Right Amount of Wrong: A Standalone Romance

by Bijou Hunter

  “Well, no diets today,” Tawny says before ordering drinks for the table.

  When I can’t choose what to eat, Tawny orders for me the same special she’s getting. I’m relieved by how she takes charge when I’m stuck. Just like her son does.

  “Do you own your dreams now?” Heidi asks after her peach margarita arrives.

  “Yes. I want to be a wife and mother. Get some pets. Learn how to cook. Not big dreams but dreams nonetheless.”

  “Never minimize your dreams,” Heidi warns me. “Own them. It’s my dream to swim with sharks. I probably will never do it because I’m terrified of any water source larger than a backyard pool, but I feel no shame in having the dream.”

  Tawny caresses Heidi’s dark hair. For a moment, I’m insanely jealous of their mother-daughter bonding. I don’t remember my mom ever touching me so casually. It’s possible I’ve forgotten such a random moment, yet, suddenly, I long to have the same kind of comfort.

  As if sensing where my thoughts have gone, Tawny reaches over and caresses my head exactly how she did with Heidi. I smile at her and fight the shiver her soft touch sends through my body. I could get used to feeling so comfortable with other people. The ease I have with Gunnar is what I’ve craved all my life.

  “If you don’t want to keep your job at Walmart,” Heidi says, “I could use help organizing club crap. It’d give you something to do until Gunnar impregnates you with his giant sperm.”

  Tawny laughs and nearly spits out her drink. “Heidi, stop. You’ll scare her.”

  “No, I’m fine,” I say immediately. “I was around for Champagne’s pregnancies and know about the dirty details.”

  “I hope you won’t insist on a natural birth,” Heidi mumbles, wiping her lips. “Childbirth hurts, and modern medicine allows humans to reduce the pain. I don’t understand why people think suffering is meaningful but, yeah, no. I really enjoyed my epidural.”

  “It’s true,” Tawny tells me. “She acted as if she was on vacation.”

  “I wanted childbirth to be as fun as possible especially after nine months of feeling pukey and fat. Well, you’ll see soon enough.”

  “Assuming I get pregnant. You never know.”

  Heidi frowns at me and then looks at her mother. “She’s already forgotten how to own her dreams.”

  “It’s new for her,” Tawny says. “She didn’t grow up with ‘The World’s Best Mother,’ now did she?”

  Based on their smiles, I assume this is an inside joke. I don’t worry about not understanding. I’m one of them now, and I’ll learn everything in time. I trust in this knowledge because I believe Gunnar is my one true guy who makes sense even when he makes all the wrong choices.

  25

  Ogre

  ⊱✿ ✿⊰

  Vidalia decides that jumping on the bed is a luxury she’s lived without for too long. I relax on my back and admire the view of her bouncing above me. Her red braids swing at the same beat as her pale tits. Earlier tonight, I spent considerable time counting the freckles on the back of her knees and thighs before eating out Vidalia until she begged me to relent.

  “I still taste you,” I say, reaching up to caress her calf.

  Vidalia throws her head back and laughs. “I taste you too.”

  The first time Vidalia gave me a blowjob, she was a little too fast and loose with her teeth. My pained and terrified reaction only made her hysterically giggle, so it wasn’t the most amazing experience. Tonight, she didn’t bite or laugh, making it a win in my book.

  “I’ll be all kinds of exhausted at work tomorrow,” she says, still bouncing from one foot to the other.

  “You need to quit that job.”

  “How come?”

  “I don’t want men flirting with you.”

  “Men never flirt with me.”

  “Bullshit,” I grumble, thinking of her male co-workers behind the counter with her. “You’re not good at picking up on the flirting. You didn’t seem to realize I was throwing myself at you the first time I came to the counter.”

  “Oh, I knew,” Vidalia says, snickering. “In fact, I struggled not to point and laugh at your pathetic attempts.”

  Smirking, I rest my hands on my bare chest to avoid forcing her to bounce on my dick rather than the bed.

  “I can’t quit until after Reg’s baby is born and we’ve moved into our new place. Gotta use my discount to get everything settled. Then I’ll think about quitting. Until we have kids, what’s the rush of me being home?”

  “You don’t have to be home. Now that you have a snazzy SUV of your own, you can help Heidi. Though she bitches nonstop about how she has too much work, she doesn’t trust anyone with the club’s shit. She told me that she trusts you.”

  Yawning, Vidalia looks about done with her jumping. She holds my gaze while stepping closer until she lowers herself next to me.

  “Do you think we spent too much on that SUV? It’s more than I would have gotten on my own.”

  “Yeah, but you’re not on your own. You’re with me, and I want you driving something safe.”

  Vidalia gives me a little smile and lowers her gaze. I swear she can’t help wanting to shortchange herself.

  “I’m excited about decorating a place of my own,” she says, wiggling closer until she’s pressed against me. “Between us, we basically own nothing. We’re starting from scratch together.”

  “How can you say I have nothing?” I ask, turning to face her. “My walls are covered with that calendar.”

  Vidalia glances into the darkened corner where my “Farmer’s Daughter” calendar is stuck to the wall with a giant nail I found in the parking lot.

  “The night you brought me here, that calendar was still on January.”

  “And did you notice how January was a redhead?” I ask and give her ass a light pinch.

  “No, she wasn’t.”

  “I know because no redhead has ever been as hot as my baby.”

  Smiling, Vidalia climbs over me and kisses both of my cheeks. “You lie so effortlessly. You’re all kinds of wrong, aren’t you, stud?”

  “Most definitely, but no one will ever love you as I do.”

  “No, they won’t.”

  Vidalia’s lips caress my throat, and her nipples harden against the hairs on my chest. I don’t have to do a damn thing to get either of us aroused. Watching her move over me, teasing my cock against her wet slit, I love how confident she is now compared to our first time together.

  My girl is fully in the driver’s seat, and I’m glad to be along for the ride.

  26

  Vidalia

  ⊱✿ ✿⊰

  The rental house we visit today is only a few miles from Gunnar’s parents’ property. I get why our realtor, Danielle, avoided showing it to us before now. With only two bedrooms and around 1000 square feet, she knows Gunnar will complain it’s too small. This is his criticism about every place we’ve seen.

  This small farmhouse is a good distance from the road. A four-foot-high barbed wire fence surrounds the sizable yard. I immediately imagine dogs running around the yard, and Gunnar and me sitting on the tiny stone patio out front.

  The inside feels boxy yet comfortable. A cozy living room leads into a country-style kitchen which is connected to a small hall with two bedrooms and a yellow tiled bathroom. The house has the old-fashioned vibe I crave.

  Though I’ve liked plenty of the places we’ve seen, this is the first one where I’ve imagined pets and furniture. Unfortunately, Gunnar doesn’t have my vision for this little house.

  Once we return to the kitchen, Gunnar shakes his head and grunts his disapproval. An irritated Danielle immediately shoots him a dirty look. No matter what she shows us, Gunnar finds fault. Considering she’s doing us a favor, I suspect she’d like to flip him off and walk away from the search.

  “I like it,” I announce. “It’s a sweet house.”

  Gunnar lifts an eyebrow. “It’s too old and small.”

  “It’s clean,” D
anielle points out. “Has a yard like you want. The mechanicals are newer, meaning it’ll be cool in the summer and warm in the winter. The landlord is a professional, so if there are problems, they’ll get fixed. He’ll let you paint the walls and many owners won’t. So, what’s the problem again?”

  “It’s too small and old.”

  “I like it,” I say louder this time. “It feels like a first home. We don’t need anything bigger right now. You own a bed and a chair. I don’t even have that much. This house gives us enough room. When we need more space for kids, Danielle can find us something bigger. For now, I want this house.”

  Gunnar sighs. “You’re only saying that because you’re sick of looking.”

  “No, I can see us here,” I say, walking to the small kitchen sink. “I can look out the window while I do the dishes. It has enough counter space for me to cook. If it were bigger, that would mean more cleaning.”

  Gunnar looks around as if seeing the place for the first time. Judging by his twisted expression, he still isn’t convinced. I wrap my arms around his waist and smile up at him.

  “Can you imagine us talking one day about the first house we had together? It was a cozy white house in the country not far from your parents’ place. We eventually moved after the babies came, but for those first few years we were together, that house was our home.”

  Gunnar smiles at my words. “My first memories are of a condo in Ellsberg. We’d walk everywhere, and I’d ride on Dad’s shoulders. Our first kid could have memories of this house,” he says, looking around. “If you like it, I like it too.”

  Danielle exhales loudly behind me. Gunnar was driving her batshit crazy the last week, but her patience paid off. We’d finally found our home.

  27

  Ogre

  ⊱✿ ✿⊰

  My dad owns three Harleys while Mom has two. Most are parked at their small house in Ellsberg. When I arrive with Vidalia for dinner, I spot their matching black Harleys parked at the side of the house. They’ve clearly gone riding earlier. I can’t help wondering if Vidalia will ever get the hang of holding on, let alone joining in on a ride with her own Harley. My guess is no, but my woman surprises me a lot lately.

  She even climbs off without wearing a terrified expression. I take her hand and walk to the front porch where Dad sits with his grandson.

  “Mom cooking?”

  “No, boy, she picked up food,” Dad says, bouncing Axe on his lap. “She’s inside with Heidi, talking about beating up sluts with bats.”

  “Do the sluts have bats or does Heidi want to use a bat?”

  Dad narrows his blue eyes and grunts. “Is she here willingly?” he asks to fuck with me.

  “Yes,” I mutter. “Vidalia, this is my dad, Judd O’Keefe.”

  While Vidalia’s spent plenty of quality time with Mom and Heidi, she hasn’t enjoyed time with the old man. He gives her a once-over as if looking for weapons.

  “Hi. You can call me ‘Vi’ if you want.”

  Before I can worry about him scaring her, Dad gives Vidalia a smile he reserves for a very select few. I appreciate him putting on his best behavior. Mom’s won her over so much that Vidalia assumes my dad will be cool too. For her, he’ll behave. For most people, he can be a scary asshole.

  “How long have you been riding?” Vidalia asks Dad.

  Her question surprises us both. I expected her to remain shy with my family especially my often-terrifying father.

  “For as long as I can remember. Did you ever ride them before he kidnapped you?”

  “No, and I still think I’ll fall off every time he takes a turn,” Vidalia casually says, and her confidence makes me love her more than I thought possible.

  “You’ll get the hang of it,” Dad says, smiling. “Until then, tell Gunnar to slow the fuck down.”

  Vidalia grins at me before glancing at the front door where Jox appears and takes his son.

  “You best hurry up and make a kid for mine to play with,” Jox announces and lifts his boy into the air.

  Laughing, Axe manages to slobber all over his father’s face.

  “They both drool,” Dad whispers to Vidalia and me. “I wonder if Axe will also be as dumb as a box of rocks.”

  “I hope not. I don’t want my kids hanging out with a dummy. You know he’ll be a troublemaker too.”

  Vidalia rolls her eyes and leaves my side. She walks past Jox and into the house without saying a word.

  “Getting comfortable, is she?” Dad asks.

  “We found a rental, so, she better get comfortable.”

  “I’m surprised you didn’t buy something.”

  “Vidalia wanted to start with someone small, and I couldn’t talk her out of it.”

  “Here’s a little advice from a long-time married man,” he says, patting my shoulder. “You’ll never go wrong by giving your woman what she wants.”

  “You remember that advice down the road when you think I’m letting her call all the shots. I don’t want you calling me whipped.”

  “Why the fuck not? I’m whipped when it comes to your mom. Jox keeps his dick taped down to avoid accidentally fucking someone who ain’t your sister. Good men don’t mind handing the reins over to their women. Now, we’re not good men in most ways, but the rule still applies.”

  I don’t know about Dad but talking about my woman makes me want to see her. We walk inside with Jox following close behind.

  Vidalia stands in the kitchen, helping Mom and Heidi wash dishes. They’re talking about the best bitch fights they’ve seen, and I swear she looks like she’s known them her entire life.

  This moment here is what I knew would happen when I pulled my stunt. Sure, I looked like a crazed stalker, and Vidalia had every reason to think I’d never understand boundaries. My behavior wasn’t pristine, but even wrong moves can turn out right when love’s involved.

  Epilogue

  Vi

  ⊱✿ ✿⊰

  Gunnar and I marry in a quickie ceremony a few days after we move into the house. I have no interest in something fancier, mostly because I don’t want a bunch of people around for my special moment. I tell Fern and Reg that I eloped, which is almost the truth. They’re both disappointed not to have been involved, but I suspect my brother understands why he was kept at bay. He might love Champagne, but I’m done playing nice with his bitchy wife.

  At the wedding, I wear a pale blue “bride” T-shirt while Gunnar wears a dark blue “groom” one. Everyone has a corresponding shirt, even Axe who drools all over his “flower boy” one. Judd walks me down the aisle, having declared the night before how he had two daughters now.

  Our reception is at Zaxby’s where we enjoy chicken, and I try fried mushrooms for the first –– and last –– time. I’ve never been happier than I am that day with the man I love and his family I’m a part of now.

  Married life proves to involve a lot of give and take. When decorating the house, Heidi and I debate everything I put on the wall. Only for Gunnar to veto everything deemed too girly. He picks out the couch for the living room, and he chooses the biggest one that’ll fit. For the spare room, I buy a bunk bed for Neo and Princess when they sleep over. Within a few months, we rearrange everything in the room so our baby’s future crib and changing table will fit.

  One of my most successful efforts as a homemaker is to create a variation on the broccoli pasta salad. Gunnar eats the first batch I make and then hurries me into the bedroom so he can reminisce naked about the first time he ordered it at the deli.

  A few times a month, Judd and Tawny drive to Pema for a weekend. I always bring a big container of the pasta salad, knowing how much everyone enjoys it. Even Jox can’t get enough, but Heidi says she doesn’t cook and he can pick some up from Walmart if he’s that hungry.

  I still need to learn to own my dreams. Even showing off my legs can be a struggle when I start thinking about how pale they are even during the hottest days of summer. Heidi tans easily and could be a constant reminder of what
I’m not.

  “Nice shorts,” Heidi says when I walk in the backyard during a family barbecue.

  I hand Axe to his mama and turn around to show off my non-curvy legs, ass, and hips.

  “I own my pale, freckled legs!” I announce, embracing how I’ll never be a tanned goddess.

  Heidi jumps up and shoves her butt at Jox. “I own my fat ass.”

  “Baby got back,” he says, smacking it.

  Judd shoots his son-in-law a dirty look, even as Tawny stands up to make her declaration.

  “I own my saggy middle-aged boobs!”

  Judd immediately says, “I remain co-owner of them.”

  Everyone laughs in the easy way this family always does. They’re comfortable with each other, and I’m now part of their clan. Soon, I’ll give Tawny and Judd their second grandchild, and Heidi her first nephew. I still can’t believe I went from living on the outside of my family to feeling squarely in the middle of Gunnar’s.

  A month after we move in, we adopt a black cat from the shelter and name her Runaround Sue which Gunnar claims is my seduction song. As unfriendly as a feline can be, she hides whenever more than one person is in a room with her. I still love when she crawls into my lap whenever I go to the bathroom, though my pregnancy means there’s soon less lap for her to enjoy.

  Gunnar brings a dog home one day and asks, “Can we keep it?”

  How can I say no with him wearing such an excited expression? The dog is a four-year-old Labrador mix whose owner couldn’t care for him anymore. Rock and Sue tolerate each other, but they’ll never be friends.

  Whenever I babysit Princess and Neo, they do fine with the pets, although I occasionally slip them allergy medicine just in case. I watch them for a few days when Champagne gives birth.

  “She named her Precious,” Reg tells me as if he didn’t have any say in the matter.

  “Of course, she did.”

  My brother comes over many weekends to hang out with Gunnar. I’m surprised by how well he does around the pets, although I suspect he slips himself allergy medicine before heading to my place.