The Memory of You

by Catherine West

  He wondered if she’d had any happy years. Any moments since Nicole’s death when she felt free to be herself, just have fun. Wondered what she’d say if he offered to help her with that. She probably hadn’t walked a beach or seen a sunset in a long time.

  What the heck was happening to him?

  Since that night on the road when she’d confided in him, allowed him to see the vulnerable side of her, the carefully constructed wall around his heart began to crumble.

  If he wasn’t careful, this woman could bring it crashing down.

  Tanner wasn’t sure that was a risk he was willing to take.

  He noticed Jeni run over to where Natalie stood. The smile she gave his niece was sincere, like she really wanted her there. Jeni slipped her hand into Natalie’s, and Natalie immediately crouched to hear what Jeni had to say. She nodded and pulled the little girl into a brief hug before Jeni ran off again.

  Tanner’s throat tightened. It was good to see Jeni smiling.

  His niece put on a brave front, but inside, Tanner knew she was hurting. She missed Marnie. Missed having her mother tuck her in at night, tell her how special she was. How much she was loved.

  And then there was Jase. What if Rance really did come to California? Of course he would. It was inevitable. But this morning’s altercation twisted his stomach into a tight ball.

  Tanner had to spend more time with Jason. Knew he’d been running short on patience lately. This afternoon, after he’d come home from the hospital, emotionally tapped out, he’d sat out on the back deck for a bit with Gwin, her head in his lap. As he’d played with the dog’s soft ears, he found himself praying. Not the heartfelt prayers he used to say, but a general God, if you’re still listening to me after all this, I could really use some help.

  He was getting close to the bottom of the barrel and didn’t have a clue how to scrape his way out.

  Natalie looked his way, and their eyes met. For a moment she simply stared. And then she smiled. And there it was again. The smile he remembered from his youth, the one that set his heart beating too fast, yet somehow reassured him, calmed his harried thoughts, as though she knew exactly what he was thinking.

  Tanner felt his lips lift on their own accord.

  He was getting sucked in.

  Nope. Not gonna happen.

  He spun around and almost knocked David over.

  “Okay, that’s twice in one day, dude. We have to stop meeting like this.” David chuckled, holding up a plastic wine glass in salute. “Excellent Cab this year. I think you’ve outdone yourself.”

  “From your lips to God’s ears.”

  “Naturally.” David’s humor lightened Tanner’s mood. “Natalie seems to be enjoying herself.”

  “That’s good.” Tanner shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground.

  “I saw you watching her.”

  “So?” Shoot. He moved the tip of his deck shoe back and forth across the grass.

  “I thought to myself, now there’s someone my friend could fall in love with.”

  Tanner’s head shot up. “What?”

  David’s eyes twinkled with a knowing smile. “I wonder if you’re not half in love with her already, Tanner Collins.”

  “David, you’re whacked.”

  “What? I think she’s perfect for you.”

  Tanner huffed. “She’s dealing with some serious stuff. She could be suicidal for all we know.” He doubted it, but it might get David to back off.

  “And whose future is certain, Tanner? Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

  “Did you just make that up?”

  “No.” David laughed. “Tennyson did. But food for thought, don’t you think?”

  “Don’t you have a sermon to go write or something?” Tanner started walking.

  “Nah, dude. I preach on the fly every Sunday. Just stand there and wait for God to give me the words.”

  Tanner stopped and stared at his friend. “Serious?”

  David pounded him on the shoulder and gave a belly laugh. “Kidding, man. But come on . . . Natalie seems really nice. Not at all like I pictured her after talking to you.”

  “David,” Tanner growled. “The rest of your congregation might appreciate you sticking your nose in their business, but I don’t want you in mine. Back off or I’ll find someplace else to go to church. After I rub your face in the dirt.”

  “Empty threats.” David finished his wine and pitched the plastic glass into the trash can they passed. “You’re not a violent man, Tanner. Kind of dim at times, though. If you let that girl get away, then I don’t see any hope for you.”

  “Grearson, for the last time, quit. I’m not interested in Natalie Mitchell. Even if I were, she and I aren’t exactly on the same playing field. So it’s a moot point.”

  “Don’t be so sure about that, my friend. In fact, I’d say if you explored the idea, you might find yourself pleasantly surprised.”

  Tanner crossed his arms and watched David walk off. The dude might know a thing or two about God, but he wasn’t the greatest at reading women. Could be why he was still single. Not that Tanner was doing much better. No, that wasn’t true. He was single by choice. That kismet mumbo jumbo wouldn’t work for him.

  Natalie’s laughter rang through the crowd. Made him smile. Made him turn to find out where she was.

  Who was he kidding? Natalie would probably even pick Leo Kastner over him. Just because they’d had a couple of conversations that came close to the ones where they’d bantered back and forth all those years ago didn’t mean . . .

  Speaking of Kastner . . . Tanner’s pulse jacked as he caught sight of Leo standing next to Natalie. And Natalie didn’t look at all happy about it.

  “No, thank you. I really don’t want to dance.” Natalie wound her hands together and wished the ground would swallow her up. Or a tornado would come along and whisk Leo Kastner away.

  “You sure now?” His breath hinted that he’d been imbibing in harder liquor than the wine. “Pretty lady like yourself shouldn’t be alone. Have you seen our wine cellars? I can give you the grand tour.”

  “I’ve seen them, thanks.” Seen them when she was twelve, but there was no way she was entering a dark cavern with this creep. “I’m going to go find my grandfather. Excuse me. Enjoy the party, Leo.”

  “Hey, now.” He snaked a clammy hand around her wrist. “Don’t run off so fast. Come on, sweetheart. One dance, huh?”

  “No, really.” She shook her head, relieved to see Tanner marching toward them.

  “Everything okay here?” His voice hummed with warning as he clapped a hand on Leo’s shoulder.

  Leo let go of her wrist and glared at Tanner. “Everything’s fine. I was trying to persuade Miss Mitchell to dance with me.”

  “Looked to me like you were getting a little too persuasive, Kastner. You okay, Natalie?”

  “Fine,” Natalie mumbled, her wrist smarting. Leo’s leer made her want to run and lock herself in the house. “I believe Mr. Kastner was just leaving.”

  “Hey, lady,”—Leo’s eyes widened, his cheeks getting redder—“you can’t kick me out for asking you to dance. I work here! I have every right to be here. You might be the boss’s granddaughter, but I don’t work for you.”

  “But you do work for me.” Tanner sidestepped him and planted himself in front of Natalie in a protective stance that might have annoyed her had it not been necessary. His pulsing jaw hinted at anger ready to be unleashed. “You’re drunk, Leo. Go home and sleep it off. We’ll discuss this on Monday.”

  “Ain’t nothing to discuss, Collins. Like I said, I didn’t do anything wrong. Just trying to show the lady a good time. Looks like she could use some loosening up. Unless you’re already taking care of that.” Kastner’s eyes glinted dangerously. “Think she won’t shut the place down if she’s sleeping with you? Smart move, dude.”

  Tanner’s sharp intake of breath made Natalie take a step backward.

  “Tanner—
” She put a hand on his arm, but pulled it back in the next second, disgust for Leo Kastner overriding common sense. “Never mind.”

  Tanner’s fist hit the man square on the jaw. Kastner reeled back, clearly unprepared for the punch. But then he launched himself at Tanner. A few women screamed and men raced over to where Leo and Tanner were now rolling on the ground, fists flying.

  Somebody pulled Natalie out of the way. Sarah appeared, clapped a hand to her mouth, and looked at Natalie through wide eyes. Jason and Jeni ran up with a few other children. Jeni began to cry as soon as she caught sight of her uncle, and Sarah picked her up and hurried away. Jason seemed impressed, a look of disbelief lighting his face as Tanner landed another punch.

  “Go, Uncle Tanner! Hoorah!”

  Tanner was bigger and stronger and Kastner didn’t have a hope. Tanner would probably have pounded the guy into the ground if some men hadn’t pulled him off first.

  “What’s going on here?” Natalie’s grandfather shoved his way through the crowd.

  The two men struggled up, breathless, still shooting venomous stares at each other. Hal stood between them, arms akimbo. “Well, somebody better explain!”

  “Tanner was defending me.” Natalie spoke up, hoping her voice didn’t sound as shaky as she thought it did.

  “Defending you?” Her grandfather’s face turned stormy. “What did you say to my granddaughter, Kastner?”

  “You don’t want to know.” Tanner brushed dirt off his shirt and took a cloth that David produced.

  “Don’t worry about it.” Natalie put a hand on Grandpa’s arm, meeting his anxious eyes. The last thing they needed was for him to have another heart attack. “No harm done.”

  “This time,” Tanner took a step toward Kastner.

  David rolled his eyes and put a hand on his arm. “Enough, cowboy. What I said earlier about you not being a violent man?” He dabbed at a cut above Tanner’s eyebrow with a second cloth. “I take it back.”

  “He deserved it.” Tanner flinched and shook David off.

  “Hey, I didn’t do anything.” Kastner spat blood and pinched his dripping nose. His left eye was swelling nicely.

  “Yeah, you did. He accused them of—” A younger man glanced at Natalie and switched to Spanish. “I heard the whole thing.”

  Her grandfather set a steely gaze on Leo Kastner. “Get on home, Leo. Go to bed. Be in my office first thing Monday morning. We’ll discuss this then.”

  After Leo skulked off, the party slipped back into full swing as though nothing had happened. Grandpa Hal hovered, but Natalie convinced him she was fine and urged him to get back to his guests. Longing for a moment alone, she found a secluded spot, spread out the blanket she’d retrieved from the wagon, and stretched out on it.

  David approached a little while later, Jeni hanging onto his hand. “Want some company?”

  “Sure.” Natalie smiled and moved over to give them room.

  He lowered himself down with a groan as Jeni hovered between them. “Can I sit with you?” She stifled a yawn and placed a hand on Natalie’s arm.

  “Of course you can.” Natalie patted her lap. Next thing she knew, Jeni was snuggled against her. Her warm little body created a stirring in Natalie that she wasn’t prepared for.

  Ever since college, her sole focus had been on her career. Even when she and Peter discussed their future, children never came up. As much as she enjoyed being around Laura’s kids, she’d never considered having her own.

  But this suddenly felt so natural.

  “Is Uncle Tanner going to be okay? He was bleeding.”

  Natalie smoothed down the child’s blond hair and kissed the top of her head. “I think he’ll be fine.” She wouldn’t explain that Jeni had seen Leo’s blood on Tanner. Tanner had walked away pretty much unscathed. Leo, on the other hand, was probably going to need a few stitches.

  Natalie hugged Jeni close. She missed Laura’s kids. She made a mental note to call her friend tomorrow. “Tired, sweetie?”

  “It’s nine o’clock, Uncle David said. Past my bedtime.”

  “Ah, but staying up late every once in a while is fun, right?” David handed her a water bottle and Jeni took a sip. “You all right, Natalie?”

  “Are you kidding? I haven’t seen this much excitement in years.” She grinned but knew he saw past it. “I’m okay, really. A little rattled and tired.” Tired of watching what’s-her-face rub her hands up and down Tanner’s arms. She was all over him after the fight, making a way bigger deal about everything than was necessary. “Have you seen my grandfather?”

  “He’s sitting over there.” David pointed to a small crowd of older gentleman, playing cards. “They’ll be there all night if Hal has any say in the matter.”

  “He does seem to have an endless supply of energy. Wish I could borrow some of it.” She was only half joking.

  Understanding crested his smile. “I’m praying for you, Natalie. And my door is always open if you want to talk. Anytime.”

  “Thank you, David.” Natalie was touched by his kindness. “I’m not much of a talker, really.”

  “No? Seemed like you had a lot to say to Tanner earlier while I was praying.” His teasing tone made her cheeks tingle.

  “I was caught off guard. I didn’t know they were expecting me to go up there. I’m sorry if I was disruptive.”

  “I’m kidding.” His good-natured smile set her at ease. “But if you so much as whisper during one of my sermons, that’ll be another story.”

  “You assume I’ll be hearing one of your sermons.” Natalie hiked a brow. “Not much of a churchgoer either, I’m afraid.”

  “How come you don’t go to church?” Jeni piped up.

  Natalie and David laughed. She’d thought the little girl had fallen asleep. “I go sometimes, Jeni.” Christmas. Easter. Weddings. Funerals.

  “That’s good.” Jeni yawned and snuggled closer. “Everyone should go to church.”

  The music slowed and couples came and went on the dance floor.

  “I wanna see the fireworks,” Jeni mumbled.

  “Fireworks?” Natalie looked at David as he glanced at his watch.

  “Any minute now. We’ve got a prime spot.”

  “Want Uncle Tanner to watch with us.” Jeni smothered another yawn.

  Natalie shifted Jeni to her other leg. “I’m not sure where he is, Jeni.”

  “Heading our way,” David informed her, chugging water. “Alone, thank our good Lord.”

  Natalie hid her smile in Jeni’s hair as Tanner reached them.

  “So this is where all the pretty girls have been hiding. Keeping them all to yourself, preacher man?” Jeni giggled and Natalie flushed. Tanner seemed to be in a good mood this evening, and she wasn’t quite sure how to take it.

  “Out of harm’s way.” David studied him with a frown. “How’s the jaw?”

  Tanner rubbed the red welt and grimaced. “I’ll live.”

  “Sit with us, Uncle Tanner. Fireworks are gonna start soon.”

  Tanner crouched before them, moving Jeni’s curls away from her sleepy eyes. “Fifteen minutes, princess. I just checked. They had a little hiccup, but we should be ready to rock ’n’ roll pretty soon. Think you can stay awake that long?”

  “I’ll try.” Jeni’s eyes drooped.

  “You and me both, Jeni.” Natalie gave her a quick hug, meeting Tanner’s gaze. “We can go after that, right?”

  “Sure. Whenever you want,” he replied. “You all right?”

  “Oh, sure. I’m just usually in bed with the Wall Street Journal by this time of night.”

  “Well, then, Miss Mitchell. Maybe it’s time you lived a little dangerously.” He stood, swooped Jeni up, and promptly deposited her in David’s lap. She didn’t protest, but snuggled against his chest and closed her eyes. Tanner held his hand out. “Come on, Mouse. Let’s do it properly this time.”

  Natalie blinked. He was asking her to dance. Oh, for the love . . .

  Nineteen

&
nbsp; TANNER. I REALLY DON’T—”

  “Can I just say arguing with Tanner Collins is never a good idea,” David put in lazily, sounding half asleep himself.

  “He’s right. You won’t win.” Tanner grabbed her hands and pulled her to her feet.

  Natalie swallowed her protests. Clearly the better decision was to keep quiet and let him lead her onto the dance floor. The band was playing one of her current favorites, “Dancin’ Away with My Heart” by Lady Antebellum.

  “You’re really willing to take another chance with me, Tanner?” she teased. “Talk about living dangerously.”

  “My feet are a lot bigger than yours.” Tanner’s voice was soft in her ear as he pulled her close, one arm around her waist, his other hand cradling hers against his shoulder. “Keep that in mind the next time you’re tempted to stomp on them.”

  “Will do.” Years ago, a teenager with stars in her eyes, she’d dreamed about this moment. The moment Tanner Collins would appear out of the crowd, take her in his arms, and sweep her off her feet. She banished the thought and examined his face under the twinkling lights strung around them.

  “So, what happened to Candy?” The question escaped before she could stop it.

  “I don’t know.” He got a blank look. “What do you mean what happened to her?”

  “I thought . . . well, from what I saw earlier, I thought you two might be an item.”

  “Candy?” His eyes widened as laughter shook him. “You thought she and I were . . . together?”

  “Looked that way to me.”

  “Wow. Heck, no. Give me some credit. Sheesh.”

  Natalie refused to acknowledge the relief that raced through her. “Are you sure you’re okay? That bruise looks bad.”

  “Doesn’t hurt nearly as much as my foot.”

  “Stop.” She smiled, enjoying the teasing lilt in his voice. “You know, I’ve never had anyone come to my defense that way before. I’m sure Leo would have left on his own. You didn’t have to punch his lights out.”