own laughter. “Jesus, no wonder you’re walking funny, and your eyes are all buggy.”

  “I’m moving in with him. He just asked me. Well demanded it then fucked me into submission.”

  “That’s really fast,” Olivia mixes together a potato salad.

  “I know, but it’s the real thing.”

  “Be careful. Just keep your heart in mind. I don’t ever want to see you in the shape Taylor left you in.”

  My shoulders slump a bit at the thought of it. “Thing is Olivia he’d destroy everything, compared to Taylor. It’s so much more. He loves all of me not just my looks, but puts up with everything.”

  I tell her about the farmer’s market and how Diesel put Taylor in his place. It seems I also like to brag about how protective and broody Diesel gets over me. I realize it’s a feeling I’ve never experienced, and I’m totally addicted.

  “Great food. Thank you.” Diesel pats my leg and pulls from his beer with his other hand.

  “Anytime, man.” Oren nods.

  They’ve barely managed to engage in non-automobile lingo for five minutes top.

  “Our turn next time.” Diesel snakes his hand up toward the seam of my pants. “Scout’s a great cook.”

  Olivia, who’s mid-drink, coughs and sprays her fruity cocktail in every single direction. I do my best “don’t you dare, bitch” glare in her direction. Oren’s been around long enough to pick up on the stare.

  “You okay, Olivia?” Diesel asks, offering her his napkin.

  She’s watery eyed from choking. “Fine. Fine. Just I don’t get too many of Scout’s homemade meals.”

  “Because you’re dumb,” I spit out quickly and then change the subject. “Heard we are getting a new principal. I’ll miss Mrs. Williams.”

  Internally, I cringe knowing I never bring up school in conversation. Jesus, I need another sudden change of topic. My mind races, but nothing comes up.

  “We have an extra pair of tickets to the Jason Aldean concert next week. Would you two be interested?” Oren speaks.

  I owe the man one of my ovaries. My butt cheeks begin to unpucker as I’m slowly taken off the hot seat.

  Diesel nods and reaches back for his wallet and throws some cash down on the table. It’s all too surreal, this feeling of fitting in sitting next to one of my loved ones. Olivia brings out the Tequila and pickle juice. The girl must be really hurting from the whole not being pregnant thing. Definitely making a mental note for a girl’s afternoon to chat with her about it.

  Diesel wrinkles his nose at the pickle juice as a chaser, but before long we all throw back a shot and chase it. Us girls don’t stop with one, but more like on three. Olivia is giggling and super chatty. You always know when she’s wasted because she talks non-stop and then begins to tell the same story on repeat.

  “Then I fell off the side of the bed crashing into the nightstand.” She hikes her leg up in the air. “Still have a bruise on my shin.”

  Oren shakes his head, but has a proud smile on his face.

  “I literally thought I had broken it.”

  “Your leg or Oren’s dick.”

  “Both,” she giggles. “And you lied to me.”

  “What?” I feign innocence having no idea what she’s about to throw my way.

  “You told me that butt sex makes your boobs bigger.” She gets the entire sentence out in a stone-cold gesture. “It’s a lie.”

  It takes me several long moments before I’m able to talk. Tears of laughter stream down my face and my belly aches from howling.

  “How do you know it’s a lie?” I finally ask.

  Oren still has a very proud smile on his face while relaxed back in his chair. Olivia leaps in his lap wrapping her arms around his neck.

  “Because I wanted bigger boobs and you had me convinced that would work.”

  “Oh, my God, Olivia.”

  “And I was curious and a lot horny on the honeymoon.” She kisses Oren on the cheek. “Butt sex is evil. The only thing it gives you is the walking shits the next day.”

  “The walking shits?” Diesel finally speaks up.

  “Yes, like you walk and shit then the burn is real,” Olivia answers him.

  I’m not sure any of us sitting at the table is sober at this point. The men go on about loving bigger boobs and Olivia continues to explain in detail the pain involved in the act of butt sex.

  After another round or six of shots, we all manage to stumble into the house. It’s well into the darkness of the night, and neither Diesel or myself are in any shape to drive. Olivia is thrilled to have us stay in her guest room.

  “This is your room.” She throws open the door and then stumbles over to the bed. “Oren come here. We need to show them how not to get hurt.”

  “Olivia, let’s go to bed.”

  My best friend ignores her husband. I sway back and forth until Diesel grabs me from behind. He pushes his hips into my ass and holy mother of hard dick. The man clearly isn’t affected by whiskey dick.

  “Okay, if you’re in this position.” Olivia is on all fours with her ass in the air staring at us. “You’d think you’re safe, right. Well, not when your man is pounding into you from behind and then…”

  Olivia’s body is thrusting back and forth mimicking the action of being pounded into. Her hair flies wildly, but she’s cut off when Oren slides an arm under her belly and tosses her over his shoulder.

  “Put me down,” she slurs. “She’s going to break a leg or go blind from butt sex.”

  Oren ignores her. “Night, guys.”

  When he passes us, Diesel and Oren exchange a quick bro handshake. Then we begin to hear the ruckus of the Olivia getting her freak on. It only lasts a few minutes before there’s dead silence. I peek out of the bathroom off the bed.

  “Think she passed out.” I smile. “Poor Oren.”

  “You mean lucky Oren. She was on a roll and probably would’ve broken his dick for real this time.” Diesel is stretched out on the bed in dark boxers with his hands tucked behind his hand.

  “Jesus, you’re sexy,” I whisper feeling all of my lady parts come to life.

  “Strip for me, baby.”

  I point to the lamp sitting on the nightstand next to him. He flicks it on, adjusts his hard dick, and then puts his hands back behind his head. I turn off the overhead lights letting the lamp put off the perfect glow in the room. My clothes begin to tumble to the ground. I try to be sexy even though my mind is foggy and two sheets to the damn wind. When I’m finally stripped naked, I tumble forward with my face landing right in Diesel’s crotch.

  He’s fast enough to cover up his groin before I face-plant into his dick, ultimately breaking it.

  “Come here, baby.” He pulls me
up until I’m straddling him.

  He palms my tits and then smiles. “I like big boobs.”

  I tilt my head to the side smiling down at him. “Really?”

  “Mmmm,” he nods, pinching each nipple causing me to roll on his hard dick. “I love big tits. Tit man at heart.”

  I lean down, so I’m close enough to kiss his lips, but I don’t. I whisper into them. “But I don’t want to go blind, and I’ve already had the walking shits, remember? Nice try, man cub.”

  His throaty laugh is my undoing. This man is everything to me. I reach down between us pulling him from his boxers. My hand melts around his silky, steel shaft. I stroke him from base to tip until I feel the precum on his head.

  “You’re perfect the way you are,” Diesel whispers with his eyes shut in pleasure.

  “I know that because you’ve made me believe it.”

  This time I sink down on him. I control the tempo, starting out slow and then speeding up when my greedy nature kicks in. Diesel’s fingertips dig into my sides, and then I burst. Crying out my pleasure. He flips us over pushing my stomach down into the mattress.

  His large hands pull my hips up giving him my ass. He teases my entrance gliding his cock through my folds. He stops at the entrance to my ass pushing in gently. Before I have the chance to protest, his throaty chuckle relaxes me.

  “One day, I’ll have that ass, Scout. One day.”

  He slowly enters me inch by inch until he’s balls deep and I can’t control the insane chants flowing from me even though I just came minutes ago. His fingers roll my clit for a long time and then trails back up to the entrance of my asshole. He presses into it slow taunting me. My teeth sink down into my bottom lip. He’s filling me to the brim.

  His grunts and growls blend in unison with my chants. I hear someone bang on the wall and then holler. It’s clear we’ve woke up Olivia and possibly Oren, but what this man is doing to my body is too powerful. I know I’m loud and can’t even find an ounce of reason to quiet down.

  Chapter 16

  Oren’s given me the stink eye since the night we lit up their house with our sexercise. Olivia later told me we woke her up, and she was horny, but way too inebriated to get anything done, and Oren had to make her go to sleep.

  There’s been no boob growing butt sex, and honestly, I don’t see us nearing that area anytime too soon. My tits are perfect, and I appreciate my eyesight far too much.

  “Babe, you ready?” Diesel shouts from the living room.

  “Just a sec.”

  Today is my birthday, which means the annual dinner with the folks and Olivia’s family. Diesel worked all day, and I hung around the pool. The start of school is only three weeks out and makes me ill with the thought of it. The transition to moving in with Diesel was easier than I thought. I’m pretty much the pig, and he’s the prince, but only grunts about the lid to the toothpaste and the junk food wrappers he finds under the mattress.

  I’m still five for five in the cooking department. Even pull a fast one on Oren and Olivia a few times. I apply one last layer of lip-gloss and then some coconut lotion on my bronzed skin.

  “Your mom is calling,” Diesel hollers.

  He hates being late, and I’m never on time, but it’s sexy when he got testy and irritated with me.

  “Hold onto your cock. I’m almost ready,” I shout back.

  When I finally make it back to the living room, Diesel is spread out on the couch in his khaki shorts, black t-shirt, and flip-flops dangling from his feet. It’s sexy as all get out. I’m so used to see him in his work outfit. The man rarely relaxes.

  I tiptoe over to him and manage to straddle him before he hears me pounce.

  He grips my hips and sits up. “Oh no you don’t, birthday girl. We are already late, and your mom wants us to pick up a loaf of French bread at the store.”

  In my worst singing voice, which is my only one, I begin to sing. “It’s my birthday, and I’ll cry if I want to.”

  I begin making up words while rolling my hips on Diesel’s crotch. I can tell I’m able to sidetrack him for few moments before he stands his ground. He’s up and standing in a swift movement with me clutched to the front of him. I hold on tight and pout throwing a birthday girl fit.

  “You’re mean, bossy, birthday bully.”

  He grunts trotting down the steps. “You’ll survive.”

  He squeezes my ass tightly.

  “No road head for you.” I pull back and stick my tongue out at him.

  He sets me down shaking his head from side-to-side deciding not to argue with me. I snatch his keys and run to the driver’s side.

  “I’m driving.”

  “No, you’re not,” he growls.

  But I’m already in the driver’s seat and firing up his baby. “You can give me road box chow.”

  I wink at him.

  “Jesus, Scout.” He runs his hands through his unruly hair. Tension is evident in his face.

  Something is going on, and I find myself doing what I do best. Ignore the ugly, lingering anxiety low in my belly. It’s what I did with Taylor, and we all know how that burned me.

  Diesel does not chow box on the way to my parent’s house. He remains still as a statue staring straight ahead. I don’t even get a rise out of him when I peel out or take a corner too fucking fast. My day started out perfect waking up with his fingers gliding in and out of me then his tongue dancing over me. Diesel spent hours this morning wishing me a happy birthday. But all that has dissipated.

  I kill the engine, open the door, and then finally address. “What’s wrong?”

  He shakes his head then replies. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”

  Well, that went fan-fucking-tastic. Not! I’m distracted with Olivia’s squeals and my mother’s hugs and gushing about her baby girl. My family surrounds us, and we’re separated. Diesel has no problem chatting up the men about cars and engines. His easy going nature is back which makes me feel like complete shit.

  “What’s up, buttercup?” Olivia sits next to me on the picnic bench handing me a beer.

  “Something is wrong.” I turn to face her fighting back the tears.

  “Huh? It’s your “Happy Slid Out the Vagina Day.” You can’t be sad.”

  “I think Diesel is regretting us.”

  I go on to explain his weird mood swing today.

  “Scout, you guys went into your relationship super fast. There’s going to be road bumps, and you might have to step back a bit.”

  “No, something is up. Look at him.” I point over to Diesel who has his head thrown back laughing. “He seems just fine when not around me.”

  “You’re overreacting. Stop. It’s your birthday. It’s not like you to be down. Now grab life by the vagina and get amped for your presents.”

  I roll my eyes and try really, really hard to soak in her words, but the heartache on the horizon is too fucking painful. A phone on the picnic table begins ringing. Olivia picks it up and hollers at her dad. It’s his shop phone. Old Man makes it to us in three long strides and answers it.

  It’s an emergency shop call. My heart sinks when he hangs up and then nearly breaks when Diesel speaks up.

  “I can handle it.”

  “Okay, they’re at the shop now and need to be back on the road ASAP. Be sure to nail them with the emergency rate.”

  “Sure thing.” Diesel sets down his beer and then heads to his car.

  No good-bye, sorry, baby, or fuck off, Scout. My mom and Olivia do their best to cheer me up, but it’s an impossible feat. I down Diet Mountain Dews and eat like a freak while wallowing in self-pity trying like hell to put on a poker face. That’s the thing about me, I wear everything on my sleeve.

  “Time to eat.” My mom announces carrying out a plate of her fried chicken. “Should we wait for Diesel?”

  “Nah.” I shrug. “He didn’t seem to care about missing this.”

  I feel a sharp pain at my side and look over to Olivia glaring at me. Her silent warning does not
hing for me. The anxiety low in my belly has quickly morphed into a sick feeling. My stomach rolls and I regret stuffing my fucking face. Phantom pains from the flu strike while the aroma of the fried chicken makes me queasy.

  My phone rings and I try to bite back the overwhelming feeling to puke.

  “Hello.”

  “Babe, not going to make it back. The job is bigger than I thought.”

  “Awesome.” The sarcastic tone of my voice is thick.

  “You okay?” He asks.

  “Fucking perfect.” I hang up before this conversation goes from mild to wild in front of all of my family on my birthday.

  I really want to tell the man to go stick his dick in a meat grinder and to fly a fucking kite while at it.

  “Are you not hungry, sweetie?” I look up to my mother’s loving face and then down to my plate of food.

  I want to puke with everything that’s happening right now.

  “I’m all right.” I fake a smile wondering if it would be acceptable to ask her and my dad if I can move in and request their help to move my shit.

  Everyone else seems quite happy chattering while downing several plates. No one picks up my attitude besides Olivia who is now ignoring me.

  “Fuck this,” I mutter to myself.

  I stand up from the table and ignore everyone’s questions and stares. I need an extra large bottle of wine and some space. When I whirl around to make my escape I come face to face with Diesel. He takes two steps to me closing the space. It takes me a few moments to realize his hands are behind his back. Then I swear I hear a little bark.

  Did he just fucking fart? And why in the hell is he here?

  He goes down to one knee, and I know for sure I’m going to puke from delirium. It must be a mirage. My mind playing a fucking nasty trick on me.

  “You pissed at me?” He asks looking up at me.

  I nod unable to form a word, which is probably a good thing because I’d tell him to fuck off.

  “You know how hard it was to keep a surprise from you?” He grins wide. “Also, do you know how fun it was to piss you off.”