Hidden Hearts

by Olivia Dade

  Unfortunately, she now understood something else too.

  He was leaving. He was leaving Nice County, and he was leaving her.

  “I’m sure all of you will get together soon.” Very soon, if she guessed correctly.

  And she was happy for him. Really. He’d regained that spark whose loss she’d grieved after watching his Blu-ray. Within months, he’d no doubt reveal himself to the world as a golden god once more, bathed in sunlight as he joyously engaged with his friends, his crew, and his work. A little battered. Not perfect, not anymore. But still glorious to behold.

  A demigod, then. Humbled, but not broken.

  “God help me, Mary,” he said. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

  She did. But he needed to come to that conclusion in his own time.

  “I’ll support you, no matter what you decide.” She pressed a kiss to his chest. “Don’t worry about me.”

  The truth. She wouldn’t be an anchor on the man she loved. Not for the world. And certainly not for her own selfish reasons.

  “Mary…” He met her gaze, his eyes troubled. His hand hot against her bare skin.

  She didn’t want to hear it. Not right now.

  She wanted one more night before he told her good-bye.

  So she raised her head and covered his mouth with hers, blocking anything else he wanted to say. And did her best not to cry at the thought of how little time they had left.

  19

  Miles stiffened for a moment. Then he relaxed beneath her, his movements turning fluid and assured. Before she could take a breath, he was easing her lips open with his tongue and hauling her on top of him, until she was sprawled skin-to-skin along his body.

  He buried his hand in her hair and claimed her mouth, nudging between her legs with his muscled thigh. And when he bent his knee, she suddenly had pressure right where she wanted it. And when he lifted that leg higher…oh. Oh, goodness gracious.

  She whimpered against his lips, and she could feel his satisfied smile.

  “Ride my leg,” he said. “Grind against me. Make my thigh wet.”

  He’d never used that kind of language with her before. Never imbued his voice with such confident command and open carnality.

  It was exciting. More exciting than she’d ever dreamed. And when she rocked her hips, rubbing against his leg, her eyes shut at the pleasure of it.

  “Look at me,” he demanded. “Only at me.”

  His hand had fisted in her hair. Not hurting her, not even a little bit. But insisting on her full attention. Demonstrating with his hold just how close to the edge he was tonight.

  He watched her response, studying her face as she moved against him. And then he let go of her hair and slid his hand down to the middle of her back. Dipping his head, he licked her nipple. Nibbled at it. Flicked it with his tongue and sucked until she wanted to close her eyes again. But she didn’t. He’d told her to look at him, and she would. For his sake, and for her own selfish reasons too.

  So she gazed at the top of his head as he made her nipples hard and wet, electricity spiking between her legs with every draw of his mouth. The pressure low in her belly began to build, and she rubbed herself against him in a fever of need.

  He released her nipple just as she began to get close, lowering his hand to still her hips.

  She licked her lips and regarded him through hazy eyes, confused. When he urged her to straddle him, though, and maneuvered her further and further up his body, things got clear in a hurry. Too clear. By the time her knees were planted on either side of his head, she was nearly hyperventilating.

  “Miles, I’m not sure I can do this,” she whispered frantically.

  His response came from between her legs, and she nearly died of embarrassment. “All I want to see is you. All I want to smell is you. All I want to taste is you.” He separated her folds with a single stroke of his tongue, his grip on her bottom keeping her in place. “So you can, Mary. And you will.”

  Her knees almost collapsed beneath her. But when she tried to wiggle away, his hot hand tightened, bringing her even closer. For heaven’s sake, she could feel him breathing against her.

  It felt…well, amazing, actually. But still. “I’ll suffocate you! And when I have to call the paramedics, I’ll be too mortified to tell them what happened!”

  When he laughed, the vibrations…

  Oh, my.

  She reached for the headboard, desperate to support herself somehow.

  “I’ll be dead, beautiful. Not my problem.”

  His answer moved his lips over her most sensitive flesh, and she shuddered at the sensation. And then shuddered again, harder, when he essentially buried his face between her legs and slowly licked from her vagina all the way to her clitoris, circling the bit of flesh with a little swirl before starting over again.

  Her thighs shook, and she moaned, her tight grip on the headboard turning her knuckles pale. But he showed her no mercy, employing his tongue, his lips, his teeth, and his nose to torment her. To please her. To build her arousal until she was gasping for breath and didn’t give a damn anymore about his own ability to breathe.

  She let herself sink a little lower. “Harder.”

  He laughed again, then sucked her clit between his lips.

  She went still, knowing one more movement would send her over the edge. Just a little more, and she would be there. She would come, goodness help her, on his flippin’ face.

  A final, firm rub of his tongue, and she couldn’t hold back any longer. She cried out, her blood rushing in her ears as she convulsed and throbbed and clenched in orgasm.

  He kept nudging at her oversensitive flesh, draining every last twitch of pleasure from her body, and she sagged in exhaustion.

  At least until he squeezed her butt and spoke, his voice muffled. “I take it back. Please don’t suffocate me.”

  “Oh!” She scrambled back on the bed, arms and legs flying, and almost kneed him in the groin. Which would have been a shame, because it appeared his near-death by cunnilingus hadn’t hindered his desire in any appreciable way.

  He was fighting a grin when he sat up, doing his best to hide it as he wiped the back of his hand across his mouth. But then he studied her sprawled across the bed, supporting herself with her two arms behind her, her breasts thrust forward in a thoroughly unladylike way, and his amusement promptly vanished.

  “I want you on your back.” His eyes were dark in the dim light of her bedroom, his features taut.

  They’d made love several times with him on top, and one arm had always proven more than enough to support him. She knew, though, that he was still fighting the undertow of whatever nightmares he’d had about the position. So she certainly wasn’t going to question his choice of missionary-style sex, even if he phrased that choice as an order. As far as she was concerned, his willingness to use the position—or, in this case, his insistence on using it—was something to celebrate.

  But she couldn’t help the hitch in her breath when he gave his next directive.

  “Open your legs, beautiful. Wide as they can go. I want to see every inch of you.”

  He produced a condom from somewhere and began to roll it down his thick penis, his eyes fixed on her tentative movements as she spread her thighs.

  “Wider.” He gave his cock a slow stroke, ruddy color high on his cheekbones.

  She bit her lip, hesitating.

  I mean, honestly, what does it matter? He’s seen it all before anyway. And this is probably going to be the last time you make love. Do you really want to hold back?

  She went for it. Taking a deep breath, she splayed herself as wide as she could.

  He visibly tensed, and his gaze burned through her. “You’re gorgeous, Mary Louise Higgs. Every bit of you.” His erection somehow grew even bigger, and he slid his hand up and down his length one more time. “See what you do to me?”

  Why did she find that gesture so exciting, despite it
s crudeness? Why did it turn her on even more?

  “I love you.” His breath shuddered in his chest. “And I need you so badly. You know that, right?”

  It’s mutual. Oh, goodness, it’s mutual.

  She nodded, watching him crawl closer, between her widespread legs. He knelt there, and then reached out to stroke her clitoris with his fingertip. She jerked at the contact.

  “Too sensitive?”

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  So he circled around it, stroking gently through her wetness, playing with her flesh until she was shifting underneath his touch again. Raising her hips to meet the intimate invasion of his fingers and moaning as he hooked those fingers and rubbed.

  Then he pressed her left leg up high, near her chest, until she was more open than she’d ever been. More open than she’d ever imagined being. And his eyes holding hers, he pushed inside her with one slow, deliberate thrust. Her neck arched at the familiar stretching sensation, the slide of his body so deep within hers.

  He was supporting himself with his right arm with no difficulty, thanks to all the training he’d been doing. And he watched her face as he ground up against her, circling his hips. When she gasped, he flashed her a tight smile.

  “Do you love me, Mary?”

  He withdrew almost completely and sank back inside, so slowly she wanted to scream with impatience. Then he ground up against her again until she wanted to scream for an entirely different reason.

  “Yes.” She panted out her answer. “So much.”

  His eyes closed, and he grimaced. “Can you take it hard? Just this once?”

  He had to have felt her inner muscles spasm at the words. Maybe he even felt her get wetter around him. But he still waited for her answer.

  “Please.” She moved restlessly beneath him. “Oh, God, please.”

  “Touch yourself. Like I would.”

  She didn’t argue or succumb to embarrassment. Instead, she simply reached between her legs and stroked herself, whimpering at the contact.

  Without further ado, he abandoned his restraint. His next thrust drove her up the bed, and the impact took her breath. She choked out a cry.

  He stilled immediately. “Okay?”

  “Yeah. It’s...” She moaned as he drew back and surged inside her again, his hips meeting her spread thighs with a distinct smack. “It’s amazing.”

  He didn’t ask her again. He didn’t need to. She came after his next thrust, at the sensation of her circling fingertips and his cock spreading her wide and carving deep, came as hard as she ever had in her life. Probably because she’d never been so unguarded in her life, physically and emotionally both.

  The pleasure of it made her sob, and so did the pain.

  By the time she came again minutes later, on her hands and knees, her fingers once more on her clit as he throbbed inside her and groaned, she couldn’t see anything through the tears that kept dripping on to her pillow.

  She knew what he was doing. He was saying good-bye with his body, and she didn’t know how she was going to survive it.

  * * *

  Miles didn’t sleep much. Just held Mary close and worried.

  He’d pushed her hard in bed that night. Maybe too hard. But he’d wanted to stake his claim in a way that couldn’t be mistaken. He’d wanted to convince her of his ardor. And most of all, he’d wanted her to bypass her usual boundaries, push through her reticence and worries, and see what awaited her on the other side.

  Love. Pleasure. Safety too, because he’d never let her get hurt. Not if he could help it.

  Now he was questioning whether he’d done the right thing. Whether he’d done enough.

  He supposed he’d find out in a few hours.

  The darkness in her bedroom lifted slowly, until the little nightlight automatically turned off. Bars of sunlight edged around the blinds covering her window, falling across her curled form on the bed. He just lay there, memorized her features for the millionth time, and waited.

  A little after eight, her eyes blinked open.

  Her bloodshot eyes. He winced, knowing his problems, his needs, his desires, had kept her from sleep. Had made her cry, for whatever reason.

  She offered him her usual gentle smile, although it appeared strained. And she stayed cuddled close, her arm slung across his chest and her legs tangled with his.

  He rubbed his nose against hers, then kissed its tip. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning.” She cleared her throat. “Did you sleep well?”

  “No.” No point in lying. “I was worrying.”

  Sitting up, she drew the sheet over her breasts, propped her pillow behind her back, and leaned against the headboard. “About the job offer?”

  “Yes and no. Not so much the work aspect of it, but…”

  Was it too soon? Should he wait a day or two?

  “But what?”

  She gazed down at him, her brow furrowed in concern. A stray ray of sunlight caressed her smooth skin, striking golden sparks in the deep brown of her eyes. She sat only inches away from him, naked under a sheet, her hair tumbled from their lovemaking. From his fist.

  Christ, she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

  He couldn’t wait any longer. He had to hear her answer.

  The words emerged in a rush. “I know you have bad memories from your time in California, and I know your life is here in Nice County. But I love you, Mary. I want to be with you wherever I am.”

  She’d become a mannequin in bed beside him, so motionless he wasn’t even sure she was breathing.

  Still, he took the plunge. “If I decided to go back to California, would you come with me? Please?”

  20

  With difficulty, Mary kept her jaw from hitting the floor.

  When she’d woken up and seen that look of worry on Miles’s face, her heart had clenched in her chest. He’s about to do it. He’s breaking up with me right now, she’d thought, and she’d done her darnedest to smile, even though she’d felt herself splintering to pieces.

  But instead of breaking up with her, he’d…Wait. Had he really said he wanted her to move with him?

  She shook her head, wondering if she’d hallucinated his words. “You want me to come with you to California?”

  “If I decide to go.”

  Oh, he was going. She was pretty sure he was the only one who didn’t know it yet. Heck, cloistered hermits in New Zealand were probably speculating about his upcoming season on HATV that very second.

  And his desire to have her by his side both warmed her heart and cracked it further. No man outside her family had ever loved her so much. No man had ever offered her so much of himself and his future. No man had ever broken through her reserve and brought her so much happiness.

  But she was still going to reject his plea. Which he should have realized. Maybe had realized, given the way he’d framed his question.

  He sat up in bed and took her hand. “What do you say?”

  “I love you too, Miles. More than you know. I never…” She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. “I never imagined meeting someone as wonderful and loving as you. And I want to stay with you, to support you and make a life together. I really do.”

  His fingers spasmed in hers, his grip tightening to a painful degree before loosening again. “I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

  “But I can’t go to California.”

  “Okay.” His voice had turned liquid. Coaxing. “Okay, let’s talk through this. Is it an issue of not wanting to leave your family and friends? Because I promise you, we could come back here all the time. Or we could fly them out to see you whenever you’d like.”

  All the people she loved—with one major exception—thousands of miles away? Her parents and siblings, Sarah, Angie, and everyone else? No. No, it wasn’t happening. “I’d miss them terribly. I don’t think—”

  “I could keep renting the cabin. Or someplace nicer, once I�
��m making money again. In between seasons, we could stay here. And during filming, we could Skype, make long-distance phone calls, and do weekend visits.”

  He was trying so hard, his face so darn hopeful she could feel her eyes burn once again.

  “That’s such a thoughtful plan.” She raised his hand to kiss his knuckles, then let it drop. “But sweetie, I don’t want to move someplace where I don’t know anyone. Not again.”

  “If you’re worried about finding work, I have connections with the local libraries through the fundraising and charity events I’ve done. I could put out some feelers and see if they have anything available that’d suit you.”

  Her work. Oh, goodness, her work. How could she leave Battlefield behind? Her patrons? Her coworkers?

  “Or if you wanted to go back to school and try another line of work, I could support you until you got a steady job.” He huffed out a breath. “Hell, if I accepted HATV’s offer, you wouldn’t even need to work, Mary. Not if you didn’t want to. But I’m guessing that’s not the sort of life you’d choose for yourself.”

  The corners of her trembling lips turned up. “You guess right.”

  “I would love for you to move in with me. But if you didn’t feel comfortable with that, I could find you a good apartment near where I live.”

  She bit her lip, tremendously tempted by the prospect of spending every day and night by Miles’s side, of building a life with the man she adored. How could she say no to that?

  Then again, how could she say yes?

  “I appreciate everything you’re saying. But it’s too much, Miles. Too much change. Too much risk. Even if I disregarded how much it would hurt to leave behind my family, friends, and work.” She met his eyes. “I don’t want to move. But I especially don’t want to move to California. I lost myself there, Miles, and I won’t let it happen again.”

  He responded immediately. “I understand what you’re saying. But Mary, this would be a completely different situation. You’d have me. You’d have my friends and my brother. And hell, if you hated LA, you wouldn’t have to spend much time there. Like I said, we could come back here to Maryland between seasons. And I’d be traveling a lot the rest of the time. You could come with me on location. I’d make sure that was allowed in my contract.”