Every Single Heartbeat

by Abbye J Leen

  "Ellie baby, I'm sorry" he says sincerely, holding my hand tightly into his.

  "It doesn't matter, Noah. Do you wanna just go?" I ask, trying to change the subject.

  Fifteen minutes later, we’re on our way back to campus, both fully absorbed in our thoughts and yet unable to let go of one another. All of a sudden, Noah stops walking and positions himself in front of me. He always does that when something is wrong.

  "Ellie please just tell me what the matter is. You’re being so distant and cold and… it’s killing me"

  I don't want to answer his question, because I don't want to waste the only evening that we have all to ourselves fighting or discussing about what's wrong. I’d much rather talk about what's right, instead.

  "Noah, we haven’t spent any time together in ages… I don’t wanna spoil the rest of the evening over this"

  "Does… does that guy have anything to do with it?" mumbles him.

  I knew it. Looks like I wasn’t mistaken, after all.

  I look downwards, emotionally drained like I hadn’t been in a while.

  "I knew it. I knew that you’d started making more time for me only because of your dumb and irrational jealousy!" I accuse him.

  Noah stiffens but says nothing. He does not even attempt to deny what I’ve just said... And I’m very let down by his silent admission.

  "We can’t go on like this Noah. Don’t you realize how unfair it’s that you spare time for me only because you’re jealous of some dude that you’ve seen like, three times in your life? What does say about us? Do I have to make you jealous, If I want to get your attention? Is that what you’re trying to say?” I ask, very close to tears.

  "Don't talk nonsense" he says, stepping closer to me.

  "This is not nonsense, these are facts. I'm just saying things the way they are"

  "It’s not like you think, I’ve always wanted to spend time with you and I always will. How could I not want to spend time with my own girlfriend?" he screams.

  I can’t help but sigh, exasperated.

  His girlfriend he says: the girlfriend he doesn't want to make love to and to which he’s never said I love you to. He cups my face in his hands and I feel so sad, that I can’t even explain it. All I know is that I don’t like the way I’ve been feeling lately. He leans in closer to me and kisses me, his touch immediately awakens something within me. My heart starts beating out of my chest.

  Why is it that I love him so much? Why is it that I’d rather suffer in silence, than live without him?

  I try not to think about it, as we both allow ourselves gets carried away by that kiss. I find myself pushed up against a wall, Noah thrusting his hips erotically against mine. It’s been so long since we’ve had any intimacy, that his touch is enough to literally light my fire. It’s really no surprise, since all we’ve had time for recently were brief, sporadic kisses and short texts.

  Noah caresses my body passionately, as I try, memorize what every single inch of his skin feels like under my touch. It’s as if this will end up being all that I’ll have left of him: a memory.

  "Ellie" he whispers close to my lips, feeling up my body thoroughly, careless of the fact that we’re standing in middle of a road. The way he’s kissing me is initially tender, but then becomes desperate, as if he knew exactly what was going on in my mind, as if he really was seeing through me. As if he were doing it to prove me wrong, to show me that I really can’t do without him, like he can’t without me. He steps away, looking at me with a strange expression on his face. His eyes are watering, I can see a lot of pain and anguish inside them, as if he too, had realized that our relationship has come to an end.

  "Come with me" he says, inviting me to follow him.

  I can perceive how tense he is from the way he’s walking from the way he’s holding my hand. His entire body seems to be screaming how uneasy he feels. We walk by his flat and I’m thinking that from there we’ll keep going until we reach mine, but instead he suddenly stops, unlocks his front door and pulls me inside with him. I don’t even have the time to say or do anything, not even think, because his lips are already on mine, eager and impatient.

  I’ll run out of breath soon unless he calms down a bit, the intensity with which he’s kissing me is overpowering. I follow his every movement, holding him close to me, as I slide my hands up his hair and suck on his lower lip. Reluctantly he separates his lips from mine, but only to take my shirt off. I’m breathless, my heart beats uncontrollably and a small flame of hope seems to be growing back inside me.

  He stops kissing, but it’s as if he hadn’t because my lips are still sweetly tingling. I wish he really hadn’t, I’m afraid that that might lessen the intensity of the moment, but in an instant my fear vanishes. He strips all of his clothes off quickly, getting rid of that shirt and jeans that suited him tremendously well. He hops back in bed staring very intensely at me, in a way he never has before. Having him so close allows me to nose the one smell I’ll be forever in love with: Noah’s scent. With a boldness unknown to me he unzips and slides my skirt off, almost ripping it off me. I am so thirsty right now, both literally and figuratively, that my throat’s completely dry. I feel completely dehydrated all at once, but Noah gives me no time to replenish, trapping my lips with his once again. I sense his body entirely adhering to mine, he gently lays me down in bed, where passion takes over and our caresses become forbidden. I'm almost at peak, when out of the blue Noah stops. I look at him blushing and with a very hesitant look on my face.

  I take a look at his Godlike figure, towering over my body. It’s the very first time that we’re both absolutely, totally naked in front of each other, we had never reached this level of intimacy before. Noah poses his lips on mine, slowly moving down my neck. I’m shaking under his touch, my hips pressing against and searching for his.

  "You mean the world to me" he whispers close to my lips. I can feel the seriousness to his confession and if at first, I thought I had any doubts about my virginity remaining intact tonight, after those words I no longer do.

  "I'm ready" I whisper to him, although I have been for a while. I feel Noah’s stiffness coming closer and closer to the most delicate part of my body but just as he’s about to sink in, he stops hesitantly.

  "Ellie, I... my instinct is driving me insane but you... you have to tell me whether you're sure about this" he says, struggling to restrain himself. I run my fingers down his face, on lips, looking deeply into his eyes, those eyes of his that I love so much.

  "I'm sure Noah. I want to do this with you"

  "Only with me?" He asks, looking back at me straight into the eyeballs, his tip sweetly pressing against my wet core.

  "Only with you" I whisper, breathless.

  I’m dying to have him, so I slowly star pushing my hips forward and watch as he smiles, gently sinking inside of me. I lay still for a moment, as an unfamiliar pain mixed with a burning sensation slowly pervades my body.

  "You have to give your body time to get used to mine" says he, in a hoarse and sensual voice. I’d never heard him speak that way before. Having him inside me feels different than when we’re touching each other... it feels much more intimate, intense and unique. It’s a sensation so powerful, that it leaves me completely out of breath.

  "Baby," he whispers, caressing my head.

  His eyes are not moving from mine, not even for an instant, as he begins to move slowly inside of me. What at first felt irritating, has now turned into something so incredibly pleasing. A very pure, wonderful emotion invades my soul. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the entire universe right now. What Noah is doing me makes me feel so special, so unique. I feel as light as a feather and completely loved. I didn’t think that my first time would have been be so pure, intense and absolutely wonderful. Noah moves back and forth inside of me and when the pain has wholly turned into pleasure, I start going after his movements, eagerly following his rhythm.

  "Ellie" says he again, as the pleasure I feel does nothing but grow; an
unfamiliar tingle spawns from my feet and crawls all the way up to my head. I cling tightly onto his back, as he continues to move relentlessly.

  He’s about to lose control I can feel it, I can perceive just how close he is to climaxing too and there’s just no way that I’m going to miss the expression on his face, as he lets himself go to satisfaction inside of me.

  Oh my God. Why did he wait so long?

  Noah

  18

  Ellie’s drifting away from me, I can feel it. I can see sadness in her eyes, and I know that if she’s been this absent lately, it’s only because of my behavior. I know that I’m not be the best boyfriend on Earth, there’s no doubts about that, in fact I haven’t even been able to go all the way with her, yet… Tonight will be different though. Tonight, I’ll show her how much she truly means to me. I need her to understand that my mind, body and soul belong to her, that my entire being belongs to her and her only.

  When I sink inside of her she’s so tight that I have to try hard as hell not to lose control immediately. I focus on her eyes, on the sweet expression she has and wholly relish her touch, which makes me quiver with pleasure. I gaze at her breasts and gently kiss her neck as I delicately play with her nipples, while I continue to move slowly inside and out of her. I've been with a lot of different girls in my life, but never have I ever felt this connected to anybody. Never have I experienced anything even remotely close to this.

  I love Ellie with all my heart and although I cannot tell her that yet, because I wouldn’t even know how to begin putting that into words, I can still show her that indirectly, the way I am now. My heart beats unrestrained and I’m breathless, looking at Ellie laying down underneath me. She’s so exciting and sensual, absolutely irresistible. I delicately brush her hair out of her face, unraveling her captivating eyes, that illuminate as soon they encounter mine. She bites her lower lip while, moving beneath me up and down, in a decisive and sensual way. As I watch her lose control under the pleasure that I’m giving her, all I can think about is how hers a facial expression that I hope I get to see for the rest of my life.

  Ellie’s dozing off all wrapped up in my arms, exactly where she’s supposed to be, exactly where she belongs.

  I kiss her hair gently, asking myself why I’ve been so stupid, why I’ve waited so long before making her mine. I hold her tight and close, feeling her soft skin against mine. I wish I could tell her how important she is to me, but the words that I want to say just won’t come out of my mouth. When she opens her eyes and looks at me, I can’t help but smile. Unable to resist her, I kiss her once again, sealing her lips with mine. It’s no surprise that the moment we touch, my heart starts beating uncontrollably once again. If my teammates saw me right now, they’d be taking the piss and telling me how much of a sissy I am. I drive these thoughts away the moment Ellie moves closer to me. She runs her fingers up and down my chest, gently brushing her lips against my skin. I can feel her sweet breasts against my abs as she slowly moves downwards and when she looks up to look at me provokingly, it doesn’t take long for me to get excited again.

  She smiles satisfied, watching the effect she has on me and takes my erection in her mouth. This unexpected gesture makes me lose my mind completely and I can't do anything other than tilt my head backwards and enjoy the moment, placing my hands above her head.

  "Fuck.." I hiss, as she continues to torture me, sweetly.

  "Why don’t you stay over tonight?" I ask, as I cuddle her with my eyes still closed.

  "Because you have a roommate and also because tomorrow morning, I have to get up super early. My alarm would wake you up for sure and I don’t that to happen"

  "I have class pretty early as well, actually" I say, pulling her closer to me. She chuckles, as I wrap her into my arms, clutching her body completely.

  "Noah really, I have to go" she insists, as I keep kissing her softly, giving her goosebumps.

  “Okay, I’ll walk you then" I say surrendering, reluctantly letting go of her.

  "There’s no need for you to come, Noah” she says, putting her skirt back on.

  "That wasn’t a question, Ellie. I want to take my girlfriend home. End of discussion"

  "How overprotective you are!" she says, smiling.

  "Yes, baby. You can say that out loud"

  I’m spellbound observing her: she’s even more beautiful after making love. I kiss her lips one last time, before we head out.

  ***

  I hold my girlfriend close to me as we walk, it’s as if what had happened between us tonight had made her somehow even more precious in my eyes. We’re closer than ever now, in every way. I feel like she’s always belonged to me in a way and now that she’s actually mine I’m in seventh heaven. We are about to reach her apartment, when suddenly I notice Olivia and Betty walking towards me. They better not behave like two bimbos in front of my girlfriend or I’ll get seriously mad. I stop walking and forgetting about everything else, I put my hands around her face.

  I kiss her passionately, pulling her close as I slide my hands into her skirt’s back pockets. Our tongues dance together, at a perfect pace, kind of like our hearts. I smile when I let go of her, holding her hand dearly and then we start walking again.

  "So, Noah, will you join us tonight at Cris’ party?" asks Olivia, who’s wearing a tight black dress that barely covers her ass and vertiginously high heels. Yes, she might be pretty and sexy, but she’s an absolute zero compared to my Ellie.

  "I'm in sweet company already, Olivia. Why would I want to spoil my own evening?" I reply.

  "Go ahead baby, don't worry, like I said, I have to wake up early tomorrow" says my beautiful girl.

  The amount of trust she has in me leaves me speechless, I would have never reacted the way she did, had I been in her shoes: I could never allow her to go our, on her own with two boys.

  "I’ll decide what to do later, baby" I tell her, while I carelessly turn my back to the two and keep walking, ignoring them completely. I can't get my hands off, Ellie and that makes her smile warmly. I can’t stop kissing her, craving her, as if I didn’t have enough time to make it up to her, for all the time I’ve stupidly wasted in these past few months. I press her against her flat’s door, my lips fervently attached to hers. I’m holding her so tight, that it’s as if our bodies were merging together. We’re both about to lose control once again, as we keep out hands moving, uncontrolled, like the desire we have for one another. I keep kissing her, sucking onto her lips and tongue, pushing her harder against the door. We’re both struggling hard not to run out of breath, as usual, but I’m so insatiable that I can’t even seem to care anymore. I slide my hands underneath her shirt and just as I’m about to cup her breasts, we get interrupted by Emily.

  "Guys, get a room" she says, standing behind us. We both smile unembarrassed, in spite of everything.

  "Thank you for the lovely evening " I say maliciously.

  "It was a real pleasure" she laughs finally, like her usual, joyful self.

  "So, are you going to go to Cris’ party?" She asks.

  "I don’t know yet, I’d much rather stay here" I answer truthfully.

  "Come on in then..."

  "I'd keep you up all night and you’d hate me in the morning" I reply, delicately playing with her hair.

  "I know" she smiles.

  "I'll let you go then..."

  "Yes, that’s wonderful. Now, if you could just let me in, that would be great… " snorts Emily.

  "Oh shit! Sorry Emy, after you" says Ellie, stepping away and freeing the entry for her. I stroke her face once again, then take in a deep breath of her sweet, wonderful scent. She says goodbye to me, giving me one last intense kiss and when she enters her house, I feel strangely empty.

  Ellie truly is my other half.

  Ellie

  19

  Happy. I feel so, incredibly happy.

  I look at the mirror while with a huge smile on my face, thinking back to the times Noah and I made love this week. Never h
ave I felt as loved In my entire life, never have I felt as good, ever. I feel like a dog with two tails and not just because Noah is fantastic in bed, well that too, but also, mostly because of the way he looks at me, how protectively he holds me every time he moves inside of me. Neither of us are good with words, we both struggle to express our feelings and perhaps that’s because of our troubled families but still, I can clearly see it into his eyes, the way he feels about me. I wish I could tell the whole world how much I love him, I wish I could scream it at the top of my lungs, from the highest of mountains, but something stops me every time.

  My wonderful daydream gets brusquely interrupted by someone knocking at the door. I find myself being unwillingly catapulted straight back into reality. It must be Moreno, we have class together later and since he’s been absent for a couple of days, he’s asked if I could lend him my notes. When I open up the door, he greets me with a big smile on his face. His bright, green eyes stare a little too hard at me, making me frankly feel kind of awkward.

  "Hey Moreno" I say, closing the door behind me.

  "You’re a lifesaver!" says he, taking the notes I’m handing him.

  I smile as we walk by a bar, where we decide to stop to get some coffee; a couple of steps away from me, I catch a glimpse Olivia, the hateful cheerleader that just won’t stop eating Noah out with her eyes. I groan thinking about the fact that she gets to spend more time with my boyfriend than I do. As I’m looking at her, I can feel two very familiar hands posing on my waist and a wonderful scent pleasingly invading my nostrils. My heart starts beating fast and loud the way it always does, whenever Noah touches me. I smile, as he rests his head on my shoulder and smiles back at me. I tilt my head towards him and the moment he kisses me I feel ecstatic, absolutely over the moon. I pull him closer to me, sliding my hands through his hair, as we exchange a very passionate kiss. Each and every single time our lips touch, everything around us fades and time seems to cease completely, as if the world had suddenly stopped spinning. Our tongues twirl together, while Noah gently feels up my venter. I can feel his erection press hard against my ass and I cannot help but feel honored, to have this effect on UCLA’s most handsome student. We reluctantly move away from one another, but before letting go completely, Noah prints a sweet kiss on my forehead.