The First Last Boy

by Sonya Weiss

  “Shit, Tana.” He jerked his jeans up and zipped them. “I’m not a hero.” He stared down at me, his eyes a riptide of danger. “Especially yours.”

  I stared back at him, catching how his own breathing picked up, how he swallowed hard, clenched his hands into fists and held himself so rigidly away from me. “You’re thinking about how much you want me,” I said.

  “No, I’m not.” His voice denied what his body told the truth about.

  Feeling bold, I put my hand at the base of his throat, touching his skin just above the fabric of his shirt. His pulse raced against my fingertips and it thrilled me that he wasn’t immune to me. “Liar.”

  Ryan’s hands shot out and clasped me around the waist. He lifted me off my feet and dropped my backside onto the desk. “Run away, Tana.”

  I could sense the wildness in him trying to push past the self-control. I took a breath. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Dammit. Please.” He forced out through clenched teeth. His gaze dropped to my lips.

  “No. And do you know why I’m not leaving? Because I’m thinking about how much I want you, too.” I put my hands on his arms, dancing my fingertips across the tattoos covering his flesh. He was exciting. Beautiful. I caressed his biceps. “You’re so strong.” I stroked his arms rhythmically. “Always so in control. Let it all go with me, Ryan.”

  “You don’t know what the fuck you’re messing with.”

  “Show me.”

  Using his leg, he pushed mine apart and shifted to stand between them until he was pressed intimately against me and I could feel the firmness of his erection. He pushed enough to make it uncomfortable.

  My stomach tightened, not from fear but from wanting him. I could feel myself getting wet. “Ryan...”

  His lips crashed down onto mine with a hunger that felt as if I was being devoured. I was caught in the middle of a tornado that was pulling me apart. I’d been kissed before but never the way Ryan kissed—an all-consuming onslaught that made my blood feel as if it was turning into liquid fire.

  He pulled at my lower lip with his teeth, biting hard enough to make it sting and I wanted more. I needed more. Working a hand between our bodies, he slipped his hand into my jeans and into my panties to stroke the aching flesh, still keeping the pressure of his erection against me. I thought I was going to skyrocket off the desk.

  Moaning, I tugged at his shirt to pull it free of his waistband and moved my hands along the sides of his abdomen. His skin was so hot, so hard. I lowered my hands to his legs, feeling the strength in his thighs when his muscles contracted beneath my touch. I wanted him closer. Wanted him inside me. I put my hands behind him to press them against his ass and wished our clothes weren’t between us.

  His lips left mine and dropped to the base of my neck, then dipped lower until his tongue touched the valley between my breasts. Gripping the sides of my vest, he pulled it apart, tearing the buttons off. Pushing aside the lacy camisole I wore, he put a hand into my bra and lifted my breasts up. I leaned my head back when he gently sucked on the side of one breast then worked his way to the nipple. I had no oxygen, no ability to move and didn’t want to. My bones and muscles were melting. “Ryan,” I whispered again, shifting to touch the button on the front of his jeans, trying to get inside.

  He jerked upright, grabbed my hands in his, and breathing heavily leaned his forehead against mine. “Get out.” His voice was angry, but controlled, his lips tight.

  “What?” I asked, still dazed and aching from the sensations flooding my body.

  “Get out now before we screw right here on the desk. If you don’t leave, I’ll take you in ways that’ll make you blush when you think about them. It’ll be hard and painful for you. I’ll drive into you until you feel my balls practically inside of you. You deserve better than a bastard who fucks you like that. A lot better. Now go.” He took a step back, adjusted himself and walked to the door. His shoulders were rigid. “I can withstand a lot of things, but hurting you physically because I’m thinking with my dick isn’t one of them.”

  With legs that shook like I was walking for the first time, I slid off the desk and moved to him. I pressed my hand against his racing heart and did my best to concentrate on what I wanted to say rather than how my body still screamed in hunger. “I’m scared.”

  Understanding flitted across his handsome face and he nodded. “Of me,” he said in a flat, emotionless voice.

  I shook my head at his misunderstanding. “No, I mean I’m scared because I didn’t expect to feel so strongly about the thought of being with you.”

  The understanding fled. “It’s just sex. Don’t confuse it with something more. I don’t want to hurt you that way either. I meant what I said about not falling in love with me. I won’t love you back if that happens.”

  “I’m not expecting you to.”

  His shoulders relaxed. “Keep it that way, okay?” He smiled and it was like the sun coming out after a storm. “You want to hang out later?”

  “Actually, I do. My old boyfriend is having a party at his house. Starts at nine.”

  His eyebrows went up. “The one who dumped you.”

  “Yep. I ran into Tristan today and he was so sleazy I thought I was going to throw up. I don’t really know why I said I’d go to his party. Maybe I need closure. He said it was okay for me to invite friends. You’re my friend.”

  Ryan chuckled and ran a hand down his right arm across the tattooed images. “This sounds a little devious.”

  “Maybe a little. You can see where I came from and how it turned me into the wonderful, drama free person that I am today.” He rolled his eyes and laughed and I smacked his arm lightly. “You’ll go with me?” I asked, plucking at the fabric of his shirt.

  “Yeah, I’ll go. I’ll pick you up.”

  His agreeing made me beam with pleasure and before I thought about it, before he could pull away, I kissed him, then walked backward across the parking lot. “So it’s a date. The party this weekend and us next weekend.” I held my breath, waiting to see if he understood what I meant.

  His head dipped in acknowledgement and I breathed out, then gave him a wave as I climbed into my car. I drove away lost in thoughts of Ryan and in the feelings that swarmed over me when I thought about his hand touching my most intimate place.

  How I managed to get home was anyone’s guess. The drive passed in a blur of road and houses. Ryan had originally said he didn’t want to talk about it after we had sex. I knew now that wasn’t going to be a problem. Based on what had happened between us at the garage just now, how could I discuss something I suspected was going to be too powerful to define?

  *

  RYAN

  I was halfway home before I managed to stop thinking about wanting to be inside of Tana. Wanting her and not having her was painful. I should call off the sex agreement but damned if I could find the will especially after that encounter at the garage. I wanted to lie to myself that my reaction was simply because it had been too long since I’d had release. That was the distorted truth that would allow me to quiet the warning voice in my mind and justify what I was going to do to Tana next weekend. Maybe I wanted her because on some level she represented what I’d never had. Goodness. Purity. Hope. Or maybe I was going to have sex with her because foster dad #5 was right and I was just a self-centered, evil shit whose death would be a favor to the world. I clenched my jaw together, tired of wrestling with myself and pulled into the driveway at Mama Leena’s.

  The porch was filled with neighborhood kids of all ages. Every weekend, she let the kids hang out hoping that while their parents worked, it’d keep some of them out of trouble. Casey Wallace, a teenage single mother who lived next door was leaving as I approached. When she passed close to me, I handed her some money, waving off her choked up words of gratitude. The father of her baby was in jail on the domestic violence charge he’d copped to after I’ve shown him why it was dangerous for him to hit a woman.

  “Hiiii, Ryan,” Katie sai
d from the east corner of the porch. She sat cross-legged holding a one-eared kitten Destiny had rescued. Katie was Destiny’s best friend and like my foster sister, a pain in the ass sometimes.

  “Hey. Have you seen Juvante?”

  “He’s talking to Mama Leena.”

  The screen door flew open and Destiny came outside carrying two sodas.

  “Thanks.” I took one from her hand.

  “Ryan, give that back. That’s not for you.”

  “Katie doesn’t mind.” I popped the tab and took a drink. “Right, Katie?”

  Destiny bumped me with her shoulder and keeping her voice low said, “You better get in there.”

  I handed her back the soda. Before I could reach the kitchen, I heard Juvante’s voice, raised and insistent, followed by Mama Leena’s I-don’t-believe-your-bullshit tone.

  “Did you know about this?” Mama Leena asked me. She searched my face and when I didn’t answer fast enough, she wagged a wooden spoon that dropped a blob of mashed potatoes onto the linoleum. “She called me crying and carrying on. You’re going to do the right thing by her, Juvante. A man supports his child.”

  “I told you it’s not mine!”

  She held up her hand, shook her head, grabbed a paper towel and picked up the potato blob. Then she glared at me. “You boys think you can have sex with all these girls without consequences? I’m not talking about pregnancy alone either.” Her lips tightened. “You’re messing with these girls’ hearts every time you take something you don’t have any business taking because you know you’re not sticking around. If you’re not careful, you’ll end up creating more single mothers raising children.”

  “Ma, come on. I told you. I never hit that. I swear.”

  Mama Leena looked at Juvante for a long time and then thrust a platter of salad greens into his hands. “Take this to the dining room and tell Destiny to get in here and help you boys set the table. Cooper says he’s not coming by. Are Ryker and Zane?”

  I shook my head. “Nah. I don’t think so. They went up to Illinois for the weekend.” She nodded, handed me a basket of cornbread and I followed Juvante. “You dog. You looked her in the face and lied.”

  Juvante set the greens down and said, “I only hit it a little, but I know it’s not mine. I wore my raincoat. That girl’s like a revolving door. I can’t let her mess me over right before I sign up.”

  We’d talked about him joining the military but I’d thought he was joking. “You? A Marine?”

  “Don’t laugh. I look good with a bald head.”

  “Shit. You’re serious?”

  “Yeah. Four more years of schooling? Not for me. You know I hate it.” He raised one eyebrow and droned in a nasal voice, “Students, if you will check your brain at the door, you too, could develop a stick up your ass and become a professor like me.”

  I laughed again, but what sucked was if anyone had the grades to get into a good college, Juvante did. Smart as hell with a high GPA. I couldn’t imagine not hanging with him.

  Destiny came in carrying a stack of plates.

  “Girl, you look so pretty,” Juvante said, licking his lips and smacking them loudly.

  She banged the plates on the table and with a dismissive wave of her hand left again.

  “Chanos came by the garage today.”

  Juvante stopped staring at the door after Destiny and whipped his head around to look at me. “What’d he want?”

  “Thinks I might know where some of his product from the warehouse is hiding.”

  Eyes wide, Juvante hissed, “Are you fucking for real?”

  “Yeah.”

  He stroked his chin. “That’s bad news. Those little shits probably took that stuff.”

  I nodded. “That’s what I’m thinking.” Anger burned in me at the potential consequences their actions could bring. “I’m going to beat their asses.”

  “I’m going to help you,” Juvante promised.

  After the table was finally loaded with food and Mama Leena said a prayer over it and ended with praying for all the missionaries in the world, the pounding beat of rap music outside the house shook the window.

  Juvante and I looked at each other and rose at the same time.

  “Sit down, boys. Clarke and Roman will be in shortly,” Mama Leena said calmly while spooning gravy over her potatoes.

  I slid back down into the hard chair and a second later, Juvante did the same.

  The rap music went silent.

  “I smell something good!” Roman shouted and then appeared in the doorway.

  I stared at his clean shaven face and didn’t see what I was looking for. When Clarke entered right behind him, that’s when I saw it. His blue eyes were red and glassy. His hair stuck up in different spots all over his head. Rubbing at his nose, he came around to the head of the table and leaned down to kiss the top of Mama Leena’s head.

  She took him by the hand and held on when he tried to walk to one of the empty chairs. “Where have you boys been?”

  His gaze darted around the table. “You know, Ma. Around.”

  Her shoulders slumped and because she wasn’t one to sweep things under the rug, she said in a tone full of fear and fractured hope, “Have you been using?”

  Clarke looked at Roman who ducked his head.

  “You stupid sonofabitch!” Juvante launched himself at Clarke. His fist connected with the side of Clarke’s face and they both tumbled backward to slam against the wall. They grappled for a few seconds before Juvante sat on his legs, pinning him against the floor. He pounded on Clarke and the dull thud of his fists connecting with flesh filled the air.

  Roman joined in the fight, punching Juvante in the back at the kidney line. At seventeen, he was built like a linebacker. He’d put a hurting on Juvante if I didn’t do something.

  I grabbed Roman from behind around the waist and flung him toward the opposite wall. He hit it hard and slid to the floor. “Stay there!” I pointed my finger in his face when he shook his head groggily and tried to stand.

  Clarke had his arms raised, feebly trying to cover his face. Blood dripped from one side of his lips and the skin underneath his eye was already starting to bruise. I doubted Clarke could top one fifty soaking wet. He was always getting his ass beat. Not because he was skinny but because he was stupid as hell. Always running his mouth or being somewhere he shouldn’t be. Tapping Juvante on the shoulder, I said, “Let him up.”

  “I’m not through with him yet.” Juvante paused mid-strike and glared at Clarke.

  “Yeah, you are. That’s enough.”

  “Take it outside and don’t break any bones.” Sadness coupled with weariness coated Mama Leena’s voice.

  I hauled Clarke up by the collar of his shirt and shoved him out in front of me, then went back for Roman. I looked at him and he angrily shuffled along with us until we were outside in the muggy heat.

  Across the street old man Moore waved at us from his rocking chair. I nodded at him and followed my brothers around the side of the house to the garage, out of view of the street.

  Chapter Five

  TANA

  “I saw a warthog,” Mark announced while I cleared the table after supper.

  I was trying to rush things along so I could have time to get ready before Ryan arrived. I was riding with him to the party. He was always teasing me that I was late everywhere I went. Brooklyn had called to say she could make it to the party after all and knowing us, we’d start talking and then none of us would be ready to go on time. “Where’d you see a warthog?”

  “Mom took me to the zoo this morning.”

  The Caldwell Zoo had always been one of Mark’s favorite places to visit but we hadn’t been back since the move. “Did you get to see your Gila monster?”

  “Uh huh. He’s still there. I told Mom I wanted one.”

  “I don’t see a habitat here for it, Creature,” I teased.

  “She said when hell froze over.”

  I laughed.

  “Dad called,”
Mark said.

  Speaking of hell. I stopped laughing. “Oh? Did he say he was coming to pick you up tomorrow?” If that was the case, it figured. By waiting until Sunday if he bothered to show, Dad wouldn’t have to spend the whole weekend with Mark as a visible reminder he sucked as a father. I doubted that he ever felt guilty for anything wrong he’d done. He’d always had a narcissistic streak.

  “Uh uh.” Mark twisted a small Spiderman toy over and over in his hands. “He’s getting married tomorrow.”

  “Oh.” I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at the last minute, offhand way my so-called father had shared that information. It made me sad that he treated Mark as an afterthought. “I’m sorry, buddy.”

  “I asked if I could go and he said I would be in the way at the wedding because I acted like a moron.” He lifted his thin shoulders in a shrug. “I don’t care. I’m having fun today.”

  Mom was taking Mark and some of his friends to the movies, probably so he wouldn’t dwell on Daddy Douche, but the way he spoke to Mark pissed me off. “You’re not a moron, okay? Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Nope. Dad’s the fuck up, not me.”

  My mouth dropped open.

  “What?” He drew his eyebrows together. “I called Ryan at the garage. He said that about Dad.”

  “Umm...well...”

  The doorbell rang and I didn’t have time to remind Mark that it was better not to repeat everything Ryan said. I opened the door to let Brooklyn and Shelby in. They were so opposite each other. Shelby was slender and blonde. She exuded class and money, and was dressed in tailored jeans and an expensive button up shirt.

  I’d met Brooklyn after moving to my current neighborhood. She struggled financially the same way that I did. She wore several piercings in each ear with double hoop earrings, a T-shirt featuring a rock band, and ripped blue jeans. She kept a red bandana around her black hair more often than not. In school, she’d had a reputation as the girl everyone knew better than to cross. She had a number of brothers she complained smothered her but they were a close, loving family and she knew she was lucky to have them despite all her grumbling.