Fish out of Water

by Natalie Whipple

  I try to push back the guilt. “Yeah, I know. It’s just … ”

  “Just what?” Dad asks.

  I bite my lip, my head and heart filled with a jumble of emotions. The right words seem impossible to find. “It’s like, I know she’s kind of a horrible person … but at the same time I feel sorry for her and I wish she was better and I really, really don’t want her to die. I … I … ”

  I love her. She was no one to me at first, but now I care about her more than I ever thought possible. She’s my grandmother. And as hard as it is sometimes, I like having her around now.

  A tear escapes, at which point my mom puts an arm around me. “Sweetie, none of us want her to die. I hope we taught you better than that!”

  I wipe at my face, trying to keep it together. “How can I dislike someone so much and yet love them at the same time?”

  My dad chuckles. “I think that’s the definition of family.”

  Mom slaps his knee and calls him stupid in Japanese. “I think it’s okay to care about someone, even if they’ve made bad choices in the past. We’ve all come to understand Betty more in taking care of her, and with that comes compassion. I never thought I’d be glad we let her stay, but I am.”

  I nod, feeling a little better.

  Dad puts his elbows to his knees. “Sure would have been nice to know this stuff about her a few decades ago, though. Could have saved me a lot of trouble.”

  “Why do people keep secrets like that?” I picture my grandma as a little girl, finding out that her dad was never coming back. And not because he was dead, but because he just didn’t want to. She’s carried that pain with her forever, and it seems like it impacted her life in all the worst ways.

  “Everyone has reasons,” Dad says, and I wonder if he’s thinking about the things he keeps to himself. “Sometimes it’s too painful to think about. Or they’re ashamed. Or they want to forget.”

  “Sounds like excuses, like running away,” I mumble.

  Dad smirks. “We are fight or flight creatures. It might not be the best way to cope, but sometimes it’s the easiest.”

  “Yes, this is so easy.” I grab a magazine, suddenly angry. It could have been different. If my grandma would have talked about it, gotten help, something. Did any of this have to happen? I don’t know; I just wish things didn’t have to be this way. I wish I would have known her before she got sick. I wish she had had a happy life, and my dad, too. So many wishes. Nothing I can do to change history.

  The hours tick by, one then two then four then six. We take turns getting food at the hospital cafeteria, making sure there’s always one person around in case the doctor returns. The food isn’t as bad as I’ve heard, or maybe I can’t taste right in this haze of waiting.

  Dylan hasn’t called, though I tried getting ahold of him a few more times. I thought he might at some point. The Aquarium closed at six, and I hate to think he waited all that time and is now seething somewhere because I ditched him. It’s past nine. If he hasn’t called by now …

  That’s when my phone rings. It’s him.

  Chapter 34

  “I tried—”

  “Am I some joke to you?” he says over me. “I’m starting to think you enjoy messing with me.”

  “Dylan,” my voice cracks despite my best efforts. “My grandma had a heart attack. I’m at the hospital, and she’s still not out of surgery. I tried to call your uncle at home and the store, but he didn’t answer. Olivia and Shreya never called me back, either. I’m sorry.”

  He doesn’t answer for so long I wonder if I lost him. “Well, I feel like a huge jerk now.”

  I smile a little. “Told you you need a phone.”

  “I’m beyond convinced. Sorry I jumped to conclusions.” He sounds genuinely worried now that he knows I didn’t intend to leave him hanging. “Do you need anything? Should I come?”

  “What?” My heart about jumps up my throat. I look to my parents, who are pretending not to listen. “Um, I don’t know.”

  He’d be face to face with my mom and dad, something I usually avoid at all costs. And then there’s the undeniable fact that him being here would turn this relationship from “we really like each other” to “this is serious.” Hospital waiting rooms, rides to the airport, helping with a move—those are all things that suck, things you only do for people you care about a lot.

  “Well, are you staying all night?” he asks.

  “I’m not sure. We don’t even know if she’ll make it yet. There … ” I have to push the words out. “ … might be nothing to stay for.”

  “That’s it. I’m coming.” His voice is resolute. “I’ll bring some blankets in case you guys need them, and food. I’m guessing you’re at Community Hospital, right?”

  This is the part where I could tell him not to come. If I tell him where we are, that’s basically saying I want him here. Which means I want him this involved in my life, my family. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but it feels big to me. And yet at the same time I know my answer.

  “Yes. A few blankets would be great. The seats are kind of gross and not comfortable.”

  He laughs, and the thought of him smiling makes everything a little better. “What kind of food should I get?”

  “One sec.” I put my hand over the phone and look to my parents. “Dylan wants to bring us food—what do you want?”

  Dad raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

  “Yeah.”

  Mom tries not to smile—as if her excitement might make me chicken out—and fails miserably. “Tell him to get some burgers and fries from wherever you want, Mi-chan. Can’t mess that up, and it’ll keep us full. We might be here a long time.”

  “Okay.” I tell him, though it seems weird to eat fast food while waiting for someone to get out of heart surgery.

  “My uncle says he’s sorry he didn’t answer and is letting me use the car so I can get whatever you need. I’ll be there soon.” He hangs up before I can say goodbye.

  I hold my phone to my chest, trying not to show how relieved I am that he’s coming. A weight lifts off me, like I don’t have to hold all this on my own anymore. It’s both terrifying and awesome.

  “So.” Dad straightens his glasses. “Am I allowed to ask him about Cypress Point tonight?”

  Mom smacks his arm. “Honey.”

  “What?” He holds back a smile. “I just want to know what’s off limits before he gets here. I’m being considerate.”

  I roll my eyes. “He loves golf. Yes, stay on golf. Do not get anywhere near what I was like as a baby or child.”

  Mom smiles. “We promise. At least for now.”

  It doesn’t take Dylan long to get here. His eyes light up when he sees me, and I have to restrain myself from running over and hugging him. He sets the bags and blankets on the coffee table in front of us. “You must be Mika’s parents. I’m Dylan.”

  Dad stands, trying to be intimidating. It doesn’t work with his thin frame and general nerd-like appearance. He holds out a hand. “Nice to finally meet you. I’m Stan, and this is my wife, Yumi.”

  “Nice to meet you, too.” He glances at me, his smirk mischievous. “Sorry it wasn’t sooner—Mika is slightly ashamed of me.”

  I glare at him.

  He laughs. “See? She’s worked hard to teach me how to be a decent human being.”

  My parents give him a puzzled look. Then my dad asks, “What does that mean?”

  Dylan’s eyes go wide, as if he just realized how that might sound. “Oh, nothing seriously bad. I’m not like a pimp or drug dealer. Just a selfish rich boy out on his own for the first time.”

  They both breathe a sigh of relief.

  “Get over here before you put your other foot in your mouth,” I say, pointing to the seat next to me.

  “Yes, ma’am.” He sits and takes my hand tentatively.

  “So you’re out of high school?” Mom starts passing out food. It has been a few hours since we had dinner, and I’m more than ready for some stress eating. Espec
ially now, with my parents and Dylan in the same place.

  “Just barely.” He reaches for a blanket and puts it around my shoulders. The gesture makes me blush, and I hide my face in the soft fabric. “I’m staying with my uncle, working at the pet shop while I figure out what to do next.”

  “You don’t have plans yet?” Dad does not seem impressed by this.

  Dylan purses his lips. “Well, my father had plans—I did not agree with them. Now I’m trying to decide if I should go for the pro golfer thing or if it’s too late. I need to get in touch with some of my old coaches and see if they still think I have a chance. If not that, then I’ll go to college and play—”

  “You’re good enough to do that?” Dad barely hides his skepticism.

  Dylan shrugs. “I was at the top of the Junior PGA until my dad stopped me from playing, and now I don’t get to play as much as I’d like. But when I do, I have a plus-seven game average right now. That’s not in tournament, though.”

  Dad’s eyes go wide. “That’s pretty good.”

  The big swinging doors swoosh open. The same doctor from before comes straight for us, and my heart pounds twenty thousand times a second. My parents stand, but my legs won’t follow suit. The doctor’s face gives away nothing, and I don’t know what I’ll do if it’s bad news.

  Dylan’s hand comes around my shoulder, and he squeezes once. No words. It means the world.

  “Good news,” the doctor says. “You mother made it through surgery.”

  Dad hugs my mom, and I lean into Dylan. “Thank goodness.”

  “She’s on her way to recovery, but I’m afraid she’s still in danger. We had to do a quadruple bypass, and her heart is very weak. She may need to stay here longer than a normal heart patient, especially since we can’t rely on her to be careful on her own with the Alzheimer’s.”

  My parents nod, though I swear I can hear their thoughts. How will we pay for this? It’ll already be more than we can afford, without extended hospital stay.

  “When we’ve settled her in her room, I’ll send a nurse for you.” The doctor looks at Dylan and me. “Since it’s after hours, I’m afraid it’s family only.”

  “Of course,” Dad says.

  The doctor leaves, and about twenty minutes later our guide shows up. She hands us special bands that show we have clearance. My parents stand and look at me. I gulp. “Can you give me a second to say goodbye?”

  “Sure. I’ll text you with the room number.” Mom pushes Dad forward before he can disagree.

  “Thanks for everything,” I say once they’re out of earshot. “Really.”

  Dylan gently puts his hands on my face and kisses my forehead. “I’ll wait here for you, okay?”

  I bite my lip. “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I want to.” His hands drop to my shoulders. “They have TV here. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve watched TV? My uncle still doesn’t think I’m ready for ‘media.’”

  “Seriously?”

  He nods. “But I’m allowed to eat when I want now. I don’t have to do chores all the time either. I got my wallet back and he’s going to let me have a phone once I can pay for it myself. And if something involves you, I can get the car easy. He thinks you’re good for me.”

  “That’s a little creepy, but I guess I won’t complain.” I kiss him, making sure not to linger too long. “You really don’t have to stay.”

  “Why are you always trying to get rid of me?”

  “Psh. I’m just saying it could be a long time before she wakes up, and you don’t have to sleep deprive yourself.” I stand, pulling out my phone to text Mom. “Maybe I worry about your wellbeing sometimes.”

  His arms come around me from behind. “Good to know.”

  “I better go.” I reluctantly pull away.

  “You know where to find me.”

  I shake my head. He might be cute right now, but what if this takes six more hours? At some point he’ll have to leave. He does have his uncle’s car. I head down the hall, following the directions for the room number my mom sent me. I warn them with a knock before coming in.

  Mom and Dad sit by my grandma’s bedside. To my surprise, Dad has his hand over his mother’s. For all his anger, I guess part of him does still love her.

  Never thought I’d understand that, but I do.

  My grandma is hooked up to a lot of machines. She looks pale, and I might think she was dead if it weren’t for the slow, steady beeping that I assume is monitoring her heart. I should step closer, but I’m scared to mess something up or startle her at the worst possible time.

  But more than anything, I’m taken back by the undeniable fact that she’s not just that crazy woman I met on the first day. She’s my grandmother. Part of my family. And I love her. I never thought it would be possible, seeing how different we are, but it happened so fast.

  Mom reaches out for my hand and pulls me onto her lap. I feel like a child, but that’s okay right now. We watch her quietly, waiting. Time passes slowly in the dead of night. She doesn’t wake. My dad’s head bobs as he nods in and out of sleep, and my eyelids feel like they’re made of lead.

  At two in the morning, she finally opens her eyes. She doesn’t say anything—is probably too weak to manage it—but she smiles.

  “We’re here, Mom,” Dad says.

  She closes her eyes, and one tear trails into her hairline.

  After that, Dad tells us to go home and rest, that we’ll take turns and he’s first. We don’t argue. I want a bed after all this. Who knew waiting could be so exhausting? I feel like I’ve run a marathon.

  When we get back to the waiting room, I can hardly believe what I see. Dylan sleeps awkwardly in a chair that is decidedly too small for him.

  He stayed.

  I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to tell him how much that means to me, but I let go of any fears I had. I let myself be okay with how much I care about him, just like I let myself love my grandmother.

  Chapter 35

  My phone is ringing. Problem is, my brain tells me this way before I can figure out how to move my arm. I have no idea what time it is, but surely it can’t be morning yet. There is so much sleeping left to do.

  Again with the ringing. I reach for my nightstand, fumbling around until I find my phone. I don’t bother looking at the screen before I say, “Hello?”

  “Are you still sleeping?” Shreya asks.

  I force an eye open. My clock says it’s past noon. No wonder I’m so hungry. “Yeah, it was a rough night.”

  She groans. “Please stop there.”

  It takes a moment to figure out what she thinks I mean. “No, Shrey, ugh. I didn’t even go out with Dylan. My grandma had a heart attack.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah … ” For a moment, last night doesn’t seem real. It happened—the details are all crystal clear—and yet my mind still wants to resist the truth of it. “I tried to call you and Olivia.”

  She sighs. “Olivia missed yours. I … kinda don’t have a phone anymore.”

  “What?” I sit up. “I thought you still had time on yours!”

  Long pause. “My parents must have turned it off, because I don’t get service anymore.”

  “Oh, no … ”

  “It’s okay. Olivia took me to a movie to distract me from having a total meltdown, and then we ended up visiting Pavan and Rachelle.”

  “Really?” She must have been really hurt if she made Olivia drive her all the way to Salinas. And neither of them called to let me know what happened? Maybe they didn’t want to interrupt my date, but still. I should have been there for her.

  “Yeah, and they made us stay the night so we just got back. Sorry we didn’t get your call. Is she okay?” Shreya says. I purse my lips, sure Olivia had to have seen my calls. She just didn’t answer them. I get the feeling I’m not hearing the whole story, but I’m too tired to push it.

  “All things considered, I guess.” I plop back into my pillows, fatigue outwe
ighing hunger. “She had quadruple bypass surgery.”

  “Whoa.”

  In the background, I hear Olivia saying, “What’s going on?”

  Shreya parrots what I said, and then asks me, “Do you need anything? We can drive you over there or bring you food or—”

  “Maybe later. You already have so much to deal with, Shrey.” I can’t believe she doesn’t have a phone anymore. It’s like my lifeline just got severed. She’s always been the first person I call in any situation. Suddenly I have serious motivation to get her a job. “I need to get cleaned up and run a few errands. I’ll call you guys after?”

  I can feel her frowning. “Okay. Call Olivia if I’m not at your house later.”

  “Yup. See ya.”

  Throwing off my covers, I head for the bathroom to shower. I put on my goldfish shirt because I’m tired of saving it, and also maybe because it feels like Dylan is with me. The house is too quiet, and I can’t believe Mom would sleep this late. When I check her bed and then the garage, I discover she didn’t. She must have gone back to the hospital, choosing to “spare me” against my will.

  Cereal at one in the afternoon is probably not the best choice, but I’m not sure I can stomach much more. It feels empty here, like a shell of a house without my parents, without my grandma complaining about her food. I don’t like it, and it makes me wonder if this is how Shreya feels all the time. I have to get out of here, and there’s only one place to go.

  AnimalZone.

  I always park my bike out front when I’m not working, heading inside like a normal customer. To my surprise, Dylan is at the register. He smiles when he sees me. “Here for another fish?”

  I smirk. “No. I didn’t know you worked Sundays.”

  “My uncle thought it would be nice to give non-family Sundays off, so it’s just me and him.”

  “Ah.” I look around, nervous about seeing my boss. “Speaking of your uncle, where can I find him?”

  He raises an eyebrow. “So you’re finally gonna ask, huh?”

  I nod.

  “Good.” He comes around the cashier’s counter and takes my hands. “And since I have you here, we need to reschedule our date. Hopefully this time no one will get kicked out or have a heart attack.”