by Kaylee, Katy
Sitting it on his bed, he opened the lid and pulled out a stack of photos. He slipped several of him and his parents into his suitcase and then sat staring of the one of him, Jordan, and Amber as kids. He went to put it in his bag, but stopped, dropping it back into the box and returning it to the shelf. He had just cut ties with Amber in the worst way possible, and after he left, he wasn’t sure what relationship he would have with the rest of them.
He finished up with his luggage and walked down to the kitchen. Carefully, he wrote a note to each person in the family, thanking them for taking care of him for all those years. He apologized for leaving in the manner in which he was, but he didn’t want to hurt anyone, so he knew it was better that he did it that way. The tearful goodbyes and the sad words weren’t what he or any of them needed. He put each letter careful in an envelope and sealed them, writing their names on the front. He set them out on the counter, where he knew they would find them when they came down for breakfast.
Logan stood, leaning against the kitchen island, looking around the quiet house. The sun hadn’t even come up yet, and there wasn’t a single sound echoing through the halls. It reminded him of the silence of his parent’s house after they were killed. It sent chills down his spine as he tried to push the memory away. All that pain he thought he had given up when talking to Amber and having her close in his life had flooded back to him without warning, and he was struggling to push it back. His mind was tired, and his heart was exhausted. Nothing had been that heartbreaking since their death, and he hated every moment of it.
He grabbed another piece of paper and sat on the stool, writing one last letter to Amber. In that letter, he didn’t hold anything back. It was too late to keep trying to put up a happy face. He bared all of his feelings to her, he poured out his heart like he had never done before.
Dear Amber,
The days and weeks that I have spent in your arms have been the happiest ones of my entire life. I never thought in a million years I could love someone even more than I love myself, but then there was you. You could see through my fake smile and my good posture. You could see the man that I was on the inside and you allowed that man to be freed if only for a little while…
Logan leaned back in the chair and took a deep breath, wiping a tear from his eye. He gripped the pen tightly and finished writing the two-page letter to her. He signed it with all his love, but he knew that would only anger her. He didn’t care. He had to let her know what had happened to lead to that point. When he was done, he wrote a second one to go with the others that simply said, “See ya, Amber.” It was just another lie, so that the family wouldn’t know what had happened. What was the purpose of them knowing at that point? It would only affect her, and she didn’t need any more pain or grief in her life.
He took the long letter upstairs and slipped it under her door, knowing she would read it when she finally came back. There was no doubt that Jordan would call her to tell her he had gone. He went back to his room and looked around one last time to make sure that he had gotten everything. He put his duffel bag around his neck, hung his suit bag over his arm, and pulled his suitcase behind him. He paused briefly and looked back at the space which he had spent so much time turning into a home, before shutting off the lights and closing the door.
He crept down the hall, glancing over at the picture of a pixie painted on Amber’s door from when she was a little girl. He could remember Jordan asking Lisa to do it for her as a surprise, not wanting to be the one to paint a fairy in fear of his masculinity being dented. The thought brought a smile to Logan’s face, but that quickly faded as he thought about Amber’s face as she stood there gripping his journal, hurt and anger blowing through her.
Logan gritted his teeth and moved on, pushing the handle down on his suitcase and heading down the stairs. He grabbed the keys to his jeep, leaving the house key behind, and walked out the front door, unsure if he would ever come back, or if he would even be welcome back there, for that matter. As he drove down through LA, he took in the warm California air and the sights and sounds of the town he grew up in. There were so many memories there, some from his parents, some from Jordan, and even more special, the ones with Amber.
He found himself driving faster and faster toward the airport, just wanting to get through it and get to New York. Maybe if he got out of there, it wouldn’t hurt so bad. When he arrived at the airport he put the key in the glove box, having left instructions for Jordan to pick it up and take it back to the house. He could have taken a cab, but he didn’t want to accidently wake up anyone in the house.
“Name?” the attendant at the desk asked.
Logan pulled out his ID and handed it over to her. “Logan Townley, picking up a ticket to New York.”
She typed rapidly on the keyboard and nodded as she printed out the ticket. “You are first class on flight 2345 from here straight to New York. Your plane will be boarding at Gate 19, but not for about an hour and a half.”
“I have luggage I would like to check.”
They went through the process and then Logan slumped along through the security check, barely anyone in line that early in the morning. He was just lucky that the company had booked him an early morning flight, otherwise he would have had to sit in the airport all day. When he was through security, he grabbed a coffee and a Danish like Jordan always did and sat down in the empty loading area where, eventually, his plane would pull in.
An older gentleman was two seats down and smiled kindly at Logan. “Traveling all alone?”
Logan smiled. “Yeah, heading to New York for a new job.”
“Well, that sounds exciting!”
Logan shrugged. “I guess. I am leaving on not the best terms, so I think the excitement got overlooked.”
The old man stood up with the aid of his cane and looked out the window. “You know what my father used to tell me? He told me that no one wanted to be the fool, but sometimes it took being the fool to get everything you ever wanted. Seems to have worked for me until now.”
Logan nodded his head, shocked at what he was hearing. How many people were going to tell him to be the fool? Besides, he felt like he had long surpassed foolery. He had dabbled on the edge of complete insanity, and it did nothing but hurt everyone around him. He needed to lead the life that he wanted, to work hard and achieve his goals.
The old man picked up his bag. “You have a good flight, young man. And remember that it may seem tough now, but the longer you live, the smaller these things seem. And if they still seem big later on, well, you know what you need to do.”
Logan gave him a half smile. “Thank you, sir. You have a good flight, too. And be safe out there, acting like a fool. I’ve come to find out it doesn’t always turn out the way that you want it to. Then again, I probably don’t have to tell you that.”
The man tilted his hat and grinned, walking off down the hall. Logan shook his head and finished off his coffee, throwing the cup in the trash can. Now, all he could do was wait, and he didn’t even know if that would help him anymore.
Logan sat there, staring out the window, daydreaming the entire time. When his plane finally arrived and they called his boarding, he got in line. The woman smiled sweetly at him, taking his ticket and giving back the other half. “Have a wonderful flight.”
Logan nodded. “Thank you.”
Logan pulled his carry on down the terminal, stopping and stepping to the side as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He was getting texts from Jordan, Lisa, and Matt all worried about him. They didn’t even seem mad, just concerned that something had happened that they could have prevented. Logan didn’t want them to feel that way, so he put together a group text and sent it over explaining it was nothing they did, he knows they are hurt, but he promised that when he got to New York he would call and explain things.
He went back to the text screen, but there weren’t any other messages. Either Amber didn’t know, or she no longer cared enough to text him. He didn’t blame her in the least, t
hough. She had been the one to get hurt the worst out of all of it. He turned his phone off and shoved it in his pocket, making his way down to the plane. He found his seat by the window and stowed his carryon underneath the seat in front of him. The flight was pretty empty, which was surprising since it was going to New York, but Logan was happy about it. He didn’t have to share his row with anyone.
As the plane taxied down the runway and then sped up, lifting off the ground, Logan looked out the window at Los Angeles in the background. He put his hand up on the plexi glass and felt the cold air on the other side. There was his home, moving off into the distance. But it wasn’t even that part that hurt his chest, it was the visions of Amber, so beautiful and so sweet, her heart broken and left behind.
He leaned his forehead against the window and closed his eyes, feeling the heat of tears in the corners. His heart was shattered into a million pieces, and it was so bad that he wasn’t sure he would ever recover. He wasn’t sure if he would ever see her again.
Friday (Five Years Later)
“Mr. Townley?” Logan opened his eyes to see a middle aged, perfectly pressed stewardess staring down at him.
“Yes. I’m sorry, I must have dozed off,” he replied, sitting up in his chair and straightening his tie.
“It’s no problem at all. Most do, especially in first class. I just wanted to let you know that the captain will be turning the seat belt sign on in about three minutes as we make our decent into Los Angeles,” she replied with a smile.
Logan nodded. “Of course, thank you.”
The stewardess walked away and Logan buckled his belt, gazing out the window at the beautiful bright skies of California. It never failed; every time over the last almost five years that he had flown back from New York, he got butterflies in his stomach. Usually to calm those nerves he took his private jet, but the luxury of it all was getting to be too much for him. He was still first class, but it felt more normal, more human.
He sat quietly and comfortably as the plane descended and touched down on the runway. He could feel the huge plane bounce along the cement, something he didn’t feel in his private jet. It woke him up and brought him out of his thoughts. The thoughts he was having were about Amber, anyway, and he knew that wasn’t healthy. He hadn’t seen her since the day before he left, almost five years earlier. It was difficult for Logan to come to terms with, so he had thrown his whole self into work, making the life he wanted for himself.
As the plane taxied along the runway and began to slow, Logan shut the panel on his window and reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out his phone. The captain’s voice came over the loudspeaker. “This is the captain speaking. I wanted to thank everyone for flying with Delta, and have a wonderful stay in Los Angeles or wherever your next plane takes you. As we pull up to the gate, feel free to turn your electronics back on. And as always, thank you for your patronage.”
Logan turned his iPhone on and sighed at the sheer number of messages and emails that came up in the alerts. He skimmed through the emails, nothing dire, but from the texts, it looked as if his top salesman was having a bit of a meltdown back in the New York office. Logan grabbed his bag and hurried off the plane, stopping right outside the gate.
He dialed the office and waited. “Hey, Gina, this is Logan. I got a ton of messages from Tony. Figured I would call back. Is he available?”
The secretary put him on hold, but only for a second. Tony answered and immediately launched into a dramatic diatribe of rhetoric concerning one of their biggest advertisers. Logan took in a deep breath. “Tony, calm down. What does our company handle?”
Tony cleared his throat. “A multitude of extraordinarily successful millennial apps and an online publication.”
Logan nodded. “And what were our numbers last month?”
Tony grumped. “We got more views than Time Magazine Online.”
Logan chuckled. “That’s right. We have worked our asses off for this. I spent six months at that slave driving internship with Bloomburg, and knew there was a better way to do business. Four years later we are one of the most lucrative and popular technological firms in the country. Take it one day at a time, okay? I want you to do a quick look over of the client’s portfolio, put together some ideas to get them back, and I’ll check back with you before the end of the day.”
Tony had calmed down. “Right. Thanks, boss. You always pull me from the noose.”
Logan smiled, looking up to see Jordan standing there staring at him. “That’s what I’m here for. I’ll call you later.”
Logan hung up the call and Jordan grinned from ear to ear, walking toward him with his arms wide. “Logan, brother, it’s so good to see you.”
Logan put down his bag and hugged Jordan tightly. “Man, you too. It’s been too long since the last visit.”
Jordan pulled away, nodding. “Hell yes it has, but you are a crazy successful entrepreneur with handsewn suits by the elves in the valleys of the Alps.”
Logan looked down at his custom suit and laughed. “Yeah, you know, gotta help the gnome economy.”
Jordan shook his head. “Come on, let’s get your bags, I’ve got a car waiting outside for us.”
The guys grabbed Logan’s bags and headed outside, where the attendant handed Jordan the keys to the BMW parked on the curb. They threw the bags into the trunk and headed off toward Jordan’s house. As they drove through the warm California air, Jordan looked over at him and smirked. “Man, I can’t tell you how good it feels to have you back in town. I’ve been having best friend withdrawal.”
Logan leaned his head back and closed his eyes. “I’ve been having fresh air withdrawal.”
Jordan scoffed. “If you think LA has fresh air, I know you’ve got your head in the New York City smog. Why didn’t you bring the jet this time?”
Logan shrugged. “Just wanted a normal flight. Besides, with the new office opening out here, I let the guys who will be running it bring the jet over. A ‘thank you’ for moving all the way across the country.”
Jordan gave him a side glance. “You should be one of those guys. I need you here to keep me grounded in married life. The wedding planning is already driving me nuts.”
Logan chuckled. “How is Melissa? I missed her last time I was here. I think she was off at a work retreat or something.”
“She’s fantastic, and still putting up with my ass after almost five years. That’s a big feat. When she said yes, I knew I was just inches away from locking her in so she couldn’t change her mind.”
Logan laughed. “That’s right, trick a girl into forever. That works well. No, I’m just messing with you. Melissa loves the hell out of you. I’m really happy for you guys.”
Logan put on a pleased face, and he was happy for his friend, but there was still a bit of jealousy and bitterness that sat in the pit of his stomach. Part of him blamed the family for him not being able to let them in on him and Amber, which had made things a lot harder for them. Then again, it had been a half a decade ago, and he had reunited and mended relationships with all of them except Amber. She had made sure to not be anywhere around when he came to visit.
They pulled up to a stoplight and Jordan took his glasses off. “You know, I was thinking. Maybe since you’re going to be staying out here for a while, you could rekindle your romance with that girl from before. You know, the one who broke your damn heart into a thousand pieces and sent you sneaking off in the middle of the night. The one you never got over.”
Logan took in a deep breath, pushing back the feeling in his chest. “Dude, I got over her a long time ago, trust me. I have been too busy building a company to worry about relationships. Besides, I’m not staying out here, just getting the new office up and running and then I’m going back to New York. If she didn’t want long distance before, that’s not going to change now. I don’t need the distraction of something that will never work out. Besides, I’m pretty sure she would never agree to meet with me. I left and didn’t really even say goodbye, j
ust poof, gone. I deserve whatever anger she still has toward me.”
Jordan rolled his eyes. “I don’t agree with that. It’s been almost five years, bro. If that girl is holding onto that animosity after this long, then that means she is still in love with you. She’s just hiding it behind anger.”
Logan looked out the window at the passing busy streets. “That one is long ago over and buried, and I’m not going to dig it up and hurt her again. She has avoided me at all costs, and if that is how she feels, then I will respect that.”
Jordan shrugged. “Hey, it was just a suggestion. I like to see you happy and that was a point in your life when you really seemed upbeat and proud. Not that you don’t now, but I think you traded your love for her for a love of business and everything tech. The only problem with that is those things don’t love you back.”
Logan chuckled. “Sure they do; it’s called a multi-million dollar corporation, private jet, and huge bank account.”
Jordan gave him a half smile. “Yeah, I suppose. It is funny, though. I feel like we switched places in life. You were the thinker and I was the wild man. Now I’m the family man and you are all sorts of single and loving to be that way.”
“No ties to bind me, bro. That’s how I need it. Not because I’m some man whore like you were, but because I need to focus on what I have in front of me. Besides, New York women are some kind of hard to read.”
Jordan wrinkled his nose. “No way. I love that Melissa tells it like it is. She doesn’t hold back. Sometimes it can be interesting, but I never have to guess how she feels or what’s on her mind.”
Logan shook his head. “You are the only man in the world with that gift.”
Logan made light of the situation, but in the back of his mind he couldn’t help but think about the time he had spent with Amber. From the first night making love unexpectedly, to the sneaking around with each other, and the way that magnetic pull between them blew his mind. It had been the most exciting, and most terrible experience of his life. He hadn’t felt that way about another girl since, and he was pretty positive that he wouldn’t ever feel that way again. Amber was one of a kind, almost like they were made for each other. The pull between them was unbelievable.