“About what?”
“Marrying Chris.”
There was a long pause on the other end. “Bernadette, are you still there?”
“I’m here. I just had to sit up in my bed to make sure I’m hearing you correctly because this is serious.”
“I know it is. Why do you think I’m calling you in the middle of the night? I need to tell Chris how I really feel, and that I have doubts, but I don’t know how to say it in a way that won’t hurt his feelings, so I was hoping you could give me some advice because you’re good with words.”
Bernadette took a deep breath on the other end. “Before I give you advice I want to ask you something.”
“Okay.”
“Are you really prepared to end your relationship with Chris over sex, or are you feeling that way because you’re frustrated and don’t know what to do?”
Arizona thought for a moment, but she didn’t have an answer. “Honestly, I don’t know. Part of me knows that Chris is the man for me. He’s a gentleman, thoughtful, and very respectful of my feelings, and I know that he loves me like nobody’s business.”
“Yes, I believe that, too.”
“But I also know how I am. I like sex, plain and simple. And not just sex, good sex.”
“Don’t we all?”
“There you go again. Bernadette, please stop making jokes. I’m serious.”
“And so am I. Do you know how many women would love to be in your situation right now? You have a good-looking, kindhearted, intelligent, hardworking man with a good job who loves you and your son. He supports your dreams and he absolutely adores you. I bet the single ladies at your party tonight would love to have a man with half of Chris’s qualities.”
“Do you think they’d still want him if they knew his penis was the size of my toe?”
Bernadette was quiet for a minute. “Some would and some wouldn’t. I guess the question for you to answer is what is it that you truly want, and what’s most important to you. Arizona, I want you to think long and hard about that question.”
Arizona had emptied her champagne flute and was giving herself a refill. “That question has been the only thing on my mind since last night. I’ve thought about it and like I said before, I love Chris, but I also love sex. It’s a miracle that I’ve been celibate for this long, and honestly, holding out wasn’t all that hard because I thought Chris would be worth the wait. But now, I just don’t know.” Arizona paused and took a sip of her bubbly. She walked back to the bedroom, looked down at the rose petals on the bed, and then sat on the edge of the fluffy, down-filled comforter. “Would you want a man with small penis? And I’m talking infant size.”
“No, I wouldn’t. But I’d try to make it work.”
Arizona felt sad and defeated as she spoke. “In order to make it work you’ve got to have a lil’ somethin’ to work with in the first place, and he has nothing,” she nearly sobbed, “trust me.”
Bernadette sighed. “You young girls are something else. Let an old lady school you.”
“That’s why I called you.”
Bernadette chuckled. “I walked into that one.”
“Huh?”
“Never mind.” Bernadette cleared her throat. “There are other ways you can receive satisfaction and achieve orgasm that don’t involve a penis. Your clitoris is the key to pleasure, period, and it doesn’t require a big penis, or a penis at all, to stimulate it. He can grind on it, rub it, lick it, or use a toy to stimulate it, and if he does it right you won’t even think about his penis. At the end of the day you want to be satisfied, so don’t get all caught up in the travel route as long as you end up reaching your destination.”
Arizona stood up, walked back over to the bottle of bubbly, and poured herself another glass, this time filling it only halfway. She walked back to the bedroom and sat in the plush high-back chair beside the bed and thought about what Bernadette had said. She knew her friend was right.
“The more I think about it,” Bernadette said, “I’m not sure if you should have a serious talk with Chris about your disappointment with his size, because honestly, that’s a hell of a tough conversation for anyone to have.”
“What do you think I should do?”
“First of all, put the champagne down so you’ll have your wits about you.”
“How do you know I’m still drinking?”
“Because it’s almost a requirement to drink champagne when you’re living life in a presidential suite,” Bernadette said, without missing a beat. “My advice to you is to see what kind of moves Chris has. Explore how you two can bring each other pleasure without actual intercourse. Kiss, caress, fondle, tickle, and have fun getting to know each other’s body. Trust me, if you can do that you’ll have a fighting chance.”
“You talk like you have a lot of experience with this type of thing.”
“Kind of, but on the other end of the spectrum of what you’re dealing with. Just because a man is well endowed it doesn’t mean he knows what to do with it. It’s just like business, you have to minimize your losses and maximize your profits. If his penis can’t satisfy you, maybe his tongue can. If he’s not a good kisser, maybe his touch gets you excited. You have to work together to find what’s going to please you, and the same goes for him, although with men it’s less complicated.”
Arizona knew that Bernadette was right. She had to give it a try. Chris had been horrible the other night, but it had also been their first time being intimate, and she had hope that he might be better the second time around. “You’re right,” Arizona said. “I’m going to keep an open mind and look for other ways that we both can achieve pleasure.”
“There you go.”
Just then Arizona heard the door open in the front room. “I’m back in the bedroom,” she called out, then whispered to Bernadette, “Chris is back, so I’ve got to hang up.”
“Good luck, and let me know how it goes.”
“You know I will.” Arizona closed her eyes and said a quick prayer for the best.
When Chris walked into the bedroom he looked exhausted. Arizona knew that he’d been running errands all day and working all night in order to make her party a huge success, which it had been. Now Chris looked like all he was ready to do was go to sleep, and that prospect gave Arizona a little relief.
“You look beautiful, baby,” Chris said in a tired voice. He walked over to where Arizona was sitting and gave her a kiss on her cheek before taking a seat on the bed. “You like the rose petals?”
Arizona smiled with a nod of her head. “Yes, baby. You did an amazing job of arranging them.”
Chris returned her smile. “How did you know I did it?”
“Because I know you. The perfectly imperfect lopsided heart had Chris Pendleton written all over it.” Arizona leaned over and handed Chris her glass of champagne. “I think you need this.”
“Yes, it’s been a long day and an even longer night.”
“Yes, it has, and thank you for all that you did to make my birthday special. I really appreciate you, baby.”
“You only turn thirty once.” Chris smiled and exhaled. “Now that your birthday is in the record books, we can concentrate on the next big event, which is our wedding. Tomorrow is February, and June will be here before you know it.”
“Yes, it will.”
Chris guzzled down the champagne and then sat the glass on the nightstand. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.” It was a half lie.
“Arizona, like I said yesterday and you just said a minute ago, I know you, you know me, and we both know when something’s not right with one of us. Something’s not right with you. I could sense it tonight at your party, but I didn’t want to make too much of a big deal out of it. But you definitely had something on your mind and you still do. Talk to me, what’s going on?”
They stared at each other in silence. Arizona could see that Chris was confused and she knew he had every reason to be. He’d thrown her a fantastic par
ty, given her great gifts, and skillfully orchestrated a romantic evening that most women could only dream of. Yet here she was, feeling down and out as if she’d just been given an eviction notice. She knew she needed to explain herself, and despite the advice that Bernadette had given her, she felt she needed to be completely honest about her concerns surrounding the future of their sexual relationship. But before she could open her mouth, Chris cut her off.
“Is this about us making love the other night?”
Arizona looked down at the floor. “Yes.”
“I know, and I’ve been feeling the same way. We broke our vow of celibacy, and instead of me taking responsibility and apologizing, I made matters worse by telling you that I’d make it last longer the next time. That was wrong of me, Arizona. I respect you and I love you, and I shouldn’t have put you in that kind of situation. I know that’s what you’ve been thinking about since last night, and when you came into this room and saw the lingerie along with the rose petals, it probably made you feel worse instead of better.”
Arizona could see that Chris was disappointed because he felt as if he’d let her down. His sincerity and love for her touched her heart and aroused a carnal desire that made her want him. She stood up and took a few steps to where he was sitting on the edge of the bed. She cupped his face in the palms of her hands. “I love that you’re such a good, honest, and decent man. And I love that you love me. But right now, what I need . . . what we need, is to get busy under these sheets.”
“Wait, Arizona. Are you sure? I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to, because trust me, I do. But I didn’t think you wanted to. Isn’t that the reason you’ve been on edge since Thursday night?”
“Yes and no. But don’t worry about that. Right now I want to seize this moment. We’re in a beautiful suite with roses, champagne, and a big, soft bed. We need to use all of this in our favor.”
“Like I said the other night, we don’t have to do this.”
“I know, Chris. You’ve already told me that.”
“Yeah, and look what happened. You’ve been moping around ever since Thursday night, and that’s not right. I don’t want to compromise things any further.”
“This is truly what I want.” Arizona knew that now was the time to test out Bernadette’s advice. If Chris could fulfill her and satisfy her tonight, they would be on a road to making their sex life an enjoyable one, and her worries would be a distant memory. “Don’t say another word. Just be a man of action.” Arizona dropped her robe and stood naked in front of him.
Arizona smiled when she saw Chris’s eyes roam over her body with heated desire. He stood and enveloped her with his long arms and pulled her into his firm chest. She closed her eyes as his hands caressed her skin, rubbing up and down in a circular motion. But instead of feeling pleasure, Arizona’s eyes flew open with discomfort because there was nothing about his touch that aroused her. He made circles on the cheek of her left hip with one hand, while performing the same motion, but in the opposite direction on her other. She closed her eyes again and tried to get into the rhythm of what he was doing, but an image from a scene in one of her favorite movies, The Karate Kid, popped into her mind. She likened Chris’s movements to the lesson when Mr. Miyagi demonstrated the wax-on, wax-off technique to his young charge, Daniel-san. Arizona knew this was all wrong, and she knew she had to do something to salvage the moment.
“Here baby, right here.” Arizona gently moved one of Chris’s hands to the small of her back in order to break up the hard, rigid rubbing that was beginning to irritate her.
“I love it when you tell me what you like.” Chris moaned and then whispered, “Do you like it, baby?”
Arizona blocked out his moans and his words because they only served to heighten her anxiety. She knew she had to focus her mind in order to get into a sexy mood. But no matter how hard she tried to focus on feeling pleasure from Chris’s touch, it just wasn’t there. She wanted him to gently caress her, but his touch felt as if he was brushing her skin with a pumice stone. The pit of her stomach churned, and she knew she needed to try a different strategy. “Let’s get in bed,” she said in a low, sexy voice.
“You don’t have to tell me twice.”
Within thirty seconds Chris was as naked as a newborn, proudly displaying his microscopic penis that was barely visible, buried by hair and balls. Arizona took a quick glance and felt the blood drain from her head. She knew she had to once again refocus her mind to a more positive place. She hoped for the best and slid under the hotel’s crisp sheets.
Find pleasure in other ways, Arizona told herself as she tried to hold on to Bernadette’s sage advice. She kissed Chris, starting slowly, because she wanted to take her time and ease into arousal. But Chris quickly increased the pace by darting his tongue in and out of her mouth with quick bursts. He jabbed the side of her jaw, teeth, lips and gums as if he was searching for food.
What the hell is he doing? Arizona thought with alarm. She cupped his face with both hands and stopped him. “Chris, baby, slow down. We have all night.”
“Oh, okay, baby,” he panted.
Arizona couldn’t figure out why he was rushing, and out of breath, as if he’d just run a 5K race. Chris was in great shape and he worked out at the gym five days a week, so she knew he couldn’t possibly be overexerted from a little grinding and kissing. But as he rubbed and moved on top of her, his breathing became more labored, and then suddenly, he stopped.
“Ooohhh,” Chris moaned. “I’m sorry, baby . . . did you feel it?”
Arizona was completely confused. “Feel what?”
“I know last night I said I’d make it last longer, but I got so excited. . .”
“Chris, what are you talking about?”
“I came.”
“Huh?” Arizona knew he couldn’t possibly mean what she thought he was saying, so she asked for clarification. “You mean you had an orgasm?”
Chris couldn’t even speak, all he did was nod and smile.
“How?” Arizona asked. She was in a state of bewilderment.
“You excite me so much that it’s hard for me to hold back. Baby, you put it on me, and I know if it’s like this now, it’s only gonna get better and better. Like Denzel said, ‘Mo betta makes it mo betta.’ I can’t wait to make you my wife. I love you, Arizona.”
Arizona heard what Chris was saying but she still couldn’t believe what had come out of his mouth, and she didn’t even want to think about what had come out of him. But a second later she was forced to deal with it when a rush of warm, sticky liquid slid down her thigh as Chris rolled off her and laid his head back on the fluffy pillow that he’d propped up against the headboard. Arizona pinched her eyes shut with frustration. She’d hoped that she could slowly ease her way into the delicate conversation that she knew they needed to have, but this pitiful excuse for lovemaking didn’t even qualify as sex in her mind. Arizona didn’t care if Chris’s feelings or ego got hurt, bruised, or battered beyond recognition. She had things to say, and she wasn’t going to let another second go by without telling Chris exactly how she felt. “We really, and I mean really, need to talk,” she said in a frustrated tone.
Arizona stared at Chris and shook her head. His shallow breathing mixed with the slow rise and fall of his chest let her know that he was getting ready to fall asleep, so she gave his broad shoulder a hard nudge. “Chris, I said we need to talk. And I mean right now!”
“Baby, I’m so tired I can’t think straight, and I . . . I’m not up for talking right . . .” And with that, Chris was sound asleep.
She nudged him again. “No, wake up. We need to talk, Chris.”
When he started snoring, Arizona knew he was sound asleep, and no matter what she tried, he’d be out until the sun came up. “I can’t even believe this,” she whispered aloud. Arizona sat up in bed and knew that this was the beginning of the end.
Chapter 12
TESS
Tess sipped from the colorfully decorated disposable c
offee cup that was filled to the brim with a piping-hot dose of Ethiopian roast. She was sitting on her living room couch, looking out her large window at the bright white snow covering her street. It was Sunday morning, and she realized that other than going down the street to get coffee from Joe’s Café a few minutes ago, she hadn’t been out of the house since last Sunday morning, when she’d gone there to get the same coffee she was drinking right now. She felt as if so much, yet so little, had happened in her life from then to now. She was nowhere near finishing her book; however, she’d closed another chapter of her life with the news of Antwan’s happily-ever-after. She looked at the clock. It was ten in the morning where Bernadette lived, and Tess knew her cousin had probably been up since the sun rose, so she decided to call.
“Good Sunday morning, cuz!” Bernadette said, sounding cheerful and full of energy.
“You need to either tone it down several notches or transfer some of that happiness crap my way.”
“Aren’t we the ray of sunshine this morning,” Bernadette chirped.
“Bernadette, please don’t start with the sarcasm. I really can’t take it today.”
“First of all, you’re the one who called me, so don’t get mad if I answer my phone in a good mood. And secondly, Tess, what’s wrong with you?”
“I’m tired, that’s all.”
“No, that’s not it. As a matter of fact, I’ve noticed over the last few months you’ve been snippy and moody almost all the time, and it’s only getting worse. I know you’re under stress to finish your book, but I’ve never seen you like this, and frankly, I’m beginning to worry about you. Talk to me and tell me what’s really going on?”
Tess rubbed her left temple and let out a loud sigh. “I’m sorry for the way I just came at you; I apologize. Like I said, I’m tired, and I have been for a while.” She paused and tried to put a smile in her voice that wasn’t in her heart. “Tell me all about last night. Did you have fun? Did you meet a fine Southern gentleman?”
“I had a good time, but before I go into any of that I want to know what’s really going on with you. I heard what you said but I know there’s more to it than that. Something’s wrong and I want you to level with me.”
The Other Side Page 12