Crooked as a Dog's Hind Leg

by Toni L. P. Kelner

  "Not necessarily," Richard said. "Drugs are monitored pretty closely."

  "OK. Then why in the party? Why not late at night?"

  "The purloined letter approach? Whoever it was must have known that he or she wouldn't be noticed."

  "Then why now? She just had a stroke, for heaven's sake. What harm could she do to anyone? I don't think she could even monopolize a television set the way she is now."

  "Maybe she was an easier target. From what people have been telling us, how easy would it have been to sneak up on her before?"

  I sighed. "Maybe Junior should have deputized Vasti instead of me because I haven't got a clue as to what's going on."

  Richard put his arm around me. "You're doing fine. All Junior wanted you to do was to protect Mrs. Hamilton, and you're doing that. The rest is up to Junior, remember?"

  "I guess," I said unwillingly. "It's just that it would be awfully nice to be able to hand the solution over to Junior when she gets here." I stood up. "Anyway, I promised Mr. Morgan I'd make that announcement. Coming, faithful dogsbody?"

  "'I will follow you to the last gasp with truth and loyalty.' As You Like It, Act II, scene 3."

  Word must have spread that I was playing detective because the people in the recreation room quieted down when Richard and I walked in. Vasti was doing her best to hand out more cookies, but I don't think anybody was taking her up on it. Clifford was playing a song over by the podium, and I waited until he finished before starting.

  "Can I have everybody's attention?" I said unnecessarily, since they were all watching me already. "I'd like to make an announcement." The people moved closer. "Y'all probably all know about Mrs. Hamilton by now. She was stabbed, but she survived the attack. The doctor said she's going to be fine." I waited for that to sink in before going on. "Chief Norton can't get through the storm to take charge herself, so she deputized me."

  There was talking among them at that, and I thought I heard my grandfather's name mentioned. As I’d said earlier, there were no secrets in Byerly, so these people almost certainly knew I had taken an interest in such things before. Maybe that meant they'd trust me.

  I continued, "I've been trying to see what I can find out about what happened, and that's where you folks come in. Did any of y'all see anyone around Mrs. Hamilton acting funny, someone who might have stabbed her?" There was a lot more talking, but no one seemed to have anything definite to say. "All right, then how about this? The knife used to stab Mrs. Hamilton was stuck in this bag afterwards." I held up the gift bag. "Did any of you see someone messing with this bag or putting anything into it?" Again the response was negative. I was disappointed but not surprised. If anyone had seen anything, word would already have reached me.

  I went on, "Now you folks know as much as I do, but I'll answer any questions you might have."

  A fearful-looking woman raised her hand, and I nodded at her. "How do we know that the murderer isn't going to come after someone else?"

  I did feel right foolish when she asked that. Until then I had just assumed Mrs. Hamilton was the only target, and I didn't have any real reason for thinking that. Foolish or not, I didn't suppose it would be very comforting for me to admit my mistake. "That's why we've been keeping all of you in here," I improvised. "Safety in numbers."

  A man muttered, "Safety in numbers didn't help Sadie Hamilton."

  "That's because she wasn't expecting anything. Now all of you are on your guard."

  "Does that mean that the murderer is still here?" the first woman asked. "Here in this room?"

  There was no way around that one. "I'm afraid that's just what I mean. As far as we can tell, no one has left the home since Mrs. Hamilton was stabbed."

  Now there was a wave of muttering and sidelong glances. I wanted to reassure them, but I resisted. These people deserved the truth. I didn't expect whoever it was to go after another target, but I couldn't be sure.

  I looked at a clock on the wall. It was close to midnight, and these folks were going to have to go to bed soon. How could I protect so many of them?

  "It's getting late," I said, "and I know you're getting tired." Goodness knows I was. "My cousins, my husband, and I are going to stay here for the night." I probably should have checked with them first, but between the ice on the roads and a thwarted murderer in the building, I didn't imagine that they'd argue. "I think we should all spend the night in here." There was some comments made, both from nurses and residents, but I talked over them. Hospital beds had wheels, didn't they? "We'll just roll in beds, and stick together. Nobody else is going to get hurt."

  There was a lot of conversation, but I didn't hear any loud objections so I decided I was going to get away with it.

  "Liz, Vasti, and Clifford are going to be in charge of getting everybody everything they have to have for tonight, so if there's something special you need, just tell them."

  Clifford looked blank, but Vasti called out, "People, I'd appreciate it if you'd go sit down until we get things set up." There was some movement, but clearly not enough to suit Vasti. "Come on now!" she said, clapping her hands sharply. "We haven't got all night."

  This sounded like as good a time as any for me to leave, and I pulled Richard along with me.

  He asked, "Where to now, fearless leader?"

  "I'm not that fearless," I answered. "I want to get out of here before Vasti comes up with something for me to do."

  The door to the infirmary was flanked by two of the triplets. I know they were trying hard to look menacing, but it just didn't work with those elf costumes.

  "How's she doing?" I asked.

  "She was stirring a bit a little while ago," Carlelle said.

  "I think she might be awake by now," said Odelle. "Are you going to interrogate her?"

  I nodded, and opened the door as quietly as I could. The had opened the curtain around Mrs. Hamilton's bed to give them more room. A nurse I didn't know and Idelle looked up as I came in, and I saw that Mr. Morgan was sitting by the bed holding Mrs. Hamilton's hand.

  Richard tapped my shoulder and mouthed that he was going to stay outside, and I closed the door behind me. "How is she doing?" I whispered.

  "I think she's waking up," Mr. Morgan said. "Are you going to question her?"

  "I'm going to try," I said. "Do you think you could stay and interpret for me? She was pretty hard to understand earlier."

  "Certainly."

  Idelle and the nurse moved out of the way, and I pulled a chair up to the bed. Mrs. Hamilton did seem to be moving restlessly, and I hadn't been there but a few minutes when she opened her eyes.

  She glared accusingly at me, then gave Mr. Morgan a somewhat friendlier look and mumbled something.

  "She wants to know what she's doing here," Mr. Morgan said. "What should I tell her?"

  "You know her better than I do. Do you think she can handle the truth?"

  He nodded. "A lot better than she could our not telling her." Then to Mrs. Hamilton he said, "Sadie, this is kind of hard to believe."

  She mumbled something else, and even without understanding the words I could tell she was impatient.

  Mr. Morgan said, "Sadie, somebody stabbed you. Somebody tried to kill you."

  She didn't say anything for a while, and I was trying to decide if she had understood him or not when she blurted out, "Who?"

  "We don't know who," I said. "We were hoping you could tell us. Somebody came up behind you at the party. Did you see anybody?"

  She shook her head, and said, "Die?"

  I smiled in what I thought was a reassuring manner. "No, ma'am, the doctor says you're going to be just fine." Her glare told me that she was not reassured, but I thought I knew why. "Don't worry. We're going to make sure that no one hurts you again." I was wrong.

  In the clearest words I had heard from her, she said, "Should have let him kill me."

  I looked at Mr. Morgan in shock, and he started wringing Mrs. Hamilton's hand. "Sadie, don't say things like that!"

  Her only
response was to pull her hand away from his and determinedly shut her eyes.

  The nurse and Idelle were both shaking their heads sadly, and Mr. Morgan kept whispering, "Sadie? Sadie?" I didn't have anything else to say, so I just left.

  "You be sure and stay with her," I said to Carlelle and Odelle. They grinned and saluted, but I knew they'd stay.

  "Well?" Richard asked once we were out of earshot. "Any accusations?"

  "She said she didn't see anything, but I don't think she would have told me if she had. Richard, she wants to die!" I was on the verge of tears, and I guess Richard realized it.

  "Come on," he said. "Let's find someplace quiet." He led me into what looked like a nurse's lounge, sat me down on a couch, and put his arms around me.

  I took half a dozen deep breaths to fight back the tears. "It was so awful," I said. "She actually said that we should have let whoever it was finish the job. We're doing all we can to protect her, and she doesn't even want to be protected. How can she give up like that?"

  "She's old," Richard reminded me. "According to Mr. Morgan, she's been miserable ever since her stroke. It's not unusual for people to get depressed at a time like that."

  "I know, but it's Christmas."

  "More people get depressed during the holidays than at any other time of the year."

  "I know," I said again. "But..." Then I stopped. Was what Mrs. Hamilton was feeling all that different from what I had been feeling? And she had a whole lot more reason to be depressed than I did. My grandfather was dead, it was true, but he would have been the last person on earth to want me moping around. Suddenly I felt very ashamed, both for blaming Sadie Hamilton for her depression and for wallowing in my own. "I really have been a Scrooge this year, haven't I?"

  "Where did that come from?"

  "Just thinking about Mrs. Hamilton. It's hard to explain, and right now we've got work to do."

  "Are you sure you're all right?"

  "I'm not giving up. Maybe if Mrs. Hamilton sees how hard we're working, she'll realize she's got something to live for."

  "Maybe," Richard said, "but don't count on it. This is Byerly, not 34th Street."

  I nodded, but I don't suppose I really believed him. I wanted a Christmas miracle for Mrs. Hamilton and maybe a little one for myself while I was at it.

  Vasti spotted us as soon as we came back into the recreation room and gestured for us to join her.

  "You go ahead," Richard said. "Surely someone must need me to lift a bed or something."

  "Coward!" I said to his back.

  "'The better part of valour is discretion.' King Henry IV, Part I, Act V, scene 4."

  Vasti really had got the job done. The party food and tables were gone, and the room was filled with rows of beds. A line of curtained panels ran down the center and two signs pointedly labeled the halves LADIES and GENTLEMEN. A few folks were already pulling off their shoes and socks and climbing into bed.

  After all her hard work, I couldn't very well ignore her demand for my attention. "Vasti, you have done a wonderful job."

  "Oh this," she said waving her hand airily. "Nothing to it. What I wanted to tell you is that I think I solved the case!"

  "Really?" I said, hoping I didn't sound too sarcastic.

  If I had, she didn't notice it. "Look what I found!" She held out a Whitman's Sampler box of candy.

  I guess I looked blank.

  "This box of candy was stolen from Mrs. Good. A nurse saw it and told me all about it. You see––"

  "I've heard the story. Are you sure that's the same box?" I said, not sure why I should care.

  "Mrs. Good identified it herself, and I had the devil of a time convincing her that she couldn't have it back."

  "Why couldn't she?"

  "It's evidence," she said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I found it in Mrs. Hamilton's room."

  Now that was interesting, although puzzling. Hadn't Liz told me that they had searched the room when the candy went missing?

  "Her room is one of the closest, so I thought we could wheel her bed in here. She's not going to be using it tonight, after all. Anyway, this was in the drawer of her nightstand."

  I didn't even bother asking Vasti what she had been doing in the nightstand. "So you think the candy has something to do with the attack?" I said.

  "It must have. And there's more." She lifted the lid of the box, and I saw that there was only one piece of candy missing. "Look at that piece there," Vasti said, pointing to a nougat.

  I did so, careful not to touch. "What?"

  "Just look."

  I got closer, and saw what I thought was a fingerprint. "It looks like someone picked it up." Knowing Vasti, I was pretty sure I knew who it had been.

  "It's been tampered with," Vasti said triumphantly. "It looked funny to me, and when I looked on the bottom, I found a needle mark. Don't you see? It's been poisoned."

  "Did you get one of the nurses to take a look?"

  "Of course not. One of them might be the murderer."

  She had a point, of course.

  "Pick it up and see for yourself," Vasti said.

  "No, I trust you, and I don't want to disturb any evidence. If it was tampered with, what do you suppose it means?"

  "Isn't it obvious? It means that Mrs. Hamilton was intending to poison Mrs. Good, and Mrs. Good retaliated."

  "Vasti," I said slowly, "do you really think Mrs. Good could have stabbed someone?"

  "Well, maybe not. But it has to be connected somehow."

  "Maybe," I conceded. "If it has been poisoned, I'd think that a more likely idea would be that someone had tried to kill Mrs. Hamilton before and hadn't succeeded."

  "That could be it, I suppose," Vasti said grudgingly.

  "I'll tell you what. You hang on to the candy, and we'll have Junior send it to a lab for testing. They'll be able to tell us for sure."

  "All right," Vasti said, somewhat mollified, and went to tell an orderly what he was doing wrong.

  By then the residents were pretty much settled down for the night. The nurses and orderlies were stationed in chairs throughout the room, making sure everyone was taken care of. I saw that Clifford had pulled up a chair right next to Liz's, and while they weren't speaking, the way they were looking at each other said a lot.

  "How's it going?" I asked them.

  "Pretty well, I guess," Liz said. "Maybe they'll get some sleep, anyway. Clifford was a big help." She smiled at him, and he smiled back. "They'd be a lot happier if Chief Norton was here. No offense, Laurie Anne."

  "No offense taken. I'd rather that Junior was here, too."

  I saw Vasti supervising Richard, who was shoving in a chair I recognized as coming from Dr. Buchanan's office. "I don't know about you people," she said, "but I'm worn out." She plopped down onto the chair, and leaned back. "I'm going to try to get some sleep."

  I thought longingly of one of the other chairs from that office, but said, "The triplets worked all day, and I know they're beat, too. I better take over so they can get some rest."

  "I don't think so," Richard said. "I think you should get yourself a chair and grab forty or fifty winks. I'll stay with Mrs. Hamilton."

  "Are you sure?"

  "Absolutely." He pulled a worn paperback of The Winter's Tale out of his back pocket. "The Bard and I will keep watch together."

  I gave him a hug and a kiss. "You are wonderful, you know."

  "'The naked truth,'" he said with a grin. "Love's Labour's Lost, Act V, scene 2." He bowed with a flourish before he left.

  By the time the triplets arrived, I had found chairs for all of us and they quickly wrapped themselves in blankets Liz produced and fell asleep. I must admit thinking that it was ridiculous that anyone could sleep in a situation like this, but I only had time to think about it for a minute before dozing off myself.

  I awoke to a loud whisper. "Nurse! Come here!"

  Liz muttered, "Now what?" and tiptoed her way toward a bed next to the window. A minute later
she was back. "Mr. Biggers said he saw someone walk by the window."

  "Is he sure?" I asked.

  "Positive. I had to promise him that we'd go check or he'd be on his way out there himself."

  I looked toward the window unenthusiastically, not thrilled by the idea of going out in the cold and ice, when darned if I didn't see a shadow myself. "I think there is someone there!"

  Liz shrank back toward Clifford. "Maybe it's the murderer. What are we going to do?"

  "I guess I'm going to go see who it is," Clifford said in a much deeper voice than he generally used. "Have y'all got any kind of a gun around here?"

  Liz shook her head. "There's a softball bat in with the sports equipment."

  "That'll do. You two better stay here and keep an eye out."

  "Clifford," Liz said, her hand on his arm. "You aren't going out there alone, are you?"

  "No, he's not," I said firmly. I was older than he was, and if anything happened to him, his mother would kill me. "I'm going, too. Liz, I wouldn't wake the others until we know for sure what's going on."

  "That's right," Clifford said. "We don't want to make too much noise. That might warn him."

  Common sense told me that making noise was exactly what we should do, so our prowler would pick up and go, but I was still hoping to solve the puzzle for Junior. Besides, I rationalized, who was I to spoil Clifford's big moment?

  Liz watched him adoringly as we armed ourselves with aluminum softball bats and put on our coats. "Be careful," she whispered after us. Well, after Clifford anyway.

  "You stay behind me," Clifford said as we stepped out onto the icy sidewalk, and I saw no reason to argue with him. Just staying upright was taking all of my attention, and I cursed myself for not finding something to put on my feet instead of those darned elf shoes.

  We walked around the building as quietly as we could. I wasn't sure, but from the broken ice, it did look like someone had walked down the sidewalk ahead of us. We were just about even with Mr. Biggers's window when I saw a large figure walking slowly, peering into windows.