Tess set her cup on her glass coffee table. “It’s so stupid, and I feel silly for even trippin’ about it.”
“Testimony Sinclair, you better tell me what’s going on right now!”
Tess could hear the urgent concern in Bernadette’s voice, and it made her want to break down and cry. Bernadette was the protective big sister that Tess had always been able to count on through highs and lows, and right now she needed her cousin’s strength to lean on. She took a deep breath, settled back into her couch, and proceeded to tell Bernadette about Antwan and his new bride.
She confessed that over the last two days she’d been on social media day and night trolling through pictures and posts of the happy couple. That morning she’d discovered that the newlyweds were still living it up and celebrating a joyous honeymoon that they’d chronicled for the world to see. The two had been featured on wedding sites like Munaluchi, Weddings OnPoint, Black Bride, and The Knot. And an hour ago, Tess had just read an online article titled “Black Love & Beauty” on Essence.com, where the new Mrs. Bolling was a contributing beauty editor.
“Tess, I’m so sorry to hear this,” Bernadette said.
“Thanks,” Tess said in a low voice. “I’ve been so closed off for the last few months that I didn’t even know he was dating anyone. I blocked him and most of his friends and the people we knew as a couple because it was too painful to rehash and relive it all.” Tess sighed. “You wouldn’t believe the kind of stares, questions, and downright crazy comments I received from people once they found out that we’d broken up. But I guess I shouldn’t have dropped completely off the radar like I did because this really blindsided me. I’m still in shock.”
“I understand, cuz. Even though my relationship with Walter ended the way it did, it still took time for me to get over him, and honestly, it was harder getting over what he did to me than actually getting over my feelings for him.”
Tess was shocked by Bernadette’s admission. “Wow, I didn’t know that.”
“Neither did I until I started doing a lot of reflecting. I loved the idea of what I thought Walter and I had. But with you and Antwan, it’s just the opposite of what I experienced. I think it’s been harder for you to get over your feelings for him than it was the things he actually did. Tess, you loved that man, and I think a part of you still does. That’s why you’re so emotional about his marriage. If you didn’t care you wouldn’t be stalking his Instagram and other social media pages.”
Tess had to take a moment to think about what Bernadette had just said. She hated to admit it, but she knew Bernadette was right. She’d never resolved her feelings for Antwan, and now the pain was staring her in the face all over again. Tess picked up her half-empty coffee cup and walked into the kitchen. She knew she needed to eat, take a shower, and get back into a normal routine, but she still felt stuck.
“Have you eaten anything this morning?” Bernadette asked.
“Yes, a delicious cup of coffee.”
“You need to take care of yourself, Tess. You’re upset, vulnerable, sleep deprived, and in need of food. That’s not good.”
“I really don’t feel like eating or sleeping. I just want to sulk.”
“It’s okay to feel hurt, and lonely, and sad, but you can’t live in that space. Antwan has gone on with his life, and now you’ve got to move forward with yours.”
Tess filled her stainless steel teakettle with distilled spring water and placed it on her chef’s grade, six-burner stove in preparation for making a cup of chamomile tea to calm her nerves after her caffeine rush. “I thought about calling him.”
“Please tell me you didn’t.”
“I said I thought about it, but I didn’t actually do it. I’m not crazy.”
“Thank goodness.”
“But I might create a fake account and post something horrendous about him, like, ‘I wonder if Antwan gave his new bride the herpes virus he’s been carrying around for two years as a wedding gift?’ ”
Bernadette drew in a sharp breath of air on the other end. “Don’t even play around about stuff like that. What’s wrong with you?”
Tess scooped a heaping mound of natural brown sugar into her teacup. “It’s dastardly, I know. But I would love to see him squirm.”
“It’s not true, is it?”
“Of course not. I just want to fuck with him.”
“You’ve got problems, and you need to stop this right now, Tess. I know you talk a lot of junk and you’ve done some crazy things in your day, but this is going way too far. You need to pull yourself out of this funk and get it together.”
Tess poured hot water over her tea bag and let it steep. She inhaled the fragrant chamomile as she stirred the sugar that she’d already placed in her cup. “I know you’re right, Bernadette. I need to let go of the past, accept the situation for what it is, and move on with my life. But the truth is, and I know this is gonna sound bad . . . but I don’t want to move on. I want to brood, and pout, and sulk, and troll his triflin’ ass on social media. I want to plot all kinds of devious shit in my mind that I can do to hurt him. I’ve even hoped and prayed that he’d catch his new wife in bed with another man, that way he could feel the same kind of pain that he put me through.”
Bernadette let out a long, hard sigh. “You’re right. It does sound bad. But you know the pity party you’re having won’t change your situation, right?”
“Yeah, I know, but it’ll definitely make me feel better.”
Bernadette sucked her teeth. “No, it won’t. And any temporary victory you might feel will fade away after you sit back and see that regardless of whatever you say or do to that man, at the end of the day he chose someone else and he’s moved on with his life. Cuz, you need to do the same.”
Tess took small sips of the steaming-hot tea and closed her eyes as the warm liquid eased down her throat. “Didn’t I just tell you that I don’t want to do the rational thing?”
“Stop acting like an irresponsible twentysomething with no common sense. This is serious, Tess, and the more you talk like this, the more worried I’m getting about you.”
Instead of feeling better talking to Bernadette, Tess was beginning to feel worse. “Thanks for listening to me, cuz, but I gotta go.”
“And do what?”
“Um, in case you haven’t been listening to me, I have a book to write.”
“I’ve been listening for the last hour, and from what you’ve told me you’ve barely written a paragraph in the last few days. And I’d be willing to bet my next paycheck that as soon as we get off the phone you’re going to go back online and resume cyberstalking Antwan. Am I right?”
“Maybe.”
There was a short pause on the phone before Bernadette spoke up. “Come to Bourbon.”
“What?”
“You clearly need to get out of Chicago so you can thaw out and clear your mind. You’re sitting around in that gigantic house all by yourself, and if left to your own devices you’ll end up doing something that you’ll regret later. So rather than get yourself into trouble by what you might write online, come here and finish writing your book.”
“Are you serious?”
“Of course I am. I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t.”
Tess took a moment to think about Bernadette’s offer. She knew that her cousin was right about what would happen if she was left to her own devices. She also knew that she needed to step outside the insular life she’d created over the last year or so, otherwise things would go from bad to worse. Bourbon hadn’t been on her list of places she’d wanted to visit, but standing in her lonely kitchen on a freezing Sunday morning, the small town sounded downright exciting. “How long can I stay?”
“As long as you want.” Bernadette cleared her throat. “I’m lyin’, you can stay until you finish your book or heal your heart, whichever comes first.”
“I love your honesty.”
“Thank you. So what’s it gonna be?”
“How soon can I come?”
“Is tomorrow too early?”
“Tomorrow is perfect! Tess, I can’t wait to see you.”
Tess was truly thankful, and this was the first time in a long time that she actually felt hopeful about something. “Okay, I’m going to look at flights after we hang up, and I’ll let you know as soon as I book something.”
“Okay, sounds good.” Bernadette smiled on the other end of the phone. “I haven’t seen you in forever, but don’t worry, I won’t be in your way when it comes to your writing. I know you need uninterrupted time, and with my crazy long work hours you won’t even know I’m here.”
“Yes, but I want to hang out and catch up with you before I sequester myself from the world so I can finish this book.”
“You got it, cuz.”
Tess and Bernadette talked a few more minutes before they ended their call. Tess was thankful that she had a wonderful cousin and sister-friend like Bernadette who was always there for her. She finished drinking her tea and then headed upstairs to her writing cave. She sat at her desk and logged onto her computer. She was about to pull up rates on Priceline.com, but before she did that she moseyed over to Antwan’s Instagram page to check out what he was up to since the last time she’d logged in a couple hours ago.
Chapter 13
BERNADETTE
Monday had always been Bernadette’s least favorite day of the week because aside from being an abrupt end to the weekend—which she relished because of her intensely long work weeks—the day usually brought on an onslaught of unresolved problems lingering from the previous week. But this Monday was very different, and in fact, she was looking forward to today, and specifically, she was looking forward to lunchtime because she would be dining with Coop.
Bernadette and Coop had talked for four hours yesterday afternoon and then again for nearly an hour before she’d fallen asleep last night. When he’d texted her two nights ago to make sure she’d gotten home safely from Arizona’s birthday party, she’d thought it had been a nice, gentlemanly gesture, and when he’d called yesterday there was no denying that they had incredible chemistry. She and Coop had talked with the ease of old friends and the excitement of new lovers, which had stirred a mixture of exhilaration, anxiety, intrigue, and anticipation in Bernadette. They hadn’t flirted or hinted at anything other than general getting-to-know-you conversation, but the information and depth of sincerity with which they’d shared had been full and meaningful. She liked the fact that Coop was straight up, honest, and mature with no pretense or posturing to make himself seem like a big deal, even though Bernadette knew that he was indeed a very big deal in Bourbon, as was evidenced by his celebrity status at Arizona’s party.
Coop had asked Bernadette to dinner last night, but she’d been hesitant because she’d had to finish two reports that were due first thing in the morning. But she also wanted to see Coop right away, and because Tess was set to arrive in town that same evening, Bernadette decided to meet him for a late lunch that afternoon.
Bernadette had asked her administrative assistant to clear her afternoon schedule so she would have plenty of time with Coop before going home to meet Tess after her cousin picked up her rental car from the airport. Bernadette’s heart beat fast with anticipation as she drove up to Sue’s Brown Bag, a soul food restaurant located in the heart of the Bottoms. Bernadette had only been on this side of town once, and that had been three nights ago when she’d called the car service to make sure she and Arizona arrived home safely after drinks at the Magnolia Room.
As Bernadette looked up and down the street it struck her how familiar, yet utterly different, the Bottoms was from where she’d grown up in southeast Washington, DC. Much like her old neighborhood, the Bottoms was sprinkled with men hanging out on the corner—even in the cold—mom-and-pop convenience stores filling each block, and old buildings that were in need of repair due to years of wear and tear. But the difference between the Bottoms and her old neighborhood was that the streets here looked clean, as though the proprietors of each business had swept them with a broom and then told the passersby to keep them clean. And even though the buildings looked old and in need of a fresh coat of paint and pressure washing, there was no broken glass from violent incidents or metal bars on doors or windows to deter burglars.
As Bernadette walked up to Sue’s Brown Bag, she noticed a disheveled-looking man leaning against a pole directly in front of the restaurant. She eyed him carefully because his body language indicated that he wanted to approach her. She hoped he wasn’t going start catcalling or ask her for money. She made quick steps and was nearly at the front door when the man stood straight and looked her in the eyes.
“Good afternoon, ma’am. You’re lookin’ mighty lovely today.” He smiled, revealing missing teeth on both his upper and lower gums.
Bernadette didn’t normally smile or make small talk with strangers, especially disheveled men on the street. But when she returned his stare, something in his eyes made her know he was harmless, so she responded by saying, “I hope you’re having a good day.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’m above ground, so I can’t complain one bit.”
“Amen to that.”
“Enjoy your meal, ma’am.”
“Thank you,” Bernadette said with a smile. She knew if this had been DC, the entire exchange would have gone down differently and might have ended with a possible 9-1-1 call to report harassment. But in Bourbon, even the guys hanging out on the corner were respectful, which made her fondness for the city grow even more.
Bernadette opened the door to the restaurant and was surprised to see that the façade belied what was inside. She’d expected the interior to look like a typical sandwich shop in the hood, a bit run down and in need of repair. But as she looked up at the modern pendant lights that were outfitted with Edison bulbs, and the leather-upholstered chairs neatly tucked under what she could see were custom-made wood tables that sat atop pristine hardwood floors, she smiled, thinking that this place echoed what she thought about Coop—it wasn’t what it seemed, it was something better.
As Bernadette inhaled the scent of food that smelled so good it made her stomach rumble, she realized that not only was this place a full-fledged restaurant instead of a simple sandwich shop, it had sophisticated appeal while managing to feel as down home as sweet potato pie. Just as she was about to check her phone for the time, she looked across the room and saw Coop sitting at a booth in the back, staring at her with his signature, debonair smile. She didn’t want to seem overly excited, but she was, and she was sure that Coop could tell because his smile turned into a sly grin.
Bernadette was five minutes early, and she’d hoped to arrive before Coop so she would have time to slip into the ladies’ room and adjust her hair and makeup, because she wanted to look her best. But there was no time for that now, so she put one foot in front of the other and walked toward Coop’s booth, aware that he was studying her from head to toe. Bernadette had always been self-conscious about her very average appearance, but she was also wise enough to know that maximizing the average could result in exceptional, which she had tried to achieve today. Her thick black hair was pulled back into a neat chignon, her barely there makeup was subtle, her stylish heels highlighted the curve of her toned calves, and her gray wool coat was fitted to her petite frame as if it was made especially for her. She widened her smile as she approached the booth where Coop was still grinning.
Coop stood and greeted her with a hug before helping to remove her coat. Bernadette settled into her side of the comfortable, leather-covered booth. “Good afternoon,” she said, “I hope you haven’t been waiting too long?”
Coop glanced at his classic Cartier tank watch, noting the time. “Not too long. But I must admit that I’ve been looking forward to lunch ever since breakfast.”
“If the smell coming from the kitchen is any indication of how the food tastes, I can see why.”
<
br /> “Yes, the food here is great, but I’ve been looking forward to lunch because it meant I’d get to see you again.”
Bernadette knew from their previous conversations that Coop’s straightforward way shouldn’t startle or surprise her, but it did, and it also made her feel special. She blushed. “Thank you. That’s very kind of you, Coop.”
“I’m an honest man, Bernadette. I know we just met and you’re still feeling me out, which you should. But the one thing I can tell you right now is that I’mma always be honest with you. I don’t play games and if it’s comin’ outta my mouth, you can believe it’s true.”
“That’s good to know. I appreciate honesty.”
“And so do I.”
Bernadette was excited, but she was also beginning to feel surprisingly nervous. It was one thing to talk on the phone for hours, free from Coop’s intensely hypnotic eyes staring into hers and observing her body language, but it was another to sit across from him, under his watchful gaze in real time. Now she was face-to-face with the first man whom she’d been interested in in years, and it made her palms sweat. She was relieved when the server came to their booth to take their order.
“Good afternoon, ma’am,” the server said as she placed two menus on the table. She turned to Coop. “Hey, Coop. Good to see you.”
Coop nodded to the young woman. “How ya’ doin’, Sandy?”
“My bunions hurt like crazy and I got a painful corn growin’ on my left pinkie toe. But other than that, I guess I’m aw’right.”
Bernadette couldn’t believe that the woman, who looked to be in her mid to late twenties, was talking about bunions and corns right before asking customers what they wanted to eat. Even though the woman knew Coop, Bernadette thought her relaxed attitude was a bit much. She tried to hide her shock and discomfort by narrowing her eyes on the menu in front of her, but she knew that Coop had already zeroed in on her shift.
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