Waiting on Someday

by Rachael Brownell

  “Sure. I’ll be here until Tuesday afternoon. How about I come by Monday evening after dinner, and we can talk some more?”

  “Thank you, that sounds great.”

  After handing me a folder, Mr. Emeritt leaves Alice and me to sort through everything on our own. I pull out one piece of paper at a time, read it, and then pass it off to Alice to inspect.

  My parents were not only amazing people, from what I remember, but smart as hell. Their will was specific. They wrote it shortly after I was born and had it amended every year on their anniversary.

  The house—mine. It’s been cleaned weekly for the past twelve years. Mr. Emeritt has even included recent pictures. It looks freshly painted and the landscaping is beautiful.

  The restaurant—mine. More pictures. The building is being sublet to a local woman. She’s running her own restaurant there and is interested in purchasing as soon as I’m willing to sell. She’s been the only one to lease the building since my parents’ passing.

  When we reach the page with the dollar signs, I actually let out a scream. Alice rips the paper out of my hand to see what I’m looking at. I count to three, giving her time to find the total amount, and then she screams, too. There are more numbers on the page than I ever imagined I would accumulate in my lifetime. Not only do I not have to worry about paying for school, I won’t have to work a part time job while I attend classes.

  The phone rings, causing both Alice and me to practically jump out of our seats. While I continue to sort through the papers in front of me, Alice answers it. After a few minutes, she returns to let me know Blake is on the phone for me.

  “Hello,” I say, picking up the receiver off the counter where Alice left it.

  “Hey. I thought you were going to call me this morning.”

  “Sorry. I got distracted.”

  “I miss you, Charlie. I tried to call you on your cell, but you didn’t answer. What’s going on? I can tell something is up.”

  Leave it to Blake to call me out. I want to tell him, but I want to fully understand what I’m talking about first.

  “I’m still figuring everything out. Can I call you in a little bit?”

  “I have to leave to meet with my group in a few minutes. I’ll call you when I get back. Everything is okay, right?”

  “Yeah. Fine.”

  “I don’t believe you. You’re scaring me.”

  “We’re fine. That’s all that matters. Call me when you get back, okay?”

  He reluctantly agrees before hanging up. I join Alice at the table and spend the rest of the afternoon sorting through the stack of papers. After discussing everything with Alice, and then again with Scott when he got home, I decide to allow Mr. Emeritt to handle all my financials. He seems to be doing a great job with my parents’ estate, and they can’t be here to watch over him.

  The kid in me wants to start spending the money. The adult in me knows better. I need to be smart with my money. I don’t want to draw any unnecessary attention, but I also know my parents intended for me to have the money so I could take care of myself.

  There is one thing I want to buy, though. After talking it over with Alice and Scott, we decide once all the paperwork is signed and the money is officially mine, they will take me to pick out a car. I’m going to need one for college, anyway, if I decide to attend. If nothing else, I’ll be able to drive myself to school now and anywhere else I want to go.

  The freedom that comes with owning a car is going to be amazing. I’ve always relied on others to take me where I needed to go, so most of the time, I didn’t go anywhere. First, Blake took me to school and brought me home. Then, I walked back and forth, rain or shine. My friends, the few I’ve made, all have cars. The very few times I’ve hung out with them outside of school, they’ve always offered to pick me up.

  The next evening, I hear my cell phone ringing just as we’re sitting down to Sunday dinner. Looking up at the clock, a smile breaks out across my face. It has to be Blake. Alice and Scott are deep in conversation, planning out the week like they do every Sunday night over dinner. I resist the urge to race up the stairs and answer my phone. Blake will either call the house or he’ll call me back. He knows what time we eat. This house runs like clockwork thanks to Alice.

  The main line rings, and Scott and Alice ignore it. During dinner, they always allow the answering machine to pick up. After five rings, the machine clicks on, Scott’s voice barely audible from where the machine sits in the living room. Once the beep sounds, my ears perk up. Blake is hollering into the machine for me to pick up the phone, apologizing to Alice and Scott for interrupting dinner in the same sentence.

  “Go talk to him,” Scott says.

  “I can always call him back.”

  “I have a feeling he won’t stop calling until he talks to you.”

  “Thank you,” I say, picking up my half-finished plate of food and setting it on the counter in the kitchen before retreating to the living room.

  Blake is still talking into the machine when I pick up the phone. “Hey!”

  “Charlie!”

  “How did your project turn out?”

  “Good. It was fun, but I’m glad to be done. How was your weekend?”

  Words will never be able to describe all the emotions I experienced this weekend. Happiness. Shock. Sadness. “It was interesting.”

  “How so?”

  “It’s a long story.”

  “I’ve got all night.”

  Starting at the very beginning, I do the best I can to explain the situation. He seems happy for me. I don’t think he really understands the amount of money I have access to now. I wasn’t going to share it with him, but decide to after much deliberation. That’s when the realization sets in. I’m worth more money than most people will dream of making in a lifetime. Plus, I own a home and a business in my hometown. There’s no doubt in my mind he’s experiencing the same level of shock I went through yesterday.

  “It’s crazy, right? Friday, I was just a small town girl who lost her family, then Saturday, I became a rich foster kid.”

  “Crazy is a good word to sum it up. What are your plans now?”

  “I don’t know. I have some big decisions to make. I’m thinking about applying to college, but I’d like to stay close to home I think.”

  “Home being…”

  “Here. What did you think I meant?”

  “Georgia. You own a house, Charlie. I thought you might want to go back home.”

  No. I’m not ready for that yet. Someday, maybe, but not yet. Even though it’s been more than a decade, I still don’t think I would be able to handle it. I need time to process. I never thought I would see that house again. I never thought I would stand in the restaurant where my parents were killed. I’ve never wanted to revisit those memories. I’m not strong enough. Not yet.

  “Someday.”

  “I’m sorry. You sound sad now.”

  “I’m not. It’s just everything leads back to that place, and I was emotionally devastated when I left. I was only six, Blake. I don’t think I ever really processed what happened to them. Honestly, I’m not even sure I know the entire truth about what happened that day.”

  “Do you want to? You can find information on almost anything with the Internet.”

  The idea intrigues me. It’s at least something to keep in mind. I have other things to worry about first.

  Mr. Emeritt, if nothing else, is punctual. He arrives Monday evening just as Alice and I finish cleaning up dinner. We take a seat at the dining room table, Scott joining us this time. After talking for an hour or so, and getting answers to a few questions Scott and I had, I sign the papers Mr. Emeritt hands me.

  He will continue to manage my finances until I graduate. After that, everything will be transferred into a bank account in my name. In the meantime, he’s going to set up the account and transfer enough for me to purchase a car. Then, I’ll receive a small monthly allowance to cover gas and anything else my heart desires.
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br />   “Do you have any other questions, Charlotte?”

  I do. I want to know more about my parents, but I’m not sure if he can provide me with the answers I want. I’ve been thinking about what Blake said since I hung up with him last night. It’s all I can think about. I want to know the truth, and it’s out there somewhere. I just need to find the strength to look for it.

  Shaking my head, Mr. Emeritt stands, offers me his hand, and thanks Alice and Scott for taking such great care of me before letting himself out. Alice and Scott retreat to the living room to catch the end of the newscast while I stay at the table, staring at the copy of the paperwork he left me.

  Closing my eyes, I focus on the best memory I have of my parents. It’s the one that’s kept me going when I’ve want to quit. I can see myself, my red rain boots and my mother laughing. I’m jumping from puddle to puddle, splashing water everywhere. The bottom hem of my sundress is soaked and dripping.

  “Are you having fun, Charlotte?”

  “Yes, Mama. I love jumping in the water.”

  “Be careful, hun. Some of those puddles are pretty deep. I don’t want you to fall in.”

  “I’ll be okay, Mama. I’m strong,” I tell her, flexing my arms to show her my little muscles.

  “I know you’re strong, Charlotte. I still want you to be careful.”

  “Okay, Mama.” Her smile lights up as she looks past me. Seconds later, I’m being lifted out of the puddle and am spinning in the air. “Daddy, stop!”

  “You’re flying, Charlie.”

  “Daddy!” He puts me back down in the puddle I was standing in when he attacked me from behind.

  “Sorry, baby girl.”

  “It’s okay. Wanna jump with me?” I ask, jumping once and splashing him.

  “Mom and Dad have to go to work. We’ll be back soon, okay? Millie is here to take care of you,” he says, motioning behind him to where my favorite babysitter is standing, waving in my direction.

  “But I don’t want you to go to work today,” I pout.

  “I know, baby, but Mom and Dad only have to go in for a little bit. We’ll be back soon. I promise.” He pulls me in for a hug, squeezing me tighter and tighter, until I tell him to stop.

  Holding Millie’s hand, I wave to my parents as they pull out of the driveway, my dress dripping onto the pavement, unaware I won’t ever get to see them again. If I had known then what I know now, I never would have let them leave. I at least would have told them I loved them and hugged them as tight as they used to hug me.

  Wiping away the tears as I open my eyes, I take a calming breath. I feel Alice running her hand up and down my back. How long has she been standing there? I didn’t even notice her.

  “Would you like me to make you a cup of tea?”

  “No, thank you, Alice. I appreciate the offer, though.”

  “Of course. Whatever you need, Charlotte.” Her voice cracks, giving her away. “You know, we understand this is hard for you and it brings back memories. If you need anything, anything at all, just ask. We’re here for you.”

  “And I’ll never be able to thank you both enough for that.”

  March 1993

  Staring at the gate, I will myself to stand up. They called our row a few minutes ago. There’s no one in line right now. The final boarding call should be announced any minute. I have to decide, and quickly, if I’m going to get on the plane.

  Blake squeezes my hand gently, reminding me he’s here for support. “Are you ready?”

  “No, but I don’t think I ever will be,” I confess.

  “We don't have to go, you know.”

  “I know. I want to, though.”

  “Are you sure? Because you look more like you want to throw up.” I can hear the laughter in his voice. He’s trying to lighten the mood, so I force myself to smile, but it’s not sincere. “You can do this, Charlie, and I’m right here with you. You’re not alone.”

  Wrapping his arm around my shoulder, Blake pulls me into him, kissing me on the forehead. He’s right. I can do this. I’m stronger than this. I need to face this.

  Standing, Blake grabs our bags, and we get in the small line that’s begun to form. The final boarding call comes just as we make our way down the tunnel. Hand in hand, we follow the small crowd in front of us. The entire time, I think to myself: I can do this. I’m strong enough to do this.

  Blake falls asleep as soon as the plane is off the ground. I take a moment to appreciate his beauty as his head rests on my shoulder. I was surprised when he called last week and offered to give up his spring break plans to come with me. He booked our flight before I could chicken out, and then I was planning on accidentally missing my plane. With Blake here, I knew I wouldn’t be able to back out without a fight.

  He’s been pushing me to face this. He’s done research on my parents. As soon as I’m ready, he says he’ll give it to me. One step at a time, that’s how I’m trying to take things. Getting on this plane was step one. Visiting my parent’s grave, and the place I used to call home, is step two. The woman who is leasing the restaurant is step three. She wants to meet and discuss purchasing the property while I’m in town. I didn’t promise her anything. I couldn’t. I wasn’t actually planning on making the trip when I spoke to her last.

  My knee starts to bounce up and down when the pilot comes over the intercom, announcing our descent into the Atlanta airport. It’s erratic enough that it wakes Blake up. He places his hand on my thigh, and instantly, I go still. Whenever he touches me, especially when we’re alone, my body becomes over stimulated. This weekend is going to be interesting.

  “Calm down, Charlie. We still have a long way to go.” His eyes are still closed and his voice is muffled by sleep.

  “I know. You should probably wake up if you’re driving.”

  Rousing Blake is harder than I thought. He drove in from school late last night, and we left for the airport before the sun was up this morning. I can’t imagine he got much sleep. He needs a couple more solid hours before he’ll be completely rested. He can do that once we get to the hotel.

  The highways around Atlanta are confusing. We end up heading the wrong direction, get turned around once we realize, and then manage to miss our exit. As we drive into town, I feel a sense of familiarity. I was so young when I lived here, I never imagined I would remember anything. Nothing looks familiar but it feels like it should like I should know these places.

  “Do you want to head straight to the house or stop at the hotel first?”

  “Let’s get settled at the hotel.” My voice cracks, the thought of seeing my childhood home instantly making me nervous.

  “We are going to the house tonight, right?”

  “I was thinking maybe we could go tomorrow afternoon. I think I want to visit my parents first.”

  Blake’s silent as he pulls into the hotel and finds a parking spot. As soon as we’re unloaded and checked in, I plop down on the massive bed, grabbing a pillow and shutting my eyes. I’m emotionally exhausted all of a sudden and feel the need to rest. I’m hoping my mind will take a break, too.

  There are exactly two places in town to get dinner. One, the restaurant, belongs to me. The other is a bar. I can’t bring myself to go to the restaurant yet, so we head to the local bar to grab some much-needed sustenance.

  It’s after eight by the time we find it, and it’s crawling with locals. Picking a table near the back, Blake flags down a waitress and orders us food and drinks right away. Sipping my soda while waiting for our food to arrive, I listen to Blake tell me all about a class he thinks he’s going to fail. Apparently, his professor is pushing him harder than he wants.

  “Don’t you have something in your stock that will work?”

  “I don’t think so. I’d have to check. Most of my photos are of nature. He wants me to ‘think outside the box,’ whatever that means, and dig deeper. He basically told me he wouldn’t accept anything for my final project if there wasn’t a human form in the shot. I’m not sure what his
deal is.”

  “Pushing you is a good thing. He’s going to make you a better photographer. You brought your camera, right?”

  “I’d never travel without it,” he blankly states.

  “Why don’t you bring it with us tomorrow? You can take some candid pictures of the town, the people. Maybe you’ll shoot something that’ll be perfect for your project.”

  “Not a bad idea,” he says, squinting his eyes as he thinks it over.

  A band takes the stage just as we’re finishing our deep-fried dinner. We decide to stay and give them a listen. They’re not half bad. I recognize a few of the country songs they cover. I imagine this is how most bands get discovered: in a smoky bar, in the middle of no-where, by some random person in the audience that has connections to connections. For some reason, I have faith in this band and hope this is their moment.

  Waking up the next morning, Blake is missing. I reach over to where he should be lying and find his spot empty, the sheet cold. He’s been gone for a while. I can’t imagine where. Looking at the clock, I see it’s only a little after eight. That’s five in the morning at home. No wonder I still feel tired.

  The lock on the hotel door slides, and the door opens. I pull the sheet up higher, covering my naked body out of habit. I’m still not completely comfortable naked in front of Blake. At least, not when he’s fully clothed.

  “Good Morning, beautiful,” Blake announces as he places a bag on the dresser.

  I inhale, the smell of bacon and coffee wafting in front of my nostrils. “Did you bring me breakfast?”

  “No. I brought you breakfast in bed,” he teases.

  “Well, Mr. Collins, I think I like that idea.”

  Blake passes me a cup of coffee and a handful of cream and sugar. Once I have my coffee just the way I like it, he gives me my breakfast sandwich and hash brown. We eat in silence, devouring our food in minutes. If I keep eating this amazing, greasy food, I’m going to gain weight before we get back on the plane to head home.

  Home. I am home. Sort of.