by Angel Lawson
His expression softens. “You have nothing to do with this, Starlee. I started this long before I met you.”
“But you got in that fight for me.”
“I got in that fight because I have a temper.” He looks down at me, a slow smile spread across his lips. “And a little bit because of you.”
I push him in the side and he throws his arm around my shoulder. “It’ll be fine. I have Sierra to testify for my good behavior, and my social worker. I’ve stayed out of trouble other than that one night. I’m not worried.”
“Is that why you didn’t tell me about it?”
He kisses my temple. “I should head back in. I don’t want them to fuck up my pies.”
I laugh because it’s true. “George will eat all the filling.”
He scowls. “He’s a pig.”
“And your friend.”
“You’re too nice for me, do you know that?” His grips my hand.
“We balance each other.” I look toward the shop. “All of us.”
My worry doesn’t end when he heads back to the shop. I don’t like his freedom being on the line for me. There has to be something I can do about it.
19
“Starlee! I need you to take this box of lights up to Katie while she’s up on the ladder.”
If I hear my name one more time… Setting up for the Lee Vines Fourth of July Festival makes me consider becoming a recluse again. Leelee is one of the organizers, which means I’ve become the de facto grunt worker. Right now, Katie and I are decorating the lawn between the lodge and the Epic Café for the band stage.
“I want twinkle lights everywhere,” my grandmother declares. “Hundreds of them! Oh, and take this extension cord to Charlie. He just called.”
I added it to the stack in my hands.
“Here are more lights,” I say to Katie, placing the box on the ladder steps.
“You’re effing kidding me,” she mumbles. “There is no room for more.”
I shrug. “Leelee wants more.”
“Your grandmother needs to retire.”
I laugh. “You and I both know that’s not going to happen.”
A string of curses comes from the stage. Charlie is bent behind a massive speaker, scowling. A pile of tools surrounds him.
“Hey,” I say, “I’ve got this cord for you.”
“Thanks, put it over there,” he snaps, then glances up guiltily. “Please? Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I think everyone is a little stressed out right now.”
“You should see the Wayward Sun. Pies to the ceiling. Everything smells like sugar.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
He laughs and it’s nice to see. “You say that, but there’s a limit. I think fifty pies was it.”
“Fifty?” Wow. They really had been working hard.
“Eh, it’s all Dexter. I woke up this morning and he’d been pulling an all-nighter.”
“A pie-baking all-nighter?”
“Yeah, I’m surprise you didn’t hear the fire alarm when he fell asleep and burned one.” I bet that didn’t make him happy. Charlie reads my mind and says, “Oh yeah, he was pissed.”
“Well what can I do to help you?”
He smiles up at me. “Just hang out for a while?”
“Sure, as long as I can get away with it.”
After a few minutes, I realize he’s rebuilding the inside of the speaker.
“How’d you get so good with electronics?”
“My dad’s an engineer. I think it’s in the genes.”
It’s the first time he’s mentioned his father. “What about your mom? What’s she like?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. She left when I was a kid.”
“I don’t really know my dad, either,” I said. “Is George the same way with electronics as you?”
“He’s smart, but the ADHD makes it hard for him to concentrate. My dad sent him to a bunch of specialists trying to figure out how to get a handle on it. His big issue is something called executive function. I always call it executive dis-function. Because he sucks at organizing. His grades have always been awful and my dad could deal with that, but when he started getting arrested…”
“For the tagging?”
“He told you about that?”
“Yeah.”
“Did he tell you the guys he hung out with had enough weed on them to get an intent to distribute arrest?”
“Uh, no.”
“Or that they got pulled over in the school parking lot?”
“He left that out, too.”
“It was that kind of shit that got him in so much trouble. Just one dumb decision after the other.” He sighs. “Look, my dad had a temper, and I knew how to keep quiet, but not George. He couldn’t stop himself and…it got really bad.”
“Is that why you’re up here with Sierra?” His jaw clenches and he wraps two wires together. “You don’t have to tell me. I was just curious.”
“We moved up here because when he got arrested the state did a few home visits. It became clear there were bigger issues at home. When the state got involved, it was determined that it would be better if George lived somewhere else.”
“What about you?”
“They let me decide. I didn’t have the same problems with my dad as George and they said I was old enough to make my own decision. I wasn’t going to let him go without me.”
“You’re a good brother.”
“No, he’s a good brother. He really is. He’s just a dumbass sometimes.”
His conviction is pure and my heart swells hearing it. Being an only child, it makes it hard to understand that kind of bond—even more so with a twin.
“Dude! Watch where you’re going!” Katie shouts and I peer out at the lawn. George is carrying another box of supplies and bumped into the ladder.
“Sorry!”
“Speak of the devil,” I say, watching George come our way. He eyes me and Charlie sitting closely behind the speaker and walks up.
“Starlee, Ms. Nye wants you to help me get some of the extra patio chairs out of the storage building.”
“Ugh, of course she does.” I struggle to stand and he offers me a hand, lifting me easily off the platform. I look down at Charlie. “You good here?”
“Yep, almost done.” He tightens a small screw. “They’ll be able to hear the hippie music all the way to June Lake tomorrow night.”
“Hippie music?” I ask. I hadn’t thought to look at the line-up.
“Oh yeah, get ready for some hour-long jam sessions,” George says.
“That sounds…”
“Like a nightmare?” Charlie says. “Welcome to Lee Vines. I hope you’ve got a long skirt.”
“A what?”
“Ignore him,” George says. “We better get going before your grandmother sees us out here and gives us something worse to do.”
“Worse than moving chairs?”
He doesn’t say what that could be, but I follow him past the cottages to a small building that butts up against the mountain. I haven’t been back here before but George has a key, and when he opens the door I see stacks of bed frames and mini-refrigerators; anything that is used or has been used in the lodge over the past few years.
The pathway is narrow and George points out the chairs in the back. My foot snags on something hard.
“Ahhh!” I shout, tumbling forward. George turns at the last second, catching me before I fall completely.
“You okay?”
“Yep,” I reply, out of breath. I’m still in his strong arms and he carefully sets me back on my feet.
“Usually I’m the clumsy one.”
“Well,” I say, noting that his hands are still on my hips, “maybe you’ve finally met your match.”
I don’t mean it to come out so flirtatious, but George smirks after I say it. “I suspect that’s true, Starlee Jones, in more ways than one.” His eyes dart down to my lips. “We haven’t had a chance to be alone since t
he waterfall to talk about everything.”
“I know. Things have been a little chaotic.”
“But we’re alone now.” He gestures to an old brown couch. I know Leelee expects us back soon, but I’ve been craving a chance to talk to him and this may be as much privacy as we’re going to get. I sit on the couch and he follows, his hip touching mine. I feel a rush when he picks up my hand and links his fingers with mine. “I know you don’t know which one of us you kissed, but I need to tell you that for me it was pretty epic.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Definitely.” He licks his bottom lip and his green eyes snare me in like a trap.
“A few of those kisses felt epic to me, too, but you’re right. I don’t know who was who. Maybe I should test it and see if I feel the same way knowing who it is?”
He nods. “Sounds like a reasonable plan.”
I shift to face him, but George has other plans, grabbing my hips and pulling me into his lap so we’re face to face. “Oh, well, hello.”
“Was that too forward?” He looks slightly panicked.
“No,” I assure him. “You’re a handsy, touchy, moving around kind of guy. I get it.”
“You do?” He sounds incredulous.
“I do.” I touch his chest. “I like that about you.”
A slow smile spreads across his lips and I can’t help but focus on them. I want to kiss him too. I want to feel the kick in my gut, the sparks that burst between us. It’s all I think about when I’m not working, and then even some of the time while I am working.
“I like everything about you,” he says genuinely. God he’s adorable.
From there he doesn’t hesitate, kissing me eagerly. His nose bumps into mine and I can hear a hum in his throat. That I do remember from the waterfall, that hum. That neediness. I feel the same bubbling in my chest.
“You’re so freaking pretty,” he says in a rush as he pulls away and kisses my fingers. “So awesome. So cool.”
“That’s a lot of compliments.”
“You deserve all the compliments, all the everythings.”
I touch his cheek. “Are you one of the everythings?”
“If you’ll let me.”
His hands are on my face and he’s pulling me close again. I let him. I want him. I want his energy, his enthusiasm, his desire. In the back of the storage room, away from prying eyes, George gives it to me, one amazing kiss at a time.
“Starlee, can you check the closet in your room? I think there’s a box in there labeled Fourth Festival.”
“Sure,” I say, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. We’d finally set up most of Lee Vines for the festival tomorrow. Just in time to pass out for the night. I walk over the closet and slide the door to the side.
“Down on the floor. Under all your mother’s clothes.”
I push aside the fabric. “Why did you keep all these things?”
“I don’t know. I guess I thought one day she’d come back and get them.” I look back and notice how tired she looks. “You can go through them if you want. Then maybe we can take the rest down to the Goodwill in June Lake.”
“Okay,” I say, locating the box. I lug it out. “After the festival. You don’t need anything else on your plate.” I place the box on the bed and sit next to it. “Did you miss Mom? When she left?”
She chuckles and pulls out the chair to the small desk that still held a few trinkets from my mother’s life. “That’s a tough one. Yes and no. She was miserable here and made me and her father miserable as a result. Lee Vines was too small for her. She wanted to see the world and as much as it hurt for her to leave like that, and as scared as I was for her, I wanted her to be happy.”
I look at my hands. “I’m not sure my happiness has ever been a concern to my mother.”
“Why would you say that?”
“I didn’t realize it until I got here but living the way we did—I did—was stifling. I had no friends. No solid education. She isolated herself, too.” I study the room. “I don’t know how she got from being this wild, free spirit to what we became later on.”
“I think your mother did the best she could under the circumstances, Starlee. You scared her. Badly.”
My memories of that time are such a fog. “I know, but did she really have to take away my freedom?”
“At the time, I think she did. Why she continued for so long?” Her hands twist in the lap. “I’m not sure I agree with that decision either, but one day you’ll realize that as mothers, we make mistakes. Lots of them.”
“She’d be angry if she knew how much freedom I have here, don’t you think?”
She thinks on it. “Maybe, but she was aware of my parenting style when she sent you here. I think it’s possible she realized it was time for you to spread your wings and she sent you to the only place she knew she could trust.”
I can’t hide my skepticism. “I think if she knew, she’d yank me out of here so fast my head would spin. Which is why I haven’t told her anything going on.”
Leelee’s eyebrow raises. “You mean with those boys next door?”
I know she can see the red in my cheeks, but only I feel the twist in my stomach at the mention of them. “Yes.”
“They’re good boys.”
“Mom taught me to be so afraid of boys, but they’re sweet and kind. Sure, they have some baggage, but who am I to judge?”
“Making you fearful is the worst thing she did, but Starlee, understand she just wanted to protect you.” She inhales. “Your mom didn’t always make the best decisions or have the best people in her life. She got hurt and didn’t want the same for you.”
“People like my dad?” He was never mentioned. Not here. Not back home. He’d never been involved in our lives.
“I didn’t know him, but yes, I think he hurt your mom and she’s had a hard time getting over it.” Leelee fights a yawn but her tiredness wins. “We’ve got a busy day tomorrow. I think I need to hit the sack.”
“I’ll take the box to the kitchen.” I stand and walk over to my grandmother and give her a hug. “Thanks for talking to me about all of this. It helps understanding a little better.”
“Night, sweet girl,” she says, patting me on the back.
When the door closes I turn and face the closet. The clothing inside is rumpled and I move to straighten it. A shirt falls to the floor and I pick it up. I dig though the hangers for the matching pants.
I may never understand my mother’s motives behind sending me to Lee Vines but talking to my grandmother, holding her clothing in my hands…I find myself a little closer to her than I expect.
20
The morning is spent setting up. The Wayward Sun has a tent filled with iced coffee and pies. Barbecue roasts in a massive black smoker. The bookstore and outdoors supplier have their own booths filled with popular items and information. The crowds start rolling in around noon, just as the first band plugs into the amplifiers and the festival officially kicks off.
Leelee and I wear matching red, white, and blue tie-dye shirts with the lodge’s logo on the front until dusk falls.
“Coming back for the big concert?” Sierra asks as I walk by. Her booth was beyond popular. They’d sold out of pies hours ago. It didn’t hurt that she put all the boys to work—selling pies, offering samples, smiling at every passing female. And trust me, every female in a sixty-mile radius seemed to come for one thing. Well, two. A glimpse at the Wayward Sons and a taste of their pie.
I’d almost bought every pie myself just to keep the girls at bay.
The boys were in the process of breaking down the tent.
“Yep.”
“I sent them in to shower and clean up. That way if they ask you to dance, you won’t want to run away.”
“Dance?” I ask with a squeak. No one told me about dancing.
“Don’t stress,” she says, seeing the look on my face. “Everyone loosens up. Trust me, you’ll be swaying to the beat by the end of the night.”
I’m not sure about that, but I keep my opinions to myself. I also consider what it would be like to dance with the boys, one by one. Letting all the girls know they’re mine.
Or sort of mine.
I’d already decided to change, and I leave Sierra to get ready before the evening events start. The headliner goes on at seven. Fireworks at nine. I’ve never been so tired and happy in my life.
I’d laid the outfit on my bed before I left that morning. It fit perfectly and I have to admit looked good. The red halter and patterned cotton pants came from my mother’s old wardrobe. It’s more skin than I’ve ever shown in my life, but once I put it on and feel the fringe of the halter skimming my bare belly, I’m consumed with sense of power. Once upon a time, my mother felt the courage to wear this. Today is my day.
I clasp the anklet I found in the tiny jewelry box left on the desk. It’s silver with little bells. It matches the hoop earrings I’d brought from home. I fix my hair in one long braid that hangs down my back.
The phone rings as I walk through the kitchen. I know it’s her. Who else would call in the middle of a party? I almost keep walking but I stop. She’s the one that sent me here, like Leelee said. She knew what I was getting into.
“Hello?”
“Starlee! I thought I’d try to catch you. How’s the festival going?”
“It’s a lot of fun.”
“Good. I’m glad you’re having a nice time.”
I catch my reflection in the window. “So, funny thing. I’m wearing one of your outfits from your closet.”
“Oh really?” She sounds surprised. “I didn’t even know I had anything useable still there. I figured Mother would have tossed it out years ago.”
“No,” I say. “She kept it, I guess thinking maybe one day you’d want it back.”
“God no. So much of it was so awful. All that hippie stuff. I looked like such an idiot all the time. I wouldn’t be caught dead in it. Feel free to toss it all.”
Her tone is dismissive and all I ever want is to just connect to her on a real level. An equal level, but even in a small moment like this I realize it’s impossible. Again, I see my reflection but this time it’s different. I feel foolish. Cheap. I’m yanking the braid out of my hair when I hear a knock on the kitchen door. Jake stands in the window, eyes raking down my body.