by Kaylee, Katy
“I’m making a damn mistake,” he said out loud to himself. “This girl is everything that I or any other human being would want in their lives. Get it together, Logan.”
He put his hands together and began to pace back and forth. He knew that he had made a mistake deciding to go take that internship. She had given up everything for him, and he couldn’t give up this one thing? He cared too much about her to think about letting her feel even a pin prick of pain. He wanted to protect her from everything in the world, not to be the man who broke her heart.
It was right then and there that he decided he would call Bloomberg on Monday and tell them that he couldn’t accept the position. It was just a job, after all; there would be plenty more out there for him. If it meant that he would have to build his business the hard way, it would be worth it to get to spend every moment with Amber. No one would even know the difference, besides Jordan, but he knew he wouldn’t say anything to anyone. Amber would have no idea he was even offered the position, and that was for the best. He didn’t want to cause her any pain or have any question in her mind as to his feelings for her.
“Hey, what are you doing out here?” Jordan said walking out.
Logan stood up straight, feeling better already. “I just got lightheaded and needed some air.”
Jordan looked at him with concern. “You alright, buddy?”
Logan walked over to Jordan and put his hand around his shoulders. “I think I am now. Actually, I know I am now. It’s funny how the smallest things in life can trigger you to really rethink things and make decisions you never thought you would make.”
Jordan nodded. “I don’t really know what you are talking about, but sure. The little things in life are what really determine the power of the big things. My dad always tells us it’s the little things that we will remember, not the big things. Those are usually the things that don’t bring the quality that we all strive for in our lives.”
Logan shook his head. “Exactly on point. Come on, let’s not leave that girl too long with your dad. You want to keep her as your girl, right?”
Jordan laughed. “Yeah, that would be preferable.”
The guys walked back into the building with Jordan adding a bit of a pep to his step. He wouldn’t have to break Amber’s heart, or his own for that matter. He could go on with things the way they had been going and build a life with her. She was one of the most important things in his world, and he already couldn’t believe that he would have made any decision that could have jeopardized that.
They found Matt and Melissa in the control room, with Matt telling her all about the new machines that had just been installed. “These boards are going to give us state of the art sound, picture quality, and editing capabilities. We no longer outsource anything in this company, and all our employees are paid above industry standard.”
Melissa looked impressed. “Wow. That’s really great. Most companies these days put profit over employees, and that really makes it hard to keep that profit up. It sounds like you have your feet firmly planted here.”
Matt glanced over at the guys. “Not forever. Eventually, I am going to hand this all over to Jordan and let him take it into the next era. Movie making has changed so much just in the last twenty years. I can’t wait to see what it will be like in another twenty. Hopefully, by then, I’m the one taking the tour and he’s the one making the decisions.”
Melissa smiled. “He talks about it a lot. About this place, and the company. He is smitten with the fact that you have given that opportunity to him. He can’t see himself doing anything else.”
Logan and Jordan could see the pride wash over Matt, and Logan leaned in. “Man, she is good. She just managed to fix your entire relationship with your father in two seconds. You need to keep her. She can be your liaison to your parents so there aren’t any more fights.”
Jordan nodded. “I think that sounds like a perfect idea. I always hoped I could say as little as possible to my parents and still have them be satisfied.”
Logan grinned. “Listen, I’m going to head out of here. I want to hit up the gym before I go home. You guys coming by the house?”
“Nah, not today. We have a thing at her parents’ place. I’ll see if you’re awake if I get back early enough. Otherwise, I’ll see you tomorrow. And for God’s sake, bring that girl around. We all want to shake her hand.”
Logan patted him on the back. “Yeah, eventually.”
“It was nice meeting you,” Melissa yelled waving her hand.
Logan waved back. “You too. Keep our boy in check.”
Melissa gave him a thumbs up. “Oh, I got this. I promise.”
Matt jogged over and shook Logan’s hand. “If you change your mind about working here, I think you and Jordan would make a fantastic team. Just let me know and I’ll make sure there is a position here for you.”
Logan nodded. “Thanks, Matt. I really appreciate that.”
Logan headed out of the studio and jumped in his Jeep, leaving the top down and sides off as he cruised through Los Angeles toward the gym. He let the air blow over him as he went, feeling the sensation of love palpitating in his heart. He had taken the next step with Amber the night before, and it was what ultimately changed his mind. It was like he could see clearly for the first time since he had gotten that phone call, and he was kind of mad at himself for being such an idiot about it. Luckily, he came to that revelation when he did and there would be no harm done.
He pulled into the gym and grabbed his bag, going inside. This time, instead of killing himself on the treadmill, or doing the stepper for an hour straight, he worked with weights. He didn’t have any anger or stress at all to worry about. Logan worked out for about forty minutes before wiping off his equipment and heading out. He whistled as he walked, swinging his bag back and forth and greeting others as he passed. He felt on top of the world, knowing he would get to be with Amber. There was nothing he could think of that could put a damper on that, except maybe Jordan and Matt finding out.
Logan loved Jordan, but he had to start listening to his own intuition instead of trying to have other people make decisions for him. As he pulled into the drive, he noticed that Amber’s care wasn’t there, but he knew she would be back soon. He wanted to make sure he got a shower before she got home, so that there were no more instances of her making fun of him for being a gym rat. Just remembering the conversation made Logan laugh as he climbed the steps and went inside his room.
He threw his bag on the floor and grabbed some clean clothes from the drawer. He turned on the shower and immediately got in, letting the water heat up slowly on his skin. He leaned forward and let the waterfall run down over his head and into the tub below. The heat massaged all of his sore and tired muscles, which made him wonder at first how he had gotten so sore. Then he remembered the hot and sensual sex they had been having, an activity which, until recently, had been completely foreign to him. He was building muscle and having sex with his girl; it was like killing two birds with one stone. Now all he had to do was get their relationship to a place where they could actually be together in public, and his world would be sealed.
Amber
“Call me later and let me know how everything goes with you two. I’m really glad to know that you are happy and being taken care of.” Taylor hugged Amber tightly.
Amber smiled at her best friend and walked out the front door. The girls had been out shopping all morning, and then ran some errands for school. Taylor couldn’t have been happier that Amber would be staying in the area; she was her best friend. At the same time, she wanted to make sure Amber was positive about what she was doing. Amber couldn’t have been more positive if she tried. There wasn’t even a whisper of a doubt in her mind.
Amber drove up the driveway at her house and pulled her car up behind Logan’s Jeep. There were no other cars there, so she could assume that they would be alone at least for a little while. She entered the house, hanging her keys on the hook by the door and went to th
e kitchen to grab a snack. She drank her bottle of water and ate the package of cheese crackers she found in the pantry. Above her, she could hear the shower running and assumed that was Logan, who had probably went by the gym.
She meandered up the stairs and down the hall, walking into his room and looking around. He was definitely in the shower, and as much as she wanted to join him, she knew that it would be a really bad idea. That was the moment they would get caught, and not only would it be mortifying, it would be bad juju for their future. Instead, she sat down on his bed and leaned back, putting her arms under her head. The ceiling fan spun around and around, making practically no sound at all. His huge flat screen television was off and the only sound in the whole house was the water falling in the shower.
Amber was trying to be as patient as she possibly could be, but she just wanted to be near him, to feel his arms wrapped around her. It was the most comforting feeling in the world, and she felt almost vulnerable without it. She sighed and turned her head to the side, spying his bed side table. She bit her lip and sat up, thinking about the journal inside. On a normal basis, Amber didn’t consider herself a nosey person, and she tended to trust most people. However, when she found out that he had been writing in a journal, her interest had been instantly peaked.
She looked up at the door and then over at the drawer, giving up and moving over there. She quietly slid the drawer open and pulled out the faded old journal from the top. She held it in her hands for several minutes, trying to give herself enough balls to open it. After a few moments, she just sat back and opened it to the first page.
Today my mom and dad died in a car accident. They say the other guy was a drunk driver but I guess it doesn’t really matter because they are gone. I feel numb, unloving and unloved. I have been given the offer to go live with my best friend in their huge estate, but even that place has memories of them. Where am I supposed to go with no one to guide me?
Amber turned the page, almost feeling awkward for reading such an intimate post. The next page was two weeks later.
It’s been a week since the funeral and everyone keeps telling me I need to grieve. I am grieving, just in my own way. Jordan’s parent’s Matt and Lisa are amazing. They are there for me but they don’t smother. They accepted me into their household without question and they treat me exactly the same as they treat their own kids, Jordan and Amber. I can see in the future that I will love them like I loved my parents, I just hope I don’t let them down.
Amber flipped through the book, page after page, reading excerpts from his writing. A lot of it was documented teenage angst and nothing else. There were some interesting parts, but mostly just bitching about college, girls, and Jordan being an asshole all the time. Amber flipped through to the summer before that, and saw there were only three writings. One was about drinking and bars, but another was about the family.
Came home for summer break before my senior year. Matt and Lisa seemed just as excited to me that they did to see Jordan. It made me feel good on the inside. Jordan’s little sister, Amber, grew leaps and bounds and now looks like a full-fledged hottie walking into high school. It’s a good thing she is working so hard toward her goals, because all the guys would be trying to screw her. She is beautiful and there is something that I feel that I can’t quite put my finger on. Maybe it’s just a crush.
Amber giggled after reading that, finding it interesting that he had been harboring his feelings for her the same way she had been doing for him. They were too young before, and she knew very well as a senior in high school she would have shied away from him immediately. She had been too busy planning for her future to notice that her future lived two-bedroom doors down from her. It had all worked out for the best, and he seemed to be even more committed to her than she thought.
She continued flipping the pages, skipping over most of it. She came to one of two last pages written very recently.
I just got back from a trip to Colorado to clean up the condo for Matt and Lisa. While I was sitting at the airport I got a call from Bloomberg. They actually offered me the internship that I wanted to get my feet on the ground with my own business. In the moment I said yes without hesitation but then I started to think about Amber. About how she had sacrificed so much to be with me. I ran things by Jordan, even though he doesn’t know who the mystery woman is. He told me to take the job, there would be plenty of women. But all I could think was that none of them would be like Amber.
I had the whole plane ride to think it over with Jordan snoring in my ear. I have to take the job, if I want any chance at a future, a way to support myself and my own family one day I have to take the internship. I don’t want to leave Amber, but I will be no good to her without any prospects for the future. The thing is, I can’t figure out how to tell her. I can’t stand the thought of hurting her.
So, after a long deliberation I decided what the best plan would be for me. It may be cowardly but I am going to get up early in the morning, and just leave before any one is out of bed. I will leave notes, and I will contact them once I land in New York, but I can’t watch Amber’s heart break while mine is shattering too. She deserved so much better than that but I know that if I don’t go I will regret it for the rest of my life. It is my only chance to fulfill my dreams. Hopefully I can bring myself to do it.
“What are you doing?” Logan asked, walking into the room from the shower.
Amber didn’t hear him get out of the shower, but she didn’t give a damn. She had read the words, and she was standing there trying to process them. She was trying to make sense of everything that had just crossed through her mind. While she was over here dropping out of Yale and making sacrifices, he was planning to leave her all along, and not in a good way either. He was literally planning walking out without telling a soul and just leaving a note.
Logan walked over and snatched the journal out of her hands, pissed. Amber didn’t care if he was pissed, she was a lot more furious at him than he was at her. She watched as he looked down at the page she was reading and then up at her face, worry replacing the anger. She gripped her fists tightly at her sides, trying to calm down before she spoke, but she was having a really hard time doing it.
“I can’t believe you,” Amber said at a whisper.
Logan put up his hands. “Hold on a second, Amber. You read one entry and didn’t look at the others.”
Amber knocked the journal out of his hands. “I don’t need to see the others. I read exactly what you are planning on doing. You took an internship in New York, and instead of facing me like a man you were going to just run out in the middle of the night. You weren't even going to show you cared enough to try to explain the internship to me! How dare you!”
Logan looked desperate. “Amber, please, let me explain.”
Amber shook her head, all the anger coming to the surface. “No! Fuck you! You had the opportunity to explain before, but you refused. Instead you hid behind your little fucking journal and made plans to just run out on me. You are such a fucking asshole! I am such a fool. I thought you really cared about me. I thought you were going to start a life with me. You stood by while I quit Yale and didn’t say a damn word.”
Amber stomped forward toward the door, but Logan grabbed her arm. “Wait. Amber, please.”
Amber spun around and slapped him hard across the face. “Enjoy your life, enjoy this internship that was more important than what we had. I want you to pretend that I never existed, because I don’t want anything to do with you. When you come back here for holidays, don’t even acknowledge me. You are nothing to me anymore, and I hope you leave really soon because I can’t stand to look at your face!”
She pulled her arm away from him and ran from his room and down the stairs. She raced to her car and got inside, ignoring the fact that he was chasing after her. Her head was spinning so fast, she could barely see straight. She felt like someone had taken a dagger and stabbed her right in the heart. How could she have been so stupid to think she would ever be
more important to him than anything else? He chose his career over what they had shared and even worse, he had continued sleeping with her and stringing her along for days after he made his decision.
She started the car and raced down the drive, just wanting to get away from him. She made the first turn she could find and parked at the back of a shopping center parking lot. She leaned her head against her arms, propped on the steering wheel, and just let all go. Tears flowed rapidly from her eyes as she cried loudly, rubbing her hand across her chest. She had done it, she had played the fool, and it didn’t turn out good for her at all. In fact, it had turned out exactly the opposite.
Now, she was stuck in a city she didn’t want to be in, going to a college leagues below what she had originally planned on, and everything she made for herself sat in ashes at her feet. She had broken the number one rule for girls, and had changed her entire life to be with a man. She would never let that happen, ever again.
Logan
Logan put his suitcase and duffel bag on the bed and stared down at it. He couldn’t wait any longer, he had to leave. Things had been silent in the house all day, and Amber hadn’t been home since she ran out on Friday. That slap did more than hurt his face, it broke his heart, and not because she was angry; she had every right to be angry. His heart was broken because he had hurt her so badly.
He walked quietly over to his closet and pulled down his suit, zipping it into a hanging bag for the plane. He would have to buy more suits when he got to New York, but that would at least get him in the door for his new job. He went through his clothes, folding each piece carefully and setting it into his suitcase. Anything he wasn’t taking he consolidated into one drawer of his dresser. When he had packed all his clothes and toiletries, he reached up into his closet and pulled down a box.