Only by Death

by Herman, Kathy;

  Liam stood for a moment, bent at the waist, and slowly straightened his back. “There’s nothing on me that doesn’t hurt. What I wouldn’t give for a shot of morphine about now.”

  “I’m sorry it hurts so much,” Jesse whispered. “But we need to go. Follow me.” Jesse took deliberate steps, able to see only four feet in front of him, and moved toward what he hoped was the clearing he’d crossed earlier, just before he had reached the campfire. “Once we lose sight of the fire, we might as well be blind.” Jesse heard something and stopped. “Shhh. Listen. Do you hear whistling?”

  “I hear it, all right. It’s midnight straight up. We need to find a place to hunker down. When Slick realizes we’re on the run, he’s going to go ballistic and is liable to start shooting in all directions.”

  Chapter 39

  Jesse kept moving forward in pitch blackness, his heart pounding so hard he thought he might die of fright.

  “Try to keep up, Mr. Berne,” he whispered. “There’s no place to hide until we cross this clearing.”

  Gunshots pierced the darkness, followed by a string of obscenities and then the long, anguished roar of a man outsmarted.

  Jesse kept walking, his knees shaking, and hoped he knew where he was going.

  “The deal’s off, Liam!” Slick bellowed. “Prepare to meet your maker, because neither of you’s going to get out of these woods alive.”

  Shots reverberated, and Jesse felt a bullet whiz by his ear.

  Liam gave Jesse a shove. “He’s shooting both guns. We’ve gotta find a place to get down low or we’re liable to take a random bullet.”

  “I’m pretty sure we should be coming to the end of the clearing soon,” Jesse said. “We should be able to see some trees once we’re close enough.”

  “Jesse!”

  Slick’s voice filled him with dread.

  “Either you get back here right now, or I’m going for your mom. Even if you make it back home, she’ll be dead. And it’ll be on you.”

  More shots rang out, and a bullet ricocheted off something nearby.

  Jesse squinted and could just make out what appeared to be a dark wall. “Look, Mr. Berne. Trees! We made it across the clearing. We’re going the right way.”

  “Now you’re talking,” Liam said. “Keep moving.”

  Jesse stepped up his pace, then gingerly entered the woods, groping the tree trunks as he felt his way. “Are you okay?”

  “Okay enough,” Liam said. “Come on, let’s get out of the line of fire.”

  “Can you tell if Slick’s following us?” Jesse said.

  “Not really. But if you’re right about where we are, he has to assume we would head back the way we came.”

  Jesse was able to make out the trunks of trees and maneuver around them, but it seemed as though he and Liam were moving at a snail’s pace.

  “I’m not sure where we should hide,” Jesse said. “We need to find something quick or Slick’s going to hear dried leaves and twigs snapping under our feet. Why is he so quiet all of a sudden?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe he’s trying to spook us,” Liam said. “Let’s cut to the left. If we can find a spot that has enough limbs and dried leaves, we can cover ourselves up and lay low.”

  “Good idea.” Jesse turned left and felt his way through a maze of trees, wishing he could see better and move faster. The silence from Slick was almost worse than the fury and gunfire. “Do you really think he could be following us?”

  “It stands to reason he’d expect us to flee this way. The only good news for us is that he can’t use a flashlight in this fog or he’ll just blind himself. And don’t worry, he’s not going after your mom. He’s just trying to rattle you.”

  “Well, it worked.”

  “Shhh.” Liam put his hand on Jesse’s shoulder and kept him from moving forward. “Did you hear that?”

  “No, what?”

  “I’m not sure. Something.”

  Jesse held his breath and listened intently. He realized he was shaking. Lord, please don’t let Slick find us.

  “Whoo. Whoo.”

  Jesse put his hand over his heart. “It’s just an owl.”

  “Good. Keep moving,” Liam said. “We’re a couple minutes ahead of him. We need to dig in somewhere and wait until morning. Maybe he’ll give up and go back to his place, pack up, and leave town, like he planned.”

  t

  Kate sat with Elliot in the porch swing, the patchwork quilt her mother made her wrapped snugly around them.

  “I’m so tired of feeling helpless,” she said.

  Elliot pulled her closer. “None of us likes to feel out of control. But the truth is, God’s in control all the time, even when we think we are.”

  “Your faith never falters,” Kate said. “Why can’t I be like that?”

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself. I remember a time when you didn’t trust God at all. Look how far you’ve come.”

  Kate looked up at Elliot and wondered how he was going to handle it if Jesse wasn’t found alive. “Elliot, when Pam died, how did you handle the grief?”

  “By the seat of my pants. I really didn’t have a formula. I was so glad that I had a chance to say good-bye to Pam and tell her how much she’d meant to me. I took comfort in the fact that she was a believer and I’d see her again. But the only way I found to cope with her absence was to seek the Lord’s presence and live each day for Him. He used me in all sorts of ways I never would have anticipated. The most satisfying was being a support to you and the kids.”

  “So you only helped us because God nudged you?” Kate poked him in the ribs with her elbow.

  “At first. But it wasn’t long before I was crazy about the whole lot of you. I trained myself not to think of you in a romantic way since you were still married to Micah. I really wanted him to be found alive because, more than anything, I wanted you to be happy.”

  “Even if it meant you weren’t?” Kate said.

  “I was happy just supporting you and praying that God would bring Micah and Riley home. I had no expectation that anything personal would ever come of my feelings for you. That was a gift.”

  Kate nodded. “For both of us.” Elliot had brought laughter and joy back into their home. But all that would change if Jesse died.

  t

  Jesse lay on his back on the cold, damp forest floor, Liam lying next to him, tree limbs clumsily spread over them.

  “I wonder where Slick is,” Jesse whispered.

  “Odds are he won’t come exactly the way we did,” Liam said. “But he could be out there just waiting for us to make a sound. You cold?”

  “Kind of,” Jesse said, his teeth chattering. “Actually, I’m freezing.”

  “Put your hood on,” Liam said. “Maybe our shared body heat will keep us from getting hypothermia.”

  Jesse tied his hood snugly around his head and stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets. He started to say something, but didn’t, then decided it had to be said. “Mr. Berne … you know there’s a good chance … we won’t make it out alive, right?”

  “You kidding? You’ll be home by lunchtime. Right now, that’s all I’m thinking about. You’re a great kid, Jesse. You deserve to go home to your family. We both know I’m going to prison. So let’s focus on getting you home.”

  “I’ll bet your sister’s missing you and scared that something’s happened to you.”

  “I doubt it,” Liam said. “Colleen and I have always been close. But she’ll never forgive me for what I’ve done.”

  “It might take awhile,” Jesse said. “But I think she will. She’s a Christian.”

  “Yeah, well, not all Christians take their faith as seriously as you do, especially when it comes to forgiving someone who’s betrayed their trust. I wouldn’t blame her if she couldn’t forgive me.”

  “You might be
surprised. You never thought I would either.”

  “I still don’t get it, after the way I treated you.”

  “What you did was wrong,” Jesse said. “But there’s more to you than that. You’re not a bad person.”

  “Give me a break. I tried to kill you once, and then was willing to shoot you to save my own neck. You had it right before. I’m a coward.”

  “You’re not perfect,” Jesse said. “You made some bad choices, but I’ll bet you made a lot of good choices before that, right?”

  “I suppose I did. But if there is a God, He’s going to judge me and punish me for what I’ve done.”

  “If you died today, He would for sure. You’d be judged guilty and sentenced to hell, and there’d be no going back—ever. But you’re still living, so it’s not too late. You can totally choose where you’re going to spend eternity.”

  “Yeah, I know,” Liam said sarcastically, “by putting my faith in Jesus, confessing my sins, and receiving God’s forgiveness. I’ve heard it all my life. I happen to think the whole God thing is a crutch.”

  “Okay. But what if you’re wrong? Are you willing to gamble your eternal future on it? Maybe the real reason God wanted me to come back here is because He loves you and doesn’t want you to die unsaved.”

  Liam offered no rebuttal. He turned on his side with his back to Jesse.

  Jesse lay shivering in the steely silence, sobered by the gravity of the words he’d just said.

  We really are going to die. And I’ve completely blown it. Mr. Berne’s never going to listen.

  t

  Kate sat on the floor, her back leaned against the love seat, aware that her dad and Elliot were dozing, and that the fire needed another log.

  She’d been sitting in the same spot for hours, thinking back over the past seven years and the horrible events that had tested both her sanity and her faith. God had never abandoned her, even when she had left Him and all but cursed His sovereignty. And He had used each devastating blow to strengthen her family and cause them to grow closer to one another—and to Him. Despite the trials—or perhaps because of them—Hawk’s scathing cynicism gave way to a newfound faith that was compassionate, strong, and solid. Abby and Riley had learned to trust the Lord almost without question. And Jesse’s relationship with Jesus was so simple and pure and uncomplicated that he was often an example to the rest of the family. Micah would have been so proud of his children.

  And Kate could see that she had grown too. Her first tendency had typically been to fall victim to fear and begin to question God’s goodness. But it was in that process that she had learned what it meant to die to self, even though her natural inclination to be in control never surrendered easily and she suffered many self-inflicted wounds because of her headstrong nature. But there had invariably come a point at which she died to her own desires and accepted whatever the Lord had ordained. There had been great freedom in letting go. Would she be able to do that again if the Lord took Jesse from her?

  It was nearly daybreak, and she didn’t have any fight left. Lord, why do I always struggle so, as if I had any control over the outcome? You’re either Lord of my life or You aren’t. I either trust You or I don’t. And I want to, more than anything.

  She felt strangely peaceful, despite the ache in her gut and the ominous feeling that Jesse wasn’t coming home. When she’d lost her beloved Micah, God had shown her compassion and given her the grace to survive. And had gifted her with another soul mate to walk with her through the remainder of her life’s journey. Whatever the outcome of Jesse’s situation, God would give her grace sufficient to cope. If she’d learned nothing else, she’d learned that.

  t

  Virgil hit the snooze button on the alarm, the aroma of fresh-brewed coffee permeating the room. He put his arm around Jill Beth and held her close. Soon the teams would be searching again for Jesse and Liam Berne. What were the odds they’d find Jesse alive at this point?

  “I hear the wheels in your head turning,” Jill Beth said. “You didn’t sleep, did you?”

  “Not a wink. But my body’s rested. I need to get back to the command center. The teams will be gathered by sunup, and as soon as we get the green light, we’ll head out again. I’ve got to say, this is one time I’m grateful Kevin is at the helm. I realized last night when I wanted to keep searching in the fog that I’m too emotionally immersed in this.”

  “Of course you are.” Jill Beth turned over and looked into his eyes. “How could you not be after all you’ve been through with Kate’s family? On some level, I think you’ve felt responsible to watch out for Jesse since Micah disappeared. But this is not your fault.”

  “I know that with my head. But my heart is so heavy. I don’t think I can bear to give Kate any more bad news.”

  “Are you afraid that’s what’s going to happen?”

  Virgil pulled her head to his chest and swallowed the emotion that was just under the surface. “I don’t know. I hope not. Liam has already killed once. He hasn’t got anything to lose. And it’s been twenty hours since anyone’s seen Jesse. I can only imagine how Kate’s feeling.”

  “You need to stay focused, Sheriff,” Jill Beth said. “You’re always telling me it ain’t over till it’s over. The coffee’s ready. Go grab a cup and add a dash of that Granger optimism you’re known for, then go do your job. Kevin may be at the helm, but it’s you those deputies are taking their cues from. Caring deeply makes it tougher on you. But you’re the strongest man I’ve ever known.”

  Virgil kissed her forehead. “Thanks for the pep talk. That’s exactly what I needed to hear. I’d better get going.”

  “Call me when you know something.”

  “I will.”

  Chapter 40

  Jesse opened his eyes and moved a small tree branch ever so slowly from his face, surprised to see pink sky through the canopy. The fog had thinned considerably, and he could see trees all around him.

  He reached over and tapped Liam on the back. “Mr. Berne,” he whispered. “Wake up. It’s morning.”

  Liam groaned as he turned over on his back. “I must’ve fallen asleep.” He rubbed his eyes, then pushed the button on his watch. “Good grief, it’s seven forty-five.”

  “The fog has thinned out a lot,” Jesse said. “I think we can see to keep going. I wonder if Slick went back to town.”

  “I wouldn’t count on it. As mad as he was, I doubt he’s going to give up finding us that easily.”

  Jesse moved the branches off him and sat up, his muscles sore and the back of his neck throbbing where Slick had hit him with the gun barrel.

  Liam worked his way up into a sitting position. Jesse was startled at first to see his battered face, which looked considerably worse in the light and even more troublesome than the gash in his leg.

  “We’re too exposed here,” Liam said, looking around. “Let’s move to where there are more trees.” He tried to get up but fell back on his behind, spitting out a swear word that would have gotten Jesse grounded had he said it. “I feel like I’ve been flattened by a semi. And this bum leg hurts like the devil.”

  “Take my hand, Mr. Berne. I’ve got this.” Jesse offered Liam a hand and pulled him to his feet, concerned about the moaning sounds he made.

  “I think this leg’s infected.”

  “Don’t worry. You can make it. I’ll help you. I’ll reverse our steps from last night. And if I can get us back to the edge of the clearing, I think I know the way to Foggy Ridge.” Jesse gently patted him on the back. “We’d better get moving, if you’re going to get me home by lunchtime.”

  “I did tell you that, didn’t I? Okay then, a promise is a promise.”

  The two walked over to where the canopy was denser.

  “We angled left after we crossed the clearing,” Jesse said. “As slowly as we were going, we couldn’t have gone much distance.”

&nbs
p; “Probably not,” Liam said, “but do you even know what you’re looking for?”

  “Not exactly. But I think I’ll know it when I see it.”

  “I hate the idea of backtracking,” Liam said, “but I have no idea how to get us out of here, so you’re the boss.”

  “Okay, let’s angle back the way we came.”

  Jesse led the way, weaving around one tree after another, hoping to come to the clearing. Instead, the woods just got denser and darker.

  “We’ve been moving at a pretty good clip for twenty minutes,” Liam said. “Last night, we moved at a snail’s pace and stopped after twenty minutes. This can’t be right.”

  “I know.” Jesse paused and let out a big sigh. “I’m so turned around. I didn’t think it would be this hard. I guess we’re lost. What should we do?”

  Liam sat down on the trunk of a fallen pine tree. “Take a break. We’re both too hungry, weak, and tired to push ourselves.”

  “Not to mention thirsty,” Jesse said, imagining himself downing a bottle of ice-cold water. He sat down next to Liam.

  Neither said anything for several minutes.

  “Hey, about last night,” Liam said. “I’m sorry I shut down on you. I know you meant well.”

  “It’s okay. You made it pretty clear how you felt. I should’ve left it alone.”

  “For what it’s worth, Jesse—and I sincerely mean this—you’re the finest kid and the most authentic Christian I’ve ever known. Bar none. Regardless of how this ends, it’s been an honor getting to know you. You’re the real deal.”

  Jesse swallowed hard and blinked to clear his eyes. Lord, You gave me a job to do and I failed. Mr. Berne needs more time. I just can’t reach him.

  Liam grabbed Jesse’s arm. “Do you hear that?”

  “What?”

  “That.”

  Jesse stood slowly, listening intently. “I can barely hear something. What is it?”