Guns of Brixton (2010)

by Timlin, Mark

  The next day he went to see Linda.

  He knew it was a crazy thing to do, but he couldn’t help himself.

  It was a fine, warm morning and, once again, he parked up outside her house and watched Sean leave for work. It was suicide if Sean saw and recognised him, but, like a junkie dying for the next fix, Mark just couldn’t stay away.

  As school time approached, the nanny came out with Luke and took him off in the car. Mark smoked a cigarette, and just as he was about to walk over and knock on the front door, it opened and Linda came out with Daisy. The little girl was in some sort of child chair in one hand, and Linda carried a wicker basket containing gardening tools in the other. Linda was dressed in khakis and a T-shirt and she sat her daughter in the shade of the privet, pulled on a pair of canvas gloves, knelt and started digging in one of the flower beds. Mark ditched his cigarette, got out of his car and walked across the road. He stood by the front gate and looked at the two females enjoying the morning air. ‘Watch out for worms,’ he said. ‘I believe they eat little girls.’

  Both looked up, one non-comprehending and the other with a frown. ‘I beg your pardon,’ said Linda. ‘Were you talking to me?’

  ‘Yes, Linda, that’s right,’ said Mark.

  She did a classic double take when he called her by name, and suddenly recognition filled her eyes. ‘Mark? Is that you?’

  ‘You always say that?’

  ‘God, you look old.’

  ‘Thanks. But then, I feel old.’

  ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Chatting up a pair of good looking birds.’

  ‘Be serious. Are the police after you?’

  ‘Always. You know that.’

  ‘If Sean saw you…’

  He already has, thought Mark, but said: ‘I watched him go off on his mission to keep the streets safe for decent members of society.’

  She looked up and down the road as if fleets of black marias were about to arrive. ‘You’d better come in,’ she said.

  ‘What about nanny?’ asked Mark.

  ‘She’s going up to London, after she’s dropped Luke off. Shopping. She won’t be back ’til lunchtime.’

  ‘I could use a coffee.’

  ‘Come on, then, though I don’t know why I…’

  ‘Because,’ said Mark and opened the gate and walked in.

  Linda discarded her gloves into the tool basket and grabbed Daisy. Mark followed her into the kitchen, where she transferred the infant into a high chair. Daisy chewed on a rusk and gave Mark pensive looks.

  ‘So what’s all this about?’ asked Linda after she’d put the kettle on.

  ‘I couldn’t stay away.’

  ‘That’s why I’ve heard nothing from you for months.’

  ‘You didn’t want to know. I gave you first refusal and you refused.’

  ‘That didn’t mean I couldn’t’ve been convinced.’

  ‘I had to go.’

  ‘Always the same old Mark. Always on the run.’

  ‘I had no choice.’

  ‘So you left.’

  ‘You wanted me to go.’

  ‘No, I didn’t.’

  ‘Well, you did a fair impression of someone who did.’

  ‘You just turned up out of the blue. I hadn’t seen you since that night at the flat where you left me all dressed up and nowhere to go.’

  He smiled just a little at her choice of words. ‘I told you I was sorry.’

  ‘Mark, you’ve been apologising to me since we met.’

  ‘I know. Some relationships are like that, I suppose.’

  ‘Relationship. What relationship? We never had one except for a little while at the start. Then when you told me who you were…’

  ‘Who you were, more like.’

  ‘And who was I?’

  ‘You know.’

  ‘No. Tell me.’

  ‘The daughter of the man who murdered my father.’

  ‘That was never my fault and you know it.’

  He didn’t reply, and the silence stretched to near breaking point.

  Eventually, he said: ‘I wouldn’t be here if you’d come with me that day. We’d be somewhere warm together. You, me, Luke and Daisy.’

  ‘Happy families again, is it, Mark?’

  ‘Something like that.’

  ‘Because you never had one?’

  ‘I did. John and his.’

  ‘But not yours, Mark.’

  ‘Is that wrong?’

  ‘No. But just to turn up like that and demand I leave everything. Everyone I know, everything I own.’

  ‘Would it have been so hard?’

  She turned away before he could see the tears that sprang to her eyes. ‘If only you’d waited,’ she said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘If only you’d waited. Like you did that day at school in the rain. Remember?’

  ‘I’ll never forget that day. You sent your friend with a note.’

  ‘I know. Most of the bloody school was looking out at you sitting there getting soaked.’

  ‘It was wet.’

  ‘So, why didn’t you wait the last time?’

  ‘I was being pursued by half the police in England. Your brother’s a cop. You said you’d call him. I had to go.’

  ‘I would’ve come. If only you’d persevered.’

  ‘Don’t say that, Linda. Don’t make me regret something else.’

  ‘I don’t think you know the meaning of the word.’

  ‘Of course I do. I’ve had more regrets than most.’

  ‘Don’t start singing My Way, for Christ’s sake. I couldn’t take it.’

  He smiled again.

  ‘I promise I won’t do that.’

  ‘So, where did you go?’

  ‘Like I said, somewhere warm. Portugal. I found a little place where I could see the sea, and there was a bar and restaurant within a few minutes walk. It was good. Comfortable. You’d’ve loved it, and the kids.…’

  ‘They’d’ve loved it too, I know.’

  ‘And we could’ve stayed there the rest of out lives and forgotten all about this.’ His gesture took in London, England, everything. ‘We could’ve been happy.’

  ‘And now we can’t?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Where are you living?’

  ‘Out of a suitcase. I’ve been staying in hotels. Moving around. You know.’

  ‘No, I don’t. Have you seen Chas?’

  ‘Briefly.’

  ‘And how’s Martine?’

  He had wondered how long it would be before she came into the conversation. ‘She’s fine, as far as I know,’ he said. ‘I haven’t seen her. She still blames me for John’s death.’

  ‘But I bet she’d have you in a minute.’

  He dismissed Martine with another derisory wave of his hand. ‘She’s nothing to me.’

  ‘Then she should be. Her family took you in.’

  ‘I know that.’

  ‘Then show some bloody respect. Well, you have. You went to bed with her.’

  ‘I did not.’

  ‘She says you did.’

  ‘She’s a liar. She’d do anything to split us up.’

  ‘She doesn’t need to. You can do all that for yourself.’

  ‘Thanks.’ Although he knew it was true.

  ‘So, what are we going to do?’

  ‘That’s up to you.’

  ‘I find it very hard to like you these days, Mark, let alone love you.’ But she was lying. She knew it, he knew it, even Daisy knew it, smiling a very cynical smile for someone so young. Or it could’ve been wind.

  ‘I still love you,’ said Mark.

  ‘And what does loving me mean? Picking me up and dropping me whenever you feel like it. Taking me and my family away from everything we know and dragging us from one hiding place to another until we don’t know who we are anymore. And what happens when Luke and Daisy grow up? What kind of people would they be? Expats. Strangers from their own country, not knowing who t
hey are.’

  ‘I can’t make life perfect, Linda. I’ve tried that and it doesn’t work.’

  ‘When have you ever tried to make my life perfect?’

  ‘There’s no answer to that, if you don’t know.’

  ‘I don’t, Mark. I’ve spent the last months since you went away again, trying to work it out, but I’ve come up empty.’

  ‘Is there anyone else?’

  ‘No. There’s never been anyone else. I’ve told you that a hundred times. Even when I was married I still cared more for you than for my husband.’

  ‘I’m sorry about that, Linda, I really am,’ said Mark.

  ‘I know,’ she said. ‘I know you are.’ She looked at him sitting there, bearded, in his sunglasses, with his cropped hair streaked with grey, his face lined like a man years older than he really was, and her heart melted in her chest, just like in the romances she’d read as a girl. Just like it always had since that first day in the Wimpy bar in Croydon. ‘So why don’t we do it?’ she asked.

  ‘Do what?’

  ‘Piss off out of here.’

  ‘Are you serious?’

  ‘Of course I am.’

  ‘I don’t understand. Me going, and Martine, and every bloody thing.’

  ‘I love you.’

  ‘I love you too.’

  ‘So, let’s do it. Let’s go. Let’s find this Shangri-La you’re always telling me about.’

  ‘You’re kidding me.’

  ‘I’ve never been more serious in my life.’

  ‘And Luke and Daisy?’

  ‘They’ll come with us. It’ll do them good to see something of the world.’

  ‘But their schooling?’

  ‘We’ll find somewhere, Mark. Have you got cold feet all of a sudden?’

  He thought about the weekend, and what was going to happen. ‘No,’ he said. ‘Not at all. I just can’t believe you’d change your mind like that.’

  ‘A woman’s prerogative, I believe.’

  His brain was running full tilt. ‘Oh, Linda, why are you doing this to me?’

  ‘Because I can.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘Well, let’s go then.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘Today.’

  ‘No, Linda, not today,’ he said. ‘You’ll need to sort things out.’

  ‘What things?’

  ‘All sorts of things. The house, for instance.’

  ‘Sean’s living here. He can look after it. And put it on the market. It’s worth a good half million now.’

  ‘And what then?’

  ‘We’ll live on the money. I get an income too. If we’re careful we can last for years on that and my investments. You’ll never need to work again. If you can call what you do work. You’ll be safe. I’ll be safe. We’ll all be safe.’

  ‘It all sounds very nice…’

  ‘I hear a “but” coming.’

  ‘No,’ he said. ‘No buts. We’ll do it. We’ll leave on Monday.’

  ‘Why so long?’

  ‘I have things to organise too. Pack up over the weekend. We’ll drive to the Continent. We’ll take your truck. My one’s a bit warm, if you know what I mean.’

  ‘I think I do,’ said Linda.

  ‘OK. I do need a couple of days, I suppose.’

  ‘Course you do.’ There was an awkward silence until Linda said, ‘I think it’s time for Daisy to take a nap.’

  ‘Do you?’

  ‘Don’t you? We’ve got hours until anyone comes back.’

  ‘Do you mean what I think you mean?’ asked Mark.

  Linda nodded. ‘I’ve never done it with anyone with a beard.’

  ‘It’s the best offer I’ve had all day.’

  ‘I should hope so too. Come on, Daisy, time for a little lie down. For all of us,’ she added. Mark smiled and followed them upstairs.

  Afterwards, they lay together in Linda’s bed, the door open so that she could hear Daisy in the next room. They needn’t have worried, the child slept like the baby she was. ‘That was good,’ said Mark, feeling content for the first time in a long time. ‘It’s been a while.’

  ‘How long?’

  ‘Nosy.’

  ‘No, how long?’

  ‘Since the last time with you.’

  ‘Liar.’

  ‘I swear.’

  ‘What about those Portuguese senoritas, or whatever you call them? Did none of them catch your eye?’

  ‘Lots of them caught my eye, but most of them threw it back. What about you?’

  ‘Same here. I’m an honorary virgin.’

  ‘Not any more.’

  ‘That’s true. Can we really make it happen, Mark?’

  ‘I hope so.’ Suddenly, it all came flooding back. Hunter, Butler, Sean, the job, and he felt the same old heaviness descend upon him. ‘Oh, Linda, I really hope so.’

  They discussed the time and place to meet on Monday afternoon. They decided on the street where Linda’s old school had been, opposite the park where they’d first met, at four o’clock.

  ‘So what do we do about tickets and all that?’ asked Linda.

  ‘I’ll worry about that. We can get tickets at the ferry. Just bring your passports.’

  ‘It will be good to have someone else in charge, for a change. I’m tired. So tired. You won’t let me down, will you?’

  ‘No,’ he said.

  ‘Promise?’

  ‘Promise.’

  ‘Can I see you over the weekend?’

  ‘I don’t see why not. If you can get away. I’ve got one or two things to sort out, and I might have to go out of town for a bit. But otherwise, I’ll be around. But not a word to Sean, mind.’

  ‘Of course not.’

  ‘You’ve got to carry on as normal.’

  ‘That’s the last thing I’ve been recently – normal. Come downstairs, I need a cigarette.’

  ‘Still smoking?’

  ‘’Fraid so.’

  ‘My fault.’

  ‘If you like. Sean hates it.’

  ‘I know,’ he said, remembering her brother’s look in the pub when he’d lit up.

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘That Sean hates smoking.’

  He realised he’d made a blunder and hastily said: ‘I dunno. You must’ve said something about it some time.’

  ‘Yeah, I suppose I must.’ She jumped out of bed and pulled on a silky dressing gown quickly, but not quickly enough that Mark didn’t see the curves, angles and secret places of her body and begin to get aroused again. ‘Christ, it has been a long time,’ he said. ‘I fancy another.

  ‘Down, boy, I’ve got to check on Daisy. And I really need a smoke. There’ll be plenty of time for that later. Won’t there?’

  ‘You bet your life.’

  Or mine, he thought. She left the room and Mark got out of bed and dressed, before going down to the kitchen where Linda was sitting at the table smoking. ‘Want one?’ she asked. He took a Silk Cut from her packet and lit it with her lighter.

  ‘Listen, I’m going to go. Like I said, things to do. Can I call you?’

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘Same number?’

  ‘Of course.’

  He nodded.

  ‘Do you remember it?’

  ‘That’s one number I’ll never forget. If I give you my mobile, can you remember that?’ She nodded and he reeled off the number and she repeated it. ‘Great,’ he said. ‘What are you going to tell the kids?’

  ‘That we’re going on holiday. Not that Daisy will know what I’m talking about. I’ll tell Luke on Monday. It’s a bank holiday and school’s off, and I’ve let Greta have a few days off too, so we’ll be on our own.’

  ‘Great. I’d better go now, but I’ll be in touch.’

  ‘Make sure you are.’

  He leant over and kissed her, smelling smoke and perfume and sex and he smiled. ‘Love you,’ he said.

  ‘I love you too.’

  Then he left.
r />   Later that afternoon, he phoned Sean on his mobile.

  ‘It’s on,’ said the policeman.

  ‘So it should be.’

  ‘You’d better be right about this.’

  ‘How many more times?’

  ‘OK, OK.’

  ‘So the stones will be there?’

  ‘That’s right. I need to see you. I’ve got your way out.’

  ‘Tell me on the phone.’

  ‘No. Face to face.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘Tomorrow night. I’ll pick you up in the same place as last time.’

  ‘OK. But listen. No more tails. It makes me nervous.’

  ‘All right. I’m sorry about that, but my guv’nor insisted. I told him I thought you were too fly to fall for it.’

  ‘Nice work, Sean. Lull me into a false sense of security. But I mean it. I’m too old to be looking over my shoulder all the time.’

  ‘You’ve got my word.’

  ‘And your word is your bond.’

  ‘Yes.’ With a copper’s word and half a quid I could get a packet of wine gums, thought Mark, but said nothing. ‘What time?’

  ‘Same as last time.’

  ‘I’ll be there.’

  Later that evening, he was in his hotel room and his mobile rang.

  It was Linda. ‘Hello sweetheart,’ he said.

  ‘Hello yourself. How are you?’

  ‘All the better for seeing you.’

  ‘Just seeing me?’

  ‘And the rest.’

  ‘I’ve been singing to myself all day. Daisy’s looking at me like I’m mad.’

  ‘That’s what a real man will do for you.’

  ‘Still as conceited as ever.’

  ‘And for good reason, wouldn’t you say?’

  ‘No comment.’

  ‘I’ll make you comment when I get hold of you again.’

  ‘How about tomorrow night?’

  ‘Tomorrow?’

  ‘It’s the only time I can get Greta to babysit. She’s off on Sunday.’

  ‘I can’t. I’ve got to make a meet.’

  ‘Can’t you change it?’

  ‘I don’t know. I’ll try.’

  ‘Try your best.’

  ‘Course I will.’

  But Sean was adamant. It had to be Saturday evening. The rest of his weekend he was busy sorting out the operation. ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘Got a date?’