Black Box 86ed

by Kjelland, Andrew

  “How can you tell?” I ask bringing the binoculars to my eyes I see three men in uniform. They look green, like they’re just kinda hanging out.

  “Cause anyone they got that knows how to carry a gun is off in fucking Afghanistan or Iraq. You think a bunch of regular Joes could take Chicago if the government weren’t stretched dam near everywhere?”

  I look down the line of them. Looking at the guy farthest away I see Mike leaning against a crate smoking a cigarette. I freeze. Like my brain has given me the blue screen of death. How? This can’t be, it can’t be him I console to myself as my brain reboots.

  “You ok Will?” Roger asks nudging me.

  “Uhh ya, ya I’m fine,” shaking the last few cobwebs from my brain.

  Roger starts talking to H but I’ve traveled miles into my head.

  What do you do Will? What the hell do you do? I pause hoping the answer will come to me. Nothing. You’re gona loose her again. When this all blows over you’re gona loose her. He’s gona come back with some metal of fucking honor and she’ll just let you go.

  No, no that’s not right. Not after all we’ve been through...

  That’s just it, isn’t it? All you’ve been through. You know it’s not her… Right now it’s not. How could it be, you’re barely you.

  But I’m happy, I’m terrified for my life but for the first time in a long time, I’ve felt the need to protect it. That I should protect what I have with her. Our life… together. I feel my familiar empty void carving out my stomach. Like a virus traveling to every part of me. Reaching my head. Everything I need to feel, to be alive sucked away in instant.

  You knew it wasn’t going to last. You haven’t captured Grace’s attention, she’s a refugee not your girlfriend. Your stability, your protection and when she needs neither your time will be done… I stare at my shoes, I stare at my double knotted shoe laces. Then, what? The breeze swirls around me, causing a mini tornado as it swirls and twirls, catching leaves.

  “WILL!!” Help screamingly whispers hitting me in the shoulder.

  “Sorry,” I whisper back.

  “Listen I’ll shoot you dead if your head isn’t here, if I think you’re going to get us caught I will shoot you and Roger dead you understand?”

  I nod.

  “Good, now we’re going around back into that courtyard.”

  I look to five story circular structure where H is pointing.

  “When we get there Roger and I will go through the building up to the top floor, you are going to stand guard at the courtyard entrance.” If we are not back in ten minutes you take off along the interstate to exit 324 that leads to w 7th street, that’s the meeting spot. You just tell them we are KIA and they will know to at least expect some resistance.

  I nod again as H leads us to the court yard.

  CHAPTER…

  Standing in the doorway as Roger and H enter the building and run up the stairs. It’s quiet, only the sound of the wind blowing over the tops of the two building that almost make a complete circle surrounding the courtyard. Suddenly the voices of Mike and his partners float through the one opening leading towards the street. Their laughing about something, I look out of the inlet that’s hiding my doorway.

  He appears. Walking through into the courtyard alone he passes me going to the far edge of the yard. I watch in silence as he shuffles to the corner where the buildings meet. Laying his gun down, he unzips his pants and starts peeing on the building. Without another thought I walk into the courtyard. Taking a few steps in, looking to see if his friends are around. No one. I turn from him, the wind hitting my face yet I barely feel it, I don’t feel anything really. A complete numbness starting from my double knot nerve endings and their overloaded receptors down to my double knot shoelaces. I slow almost to a stop, waiting for him to see me. For him to point his gun at me, to order me to drop mine, and when he sees it’s me, for him to drop his.

  CHAPTER…

  “Hold it right there, hands let me see your hands!” He orders. I slowly lift my hands to the sky still holding my pistol, I turn and face Mike. “Holy shit, Will?” He runs up and wraps me in a bear hug. “I’ve thought about you guys every day, praying you were all right. Why don’t you have a star?”

  “I was in line to get it when Union Station went down.” I say blankly.

  “Shit man thank God you got out alright, we do need to get you one. At least you’re ok, is Grace with you?”

  “Yeah she’s with me.”

  “O, thank God where is she?”

  “She’s not here.”

  “What? I thought you said she was with you?”

  “Yeah she’s with me.”

  “Then where is she?”

  “She’s safe.”

  “Okay that’s fine but where exactly.”

  “She’s safe, and she’s with me.” And without a twitch, not a blink of the eye, and with the steadiest of hands I unload my pistol into his chest.

  CHAPTER…

  “Do you feel it yet?”

  “I think so. I feel… I feel weird.” Mike breaks out into uncontrolled laughter.

  “Do you?”

  “I think so let me take one more.” He hands me the joint his hands shaking. I take another puff. “I… I feel.”

  “I think I’m pissing myself,” he says cutting me off. His face goes instantly from euphoria to distraught. “O God I’m really peeing myself,” he says his hands frantically checking his pants.

  My vision narrowing. “What no, no way Dude”

  “I’m not kidding!”

  “Dude o my God don’t piss yourself.”

  “I can’t help it,” he replies still checking himself.

  “Well?”

  “Well what?”

  “Did you?”

  “I don’t know, I can’t tell it just feels likes I’m uncontrollably peeing right now.”

  I break into laughter. “Let me see. No you’re fine.”

  “You sure?”

  “…I think so.”

  “What about now?”

  “No you’re still good.”

  “Ok… You’re sure.”

  “Yes I’m sure your just freaking out. Why do people do this, if it makes you think your pissing yourself? O god.” The oddest sensation of wave after wave of warmth flowing through my abdomen and upper thighs.

  “What?”

  “I think I’m…”

  “Are you pissing yourself too?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “O god we just pissed ourselves,” he exclaims. I quickly look to my crotch. God dam it why am I wearing black jeans I can’t tell.

  “We need to go inside so no one can see us with piss soaked jeans.”

  “Ok, ok let’s go in.” Running into the house we pass his passed out mom and go straight to the bathroom mirror.

  “Do you see anything?”

  “No, no your fine, what about me?”

  “I think your fine.”

  “Hey are we really standing in the bathroom checking to see if we peed ourselves?” We both burst into laughter.

  “O my god, o my god, what are we doing?”

  “Hey you hungry?”

  I suddenly realize my unquenchable need for any and every kind of food. “Yes.”

  “Ok let’s make some food,” I follow him into the kitchen.

  “What do you have to eat?” I ask.

  He opens the fridge. The hollowed out shell filled only with a box of arm n hammer and half a pizza. “Well all we have is pizza.”

  “Pizza sounds so good,” I exclaim. He grabs it out of the fridge.

  “Wait,” he runs to the cupboard opening it the same sight as before with only a jar of peanut butter and a bag of chips. He grabs them both. “This is gona be so goooodd.”

  “Wait, what?”

  “Just watch,” he grabs a slice of pizza and stuffs it into the peanut butter. Whisking it out and immediately
stuffing it into his mouth.

  “How is it?”

  “Issowgewd,” he slurs over the peanut butter.

  “Let me try,” I grab a slice dunking it into the jar. Stuffing it into my mouth a flavor fit for the god’s fills my every sense. “Dude this is the best thing I’ve ever eaten.” We finish the pizza without talking, too intent on this incredible meal.

  Moving through the living room passing his mother. She’s still passed out, now lying awkwardly half on the couch and have on the floor. “Hey one sec, give me a hand.”

  “What?”

  “Help me get back up, she’ll hurt her back if we don’t.”

  “O, ok.” Grabbing his mother from both ends we lift her back onto the couch and wedge a pillow under her. “Ok she should be fine.”

  CHAPTER…

  I watch expressionless as Mike stagers, surprise completely engulfs his face as he realizes what has happened and crumples to the ground; blood pouring out of the holes that God was so graceful to let me give him.

  “I’m sorry I had to do this Mike.” I say kneeling at his side. “I mean this is probably a shock to you and all but… Aaahhhh I don’t know, I suppose I’m a strong advocate for evolution I guess. And man it’s a long story but I want her… I need her, and apparently I’ll kill for her.”

  He lies quivering as his response gets caught gurgling though the blood in his mouth.

  “Ever since you left, life has been good man. Even as the entire world falls around me I... I feel so alive ya know? It’s hard to explain. The suns brighter, birds’ chirps are uuhh, happier I guess, you get the picture. I don’t need to write a poem for you to understand. I mean if it means anything I know I’m going to hell now. If that shows how much I’ve thought about this, how far I’m willing to go for her I fully expect to go to hell. I’ve thought about this a lot and I’m alright with it. It needed to be done. Frankly if God does forgive me I’ll send myself there. You are a good man; and an even better friend but you… you were aahhhh... in the wrong girl at the wrong time.”

  His eyes flutter as he tries to stay awake, as he tries to stay alive.

  “I mean…” I try and steady my voice but to no avail. “God damn it man why did you have to do it. Huh? You had to know.” I feel the wind on my right cheek. “You had to know how I felt. I didn’t want to do this but what was I supposed to do? You have no idea what it’s like to feel so empty inside and when you finally have hope, even just the littlest, tiniest bit of sunshine enter your life… It’s mesmerizing, indescribable. But you had to take her. You eclipsed me man, it was just bad luck I have no problem shooting for the moon… Well I guess I do have to make you a poem.”

  “You! Stop!” I hear what I assume to be Mikes partners yell behind me. His breathing shallows as I stand up. Dropping the cartridge from my gun I reload it. Turning to where the voices came from.

  You can do this Will, you will make it back to Grace. This will not be in vain. I walk towards the voices, suddenly the man from target. The crazy SOB from the store runs through the opening, his fake hand gun drawn waving it through the air.

  “Sinners!” I hear him shouting at the top of his voice. His pale legs flailing, galloping as fast as they can. “Go to hell sinners!” I see the men chasing after him. I slink back into the inlet of the building. I watch as one man tackles him. The crazed man lets out a high pitch yell as he hits the concrete, blood quickly running down his face. Turning onto his back the military man straddling him trying to keep him still. Frantically scratching at the soldiers face and neck. “Coppers! Coppers get em!” He screams. The other solider making it to him. Taking the butt of his rifle striking him across the face. Finally getting free, he tries crawling his way to freedom, his face near cover in blood. The struggling of his lungs, stifled with cries and the sound of his nails scraping against concrete pierce through the fragments of dead air. The man’s partner standing over him. “MAMA” he yells immediately followed by two gun shots. The air quiets. The wind slowing to almost a stop.

  I turn and walk into the building. Roger and H already making their way to me.

  “What the fuck is going on out there?” H spits at me.

  “There where soldiers, I took one out and the others didn’t see me.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Positive, now we done here or what?” I ask

  “Ya kid, we’re done. Here comes the part where I trust you more than I should.” He pauses, I’m not sure if it’s for dramatic effect or if he’s just reconsidering this whole arrangement and is trying to decide on whether or not to waste us right here.

  “Here is what I’m gona do. Now me an Roger we did see some shit but ain’t too much of a bother. But it’s still enough to pass on down the line, even if it just saves a life or two. There is a blockade near the intersection of 76th and oh dam it I think it was United Boulevard. Not a big deal but could take out an unsuspecting driver. And they might end up trying to go down through this way since there ain’t much to worry about. Now you two, you take what I just told you and you engrave it so hard into the inside of your fucking skull that when you even try to remember where the first pussy you ever saw, you’ll just think it was at the intersection of 76th and United boulevard.”

  I nod back to him. He continues on to probably some very good threats and grave implications of what would happen to our asses if we were to betray this trust, but I’ve gone miles away. The look in Mike’s eyes before… the second before he died. Tears? Were they tears? Was it just from him thinking he was dying or because I was the one behind the gun? Or… or he knew, he fucking knew why. He knew he had fucked and fucked up.

  Have… have I gone too far? How bad could I be? I know right now I’m probably testing into the lower thirty percent of society right now, but really am I not able to justify this direction I have taken myself? Is it the wrong doing or the intent that is behind such wrong doing that matters? I’m, I’m a savior, I’ve saved her. Does that not count for anything? I’ve saved her from herself. From her decision to live a life of what can only be half the love she would get from me. Surly God must understand the need of death in order for there to truly be life? For someone who is all knowing he’s gotta understand that life cannot be based on quantity but the quality, right? He will understand. I will prove it, prove the extent of my intent. My intention to give to her everything and take only what I need.

  H has apparently somehow gotten himself worked up real good, his face turning read as he waves his finger at me and Roger.

  Roger nudges me out of my just recently committed murder coma.

  “You even fucking listening!?” H literally spits at me.

  I nod, “107 West Harrison street, which is the Rendezvous point.”

  “If one of us goes down, we do not, I repeat do not stop to help. Our one goal is to get our asses back to the VP and let them know.”

  “Listen, I just shot a guy and his friends are probably about to wonder where all those holes came from. It would probably be a good idea to drop you little drill sergeant spiel and start moving.” I retort.

  H obviously taken back by this and I think I’ve got one of his balls right now for pointing out something so obvious.

  “God dam it boy said you took care of it.”

  “You think I took out three guys what you all where bird watching up there?”

  “Watch that mouth,” he says motioning us to follow him. He takes back down the street towards the subway stopping right before the entrance.

  He turns around, “now it’s a direct shot east.” Pulling out a one of those maps they give tourist he points out our route, which is basically just east towards the lake.

  We take off but don’t make it two blocks when Mike’s partners find us.

  Piercing and searing the air bullets wisp by. I stand stunned. H grabbing me by the scruff of my shirt he tears me behind a dumpster. I slide against the rust and tetanus covered metal scraping my neck and shoulde
r. H holding his gun just beyond the edge of the dumpster blindly firing. Looking at Roger he stares blankly into my eyes. Just as stunned and amazed as I am.

  “The fuck you waiting for!” H screams at us.

  O that’s right, I have a gun too I suddenly realize. I pull my rifle from my back as Roger steadies the shaking gun in his hand.

  “Stay down!” He shouts to me, taking the rifle from my hands he stands unloading it. Looking to him I’m hit in the eye with a searing hot casing.

  “O God I think I’m blind!” I recoil as bullets take off and descend around me casings cascading down mixed with a sudden spray of blood and screams as Roger hits the ground holding his arm. I grab him pulling him fully behind the dumpster.

  “I’m hit!” He screams I look to H but he’s not taken any notice. Turning back to Roger just in time to see it. A rolling grenade tumbling directly at my feet. I freeze with a look on my face I would rather not die with. I stare at the grenade the short few seconds of my life float by as every fuse in my brain shorts. I stare at a dirty grenade followed by an even dirtier blood covered hand as Roger grabs it, shoving it under him. He lays on it waiting for his guaranteed ride to heaven. I turn my head not wanting to witness the man I’ve grown to know over the last few days spill out. H Pulling his gun back to reload finally taking notice of what has just happened.

  “What the hell you doing!” H yells.

  “He’s gona blow!” I yell to him.

  Roger looks up to me. “Shouldn’t it have gone off by now?”

  I realize it’s probably been a good ten seconds since it landed. I shrug as Roger cautiously pulls it from under his stomach. An almost clown like grin covers his face. Pointing to it. “The pin’s still in it!” He cries in an almost crazed spit riddle cheer to me. I look and sure enough the pin is still there.

  “Those fucking green horns,” H spits and without skipping a beat, he rips it from Rogers’s hand banging the pin out against the dumpster he flings it over the other side. The thunderous explosion cutting a few seconds out of the near constant gunfire. H stands firing, he kicks me in the side, an obvious invite to the party. As I stand I hear H’s gun jam, He drops behind cursing and fiddling with it. I look over the top. A single man left, his leg blown off obviously struggling to hold his hand to shoot. Dropping the gun raising his hands into the air realizing just how fucked he really is. Staring directly into his eyes I unload my pistol into him.