by Orr, Krystal
How had matters come to pass as they had when she had changed destiny? Was not her act a stone in the lake that should have rippled into the future and made this outcome lost and avoidable? Or, had Aitla known all along that Cynra would go against her? Had Cynra only been playing her own unknown part when she had learned of Arizira's child and sent her away from her supposed destiny?
Had her action, also, been laid out before her and been set in stone?
How stupid she had been. She had truly believed that by telling Arizira about her parents and by confirming her suspicions of being with life, that she was helping to write a different future, a new future. A future where Arizira got to live and enjoy the love she had found and the child she had created.
But, that was not the truth. That was not how matters had played out or how they had ended. Despite Cynra's best efforts, her granddaughter had still died. A broken and half sob escaped her mouth and she brought her hand up to stifle the sound.
Her great grandchild was dead, also. The life she had tried to protect had been snuffed out before it even got the chance to live. And, Talliea... She did not even know what she had made. She was unaware of the innocent life she had helped to create.
It was too cruel; it was too much. Was all of this pain really necessary? Did matters have to end so tragically just so Talliea could come into her powers?
Cynra felt foolish. She had always believed she was following her own destiny; even though that destiny was filled with heartache and regrets, she had always believed that what she did was for the betterment of others involved.
How wrong she had been! Hadn't she lost enough in her long life? Her daughter had been lost to her, her granddaughter was gone, and, now another innocent life in her line had been taken from her.
She should have told Arizira about her death. She should have explained to her why it was necessary and why she had to do everything possible to bring Talliea's powers to life in some other way. But, she hadn't.
She had not wanted to upset Arizira anymore than she already had. She had not desired to upset her grandchild and lead her to question anything else in her life. Cynra had believed that, by avoiding the nature of Arizira's destiny, she could somehow change the outcome of it.
Again, she had been wrong and things had come to pass exactly as she had seen.
"I am sorry, child. This outcome --I tried to help you avoid it. Your news -- the condition you found yourself in -- I hoped to change things for the better. For both of you."
Talliea watched Cynra cry over Arizira's body. She lowered her brows as she listened to the old woman. Arizira had always spoken highly of Cynra, the Dream Speaker. However, Cynra's reaction to Arizira's death was more akin to a family member grieving over the loss of a loved one. She could not understand what Cynra's words meant.
"You were aware this would happen?" she asked.
Cynra turned away from Arizira and looked up at Talliea. The tall Esu woman was indeed beautiful. Her hair was wavy and thick and lush and fell down her back and around her face. Her eyes were deep and thoughtful, both dark and inspiring. The woman's lips were full and her mouth accented a small dip in her chin.
Cynra could appreciate Arizira's attraction. Talliea's skin was darker than any other Esu she had seen, including D'jiira and Taetylona. She was a remarkable figure to behold.
In answer to Talliea's question, Cynra replied "Yes. Always I was aware of this doom. It was my hope to change the course of Arizira's fate, but in so doing I only sped her faster along her course."
Talliea's eyes grew furious. She felt an anger take control of her insides.
"You knew she would die and you did nothing to change that? You knew she would be taken from me and you come here in your sorrow? Why? Why would you bring this pain upon me? Why would you wish this fate on anyone? You could have changed this! You could have avoided it! Instead, you allowed her to walk blindly toward her peril! Why would you wish this upon me? Upon us?"
Cynra flinched at the harsh tone evident in Talliea's words. The other woman was beyond angry. She was beside mad. She had entered a place between despondency and exasperation.
"Talliea," Cynra started, noticing the temperature in the cave beginning to lower. A chill seeped into her old bones and nearly paralyzed her. "Talliea, I did try to avoid this. Once I learned of the baby I--"
All color drained from Talliea's face. The temperature around the two of them rose back to normal and her expression changed from one of bewilderment and contempt to one of agonized suffering and ardent depression. She stumbled where she stood and staggered backward until she fell against the wall of rock behind her. Her hand reached out and blindly searched for purchase.
"B-b-baby? Wh...wh-what baby?" she stuttered before lowering herself to the ground and looking at Arizira.
She felt as if she was going to be sick. Her throat tightened so strongly around her airway that she almost wished for it to end her life. Inside her chest, her heart felt like it dropped and she was nearly unable to notice its rhythm against her ribs. She ran a shaky hand through her hair as new tears blurred her vision.
Cynra stood up and looked over at the Esu woman. Her own face was pained and full of regret. She had not meant for the slip to happen. She had not intended to bring anymore upset to Arizira's love. It had not been her place to speak of their child.
When an Arniran suspected being with life, she did not speak of that suspicion until after her belief had been confirmed with the Dream Speaker of the tribe. Once it was verified that the woman did in fact carry a new life inside her, celebrations were planned in honor of the blessing. Only then did the other mother learn of the joyous occasion. The news was brought to the second parent by the woman who was expecting.
It was Arniran custom and why Arizira had never spoken about her suspicions to Talliea. She could not have talked about them until Cynra had confirmed them.
And now, instead of happiness at the blessing of a new life, Talliea was overcome with a new wave of agony and despair.
"What baby? She never--how could...no...no,no,no. Please do not tell me this. I can not...oh, no..."
Talliea's pleas were hard to understand. They were barely able to get past the lump that had formed in her throat.
"I am sorry. It was not my place to tell you. Arizira carried life. Your life. Her life. She was pregnant with a child made of both of you. When I learned of it, I sent her away to find you. She had suspected her fortune but, per Arniran custom, could not speak of it until I confirmed it for her."
Talliea shook her head and her tears dripped down her neck. Her face was scrunched up into a painful expression of disbelief and she felt as if she was going to vomit. Pregnant...a baby...
Their baby...
Arizira was dead. Their child was dead.
How much more pain was she expected to endure? She wanted to die herself. There was nothing for her left in the world of the living. Not anymore. Why had Arizira rushed to save her knowing she carried their baby inside of her?
Because she loved you and was always saving you. From the minute she first saw you, she was saving you.
Her inner voice did little to make her feel better. If anything, it only increased the level of pain she was feeling. She struggled to control her breathing and looked up into Cynra's glowing eyes. They reminded her so much of Arizira's. Forcing herself to speak, Talliea swallowed painfully several times before her voice complied with her desire to use it.
"How far along was she?" she asked in a rough voice.
Cynra smiled sadly and moved closer to her. "I am unsure, child. The mixed blood makes it difficult to say. Were I to venture a guess, I would place her at two to three months. She was with child when the two of you were separated and that is nearly two months behind us."
Talliea's face crumbled and another broken sob was pulled from deep inside of her. She buried her head in her hands and refused to believe what she was hearing. Arizira had been pregnant when she had fought Lao'dahn to protec
t her?
She felt as if she were falling in an unfathomable, unforgiving, unrelenting void of all consuming black. One person was never meant to burden the weight of so much grief. How was she supposed to continue on? How was she supposed to pick up the pieces and lead her life? Where was she to go? She had no home. She no longer had a people. War had broken out around her and she was without her friend, her lover, to rely upon.
Arizira was gone. The baby she had brought into being was gone. She did not even fully understand how Arizira had been pregnant, but that did nothing to diminish her pain over losing the child.
Cynra stepped away from her and watched as she crawled over to Arizira's side once again. Her hand hovered over the covered body before landing on her stomach. She traced her fingers from side to side before leaning down and allowing her head to connect with Arizira's ribs.
And then...
She cried.
Chapter 11: Perspectives
Cynra watched Talliea with her head resting against Arizira's stomach. The Esu woman cried as renewed despair racked her insides. Her hands clawed at Arizira's middle while tears stained the light brown cloak covering her body. The night was deep outside of the cave. The moon was obscured by the clouds and a multitude of stars dotted the sky. It was still a few hours away until sunrise.
Cynra's pain, grief and regret washed over her in waves the longer she observed Talliea's sorrow. How could she have allowed this to happen? How could she have been so willing to follow her goddess and, in essence, bring about her grandchild's death?
Her long road had been difficult. The choices she had been required to make had been hard and often times wrestled with, but she had always believed that her actions were for the betterment of her people and the Esu.
Standing now watching Talliea, a purely innocent and unknowing woman, cry over the loss of one she loved so dearly and one she would never get a chance to know, was too much for Cynra. For the first time in a long time, she wished for her long life to finally end.
Arizira's death was always going to be hard for her to accept. She had struggled with it ever since Aitla had shown her a vision of that death, but she had never expected this level of anguish, this level of grief.
How was Talliea in any position to change the course of the future? How was she to be the one who brought truth to the history between their peoples and heralded a new beginning for so many? Talliea was a woman lost. She was a woman torn. If anything, Cynra believed she would sooner exterminate both peoples rather than help them in any way.
The fire next to Talliea continued to defiantly burn. Shadows danced across the cave walls. Arizira's fair skin glowed warm and golden, nearly suggesting that she was still present and not gone off to her next journey.
"Child," Cynra spoke roughly after several minutes, "we must talk. There is much you have a need to know and very little time left to us."
Talliea made no outward sign that she had heard Cynra. Soft whispers of apology and heated declarations of love were spoken against Arizira's skin.
"Why do I linger here? Why? You were the tether that kept me in this place. You grounded me, love. Now you are gone, having taken another life with you. Why?"
The barely uttered words were not known to Cynra. They were spoken in Esulan, but the emotions present in them were heavy enough to show Cynra how touching their meaning was. Walking over to Talliea, Cynra knelt down and wrapped her arms around the crying woman's shoulders. Talliea did not attempt to push her away.
She needed the comfort. Turning away from Arizira, she held onto the fragile looking woman and cried as soft Arniran words were whispered against her hair.
"I know it hurts. I am sorry. This future...oh, I should have done more. I miss her, too. She was...she was very important to me."
Talliea jerked away from Cynra, an unsettling and dark look clouding her eyes. "Important? You killed her," Talliea hissed. "You."
Cynra nodded her head, but did not attempt to argue the statement. In part, it was the truth. She had allowed her belief in faith and the overall goodness of the many to shadow her commitment to her family. There was no other way around that. Though her intentions had been honorable, the outcome had turned out to be anything but.
"I know you will never understand, child. I did what I believed was necessary. Once I learned of your child, I tried to change this future. I had hopes to give Arizira a chance to not end here. Destiny, it appears, cannot be avoided."
Talliea shook her head, her face red and covered in drying tears. She sniffled and wiped away at her cheeks before sitting back down next to Arizira. Her eyes trailed over her love's eyebrows and cheeks, down the slope of her nose and to the perfection that was her mouth.
Biting her cheek, she allowed her fingers to caress those lips while her eyes studied pointed ears and silken strands of silvery-blonde hair. "Your words mean nothing to me," she said hoarsely.
"Talliea--" Cynra tried
"No! I do not wish to hear you words for they bring me nothing but pain. You meddled in our lives. You and so many others. How different would today be had none of you ever thought to place yourselves between us? All we wanted was to be together. Perhaps we were foolish in allowing ourselves to completely forget about and ignore our responsibilities, but we were in love. We were happy."
Cynra watched Talliea as she stared at Arizira. Dark fingers continued to caress Arizira's face and neck with a gentle reverence.
"She was going to show me how to build an Arniran home," Talliea said, laughing shyly at the memory. "In the trees. She taught me how to track my own food and follow the signs ever present in the forest. When I was sad, she brought me joy. When I was unsure, she gave me strength. She understood me. She valued me. She showed me gentleness and allowed me to experience love. and when she touched me for the first time, I knew I could never leave her. She was in me --spiritually, emotionally. She became a part of me."
Unknown to Talliea while she spoke and lightly touched Arizira's face, her fingers glowed softly with a golden-silver light. Where they touched Arizira, her skin also shined in a radiant luminescence. Cynra watched, mesmerized. Talliea was completely unaware of her actions. She was lost to her thoughts and her memories and her emotions...
Cynra smiled slowly, hesitantly.
Her emotions. Yes, of course. Talliea's powers were tied to her emotions which stemmed from her love for Arizira. It was all connected. Near as Cynra could tell, Talliea's powers manifested in several different ways. When she felt threatened, her power presented itself as completely offensive, able to stop time, move objects, or destroy them all together. This part of Talliea's abilities seemed to be the easiest for her to call upon and control.
However, her ability to heal seemed only to manifest subconsciously. It appeared to be invoked by Talliea's thoughts when she was more calm and at ease. Cynra watched the Esu woman. Though it was obvious she was still upset over her loss, her tears no longer fell and her breathing was more normal.
She appeared to be calming herself by remembering Arizira, by touching her skin and allowing herself to relive their time together.
"I remember feeling so scared when she kissed me. Scared, but filled with excitement. No one had ever shown me that level of tenderness. No one h-had ever touched me so that I enjoyed it. Her lips tasted like mint..."
Talliea's words trailed off. Her eyes still possessed some faraway quality while she looked down at Arizira. Her fingers dipped down Arizira's neck and lightly ran across her collarbone. Light followed. Cynra did nothing. She continued to watch Talliea, observe her and study her powers.
"I always felt like she held back in her passion for me, that she was afraid to show me how much she truly felt, but when we bonded...when she made love to me...I fully experienced the depth of her emotions for me. Never before had I felt so valued, so appreciated. She loved me. She...she loved me so much. I was important to her just as she is important to me."
At her last words, Talliea shook herself from
her self-induced haze and looked over at Cynra. Her eyes were darker, her face unreadable.
"Do not tell me she was important to you. Were that true, I would not sit here in suffering now."
Cynra nodded, her tired purple eyes showing the sorrow she felt. She looked over at Arizira's peaceful looking face and all was quiet for some time. She noticed her granddaughter's color appeared different -- more lively, but she refrained from saying anything.
Talliea was an uncertainty at the moment. Cynra could do nothing to upset her because she was unsure how the other woman would respond.
Finally, when it was evident nothing was going to be said by either woman, Cynra spoke up "She was my granddaughter, day walker. My child was her mother and both are now lost to me. You will never understand my reasons, nor will you forgive me, but please believe that her importance to me was great."
The sound of the crackling fire met her declaration. Talliea said nothing, but kept her eyes locked with the light purple of Cynra‘s.
"She did not know," Talliea said after a moment. The words sounded like a question, though in reality they were a statement.
"No, she did not. I never told her because I knew this fate awaited her. I believed it was unavoidable, and I was right."
Tears blurred Cynra's vision as she and Talliea sat opposite one another. Talliea allowed her thoughts to run freely inside her mind. Arizira had been unaware of her connection to Cynra. The old woman seemed to have played a part she was no longer happy about.
Her actions, however well intended, had brought about the deepest ache Talliea had ever known. She was unsure how she was supposed to feel about Cynra.
It was obvious she felt remorse and regret over her actions and she was Arizira's grandmother. All the time Talliea had known Arizira, she had felt a longing from the other woman where her family was concerned.
Though she had made no outward show of such feelings, Talliea had detected it the closer the two of them had become. To think that a living relative had been so close and remained so silent was painful for Talliea and Arizira was no longer even among the living.