The First Last Boy
Page 16
When I left the bathroom, Tana was standing in the doorway of Mark’s room, watching her brother sleep.
“I’m going out. I’ll be back in a few hours.”
She didn’t even bother to turn around. “Whether you come or go is your business. There’s an extra house key in the bowl on the table by the door. Take it so you can let yourself in when you get back.”
“You hate me.”
At that, she did turn around. I wanted to run my fingers through her hair, wanted to see it spread out on a pillow while I looked down into her eyes. I wanted to slide into her and watch her eyes darken and feel her hands gripping my back. I wanted to hear her cry out my name. I forced the images away.
“I don’t hate you.” Her expression was bland, like I was a stranger she was talking to about the weather.
The disappointment radiating from her followed me out. As soon as I set foot on the porch, the door shut behind me and she locked up. I hung around outside until Juvante showed up. For once, his usual humor was missing. He jerked his head toward the house. “How are they?”
“A mess.”
Juvante glanced at me. “Where are you heading?”
“To the hospital.”
“Oh, man.” Juvante sighed. He thumped my shoulder. “You’re not going to find what you’re looking for. She can’t give you absolution for the things you did in the past that led to her shooting.”
“I need to do this.”
He nodded. “Alright, man. I’ll keep watch.”
I walked around the Charger and opened the door. “When I get back we need to talk about setting up a few matches.”
Juvante’s eyes widened. “Thought you were done with those once you went to work at the garage.”
Bare knuckle boxing was a good way to break the bones in your hand if you landed a jab wrong against an opponent’s head. I hadn’t wanted to risk injuring my hands because I’d wanted to work on cars. I’d wanted to leave any kind of violence behind. Too late for any of that now. “I have to do it,” I said. “And I need big draws.”
“Chanos put you up to this?”
“No. This is for Tana.”
He nodded. “I’ll talk to Brooklyn’s brother. We can probably get a few thousand dollar ones right away. You’ve been missed in the cock fights, man.”
I grinned at that. Everyone knew the fights were about two things. The money and who was the baddest ass. “See ya.” I eased from the driveway and let the night swallow up the car.
Chapter Eighteen
TANA
I rolled over in bed and punched the pillow, then flopped onto my back and stared at the ceiling. It was hot in the house and the air conditioner wasn’t working well. The heat combined with thinking about Ryan made it hard to sleep. Where had he gone? To another girl? I’m done with him, remember? So what if he went out to screw some other girl? It wasn’t my business and it didn’t matter to me. My heart lurched, making me a liar.
Oh, who the hell was I kidding? Tossing aside the sheet, I reached for my robe and froze. There was a noise at the front of the house. Oh my God. I crept from the room and when I reached the living room, I crawled to the door and peeked through the window beside it. Juvante? What the hell? Standing up, I yanked open the door. “Juvante!”
He jumped and spun around. “Damn, girl. Give me a heart attack.”
“What are you doing here?”
He looked uncertain and I knew it had something to do with Ryan. The two of them were as thick as thieves. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing’s going on. Can’t a guy stop by to see his brother?”
“It’s after midnight. What couldn’t wait?”
“He used to read me bedtime stories. I miss that.” Juvante made a show of fake sobbing and wiping away tears.
I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Seriously.”
Juvante sat on the porch steps. “He has some business, alright?”
“Whatever.” I sat next to him, trying to find the courage to ask the question I hoped had a good answer. After a few minutes of silence, I asked, “Is he with another girl?”
“Another...no, no. Nothing like that.” He smirked. “So that’s your issue? You and my boy, huh? I knew he was hitting that.”
Irritated, I said, “We’re nothing more than friends and I’m not even sure we’re that now.”
He slid away from me. Looking up at the stars, he said, “If there’s any lightning, I don’t want to sit anywhere near your lying ass.”
Twisting my fingers together, I said, “Ryan’s not interested.”
“Is that right?”
I sighed and shook my head. “I don’t know why I’m talking to you.”
“Because you secretly want me?”
“You know it. How are things with Alexa?”
He lifted his shoulders. “She got mad when she found out I was joining the Marines instead of sticking around to play house with her. She dumped me.”
“I’m sorry. You want to talk about it?”
“Nah. I beat somebody up and felt better.”
I laughed. “You’re crazy.” He put his arm across my shoulders and grinned at me but his smile faded when I said, “Now tell me why you’re really here.”
*
RYAN
I had to make a stop before I went to the hospital. It was probably a stupid idea and I sure as hell wasn’t a religious guy, but I’d try any avenue to fix what had happened. As I pulled into the driveway of Mama Leena’s house, I shut off the engine and let the Charger coast to a stop. Then I tried to be as quiet as I could getting into the house.
Roman was asleep on the couch, his mouth open, his snores filling the room. Destiny was at the kitchen table flipping through a magazine and drinking a Coke. She shut the magazine when I walked in. “Hey.”
“Hey yourself.” I went into my bedroom and she followed. I didn’t want her to know my real mission tonight, didn’t want anyone to know, so I grabbed a duffel bag and started throwing some clothes into it.
Destiny watched from the doorway. “You’re moving out?”
“I’m going to stay with Tana for a little while. She needs help taking care of Mark.”
“Brooklyn or Shelby couldn’t do it?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t ask. I offered. Do me a favor and pack my shaving stuff.”
“Okay.”
When she didn’t leave, I stopped moving around the room and looked at her. “What’s wrong?”
“That brick through my window. Do you think that meant anything?”
“Just some dumbass kid, probably. Why? Are you worried?”
She looked over her shoulder when Roman let out a particularly loud snore. “With the fearless Roman around? Why would I be worried?” She smiled at me and left.
When I was alone, I raced to the dresser and yanked open the top drawer. I rooted around the socks until I found what I was looking for. A necklace with the patron saint of healing on a small silver pendant. It had belonged to my mother and was the only thing of hers I owned. My bastard father had destroyed everything else. I folded it into my hand when Destiny came back to hand me the shaving stuff.
“Thanks.” I shoved the necklace into my pocket and then took the bag from her to stuff it into the duffel bag. I walked into the living room and Roman sat up with a jerk. He blinked sleepily at me, then swung his feet off the sofa. He grunted a greeting and then wandered into the kitchen scratching himself.
Destiny shook her head and rolled her eyes.
“Lock up.” I waited on the porch until she did and then stood there a few minutes longer just listening to the sounds in the neighborhood. When I was satisfied that nothing was going on, I threw the duffel bag into the Charger and took off for the hospital.
It didn’t take long to get there and since I was good at sneaking into places, getting to Ms. Shaw’s room undetected was easy. I hated seeing her lying in the bed so still and pale, knowing that I might as well have been the one to put her there.
“I uh...I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.” I eased up on one hip and pulled the necklace from my pocket, resting the weight of it in the center of my palm. I had vague memories of my mother wearing the necklace. Distorted images of her smiling face, her kind eyes.
I swallowed. “I should have saved you.” I looked at the bed. “I should have saved both of you and it’s my fault. I was trying to be a good man and steer clear of Chanos. He struck first and that’s on me.” I took a deep breath. “But I wanted you to know that I’m going to make it right. I swear. I’ll also make sure Tana has her college money and I’ll take care of her and Mark for you. And I hope that you can forgive me for this. Um...I guess that’s all.” I slipped the pendant into her hand and draped the necklace around her wrist.
My cell phone buzzed and I snatched it up to silence it before a nurse busted me. The text was from Chanos. You were supposed to be here. You want to visit Tana in there next?
Chapter Nineteen
TANA
I fell asleep at some point after talking to Juvante who never did tell me why he’d shown up at my house so late. He’d kept changing the subject. I yawned and rose on one elbow to check the alarm clock. Not quite seven. I flopped back down in the bed and then the odor of coffee and bacon hit me.
For the briefest of seconds, sadness washed over me. The smell was synonymous with my mom. Every morning. Coffee and bacon. I combed my fingers through my bed hair and went to investigate.
Ryan was setting plates at the table. He looked handsome and relaxed. Probably took a trip to Skanksville last night and Juvante just hadn’t wanted to tell me. “You cooked.”
“Figured I’d better take that over if I didn’t want to starve while I’m here.”
I sat at the table and brought my knees up in the chair with me. Reaching for a piece of bacon, I said, “Did you already wake Mark?”
“I let him sleep.”
“You look relaxed.”
His eyebrows rose. “I slept pretty hard.”
“I’ll bet.” I couldn’t hide the jealousy in my tone and I called myself all kinds of a fool. I had no right to be jealous. Ryan wasn’t mine to feel that way about. I took a bite of the bacon. Ryan and the faceless skank could screw happily ever after for all I cared. Oh, bullshit. “Who was she?”
“Does it matter?”
I nearly choked on the bacon. So I was right and Juvante had lied to me. Ryan had been with another girl. “No, I guess not.” I put my hand on my stomach. The bacon wanted to do an encore. “Juvante was here last night. He wouldn’t tell me why, but I guess I know now.” My cell phone buzzed and I checked the text. I didn’t recognize the number. Maybe one of Mom’s friends. Tell your Mom I said hi.
“What is it?” Ryan walked around the table and looked over my shoulder.
After he read the text, he stepped back and said, “Fuck!”
“What? Is it the text?”
“No...I remembered I have to do something before I go to work. I’ll be back before you need to leave and you can take the Charger.” He was out the front door before I had time to say a word.
*
RYAN
I knew where Chanos would be and I drove straight there. I shoved through the front door of the pool hall and waited a second to let my eyes adjust to the dim light. Chanos was in the corner of the bar with a couple of guys I didn’t recognize.
He waved me over and then tapped his palm on the bar. “One for my friend.” With a wide smile, he rose from the stool. “The prodigal son is coming back into the fold.”
“I told you I was in, but you’re way off trying to rattle me about Tana. She was just a fuck.”
Chanos’ dark eyes searched my face and he nodded. “Then you won’t mind if I have a go at that?”
I took a step toward him and his muscle sprang up to flank him.
Laughing, Chanos said, “You can’t bullshit me. You never could.” The laughter faded and his eyes grew stony. “You needed reminding where your loyalties are. It’s the brotherhood over pussy. You feel me?” He moved into my space, a guy move for measuring dicks. I’d once done whatever Chanos had asked of me, but I wasn’t a kid anymore.
“I’m not the same guy you knew,” I said.
“Not the same?” Chanos laughed. “That’s like saying you can take the devil out of hell, stick him in a business suit and he’s suddenly a decent fucking guy.” He slapped my chest. “You’re still who you’ve always been. You’ve just taken a hiatus from the things you used to do.” He snapped his fingers over his shoulder. “Give me the phone.” The guy to his right passed him a phone and Chanos swiped his finger across it. “Here. Take a look at this.”
The first picture was of Mama Leena getting into her car after work. The second one of Destiny at a fast food restaurant. The third was of Ms. Shaw in the hospital. The fourth of Tana waiting tables at her job. I stopped looking and returned the phone. I didn’t need to see any more.
He smirked. “It would be a shame if something happened to one of them because you forgot who you belonged to.”
“And it’d be a shame if something happened to you because you forgot who you were dealing with.”
Chanos smiled. “I don’t forget things, brother.”
“Good, then make sure you remember I’ll beat your ass until there’s nothing left but your goddamn teeth if you touch any of them.”
“See? You are the same guy I knew. Now, let’s have a drink to celebrate our family reunion.” He snapped his fingers at a guy behind the bar.
I took a seat on the stool as the devil opened his arms, welcoming me back to hell.
Chapter Twenty
TANA
Just like he’d promised, Ryan returned to my house before I had to leave for my shift. He was still wearing the overalls he used for working at the garage. He hadn’t been away that long but he didn’t look like the same guy. His eyes were dark and hard like he was going through the motion of living while not feeling anything at all.
Stepping inside the door, he kicked off his shoes and unzipped the overalls, dropping them to his ankles. Scooping them under his arm, he headed toward the laundry room, walking in front of the television where I’d been watching a mindless talk show.
“The doctor gave me some news today,” I said.
He stopped and turned to face me. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. Brooklyn took me to the hospital to visit Mom and when I arrived, the doctor said that he’s going to begin lowering the dosage of medicine to bring Mom out of the coma. He said the swelling is down and her brain function tests are better than he’d hoped for.”
“I’m glad.”
“Me too.” I shut off the television and followed Ryan into the laundry room. “Maybe we can celebrate tonight after I get off work?”
“Alright. I’ll treat you and Mark to Chinese takeout if you’d like.”
“Do you want to come to the hospital with me tomorrow?”
“I can’t. I’ve got things to do.” He opened the washer and dumped the overalls inside, then frowned at the row of knobs.
“Let me.” I set the cycle, added the detergent and switched the machine on. Both of us tried to move toward the door at the same time and we collided.
“Sorry,” I said, but didn’t move.
He raised his hand and stopped just shy of touching my face. His smile was tight, regretful. “I’m covered in grease.”
“I know.” The room seemed to grow smaller with each breath that I took.
“I know this isn’t going to make much sense right now, but someday, when you’re off at college and you think of me, I want you to remember something.”
“What’s that?”
“That I wish things could have been different. I wish I could have loved you.”
Could have. But didn’t. Got the message loud and clear. “Okay.”
He exhaled as if he’d been holding his breath. “I should probably take a shower.”
“Okay.” He left and I sagged against the washer.
“Is Ryan here?” Creature poked his head into the room. He and Jason had been playing outside for the last hour.
“He went to take a shower.”
“Cool.”
“When he gets out, I’m leaving for work, okay?”
“Okay,” he said in a dismissive tone and ran back outside.
I sighed and pulled my uniform from the hanger to lay it across the dryer. Nudging the laundry door closed with my foot, I stripped to my bra and panties and reached for the short blue dress. The door swung open and Ryan was there in his jeans and no shirt. His eyes swept over me and I caught the hunger in them before he looked at the washer. “My watch was in my pocket.”
“Oh.” I spun around and lifted the lid. Leaning into the washer, I fished out the sopping material and ran my hand into the pocket to grasp the watch. I held the wet offering out to Ryan. His hand closed over it and my fingers. I wiggled my hand free and picked up my uniform. “I have to leave.” I turned around and slid the dress over my head, shimmying the stretchy material down over my hips. When I reached around my back to work up the zipper, Ryan brushed my hands aside and zipped it up.
I faced him, mouth dry, heart beating fast. “Thanks.”
“You’ll need my keys.”
I dropped my eyes to his jeans and then jerked my gaze away. He didn’t go for his keys. Holding out my hand, I raised an eyebrow and said, “Unless you’d like me to dig them out?”
He dropped them into my hand. “The Charger has a lot of power. Are you sure you can handle it?”
I smiled. “I handled its owner didn’t I?”
Ryan smiled back. “Yeah, you did.”