A Light From the Ashes

by Rachel Anne Cox

  “I remember.”

  “We were treated like less than dogs, marching, digging, training, eating, shitting, bathing so close to other men I didn’t know where I left off and they began. Nothing left that signified . . . me. After a while of living like that, I finally started to feel like a part of something. More connected than I’d ever felt with the rebels. Sure, it was all hard to go through, but I felt like there was a greater purpose.”

  “But Simeon. What of Simeon? Living in his house, being his son?”

  “I’m getting to that. By the time he put the uniform on me, he told me that’s all I was. That’s all I was ever meant to be. And without the uniform, without the Corsairs, I was nothing. That month after I helped the old woman escape, when he had me in solitary confinement . . .” Kyle’s voice broke off like a twig snapping. He felt his breakfast rising in his throat and hot tears behind his eyes. “It was so dark in the Box. Took me weeks to get used to light again when I got out. I lost all sense of space or shape. Sometimes it felt like I was falling. I had to walk the couple of steps along each wall to just keep my balance. But yes, to answer your question, I remember everything about Simeon. Every slap, kick, punishment. Every kind word, every caress. But more than anything, I remember you. Through all of it, you were there with me. In that pitch-black box for a solid month, you were there next to me, the only light in that room.”

  “And how do you feel about me?”

  “You have to ask?”

  “I need to hear you say it.”

  “If I start getting into all that now, I’ll never stop.”

  “So why do you have to stop? We’re both still here, and we have a chance to make all of this right. Maybe even bring some justice to Simeon and the rest of the Triumvirate, to heal ourselves from all that happened to us.” Mark’s hand was on Kyle’s face.

  “Justice.” Kyle thought of the old abandoned house, his one refuge burning, and saw in his mind’s eye Mark lighting the match, and he pulled away. “Did you do it?”

  “Do what? Kyle, what are you talking about?”

  “Nothing. So much has happened in the last few days. It’s all just getting to me, I suppose.”

  “These uniforms, these guns, this is not who we are, Kyle. Not you and me. We never wanted to join the army, never wanted to fight this fight on the other side. Half the time, I feel like I’m playing dress-up or something. Just pretending. Play acting.”

  “But it’s not a game! It’s reality, and we’ve both chosen sides.”

  “We haven’t! They were chosen for us. God, Kyle, it’s not for us to dole out the punishments, judgments.”

  “So why don’t you go? You could leave, get away. There are a million places you could go. Just get on your horse and ride.”

  “You know why I stay.”

  “Because of me? Well, don’t. I’m not worth it.”

  “I would go. But only on one condition . . . if you came with me. Right now.”

  “What about all the rebels you have to help?”

  “I’ll say it again. I will leave if you’ll come with me. We can both stop fighting. Those are my terms.”

  Kyle turned away from Mark, walking to a nearby tree. It was an ancient red cedar, its branches high above his head, sheltering, engulfing. Green moss grew along the trunk. Kyle ran his hand along it. Mark’s suggestion was tempting. As tempting as a cool drink from a river after a day of running from . . . from what? From the Corsairs. He looked down at his uniform and could have almost laughed at the irony of that memory coming to him just at that moment.

  A stick snapped nearby, reminding him where he was and why he’d come here in the first place. A flash of blue behind another tree trunk let him know where Simeon was hiding. But as surely as he knew anything, he knew he couldn’t go through with the plan. He had to work fast.

  Kyle turned back to face Mark, stepping closer to him, placing his body between him and Simeon. “Listen, Mark. You’d better go now. Any further conversation is useless. We’ll never be in the same place again.”

  “Why the hell did you bring me here?”

  “To try to talk some sense into you? To say goodbye? Who knows?”

  “I don’t believe that. Something’s wrong, isn’t there? I know you.”

  “You don’t know anything! Least of all me! Now, I mean it. Just go now before I have to do something we’ll both regret.”

  “Kyle . . .”

  “What do I have to do to make you leave me?”

  “I’ll never leave you.”

  Kyle sensed movement from behind him. Mark began to reach for his face again, forcing Kyle to act quickly. He threw his fist, catching Mark across the jaw, landing him flat on his back.

  “Now do you believe me that I want you to go?!”

  Mark lifted himself on one elbow, still lying in the leaves at Kyle’s feet. He rubbed his jaw tenderly.

  “Fine, then. Have it your way. But this is it. I won’t come to you again if you send for me. This is where we part ways for good.” He stood in front of Kyle, internally begging him to change his mind.

  “Just go.”

  “Goodbye, Kyle.”

  The brown and gray tumble of leaves swirled around the horse’s hooves as Mark rode away.

  After he’d gone, Simeon came up behind Kyle, pulling at his shoulder, forcing him to face him. He jammed the barrel of his pistol under Kyle’s chin. “What the hell did you do?”

  “We just got in an argument, and he left before I could stop him.”

  “You were blocking my shot. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you intentionally sabotaged our plan.”

  “No, Father.”

  Lowering the pistol, he placed it in his holster. “Well, I suppose I can clean up the mess of your screw-up, like I’ve cleaned up all your other screw-ups. We’ll give him a little rope to hang himself.” Simeon cracked the knuckles of his gloved hands. “In the meantime, what’s your next objective?”

  “Find Foxglove.”

  “Exactly.”

  “There’s a Watch mission plan to cross the Border and get to the lumber mill. Foxglove will most likely be there. She wasn’t among the dead on the beach after the raid.”

  “I want you to go there and find her. Do not come back empty handed. And then you will meet me at the bunker. We obviously have some work to do with you.”

  * * * * *

  Sam came through the silver mist to find the cabin. He’d run all the way from the cave, not even stopping for breath. He caught it now on the doorstep of the cabin, gulping in the chill air before going in.

  “Z! Jesse!” he called as he entered. It took his eyes a moment to adjust to the dim light. But very soon he saw the two of them huddled with Daisy and the twins in front of the fire. “Oh, good, I’m glad you’re here. I wanted to make sure y’all were safe before I left. I’m meeting Sophie and Gemma at the Border.”

  Zacharias and Jesse slowly raised themselves from the wooden floor, their bones creaking with the wood. “Yes, we’re here. And we’re safe.” Z reached out to fold Sam into a quick embrace. “Who else is going with you to the government facility?”

  “Just the three of us. Maybe it will be better that way. Less conspicuous than a squad crossing the Border. Now, look, did you bring any guns with you?”

  “I have a rifle and a pistol.”

  “Plenty of ammo?”

  “I have done this before, Sam.”

  “I know. I know. Alright, I guess I should go. Sophie and Gemma will be waiting.”

  “I’m proud of you, son. You’re doing the right thing.”

  “It’s not about doing what’s right. They took my son. I’m going after him. It’s that simple.”

  “Exactly.”

  Sam looked down at the floor and shuffled uncomfortably. “Look, Z. I don’t know if I’ll see you again. I wanted to thank you . . .”

  “Now, now. Stop that. You’re coming back.”

  Jesse spoke up, placing her hand on Z’s arm. “Zack,
let the boy say what he needs to say. We all know we’re never guaranteed tomorrow.”

  Sam smiled shyly at her, this woman who had such sway over the man who’d been the greatest influence in his life. “I just wanted to say thanks, Z. You saved my life. More than once. You’ve been the best father a man could have. I’ll do everything I can to do the things you taught me and to get back here.” He cleared his throat. “I love you, Z.”

  “Come here, boy. Life is made of so many partings welded together.” Zacharias held Sam tightly in his thin arms. He thought how different it felt to hug him as a man than when he was a small boy. He remembered the grubby little kids he and Gemma were that he’d found in this very cabin and struggled to hold back his tears. Jesse wrapped her arms around them both for a moment before the spell was broken.

  “Alright, then. I won’t say goodbye. Just see you later,” Sam said gruffly as he left the cabin as quickly as he’d entered.

  * * * * *

  “It won’t do for all three of us to waltz in there. It could be a trap. Let me go first and check it out.” Sam looked earnestly at Sophie, hoping she’d back him up. The three of them sat huddled in a tight stand of trees just across the Border fence. There had been no guards at the guard station, just as Colonel Goodson had said. Sam hoped this meant they could trust the rest of his information.

  “Sam, is it?” Gemma asked as if they’d just met, keeping up the pretense for Sophie. “We’ll be fine. Aishe and I have trained for just these sorts of situations. We don’t need you to protect us.”

  “Foxglove,” Sophie stepped in, “it may not be a bad idea to have some reconnaissance.”

  “We’re running out of time.”

  Sam was becoming annoyed. “Exactly. The longer we argue, the more time we’re wasting. I can go on ahead and give you an owl call if it’s safe.”

  “Fine. Just hurry,” Gemma responded. She didn’t like letting him take charge, but she knew Sam and Sophie were right.

  The old sawmill sat like a dark gray monster deep within the forest of the Forbidden Grounds. No road led to it anymore. Almost all mark of humanity had been wiped from the surrounding grounds, giving it the appearance of having grown up out of the earth itself, a great beast upon the land. A soft white ash like fresh winter snow covered everything surrounding the lumber mill. All the trees and ground were within a light shroud of feathery non-substance that was just as likely to fly in your face as lie still. Ghost-like feather fingers borne on the breeze, falling from the smoke-filled air being pumped out of the cylindrical brick incinerator attached to the old sawmill.

  Sam made his way quickly toward the mill, hoping the Corsairs weren’t burning what he thought they were. He pulled his tunic up, breathing through the fabric to protect his lungs from the smoke. A movement in the air caught his eye as a bright-red leaf fell from an empty sky.

  A blanket of leaves swelled and moved to his right like a wave. Before he could step away from it, a hand reached out and grabbed his leg, pulling him to the ground. Scuffling among the ash-soaked leaves, Sam saw only gray and movement all around him. Hands moving faster than him, blocking every defensive move he tried to make. In a moment, he was pinned to the ground, a gray form sitting on top of him, his arms unable to move at his sides.

  “Sam! Sam, it’s me, Kyle. Stop fighting me, will ya?”

  “Kyle! Get the hell off me!”

  “Not until you promise not to run. I need to talk to you.”

  “Well, you’ve got a funny way of getting someone’s attention. Why the hell were you hiding in the leaves?”

  “I didn’t know who would be coming along this way. I couldn’t take a chance on being seen.”

  “Let me up!”

  “Promise not to run?”

  “Yes, just get off me!”

  Kyle stood up slowly, brushing ash, dirt, and leaves off of his clothes as best he could. He ran his hands through his hair, shaking his head.

  Sam sat up without taking his eyes off Kyle. He saw the pistol in his holster but also noticed Kyle was in no hurry to pull it out. Sam’s own gun had fallen to the ground with him. He saw the rifle on the ground a few feet away.

  Kyle followed Sam’s eyes to the gun. “Let’s just leave that there for now, okay?”

  “Fine. What do you want?”

  “I want to keep you from making a tragically stupid mistake.”

  “I don’t want to play this game with you anymore, Kyle. You always stepping in to save me from myself as if we’re still friends.”

  “I am still your friend.”

  “And yet you’re in a Corsair uniform. I knew you hadn’t really left them.”

  “You’re right about that. But it doesn’t mean I want to see you get hurt.”

  “Not really your call anymore.”

  “If you’d just listen to me. Sam, please don’t go through with whatever plan you’ve got. It’s bad enough that you crossed the Border. You could be shot on sight.”

  “That’s why I plan to stay out of sight.”

  “Whatever it is you’re planning. It’s too late anyway.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You can smell it as well as I can. That’s not wood burning. If you’re here, you know what this facility is and what it’s for. The fact that the fire has already started proves you’re too late.”

  “Well, I need to see for myself.”

  “Don’t be an idiot. There will be at least a squad of Corsairs in there.”

  “Why are you here, Kyle? You said you didn’t know who you’d come across.”

  “I’m on a mission.”

  “Now we get to it.”

  “Tell me who Foxglove is. I have intel that says she’ll be here too.”

  Sam kept a stone face while internally he felt relief that Kyle didn’t know he was looking for Gemma. “I’m not in the Watch, and I don’t know their code names.”

  “But you know they have code names, and you’re obviously here with them somewhere. Is she on her way?”

  Sam was silent.

  “This will go better for everyone if you just tell me. You know I’ll find out anyway. What’s the signal to tell her to follow?”

  “I don’t know, and I wouldn’t tell you if I did.”

  “Sam, how do you think the Corsairs found out about your meeting in the cave and your plan to come here to rescue the children? Do you think I haven’t had you followed? Now, I can only protect you for so long. Please! Please just stay out of it like you’ve been doing. This isn’t going to turn out like you want it to. Believe me.”

  Sam had never heard Kyle beg for anything before. He could hear the sincerity in his voice behind the emotion. He knew Kyle truly wanted to keep him safe. But how much else of what he was saying could he trust?

  After a few silent moments, Kyle finally sat next to Sam on the ground, pulling his knees up and holding them tight to his chest. His knee-high boots were no longer shiny but scuffed and covered in dirt and ash. “Nothing has turned out like we thought it would, has it?” He spoke to Sam as if they were just two old friends reminiscing. “You remember our plan? We were going to find an old farm across the Border. I’d clear the land, you’d farm it, Gemma would do the cooking.”

  “You know she hated that plan.”

  “Yeah, she wouldn’t agree to it unless we told her she could go hunting with us.”

  “She was always the better shot.”

  “But nothing turned out that way. We couldn’t manage to get away from the war.”

  “It always followed us.”

  “Sam, can you do me a favor?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “It’s the last favor I’ll ever ask you.”

  “Maybe.”

  “What did we say we’d do if we were caught?”

  “We’d shoot each other because neither one of us ever wanted to fight for the Corsairs.”

  “But when it came down to it, I didn’t let you do that, did I? I let them take me.”


  “I never could figure out why.”

  “Because deep down, I knew I couldn’t shoot you. So all I could do was keep you away from them. But now . . . after everything that’s happened. I need you to follow through on our original bargain. I need you to shoot me.” Kyle pulled out his pistol, handing it to Sam handle first.

  “You’re talking crazy, Kyle. I don’t know what it is that they’ve done to you, but I can’t . . .”

  “We’re all dead anyway! None of us is getting out of here alive. You have to know that.”

  “I don’t know that.”

  “You were never realistic. Always a dreamer.”

  “I just believe we still have a chance.”

  “Well, I know. I know we’re playing a rigged game. There’s no way for any of us to win.”

  “Even if you’re on the winning side?”

  “There is no winning side. There are only losers and the dead. But I’d rather be dead now than see what’s going on in that mill. To see all the horrors that are coming. Please, just do it, Sam. Take the gun!”

  “You don’t have to go back to the Corsairs. Come with me.”

  “It’s too late.”

  * * * * *

  “He’s taking too long,” Gemma breathed in frustration. “Come on, Aishe. We have to go after him.”

  “I think we should give him a few more minutes. I’ve never known Sam to not follow through on something he said he would do.”

  I have. Gemma was thinking of the seven years without him. But knew she couldn’t say anything about that. “There’s no telling what he walked into. He could be in trouble.”

  “And what if he’s trying to protect us by not signaling, and we just make it worse by rushing in there headlong?”

  “I’ll give him five minutes. We’re going to lose the light soon, and we still have to get the kids back across the Border and to the cabin.”

  The two women sat with their backs to one tree trunk, shoulder to shoulder.

  “So you and Sam haven’t been married very long, have you?”