by Abbye J Leen
"Just a little" he admits.
A sigh escapes his lips.
"I'm sorry that I’ve wasted all that time, I’m sorry that I’ve wasted a year of us"
"We can make up for it, no problems"
"We’ve got our entire lives ahead of us and this time, I won’t be making the same mistakes again. I’ve learnt my lesson."
I hope so with all my heart because I don’t think I’d be able to take it, if he were to hurt me so much again. Maybe I shouldn't have slept with him right away, maybe I should have teased him a little longer… But Noah is still Noah and even if we might have made some mistakes, I know for a fact that he’s my missing half and I’m his, forever. I hold the shirt that I’m wearing close to my chest, allowing myself to slowly fall into a deep sleep.
It is pitch dark outside, the freezing night air painfully pierces through my lungs, while Nolan’s got blood on his hands, my blood. He’s looking at me with a smirk on his face, seemingly amused by the excruciating pain I’m in right now. I try to get back up from the ground, my wounds covered in mud, cold and humid mud. I desperately attempt to crawl my way out from beneath him, gripping onto whatever I find in front of me, but I get a kick straight into the stomach.
I wail with pain, somehow managing to stand back up and sprint away, but the more I run, the more blood I lose… and the more blood I lose, the more feeble, I become. Nolan catches up to me and shoves me back onto the ground. He grabs me by the hair, then violently smashes my skull against a stone nearby the waterfalls. I feel a searing pain in my head, as blood keeps gushing out of me, more and more by the minute.
Icy water keeps spurting all over my weak body and I can’t do anything other than watch, as its color slowly changes from clear and transparent, to a dreadful red, staining everything around me. Nolan lowers his trousers, then rips off my skirt roughly.
"NO, PLEASE NO!" I scream at the top of my lungs. It’s a scream of hysteria, terror and disbelief, so loud that it hurts my throat, but I keep at it until I have no more strength left within me.
Noah
60
Ellie’s peacefully fallen asleep in my embrace. I look at her, reminiscing on the many lovely moments that we’ve shared throughout the years, although to know that Nolan was present in almost all of them anguishes me a lot. Maybe he’s ruined our past, yes, but I will not allow him to ruin our future, if it’s the last thing I do.
I’ve been at fault for twelve months straight and now more than ever do I realize just how dumb what I did was. I should have put my pride aside earlier, I should have ran immediately back to her…
I gently lift the covers up, to take a better look at her in all her splendor. I observe every single inch of her body, from head to toe, I observe her full, upturned breasts, the flat and tonic stomach, the long and slender legs and that little navel piercing of hers that I’ve always loved very much. She’s basically perfect in every way and even known she could have anyone she wanted, she still chose to be mine and mine only. She still sleeps when suddenly, she starts quivering and moaning. I gently lower her shirt down and pose the blankets back over her, as I kiss her forehead trying to calm her down, but an atrocious and anguishing scream escapes her mouth at once, so loud that it pierces straight through my heart. Continuing to scream she sits up in bed, pale and in shock, with tears streaming down her cheeks uncontrollably.
"Hey baby, I'm here, I’m right here with you" I whisper to her. When she opens her eyes and looks at me, I can clearly see fear and terror and there’s a lot of it, too.
I feel even worse now, if at first, I thought I knew what it meant to be in pain, now she’s giving me further proof that there’s just no limit to how bad it can get. I feel so guilty, because I’ve left her to deal with all of this suffering on her own. I feel so disgusted and disappointed with myself, because I still cannot believe how obnoxiously I’ve treated her, despite all that she’d just been through.
Ellie keeps sobbing in a desperate and sorrowful manner, wrapping her arms around my neck and burying her face into my chest. She clings onto me as if I were her lifeline and to see that makes me feel even worse, even more ashamed. Maybe she’s going to forgive me someday, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself.
"I'm so sorry, love" I say in a broken voice.
She says nothing, as her sobs slowly subside.
"When did you start having nightmares?" I ask, heartbroken, running my fingers through her hair lightly and softly kissing her face.
"Shortly after out break up"
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, not tonight at least"
"Ellie, did you ever hate me for leaving?"
"Yes. I'm sorry but I did, especially when I’d wake up crying in the middle of the night, all scared and alone. I did hate you, because I couldn’t believe that your pride meant more to you than our love"
"Nothing means more to me than the love we share, absolutely nothing"
"There’s no more room for errors or mistakes, Noah. Those aren’t allowed anymore"
Two months later
"You told me nothing had happened!" I accuse her.
"Noah, stop it. I went out with him for dinner once and that was the end of it. It meant absolutely nothing to me"
"He kissed you and then he tried to get in your pants! You call that nothing?"
"You’re right, he did try, but couldn’t succeed. I don’t even get why he told you about it in the first place"
"And I don’t get why you didn't! How could you have kept that hidden from me?"
"I didn’t mean to, I had entirely forgotten about Mat, actually. Now please stop, you’ve been spoiling everyone's evening with your senseless jealousy"
"Andreea and Emily seem to be quite busy upstairs, I’m sure I’ve ruined nothing for them"
"I want to go to my house" she says stiffly.
"No, you’re coming home!"
"That’s no longer our home, it hasn’t been for over a year now!"
"It always has, and it always will be, please stop acting so childish"
I’m sure that if she could punch me in the face right now, she would. My driver stops in front of our house, Ellie opens the car door and hesitantly steps out, then heads towards the entrance with a steady pace, where the concierge promptly opens the imposing crystal door for her.
"Good evening, James" she greets him with a smile, then walks towards the lift, leaving me behind once again.
"You’re so frustrating!" I tell her.
"Are you examining your own conscience out loud, right now?" She replies sarcastically and I can't help but burst out laughing, while on her face, there’s a hint of a smile that she’s trying her very hardest to hold back. When the lift arrives, we both enter it straightaway. I hate the thought that someone who wasn’t me tried to be intimate with her, but I try to suppress the anger that is eating me alive, then push her up against the elevator’s wall. I lift her arms over her head, interlocking my lips with hers. Ellie’s never going to stop making me feel so good, there’s just no doubt about it. Her body, mind and heart will always belong to me, they will always be connected and one with mine. She moves beneath me sensually, as my erection strains against my jeans and between her thighs. I free her arms from my grip, then slide my hands down her body, pulling her tighter and closer to me.
"I love you" I whisper.
"I love you too".
I slam my lips on hers again and when the lift reaches our floor, I hasten to get her out and lead her straight to the bedroom. We enter the house still kissing and taking each other’s clothes off, careful not to ever separate our lips. Our bodies fit together perfectly as if our parts had been created to complement one another, our arms and hands entwined, our lips interlocked, our bodies merged. There’s just nothing more I could possibly ever wish for in life, now and forever.
***
The New York stadium is absolutely my favorite one, I don’t know whether that’s because my biggest wi
sh as a child was that one day I’d be playing in it, all I know is that that’s where all the best matches of my life took place.
My team and I played a grand game, we ranked up first in the season finale and honestly, I couldn't ask for a better life right now. Really, I just couldn't ask for more.
Mom is sitting next to Ellie on the stands, as the most frightening part of the day for me is about to come.
My heart’s leaping in my throat as I head back on field, as the sportscaster draws people’s attention again for a minute. The cheerleaders start carrying out the special choreography that they’ve prepared, while my teammates and I observe them attentively. I, in particular. I've never felt this anxious in my entire life. When "Sugar" starts playing over the stadium’s loudspeakers, the spectators start looking around kind of puzzled and confused, Ellie is one of them. She looks at me, raising an eyebrow, while I shrug to her in response. The girls keep dancing, as the song goes: "I don’t wanna be needing your love, I just wanna be deep in your love... "just like I want to be deep in Ellie’s love. When the music stops, the stadium’s lights go out and a buzzing sound echoes through the air. The commenter calms the audience down, inviting everyone present to pay attention to the lights that are about to illuminate. The cheerleaders and my teammates brighten up the torches in their hands and at once, a message appears:
ELLIE MITCHELL WILL YOU MARRY ME?
The buzzing sound goes off again, as do whistles, applauses and shouts of approval, while I’m still feeling extremely nervous. The lights come back on as I start walking towards the stands. When I finally meet Ellie’s gaze, I feel a lot less tense. I look at her, cupping a hand over her mouth and failing to hold tears back. She stands up, agilely climbs over the fence that separates us and starts running in my direction. She clings onto my neck and wraps her legs around my waist, as I hold her up tightly into my arms.
"Yes, I do! I do!" she responds and happy as ever, we seal this precious, wonderful moment with a kiss.
Epilogue
The wedding preparations are nerve-racking, I don't understand how brides are supposed to endure and survive all this chaos. We’ve decided that the ceremony is going to take place in California, on the beach. On our beach, the beach where it all began and the same one where we’ll be inaugurating our new lives as spouses.
Amelia entwines little white roses in my hair, while I look out of the window and enjoy the view: It’s a wonderful, sunny day and from where I’m sitting, I can see just how beautifully the beach has been embellished and adorned for us. There’s a long white carpet leading to what’s soon to be our altar, along the sides are several white posts, with crystal balls on top of them that are filled with white and pale-pink roses. Perpendicular to the runner are lined up the chairs, for each of which there’s an ivory cushion, a white silken sash and a big white ribbon on the back. A very simple, small wooden altar was built, with more poles around it, encircled by green tulle and little white roses and right at the center of it, is my favorite part of it all: a heart shaped sculpture made entirely out of white, yellow, pink and red roses, that stands out ever, so beautifully amongst everything else.
My heartbeat starts accelerating uncontrollably, while Amelia finishes touching up my makeup. I’ve been begging her to stop crying for the past two days, but she hasn’t yet and that’s bad, because if she keeps at it, I’ll no longer be able to hold back my emotions.
"You look splendid" - she says in a broken voice - "and mom would be so proud of you"
As soon as she pronounces those words, I can’t help but give in to tears.
"Oh God, no! You'll ruin my masterpiece!" She reproves me, but it’s too late now and there’s just no going back.
"Thank you for all you’ve done and thank you for being you. Thank you, because you’ve always managed to be a mother, a sister and a friend for me. You paved the way for me, allowing me to become the person I am today, and I’m sorry if at one point I was selfish enough to leave you handling dad, the hotel and everything else on your own"
"Aw honey, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. I've always wanted the best for you. I’ve always wanted you to be able to follow your true path in life and art is your path, Noah is your path. To me the thing that matters most is knowing that you’re happy, but now enough with all the sentimentalism, dad’s waiting for you in the other room, oh and… one last thing before we go. Thank you, because if he’s out here with us today, that’s only thanks to you."
Dad looks tense, thin and visibly aged, the circles under his eyes are dark and deep and his face is quite pale, but at least he’s here. He’s here, present and right by my side, in one of the most important days of my life. He’s here, to see me realize one of my biggest dreams: building a family with the man I’ve been in love with all my life and always will be. When the wedding march starts, all the guests stand up to look at me.
My heart’s in turmoil, I’ve never had a single doubt about Noah, I know for a fact that he’s the one for me, I've never been more sure of anything in my life. I love him, in a way I could never love anybody else. When I see him walk down the aisle, utterly radiant and with a very special gleam in his eyes, I can’t but feel wholly and truly happy. He’s wearing a black wedding suit, a plain white shirt, black bow tie and a shiny double-breasted tuxedo, in which he looks simply perfect, an absolute joy to behold.
The wedding dresses to choose from were a lot, so I asked myself, what would Noah’s face look like if he saw me wearing this? I based myself on the answer to make a decision and I was right to do so! Noah’s grown and matured a lot, especially in the past year, but his jealousy is still the same as it was back when we were sixteen. The dress I ended up picking is sublime, but I'm sure he’s going to find something to say about it regardless. It’s a simple lace dress, that wraps around me and my curves flawlessly, as if it was made just for me. My shoulders are covered by a fine veil with a string at the end of it and white buttons to decorate it, whereas my back is left almost, entirely exposed and the overall effect is strikingly elegant. The front part is much less revealing, although it doesn’t fail to highlight my generous breasts. The moment he sees me, his jaw drops. He stares at me, open-mouthedly and with goggling eyes, then swallows hard and I smile at him, almost embarrassed by his ravenous gaze, as I advance towards him. My father stops a couple of steps before the altar, kisses my hand and hesitantly looks into my eyes:
"I am proud of the woman that you've become and please forgive me if all of a sudden I stopped being the father you used to love" he says.
"Oh my God" I say, and without even thinking about it, I hug and hold him tightly in my arms. He behaved weakly and I suffered a lot because of it, but I've always loved him, always.
"I’ve always loved you and I won’t ever stop doing so, not until I take my very last breath" I whisper to him, with tears in my eyes.
I let go of him, he wipes my tears away before doing the same with his own, then looks at my soon-to-be husband, smiling and passing my hand to him.
Noah sighs in relief, then briefly tilts his head backwards to look over my shoulders, checking out the back view of my dress. Shaking his head and with a cheeky little smile on his face, he whispers:
"You look marvelous. Beyond bewitching"
I look at him feeling utterly ecstatic, before handing the bouquet to my witness, Emily, who looks back at me lovingly and with tears in her eyes. I turn back to Noah, aligning myself in front of him and taking his hands into mine. The priest gives a brief speech about the importance and meaning of marriage, then invites us to exchange our vows. I’m going first, I’m trembling and a bit anxious, nevertheless I pluck up the courage and start opening my heart to my man:
"We have always been aware of the fact that without one another, we simply cannot function. We haven’t spent a lot time apart in our lives but whenever we did, we had nothing but proof that when we are not together, nothing works. I’ve loved from the very first moment I met you and I’ve been hel
plessly lost in your eyes ever since. I love everything about you, I loved you as a child, I loved you as teenager and now, I keep loving the man you’ve become. There’s just nothing that can weaken my love for you, because the more time passes, the stronger grow my feelings for you. I, Ellie Mitchell, take you, Noah Wilson, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life."
Noah leans into me and softly kisses my lips, he’s as excited and impatient as he was the very day he proposed to me. He sighs then, trying his hardest to keep the tears at bay, he says:
"Many times, in the past, I’ve denied my feelings for you, especially throughout our adolescence. I wasn’t always the best boyfriend, I’ve made a lot mistakes that caused us both a lot of pain and even forced us to be apart at times, but everything we lived though, both the good and bad, ended up bringing us here, today. You’re like oxygen and I’m dying to breathe, you’re the quintessence to my existence. There’s a light inside of you that has continued to shine brighter day after day ever since we’ve met. There’s a fire inside you, that’s never going to be put out, by anything or anyone. You are my missing half, you complete me, you’re the missing piece to the puzzle of my heart and your soul was made for mine. I, Noah Wilson, take you, Ellie Mitchell, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life."
I wipe away the tears that won’t stop streaming down my face, as the priest declares us husband and wife.
"What God, has joined, men must not divide. You may kiss the bride." he says finally, and we let ourselves go. Noah wraps his arms around my waist, while everything around us slowly fades. Our tongues entwine softly, in a kiss full of promise, reassurance and hope, hope for a happy and everlasting future.