Following the ceremony, we quickly cleared out the chairs and had the reception out there as well. It was the perfect setting, and something about the beauty of the place seemed to make people a little less rowdy than I suspected they would have been had we moved everyone inside the castle.
There was ale, music, dancing, and laughter, and Laurel and Raudrich seemed to love every minute of it.
As the sister of the bride, I felt some responsibility to make certain everything was going smoothly, so rather than enjoy the festivities myself, I continually made my way around the garden checking on things and making small talk.
An hour or so into the reception, Marcus came up and gave my wrist a gentle tug. “Come and dance with me, Kate. Everything is fine. There’s no need for you to wear yourself out running around.”
I smiled and allowed him to pull me into the area surrounding the fountain where people were dancing.
“Do you know how to dance these Scottish dances, Marcus?”
He shook his head and laughed. “Not at all. I’ll just hold you and we can sway back and forth a bit.”
“Sounds perfect.”
We danced with one another in silence for a moment, and I lost myself in thought until Marcus bent down to whisper in my ear, “Penny for your thoughts?”
“I was just thinking about Raudrich. Did you see the way he looked at Laurel? Do you think I’ll ever find someone to look at me that same way?”
He pulled back a little so he could look down at my face. “You’re kidding, right?” When I said nothing, he continued. “Kate, you do have someone who looks at you like that. I was standing directly across from Maddock on Laurel’s side of the aisle, and the look on Maddock’s face…” He hesitated and gave me a grin. “It would have been easy to mistake him for the groom, but he wasn’t looking at Laurel.”
“No.” I shook my head, quickly dismissing it. “You’re mistaken, Marcus. He might have been attracted to me, but I did a really good job of ruining that a few days ago.”
“Kate.” He stopped dancing and pulled me over to one of the many walkways scattered throughout the garden. “You haven’t ruined anything yet, but as your friend, I’m going to be totally honest with you. For a very long time, none of the men here believed that romantic relationships were something available to them. Raudrich finding love with Laurel changed that. They now see love as a possibility, and there’s not a one of them that’s not eager for it.”
“Even you?” I interrupted him in a veiled attempt to redirect the conversation. It didn’t work.
“Yes, Kate. Even me. Listen, Maddock wants you. He’s crazy about you. But he’s not going to waste his time on someone who is too scared to take a chance on him. Look at him.” He moved behind me and crouched down to direct my attention where he pointed.
Maddock stood next to the fountain with a mug of ale in his hand as he laughed and visited with a group of men from the village.
“I see him. So?”
He changed the direction of his finger and pointed to three different women standing in different locations throughout the garden.
“Now take a good long look at each of those women, Kate. Look at the way they’re looking at him. I’ve no doubt that women have always looked at him that way, but when he didn’t think love was an option, he never took notice. Now that he does, how long do you think it will be before he sees their interest in him?” He paused and turned me toward him. “He doesn’t want those women, Kate. He wants you. But for a man who’s been alone as long as he has, it might seem more tempting to settle than to end up all alone.”
The thought of Maddock with any of those women caused jealousy to run through me hot and fast.
“So, what are you saying?”
He dropped his hands from my shoulders and stepped back as he shook his head. “Do you want him, Kate? And don’t you dare give me the same bullshit non-answer I’m sure you would give everyone else.”
“Marcus, I am trying. I do…” Marcus’ tone was making me emotional. He’d never spoken to me so harshly before. “I do want him. I just…”
“Stop, Kate.” He interrupted me and his tone softened just a bit. “Trying isn’t good enough. You either decide that you want him, or you don’t. Be all in or be all out. There is no trying. Now.” He bobbed his head in the direction behind me. “I’ll lead by example and push through some of my own fear, okay? There’s a woman over there that I’ve been wanting to speak to all night. I think she’s from Raudrich’s old clan. I’m so nervous I could vomit, but guess what, Kate, I’m going to do it anyway. It’s time for you to do the same.”
Chapter 32
Marcus’ words seemed to get to me in a way that nobody else’s had been able to. He’d said basically the same thing my therapist, my mother, and Laurel had been hinting at for weeks, but there was something about hearing it from him—someone who’d only ever been ridiculously kind to me—that made me realize just how stupid I had become. I didn’t allow myself to indulge in avoidance in any other area of my life—not my work, not my physical recovery. So why was I doing it with my love life?
Yes, the thought of falling for Maddock terrified me. But, so what? If the fire hadn’t killed me, there was no way in hell a little fear was going to make me keel over.
I took a moment to hug Laurel and Raudrich—to wish them well on their honeymoon, then I slipped away to Maddock’s room to prepare myself for what I knew I needed to do.
Once there, I sank to the floor in front of the one piece of mirrored glass in the room and closed my eyes so I could get really, really quiet. It didn’t take long before my mind started to rebel, before it started to throw up all sorts of thoughts meant to keep me from feeling, but I fought against them. As every buried emotion came up, I allowed myself to feel it.
I don’t know how long I sat there—crying, screaming, cackling like a weirdo—while I worked through a year’s worth of emotions over the course of a few hours.
All I know is that when I was done, something inside me was free. I was ready to move on from this problem so I would be ready for the next. But in the meantime, while things were good, I would enjoy it. I was tired of ruining blessings by hanging onto the rotten stuff I’d already been through.
By the time I was ready to go in search of Maddock, the party outside had quieted down. Raudrich and Laurel had already left for the small inn near the tavern where they would spend their first night as husband and wife before continuing on to the Scottish mainland where they would have their honeymoon. Most of the guests were leaving, and Paton was seeing Sydney and her crew to various bedchambers throughout the castle. It looked like all of the members of The Eight would be sleeping in the unfinished cabins they’d been working on for weeks.
“Ye did well, lass. They couldna have asked for a more beautiful wedding and all of that is due to ye.” His voice came from behind me on the stairwell and I smiled as I turned to face him.
“I think you all are allowed to take quite a bit of credit, as well. You’re the ones who did all of the hard work. I just drew up the plans.”
“Lass, ’tis an idea that should’ve occurred to us long ago, but we are all too selfish to have thought of it. I canna fathom that we allowed Nicol to spend every night in the cold outdoors for so long.”
“And what about all of you? With all of the guests being shown to your rooms, will you be forced to sleep in the roofless cottages out back?”
He shook his head, and I stepped down two steps so I would be even with him.
“No, lass. Nicol has invited us to make camp in the garden. So, we will sleep with a view of the stars, but we shall be protected from the wind.
It was now or never. If I didn’t tell him now while my courage was up after my cathartic emotional cleansing, I would never to it.
“Maddock, I need to tell you something.”
He looked concerned. “Aye, lass? Have ye learned something else? Is it about Machara?”
“No. It has nothing to do with any of that.”
There were still a few people milling around the castle, and the last thing I wanted was for anyone else to hear my confession. “Can we go someplace where we can be alone?”
“O’course, lass. Do ye want to go to my bedchamber? ’Tis yers now anyway, and it may be the only place in the castle where we are sure to be able to speak alone.”
Nodding, I moved past him and headed in that direction. I had no plan for what I meant to say to him, and I had every expectation that Marcus was wrong—that I was too late and that Maddock wouldn’t be interested in taking a risk on me again. Still, I knew I would kick myself forever if I didn’t try. And the thought of me spending the rest of my life in this castle, having to watch Maddock be with whoever he ended up with, was more terrifying than making myself vulnerable to him now.
The words spilled out of me the moment he closed the door after we entered his bedchamber. “I don’t want to be your friend, Maddock.”
“What, lass?”
My breath shaky and my voice soft, I faced him. “I don’t want to be your friend. I’ve enough of those. I’m sorry I was so scared before. Maddock I…I’ll understand if you don’t want me anymore, if my initial rejection was enough to turn you off, but I needed you to know. You were right. Of course, you were right. I want you so much, it’s all I can think about. And…”
He was on me in an instant. His mouth claiming mine with such intensity that it was nearly painful. I could taste the ale he’d had at the wedding still on his tongue.
“Kate.” His voice was ragged and low, and his teeth grazed against my lips as he spoke. “Do ye truly believe I ever had any interest in being yer friend? If ’twas all ye could give me, I would take it, but Kate, every time I look at ye, I have to think of something horrid just to keep from growing hard from my need of ye. I’ve never wanted anything in my life more than I want ye.” He pulled away from me just long enough to look into my eyes. “Are ye sure of this? Ye doona mean to change yer mind? Pulling away from yer bare breasts was hard enough the first time. I doona know if I have the strength to stop once again.”
Clothes had never felt so restrictive. My entire body ached with desire. I wasn’t sure he could ever fill me enough to satisfy my need for him.
“I’m sure. I promise I won’t change my mind. Please, Maddock. Take me to your bed.”
His response came in the form of an animalistic groan. At once, his hands were at my back, untying my laces so he could remove my dress.
There was a sudden meow from the bed, and I started to laugh as Maddock’s hands stilled.
“I canna tup ye with him watching, lass. The sounds I intend to draw from ye will frighten him, and I doona wish to have my eyes clawed out by yer wee protector.”
He’d only begun to work on my laces so I was still completely dressed.
“Take off your kilt and lay down on the bed, Maddock. I’ll take him to the garden where he can sleep with the other men tonight. I’ll be back in just a moment.”
I ran faster than I’d ever run in my life, and I continually had to hold Mr. Crinkles away from me as he tried to swat at me in his wish to be set down. I didn’t even say anything to the men as I opened the door to the garden and gently tossed Crink inside. I knew he would be fine.
When I returned to his room, he’d done as I asked. The sight of him propped up on the bed entirely naked caused the breath to lodge in my throat. Immediately my cheeks flushed red.
I’d seen his chest that night in Cagair Castle, but seeing that was quite different from seeing the whole specimen at once. Every muscle in his body was cut from hard work and clean food. He looked like a statue you might see in Italy, although thankfully he didn’t have the same scrawny manhood that so many ancient statues seemed to possess. One look at his erection and I realized quickly that my worry of being unable to get my fill of him was misplaced.
“Holy crap, Maddock. That’s…you’re…”
He laughed and waved me toward the bed. “It pleases me that ye approve, lass. Now get over here so that I may see ye, as well.”
I sat at the edge of the bed as he worked my laces. This gown had more than most. It was especially for Laurel’s wedding and was more complex than the simple gowns I’d worn most days since arriving in this time.
“Damn these laces, lass. Do ye mind if I slice them open with my sword?”
Laughing, I reached behind my back seeking one of his hands. “Please, don’t. This was Freya’s. It’s too beautiful to ruin.”
“Ach, fine, but it may be sunrise before I get ye out of it.” He continued to pull at the strings as he bent to nibble at my neck. “Lass, I know that the first time is often frightening. I doona want ye to be scared. I’ll be gentle with ye. I’ll take my time.”
I snorted, cutting him off. “Maddock, you do remember Dillon, right?”
He groaned and lay his forehead on my shoulder. “Why would ye ever bring him up in this moment, lass?”
“You’re not under the assumption that I’m a virgin, are you?”
His hands stilled on my lower back as he raised his head. “Are ye not, lass?”
“No.” His assumption didn’t anger me. I supposed in his time, many women would be. “Women in my time rarely are by my age. It doesn’t bother you, does it?”
His fingers resumed their movement on my laces, and I exhaled a breath I’d not know I’d held.
“All that bothers me is the thought of Dillon’s hands anywhere on ye, lass. In truth, ’tis better this way. It means I can truly have my way with ye.”
My gown was now undone, and I stood and shimmied my shoulders and let the dress fall to the floor.
“Or I can have my way with you. Lay back, buster.”
Maddock growled as he lay back on the bed. “Do ye mean to kill me, lass? Ye canna expect me to lie here while ye stand there like that…”
I faced him, and his breath became ragged as his eyes raked over my naked body. I wasn’t self-conscious in front of Maddock. He’d already shown me so many times before—whether it was the way he’d warmed my arms when I was cold, or the way he’d held me close while we rode Stella to the Isle—that my amputation meant nothing to him. And there was nothing but need and desire in his gaze as he devoured me with his eyes.
“I canna stand it a moment longer, lass. I need to be inside ye.”
My arm prevented me from crawling over to him on the bed. Instead, I sat and scooted over to him, leaning in to kiss him as my breasts brushed against his chest. He understood what was needed, and his hands moved to my waist to lift me just enough so I could straddle him.
I trailed kisses down his chest. As I reached his manhood, I lifted up on my knees so I could lower myself onto him.
We came together smoothly, and both of us cried out as he filled me.
“Kate, ye must move, lass. I canna bear it.”
I moved slowly, torturing him just a little, and I reveled in the effect each little movement of my hips had on him. When I finally picked up speed and the sensation built within me, he couldn’t stand it any longer. Lifting himself, he grabbed my waist, flipped me over, and pinned me beneath him as our bodies ground together. He drove into me over and over as his lips tasted and explored my body.
We reached completion together, and it was only the first of many times we enjoyed each other that night.
It was fine with me if the sun never rose again. It would mean that every minute in the darkness with him would go on forever—minutes I was growing increasingly sure that I would never grow tired of.
Chapter 33
We slept until afternoon the next day, and while we were both still a little high on each other, reality set in quickly. Laurel and Raudrich’s wedding was now over. It was time for Maddock to speak to Nicol about Brachan, and I needed to finally see Machara for myself so we could try to get a read on her intentions.
“I know we’ve much to do, but I am famished, lass.”
My stomach was growling, as well, and now that I didn’t have raging sex
hormones clouding my judgment, I was beginning to feel a little guilty for kicking Mr. Crinkles out of the room.
“I am too. Why don’t you go and speak with Nicol now? We slept for over half the day, so I’m sure he’s already awake from his morning slumber. You’re not going to feel better about anything until you get that off your chest. I’ll check on Crink and try to win him back by finding him some fish and get some food for us, as well. Meet here in a little while?”
I’d slept on my side while Maddock spooned me, and the entire night he’d held onto one of my breasts as we slept. His hand was still there.
“Aye, ye are right. I must speak to Nicol before we plan anything else. It willna take long. Nicol is always a man of verra few words.”
“Okay, then. You’re going to have to let go of me first in order to get dressed.”
“Ach, lass. I doona ever want to let go of ye.”
I squirmed away from him so I could roll off the bed. Otherwise, I was afraid we would be there all day.
“Too bad. Get up, sleepy head. It’s a big day. One that we can’t afford to waste.”
He was still procrastinating when I walked out the door to get us food.
*
Maddock was still gone when I made it back to the room with Mr. Crinkles draped over my arm and Paton hot on my heels with a tray of bread and cheese—no fish—for me and Maddock.
“I knew the only reason Maddock wouldna let me escort ye back when ye fell ill was because he fancied ye.”
“You’ll keep it a secret, won’t you, Paton?”
He set the tray of food down carefully then doubled over with laughter. “Kate, lass, everyone in the castle has been awake since dawn, but not a one of us saw either of ye until moments ago. There is no secret for me to keep. Everyone knows.”
That should’ve been obvious to me, but it hadn’t crossed my mind. “Even my mother?”
Paton crinkled up his nose. “Aye, and wouldna ye know it, she still likes Maddock better than me. He is the one tuppin’ her daughter, yet for some reason, I’m the one she still canna stand.”
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