by HJ Bellus
“Don’t say it.” I cut her off before she can finish.
“The doctor is calling in a prescription for you that’s safe to take while being pregnant. He also encourages you to refrain from any sexual activity including oral.”
A light tapping on my window distracts me. I look up into an outraged face of an overweight man. I keep the phone clutched to my ear.
“I don’t have any symptoms.”
“That’s common dear. It’s Friday, and we will see you Monday. Hang in there and get started on your meds.”
“Okay.”
“Bye.” The line goes dead then cop sirens fills the air.
I don’t open the door or even move. I’m frozen still. Being pregnant is one thing. An STD is completely a whole different can of worms to deal with. I’ve only had unprotected sex with one man, and he lied to me. A single tear of betrayal rolls down my face. He promised he was clean. Was he cheating?
My door finally opens, and I look up to see Oren dressed in his uniform. Of course, he’d be the responding officer for this fender bender my life is twisted up in. I shatter upon seeing his familiar face. The tears don’t stop.
Chapter 18
“Oh, my God, Scout.”
I hear Olivia’s voice in the growing crowd.
“Are you okay? Did you call Diesel?”
I look up at her from the curb I’m sitting on. The tears haven’t stopped yet. I shake my head from side-to-side.
“I’ll call him.” She plops down next to me.
“No,” I yell.
“That’s the first word she’s spoken,” Oren replies.
The cars have been towed away, and Oren has been trying to get me to speak.
“He’ll want to be here.”
“No,” I yell again.
“Too late,” Oren interrupts.
Cue the sound of a loud, rumbling Harley joining the crowd. I look up to see Diesel killing the engine and striding toward me. The tears dry and anger flares up pumping hard through my veins. I’m going to tear his fucking head off. I slip the ring from my finger that holds the promise of my future. It means nothing now.
“Are you okay?” He reaches out for me, and I recoil stepping back.
My foot gets caught on the curb, and I sail backward. The cement a bitter reminder of the devastation. My palms catch most of the fall. The skin tearing and stinging.
“Don’t touch me.”
“Scout.” He kneels down. “What in the hell?”
“You lied to me.” The four words slice my tongue.
“Did you hit your head?” He asks brows scrunched up in confusion.
Slowly, I stand on shaky legs. “No, you shattered my world.”
“What the hell is going on, Scout?” I can sense he’s growing impatient and becoming pissed off.
“I’m pregnant and have the Clap.” I pause and slowly clap. “And not like the oh you did an excellent job type of clap. I have a fucking STD from you.”
The angry energy flowing through me needs a release. I step up to him and slap him, hard. My palm stings and I only want to hurt him more. Diesel doesn’t back off, so I push his chest hard.
“Okay, enough.” Oren steps between us. “Olivia take her to our house.”
“Bullshit,” Diesel roars. “This is complete fucking bullshit and impossible, Scout.”
Oren pushes him back further, but Diesel doesn’t comply at all.
“Fucking listen to me. It’s impossible. I’ve never lied.”
“Last time I’m asking you, man. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”
Diesel doesn’t give up breaking my heart into tiny pieces. He makes a fatal mistake of pushing Oren hard in the chest. The other officers have Diesel pinned down and cuffing him. I glance back one final time, and Diesel is still pleading with me to listen to him. The man has no heart at all.
Olivia is silent on the way home, and I’m thankful for that. The tears and anger have all faded away only leaving me with the cold truth of reality. I’m pregnant and have an STD. Her house is quiet. She tries to usher me to the guest room, but there are too many memories in there. I go to the couch, collapsing in a heap.
“Do you want to go to the hospital to get checked out?” She asks, setting down a glass of water in front of me.
“No.”
“Tell me what happened?” Her voice is gentle and concerned.
I sit upright and hold my arms up to her. I need my best friend right now. She flops down next to me hugging me tightly. Some of the pain eases up with her comfort.
“The doctor’s office called me. Told me I’m pregnant and tested positive for Clap. I have to go in Monday.”
“Okay, sweetie.” She runs her fingers through my hair. “It can be treated, Clap that is.”
It’s fucked up, but I giggle in the middle of the mess I am.
“No shit, Olivia. Is there a cure for pregnancy?”
We both share a quick laugh.
“He lied to me. Told me he was clean and now this.”
“I really don’t know what to say, and I don’t want to sound insensitive, but you’re on birth control, right?”
“Yes, I have no idea how any of this could’ve happened. He promised me he was clean. We never used condoms.”
“You just need to stay calm. It’s done and here. I will be by your side.”
The tears begin again. “He gave me a baby. I love him, but he lied and is cheating.”
“Okay, you are not going to do this. You’re letting your imagination run wild. He gave you an STD. He wasn’t honest, but you can’t assume he was cheating.”
“Well, he sure as shit didn’t get it from working on a muffler at the shop.”
The door shuts, and we both look up to Oren. He looks exhausted and beyond words. Oren goes straight to the fridge grabbing a beer. He polishes it off before speaking. Olivia doesn’t let go of me to go to her husband. God, I love this woman.
“He’s in jail. Being detained for a few hours. I was able to get charges dropped. He was slapped with a heavy warning.”
“A heavy warning?” I ask. “What the hell does that even mean?”
“It means I did him a favor.”
“He doesn’t deserve it,” I reply.
I feel Olivia’s arms tighten around me and I try to focus on that.
“He was adamant that he has no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You’re a cop, Oren. Good liars lie well,” I say.
“Okay, okay. Back to our plan. We are hanging here this weekend and not letting our imagination get the best of us. We’ll be at the doctor with you on Monday,” Olivia says into my hair.
“Oh, my God,” I gasp.
She pulls back concerned. “What?”
“I’m sorry,” I wail. “I’m so sorry.”
“You’re scaring me.”
“You’re trying to get pregnant, and here I am.”
“Oh, shut up. Like you said you’re okay with the baby part.”
I let my phone die. After thirty missed calls and dozens of text messages, it finally died. He even had the nerve to show up at Olivia’s front door. Oren put him in his place. Oren and Olivia went to his house to get Wilma and my clothes. Pretty much all my belongings. How pathetic for a grown ass woman who is now with child?
Wilma begins licking my face and then bucks around the bed wanting to play. She goes from playful to sleep mode. She’s been my saving grace keeping my mind off Diesel. Even though he broke my heart, I still love him something fierce. Wilma does a flip on her back and then rolls over testing out her bark. It’s hilarious.
Soon she settles down snuggling into the crook of my neck. I rub my cheek on her soft hair. It comforts me, numbing my brain. It’s the way I’ve fallen asleep the last two nights. Just one more sleep and then it’s back to the doctor I go. My appointment is at nine a.m., and it can’t come fast enough.
Chapter 19
It took a good titty twist and a mad dash to my car to get
rid of Olivia. She insisted on coming with me, but even though she said this isn’t hurting I know better. And the cold hard truth is I’m in this on my own, might as well get used to it.
I haven’t told my parents yet. I need more information before I do. They know something is going on because Diesel also stormed their house. Olivia covered my ass because she’s a pro when it comes down to it.
“Scout.” A nurse in pale blue scrubs calls my name.
She has a file perched in her arms and her one foot keeping the door open. I’m the only patient in the lonely waiting room. I can’t force myself to smile at her.
She’s polite taking my vitals. There’s something oddly calming about her demeanor. She hands me another urine cup and points me to the bathroom. She’s waiting outside the door and then leaves me in the same exam room I had my pap smear. The minutes tick by until a good thirty minutes have passed. When the door swings open Dr. Condy enters looking exhausted even though it’s the beginning of the day. His hair sticks up everywhere, dark lines frame his eyes, and his smile is forced. I’d know, since that’s the only smile that has the ability to grace my lips.
“Scout,” he nods.
“Hi,” I squeak out.
“First, I owe you an apology.”
“Come again?” I ask craning my neck.
“The nurse who called you Friday has been fired. She mixed up some test results.”
My head spins, the room tilts, and I forget to inhale oxygen.
“You are pregnant. However, your STD test was clean. It was sloppy and carless work on her end.” He sits down on the rolling stool near me. “I understand if you’re skeptical now. I’d like to rerun all the tests to reassure you.”
“Nurse Bitchface?” I ask.
He clears his throat in confusion.
“Was it the nurse who took care of me that day?” I ask.
“I’m not allowed to disclose that, but…” He nods.
“Oh, my God.” I clutch my chest and relax back in the chair. “I’m pregnant, but not diseased. I had no symptoms and couldn’t figure it out. But then the Internet said a lot of women display no symptoms. My world was flipped upside down.”
“Yes, we’d never share those results over the phone. Now if you don’t mind I’d like to do a vaginal ultrasound and rerun the gonorrhea test if you’d like for a little peace of mind.”
“Yes.” I nod.
My phone vibrates. It’s Diesel. What have I done?
“May I take this call?” I ask.
“Yes, I’ll have a nurse get the ultrasound set up.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
I slide the answer button on the screen and place the phone to my ear.
“Scout?”
I’m unable to form words.
“Baby, are you there?”
I remain silent.
“Please listen to me. I’m clueless here, Scout. I can’t sleep or eat. All I think about is you.”
“Diesel,” I finally whisper. “I need you.”
“Where are you?”
“The doctor’s office by the mall.”
“Are you okay?”
“I need you here.”
The sound of his Harley roaring to life fills his end of the phone. “On my way.”
I end the call and wait in silence. The truth of the situation finally sets in. I should be processing the information, but have no clue where to begin. I’m scared, and it has nothing to do with the pregnancy and everything to do with Diesel. I pushed him away at first sight of trouble. Ignored him. Hit him. Hurt him. It’s not the way love is supposed to work. It’s a partnership. Not a freak-out and leave situation.
Light knocks sound on the door then it opens with a nurse peeking her head in it. “Scout, you ready?”
I nod, stand, and follow her down the long hallway.
“My boyfriend is on the way. Can we wait for him?” I ask.
“Of course, sweetie.” She stops walking with her soft, brown curls falling over her shoulder. “Are you okay?”
“Just a bit shook up.”
She reaches out grabbing my forearm. “This is very unprofessional of me. That woman is evil. I swear she’s Satan’s sister. I’m so sorry, but want to thank you for getting Terrance out of here.”
“Terrance?”
“The nurse.”
“Oh, Nurse Bitchface.”
She giggles trying to muffle it with her hand. “I like you.”
I hear Diesel’s voice streaming down the hallway.
“That’s him. Can he come back here?” I ask, eyes going wide.
“Of course. Have a seat in here.” She points to a dark room with a huge monitor and a giant machine.
“Okay.” I fidget with my fingers while waiting.
Diesel busts into the room without warning. His eyes go wide when he sees me. I’m up and in his arms, pressed into his chest. He inhales my scent not letting go of me.
“I am so scared, Scout, so fucking scared.”
My arms wrap low around his waist. The tears fall hard and heavy, his t-shirt soaking them up. I need to speak, but don’t want to. I want to disappear with him and forget all of this.
“Knock knock.”
We pull apart long enough to see the lovely nurse standing in the doorway.
“I’m Sammy and will be doing the assisting today.”
I nod into Diesel’s chest not wanting to let him go. His hand brushes my face, and then he peers down to me.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I whisper up to him.
The tears that spill from my eyes are brutal and honest as they come.
“Never push me away again, Scout. You have to learn how to trust me.”
I nod knowing this fact. I have to stop running to protect my heart. I’ll never know true love if I don’t open myself up.
“I’ll need you to change into one of these very fashionable gowns.” Sammy hands me the gown then politely stares at Diesel asking him silently to leave the room.
“He can stay,” I smile. “He’s sampled all the goods.”
Humor may be my only saving grace at this moment. Sammy only nods and let’s us know she’ll be right back. I strip down in silence with a heavy tongue and mind. I need Diesel to know what I experienced the last three days. It was a nightmare with the threat of my entire world shattering. He helps me get into the gown then sets me up on the table.
“I’m so sorry.” The same three words fall from my lips.
“What in the hell happened?” He steps back running his hands through his hair.
My chin quivers. “I had my yearly check-up. Got the call on the way home from shopping. The nurse told me I was pregnant and had an STD. I freaked out, slammed on the brakes, and then was hit. When I saw you, I was so pissed.”
“Scout, there’s no way in hell I gave you an STD. None. I’d never lie about that shit. I would’ve wrapped…”
“I know now.” I interrupt him. “It was all a big fuck-up. The nurse mixed up test results.”
He’s silent, so I continue talking.
“She was fired. Dr. Condy wants to confirm everything this morning.”
“So, are you pregnant?”
I nod, but before I can tell him any more, we’re interrupted by Sammy. She goes about turning the machine on and explaining the ins and outs of a vaginal ultrasound. It’s not as invasive as a pap smear. It’s because there’s a clear end goal in sight. Diesel doesn’t let go of my hand through the whole process. Both of us remain staring at the screen. I have no clue what any of it is. There’s no clear sign of a baby in there or even a sight of a little bean.
“Is she…Is she pregnant?” Diesel finally breaks the silence.
Sammy smiles at the both of us. “Dr. Condy will be in in a minute, but you may want to start thinking baby.”
I sigh. Then let my forearm cover my eyes. I’m happy, scared, disappointed, thrilled, and I don’t know exactly what I am. Diesel’s lips kiss my cheek, then my chin, and arm. He
moves my arms and waits for me to open my eyes. When I do, he’s smiling back down at me. It eases the confusion, yet I still feel guilty for my reactions to everything.
“I’m sorry.”
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say those two words enough to him.
He cups my face in his palms. “The only love I know is the way my mother taught me how to love. It’s full trust, no lies, and we don’t run from each other. It’s the only way I know.”
His voice is high jacked with emotion, but it doesn’t stop him from talking. Tears form in his eyes, and I know he’s pouring his soul out to me.
“I love you. I’ll never hurt you. I want this baby, you, and Wilma in my life forever, but I don’t deserve you running away when you panic. It’s all or nothing, Scout, because that’s the way I love.” His lips press to mine in a gentle, loving kiss.
“I’m scared,” I whisper. “It’s not because of what you think either. I love you so much, and I just keep waiting for something to go wrong. It’s something I need to work on. My heart is fighting to relearn how to love. I should’ve talked to you before I freaked out. It was all too much. I’m…”
He presses his finger to my lip before I can finish. “I know you’re sorry. No more of that. Okay? I think we both need to step back for a bit.”
Genuine panic sets in. “You’re leaving me?”
“You’re doing it again. Thinking the worst. I’m not leaving you, but we need to learn to trust each other. It’s a part of love.”
“Okay.” I nod. “I can’t lose you.”
He smiles. “And I can’t lose you. That’s the important part and we need to cling to it and learn to trust.”
We hold each other for nearly an hour before Dr. Condy enters the room.
“Sorry, to keep you waiting so long. I wanted to rerun all the tests to give you a little peace of mind. You are pregnant and no STD. Again, I want to apologize.”
“Thank you,” we both reply in unison.
“You’re about six weeks along which would put your due date April 19th. Everything looks great. I’ll prescribe you a prenatal. Any questions?”
“Um.” I try to sit up. “Your nurse had a prescription called in for the STD. I started it. Is that okay?”