by HJ Bellus
Another light bark. The motherfucker farted again while down on one knee. Sick fucker.
“You know what? I’m done with this sick joke. Go ahead and do it. Break up with me in front of my family on one knee. I’m used to being treated like shit, and at least you didn’t…”
Olivia punches me fucking hard, right in the kidney from the back. I gasp and ready myself to turn around and rip into her.
Diesel acts quicker, pulling his hands in front of him. It takes me long moments to realize he’s holding a little black ball of fur. It’s a puppy with a neon pink collar all bedazzled. It’s ears are bigger than the ball of fur.
“Happy birthday, baby.” Diesel reaches for my hands and passes me the puppy.
I shake with excitement and the tears I fought for so long finally begin to fall, but they’re happy ones this time.
“Scout, I know this is fast.”
I look back down to Diesel who is still on one knee.
“I want you forever. I want to be your husband. If you want to be my wife, then look down at the collar of our new baby and say yes.”
I do exactly what he instructs me. There’s a white gold ring with a huge diamond in the center. It sparkles brightly, contrasted against the dark hair of the puppy. The little ball of fur barks. He wasn’t farting.
The puppy wiggles in my arms trying to find a comfortable spot. My head spins with confusion trying to process everything that has just happened. I pick her up to face her sweet, little face. She’s precious and tiny fitting in one of my palms. Diesel clears his throat, and then I look back at the puppy seeing the ring dangling from her collar.
“You scared me,” I whisper down to Diesel who is still down one knee.
Hope covers his face complimenting his dazzling smile. The man is sexy.
“I wanted to surprise you, and it seems nothing gets passed you.”
“How dare you fucking treat me like you did today,” I spat.
“Scout.” My mother scolds me, but I ignore her.
Diesel’s face falls.
“You’re a cruel man who ruined my entire birthday.”
“Scout.” He tries to defend himself.
“You greedy bastard.” I tuck the dog under my arm and stare down at him. “How fucking dare you make me share my slide out the vagina day with the happiest day of my life?”
Then I can no longer hold in the grin fighting to cover my face. I turn around and hand Olivia my puppy and then bounce on him. We tumble back into the thick, green grass. I laugh like a lunatic against his lips and then mumble into them.
“Gotcha!” I kiss him hard letting my tongue linger in his mouth.
The joy coursing through my body is out of control. All of the anxiety and sickness vanish with this man in my arms.
He pulls back but keeps our lips touching. “Is that a yes?”
“No, it’s a fuck yes.”
Then we kiss more. Throats finally clear in the background and we pull apart. Before I’m able to stand up on my wobbly legs, Diesel catches me. His large palms cupping the apples of my cheeks sending warmth through me.
“I was so nervous and tried to make everything perfect. I had to ignore you so I wouldn’t spill the surprise.”
“I love you, Diesel.”
We join the family at the picnic table, and my appetite finally yells at me. We enjoy my mother’s homemade chicken and talk about the ring. My puppy sits in my lap sleeping away.
“I see where you got your fried chicken recipe and cooking skills.” Diesel reaches for another drumstick.
I cringe then want to die of embarrassment. My mother huffs then tosses down her napkin. No one and I do mean no one insults her cooking. Comparing my chef skills to hers is a blatant insult.
Olivia and Oren try and fail to muffle their laughter.
“Excuse me, Diesel. My daughter doesn’t cook. Don’t you dare joke about my cooking.”
“Oh, she does. Brought me fried chicken a while back. Her pasta and potatoes are to die for.”
“Scout Logan.”
Oh shit, she pulled the middle name card. My ass is grass.
“About that,” I squeak.
“Yeah, about that,” my mother replies.
Poor Diesel is about to be ambushed and schooled by his future mother-in-law even though he thinks he’s defending me.
“Her cooking is going to make me a fat man.” Diesel beams with pride.
“Is that so?” My mother replies.
Now my father and Old Man are full-out laughing.
“Oh, Jesus Christ, I don’t cook.” I hold up two fingers with a tiny gap between them. “It might have been an itty-bitty white lie, but I truly have a cooking disability and lying is acceptable.”
He turns to me baffled. “You brought me food in dishes. Told me you cooked it. You’ve made dinner in our kitchen.”
“I made it.” My mother stands with a smile. “She just had to warm it up.”
“And some of the other stuff came from delis and restaurants,” I squeak out.
“You little shit.” He kisses my forehead.
“Are you mad?” I whisper.
He leans down to whisper in my ear. “I’ll take my road head on the way home and the rest of my life.”
“Deal.”
Lying in bed, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. It’s a surreal feeling with no self-doubt at all. My anxiety is long gone, and the perma-grin is plastered proudly on my face.
Diesel flicks off the lights while my new baby is sound asleep on my chest. I never knew my heart had room left in it to love this much. It’s over filling.
“What are you going to name her?” He asks, brushing his fingers through my hair.
“I use to secretly try to retrain Pedro to come to Pecker. Thought it was a cool game.”
“Pecker?” He asks.
“Yeah, I needed a Pecker in my life.” I shrug and then gently roll to my side placing my little baby between us.
He chuckles lightly. “This is what I love about you the most. You always make me laugh, but remember she’s a little girl. I did a lot of research on Yorkies. She came from a reputable breeder and is predicted to be four pounds and stay black.”
“I still can’t believe you did this all for me.” I’m now the one petting his face.
He leans over and kisses my forehead being cautious not to pancake the dog. “I can’t believe how fucking fast I fell in love with you.”
I smile in the dark of the room thanking the world for that blessing and this man in my life.
“Spark Plug.”
“You want to name your dog Spark Plug?”
I can’t see him, but I’m sure his forehead is scrunched in confusion.
“Yeah, you know because you’re a sexy mechanic and the way our love sparked.” This time I kiss him. I missed his lips thanks to the darkness and pretty sure I pecked him on his jawline.
“You’ve suggested Pecker and Spark Plug. I think I should name the dog to avoid future doggy counseling.”
“I like Spark Plug.”
“Right now, I’m thinking Cock Blocker would work.”
I laugh lightly not wanting to wake my little girl. “Wait a second.”
I crawl from the bed then pad swiftly over to his side of the bed. There’s a perfect slice of mattress left behind him. I crawl in behind him wrapping my limbs around him and settling my face on the crook of his neck.
“Not Cock Blocker,” I whisper.
“Or Spark Plug and Pecker. Next.”
“Annie, Belle, or Penelope. Nope, never mind those are dumb.”
“At least you’re on a better track here. What was your favorite cartoon growing up?”
“The Flintstones.”
“Mmmmm. I would’ve pegged you more of a Simpson’s fan.”
“Second favorite.” I run my hand down into his boxers.
“I still like Pecker.”
“You can love my Pecker all you want, but you’re not going to name our first
child that.”
I begin moving my hand up and down him. “Thank you for the best birthday ever.”
“I felt like shit when I could tell you were pissed.”
“You should. But seriously it was the best ever.”
He begins to roll over gently. I freak out.
“You’re going to squish her.” I pop up fast.
“Calm down, momma. I moved her over.”
He has me flat on my back with him hovering above me. I pull him from his boxers and spread my legs. He teases me rolling his dick into my covered core. I reach down and pull my panties to the side letting him glide in. I throw my head back and moan in pleasure. My hands float up to my breasts. Diesel rolls my t-shirt up, and I begin to roll my nipples between my fingers.
“Cock Blocker is out now.” I wink at him.
He doesn’t respond and only growls down at me working faster and harder into me. His pubic bone hitting the sweet spot causing me to grow quickly out of control and right before I climax, Diesel freezes.
“What…what are you doing?” I stumble over my words sobering to reality.
“Going to enjoy some Pebbles.” He winks as he drags my panties down my legs.
“Flintstone reference?” I ask, propping up on my elbows.
“Wilma, I’m going to make your bed rock.”
I laugh hard, but abruptly stop when he begins making love to me with his tongue and fingers. That one orgasm I stole from him, he gives it back ten folds.
“Wilma, Wilma, Wilma,” I chant out.
Diesel peers up at me with a puzzled expression. “Did you just call me Wilma?”
I shake my head wildly trying to catch my breath long enough to reply. “Her name. Wilma.”
He smiles. “It’s perfect.”
On cue, like she already knows her name the sleepy puppy wakes up and races over to me. Diesel crawls up my body to finishing fucking me, but Wilma beats him to the punch line cuddling up on my bare belly.
“Cock Blocker,” he hisses.
“Don’t be mean to my baby.” I cover Wilma’s ears and giggle.
Chapter 17
It’s tradition. A yearly one. Olivia has been proactive about annual check-ups with her mother passing at such a young age. We do it together like any two best friends should. We have our own appointments and don’t hold each other’s hands, but if there were an option to be laid on a sterile table with our feet anchored up in the air, we’d so be there.
“I don’t want to go back to school.” I finish the last bite of my bagel.
“You sound like one of your students.” Olivia polishes off her Diet Mountain Dew.
“Remember that time we sat here, and you were an O-less desperate loser?”
“And you thought you were in love with a douche that time?” She air quotes the word thought.
“Touché. You were a real loser.”
She mimics winding up her middle finger. “Let’s get our appointment out of the way and then hit our annual Old Navy let’s go broke shopping spree.”
“Right on, tampon!”
We toss our food and then make our way for the doors. I hear my name being called and turn to the sound.
“Scout.”
An out of breath Taylor comes racing up to us. “Hey.”
He bends over for a second to catch his breath. I go to walk away, but he grabs my arm turning me back around.
“Did you change your number? I’ve been trying to get hold of you.”
“That would be a negative.”
I actually blocked his number, but not offering up that nugget of information.
“I want you back. Haven’t been able to stop thinking of you since we ran into each other weeks ago.”
My jaw hits the floor. Is this fuck-wit serious? He doesn’t seem to pick up on my blatant shock and continues to ramble. I’m ready for him to drop to his knees and start crying like the pussy he is. Using my thumb, I roll the diamond ring that’s been sitting on my finger for two weeks now. Oh, this is going to be sweet. When the asshat finally shuts up, it’s my turn.
“Taking you back would be like trying to shove one of my turds right back up my asshole. Something I’m not interested in doing nor ever will be. Got it?”
I rip my arm from his grip and then continue to walk, but stop and turn back to him.
“Oh, and in case you were wondering?” I hold up the hand with my ring on it wiggling the finger it’s perched on. “You are not invited to the wedding, dickweed.”
The entrance to the mall is silent. It seems we had quite the audience for my little declaration of go fuck yourself. Once we’re out in the sunlight, Olivia laughs her ass off. She continues laughing while we walk the two blocks to our pussy doctor’s office.
We don’t have much time to analyze what just happened because our names are called as soon as we enter. I go through the routine of being weighed and asked a variety of questions.
“When was your last period?”
“Good question,” I reply.
Nurse Bitchface doesn’t think I’m funny. I scrounge my memory trying to think when my last period was. I know I had one. Was it before or after I was sick. After I think. Or was it right before my birthday. I give up.
“Okay, we’ll need a urine sample.”
She points to the bathroom then the room I’m to strip in. So scandalous. I laugh at my own joke garnering another scowl from Bitchface. She is so not having a good day. I’m thinking she needs some dick inside her to make her frown turn upside down.
I pull my pants down, wipe the vag with the wipe, and then proceed to piss all over my hand and not in the cup. I catch enough urine after giving myself golden showers then proceed to do the awkward mambo dance to the sink to place the warm cup of urine safely on the shelf and wash my hands before being able to tug up my shorts.
Just for fun I take a selfie of me and my specimen and send it to Diesel. I make sure to get the girls in the picture because he’s a good boy and I’m a damn good woman. I mean what kind of fiancée doesn’t send a topless selfie holding her own pee in a cup?
“I hate these fucking gowns,” I mumble to myself settling in on the crunching paper of the table.
“Hello, Scout.” Dr. Condy waltzes into the room with his nose in his laptop.
Nothing like getting felt up by a grandpa figure. It seems Olivia must have got the hot doctor at the center today.
“Looks like we need to get your birth control refilled.”
Nothing like getting right to the point with no small talk involved.
“Yes.”
“Have you been sexually active?”
Awkward Andy, much?
“Um, yes.”
“Protected?” He asks while washing his hands.
A white lie won’t hurt here and also, it’s none of his damn business. He just needs to get that metal cone thing up the love tunnel and move on.
A nurse joins the room prepping all the instruments, adjusting the light, and anchoring my heels up high. My fingernails dig into the gown. God, I hate this. I’d rather have the shits and pukes right now. Then the awful thought of actually having the shits and pukes while in this position make me lightheaded. My butthole puckers up to a painful point.
He smiles down at me cracking a joke about the weather while massaging my tits during the breast exam. I bore holes into the ceiling praying for this to be over. I could tell him that my perky titties get fondled plenty by my own personal doctor.
“Just relax, Scout.” He pats my leg and then invades my privacy.
His face is now between my legs. My ovaries shrivel up and die a painful death at the horrific act. After this is done, I don’t think I’ll need birth control. You’d think one year I’d be all chill and down with getting a pap smear.
It feels like hours the old man is down there, but it’s only a matter of minutes before he’s snapping his gloves off and letting me know he’ll be in touch. It makes me feel dirty like he just used me and will be in conta
ct for the next pussy groping session. I do know when he means he’ll be in touch that in fact, it will be his office letting me know I’m safe for another year.
I dress quickly wanting to erase the last thirty minutes of my life. Olivia is exiting her room as well. The hot doctor who felt her up waves to her while entering another room. Olivia coos a good-bye and even a goddamn thank you.
“Jesus, you look like you’re in heat,” I hiss in her ear.
“He’s so gentle.”
“Get me out of here now,” I hiss.
“Did you get Grandpa?”
I nod, and she continues to laugh all the way back to the mall. I exercise my credit cards buying new clothes. I can’t help but think of our wedding even though it will be way down the road. I know Diesel proposed and gave me something solid to reassure me. I’m thinking Vegas.
Olivia and I part ways. I sit in my car before I begin to drive so that I can shoot Diesel a quick text. He’s requesting another nude minus the urine. He’s no fun.
Me: Be home in about fifteen minutes. I’ll pick up pizza for dinner.
Diesel: Good. Wilma needs more puppy chow.
Me: Roger xoxoxo
Diesel: Love you
My phone rings when I pull out of the parking lot. I don’t check to see who it is because I know.
“I’m not sending you another naked picture. You dine on my pussy tonight.”
A feminine throat on the other end clears. “This is uh…”
“Shit, I’m sorry thought you were someone else.”
“This is Annie from Dr. Condy’s office.”
“Oh.”
It typically takes them a week or so to call back. Weird.
“We are going to need to see you next week.”
“Why?”
“Your test results revealed you’re pregnant, and you tested positive for gonorrhea. Dr. Condy would like to see you next Monday. What time would work best for you?”
I slam on my brakes in the middle of the street. Cause and effect. Another car collides into my rear bumper. My head is blasted forward. My seatbelt is choking me.
“Are you there?” She asks again.
“Yes,” I whimper into the phone. “This has to be a mistake.”
“No, Scout looking at your results now. You’re definitely pregnant and tested positive…”