Without Boundaries (the Without series)

by CJ Azevedo

  As soon as the door closes I feel like I can breathe again. I relax a bit and start to say something to Talon, but he beats me to it.

  “Do you two do that often?” Talon asks as if he just saw the most amazing contraption.

  “What’s that?” I’m clueless.

  “The silent conversation thing. You must’ve had a Q&A thing going on with your eyes the way you were looking at one another, besides the fact she didn’t ask out loud what I was doing in your office with my face mere inches away from your lips.” He is right back where he was when Drea came bursting through my door. His hand has found its way to the side of my face and his thumb is grazing my bottom lip. I. Can’t. Breathe.

  “Bailey?” He hasn’t looked away from my eyes, the only thing that has changed is that his left hand is now holding me at the waist.

  “Hmmm?” Yeah, there’s no way I can make a sentence make any sense right now. He chuckles, or does he groan? I’m not sure. I’m not sure of anything right now except for the fact that his lips are so enticing.

  “Can I take you to lunch today?” Is that what he asked me? I don’t remember hearing anything about lunch, something about a silent conversation but nothing about lunch I’m pretty sure. “Bailey? Are you ok sweetheart?” Oh no.

  “Sorry. Um, I really want to go to lunch with you, but I think you may be missing a piece of important information about me.”

  He doesn’t remove his hands from me but he does lean back a bit in order to see me clearer. “What’s wrong? Are you a lesbian? You don’t seem like you would be into that sort of thing, then again, I didn’t think you would have George Straight on your iPod either.” This broke any tension that might have been in the room. I laugh so hard I might spit; I hope I don’t but it’s very possible. If I were a snorter that would happen too, but I’m not. Thank God.

  “That’s what you think is an important piece of information?” I manage to get out while trying to control my laughter. Oh God, everything about this guy makes me crazy happy.

  “Hell yeah, that’s really important!” He’s smiling.

  “No, I can assure you, I am not a lesbian.” I take a deep breath and let the words flow from my mouth, even though I desperately don’t want to. “I do, however, have a boyfriend.” Silence. The happy smile on his beautiful face is gone, and it’s my fault. Well, that ruined the light atmosphere. Now you could cut the tension or discomfort or whatever this is choking me, with a butter knife. I feel like my heart just stopped beating. I just met this guy, why does the hurt look in his eyes make me want to cry?

  After a minute, he clears his throat while walking closer to the door. I immediately miss his closeness.

  “I did not know that,” he states matter-of-factly with a small sad smile. “You would think that would have been something Kali would tell me. Apparently not. I apologize if I crossed a line Bailey. My offer for lunch still stands anytime, as friends of course, if you’re interested.” He’s bending over my desk writing something on a post-it. “Here’s my email and phone number, you can reach me on either one anytime. Have a good morning Bailey.” He turns and walks out the door without looking back and without saying another word. I definitely noticed the fact that he called me by my full name. I don’t like that, at all. I don’t have time to catch my breath and snap out of the hurt I am feeling before Drea comes in.

  “Bailey Jean Hayes! What was Talon McAllister doing in your office with his hands all over you? I have been freaking out over here!” she shrieks with her eyes about to bug out of her face. Her hands are flailing around and I pray that the whole office did not just hear her outburst.

  “His hands were not all over me Drea. You’re exaggerating a little, don’t ya think?” I say calmly, because quite frankly, I feel like all of my energy has been zapped out of me.

  “Um no. I don’t think. How do you know him? And why was he here? What am I missing Bay?” She’s badgering me with twenty questions because she hates Hollister. She hates herself even more for being the one who introduced me to him. So to see me with another man who happened to be holding me and cradling my face I have no doubt she was freaking out with hope.

  “I’m friends with his sister and met him Saturday night. I’m still not sure why he was here this morning and no, you are not missing anything.”

  “Then why do you look so sad?” She’s calmed down and she looks very concerned. This is why I love her. She knows me inside out and doesn’t judge.

  “He asked if he could take me to lunch today and I told him I have a boyfriend. He left.” It is ridiculous that I feel so upset by this. I have a boyfriend and I love him. Right?

  “You like him,” she states soundly.

  “I can’t,” I whisper as I beg the tears in my eyes to stay at bay.

  “But you do.”

  “He makes me laugh, a lot. He makes my heart skip and my stomach flip. He invades my thoughts, even when I’m sleeping. His touch sets my skin on fire and he makes me forget all of the negative.”

  “Wow,” Drea responds in a breathless whisper.

  “I know.” We sit there for a minute in silence. “Hey, do we have silent conversations a lot?”

  “All the time. Are you not aware of that?” She laughs at me like I’m ridiculous.

  “No. I mean, I know we do it but I guess I just haven’t really paid attention to how often we do that.”

  “Why do you ask?”

  “Talon noticed your silent questions when you came in earlier and asked if we do that a lot because we seemed to be really good at it I guess.” I’m lying back on my sofa now trying to calm the headache that has sprung up on me suddenly.

  “Dang, he’s perceptive.” She smiles and pats me on the leg. “C’mon, let’s go shopping then grab some lunch.”

  “It’s 9:30 a.m. Drea. I can’t just leave work, I have a million things to do today.”

  “You don’t have any meetings, I checked.” She gives me her mischievous smile. “Besides I really need some new thigh high boots, and I found the last two contracts so you can close out the quarter tomorrow. Please?” And there are the puppy dog eyes and drooping bottom lip. I give my biggest, most dramatic sigh.

  “Fine! I’m in.” I let her have her way because I highly doubt I will get very much accomplished the rest of the day anyway.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  BAILEY

  My alarm sounds at five-forty-five but I’m already awake, lying here waiting for the sun to peek through my curtains. I haven’t slept a wink all night. After my shopping trip with Drea that ended up lasting all day, we went to dinner and then a late movie. I really miss doing those things with her; we used to do that kind of thing all the time. Then I met Hollister. Those days are few and far between now.

  Sluggish and sleep deprived, I walk into my closet and grab my socks and running shoes, a tank, my favorite NYU hoodie, and jogging pants. I throw it all on, brush my teeth, and pile my hair in a messy bun without even brushing it. I just don’t have the energy to look cute this morning. I need to run. Running has always helped me clear my head and sort things out. It helps me cry when necessary, helps to appease an angry flair, and always forces me to think straight. There’s just something about the cold air flowing into my lungs, and the concentration it takes to breathe correctly; it always does the trick. Running is the best friend that doesn’t give unsolicited advice. The friend that doesn’t talk when they should be listening to me wallow in self-pity. Running is the best friend that is always available and never fails me. Right now, I need all of those things desperately.

  I head out of my building by six a.m. and out into the cold weather I was looking forward to. My feet start tapping the cement. Without too many people around I have the ability to sprint right away, which is my favorite style. I sprint to the park, take a quick breather and then settle into a steady jog all the way around the sweetest park. It has the oldest trees, and large areas of just grass and picnic tables. There is a playground area but it’s quiet and still at
this hour. So I take in the birds that are coming to life, the few leaves that drop down around me, and the smells of the bakeries that are getting their morning goods fresh out of the oven.

  Talon keeps invading my thoughts so I finally push him out and focus on Hollister. I recall the night I met him trying to stir up those feelings I had for him. I had gone to a book release party for a client of Drea’s. I didn’t know anyone there, but I had been in the longest drought of not-dating in the history of man, so Drea talked me into going with her to mingle. It didn’t take much for me to agree. I love people and parties and books for that matter, it seemed like the perfect evening to me.

  I had just turned from the bar that was setup in the client’s beautiful backyard. We were out on the pool deck and they had the whole yard lit up in white twinkling lights and some floating candles in the pool; it was fabulous. When I looked up from the candles in the pool I saw a tall blonde man on the other side watching me. I couldn’t make out his face clearly from the distance and lighting but I could tell he was in great shape and dressed to kill. I smiled because I couldn’t tell if he was pleased to be seeing me or if it was even me he was looking at. So I gave him a sheepish smile and headed back towards the house to find a few new acquaintances I had met earlier in the night. I caught movement to the left of me and looked in that direction to see him coming towards me with a sexy smile on his face. And that was the start of my unhappy future.

  Just the idea that I thought ‘unhappy future’ when forcing myself to think of Hollister makes my gut turn. Running is a truth serum for my own personal thoughts, I don’t need to hold anything back. I hate that I just admitted to myself that he is not the one I want to be thinking about, that he is not the one I want in my future. Problem is I have no idea how to move forward with that epiphany. So I try to shake all thoughts from my head and run clear minded the rest of the way to my favorite café.

  I order a black coffee and sit in my favorite overstuffed chair. My phone rings and I see that it’s Hollister calling.

  “Good morning, how are you?”

  “Hey, I’m good. You out on your run?”

  “No, I’ve already finished and just got to the café, waiting on my coffee.”

  “Alright, well it looks like I’m needed here for longer than just a couple more days, so I’m going to stay at least through the weekend to help him get out of this mess his secretary left when she took off. Everything ok at the house?”

  “Um yes, it’s fine. Of course.” He has now extended his stay twice without even thinking of asking if I minded. Of course I don’t but he should have at least asked if this affected me in any way at all. I’m sure that didn’t even cross his mind. I’m kind of pissed.

  “This is family Bailey. You’re not mad, right?” he says in a stern voice as if he’s talking to an unruly child.

  “Nope, but I was thinking of taking a trip this weekend so maybe I’ll just leave a few days earlier since you won’t be here.” Even though I’m upset I keep my voice cool as a cucumber as though it doesn’t matter at all.

  “Ok, where are you going?” He’s irritated but trying not to be.

  “I don’t know yet. I hadn’t made official plans. I was going to talk to you first, that’s the sort of thing you do when you live with someone.” That’s not going slide. I hear a deep breath pulled through flared nostrils after my little outburst.

  “Bailey, dammit, the world doesn’t revolve around you! Family will always come first; you should know this by now. And I will stay here as long as my parents need me whether you are ok with that or not. You need to grow up Bailey and stop being such a selfish woman.” I can feel the steam from his ears coming through the phone.

  “Of course, I hope you can get it all sorted out for them Hollister. I’ll just see you when you get home.” I’m ready to hang up when I hear him start to talk again. Hoping for an apology I hold off from pressing that red bar screaming at me to hang up.

  “Wait. When are you leaving and where are you going?” An apology? Never in a million years, he just needs to keep tabs on me.

  “I’m not sure; I was just hoping to get out of the city for a day or two.”

  “I would prefer if you would stay home until I got back. I’ll go with you then, I don’t like the idea of you staying overnight somewhere without me unless it’s in our home.” I feel like a loose cannon. I need to end this conversation immediately.

  “Well, I don’t know when you will be coming back and you have made it clear that it is not my business to know. So please don’t be offended when I say that I highly doubt I will be waiting for your return before I take a much needed vacation.” I speak through my teeth with my jaw clenched. I take a deep breath and silently wait for his all too familiar anger to rush through my ear buds.

  “We’ll discuss this later. I need to go.” He hangs up, just like that.

  ****

  After that cheerful conversation with my boyfriend whom I should be missing by now but am not, I go home and get ready for work early. While getting ready I decide I will email Kali and see if I can tag along to the Hamptons with her. She had mentioned last weekend that she and a few other people were going to her family home over there for a few days. It’s exactly what I need. She has no ties to Hollister, I love the Hamptons, and it gets me the heck out of here. I think briefly that I should fly back home and see my dad but dismiss that idea quickly. He would know there was something wrong the second he laid eyes on me and I don’t lie, especially to him. He has always expressed his concern for Hollister, he has only met him once, but when I moved in with him so quickly I thought my dad was going to cut me out of his life permanently. For one, he is old fashioned in the sense that one should be married before moving in. For two, Hollister did not impress him the one time he did meet him. He said he was too cocky for his own good, he was a mama’s boy, and that’s never a good trait in a man. Then the final straw is that he had always come up with an excuse to not go back to California to my dad’s place each time I went. My dad cannot find one single nice thing to say about him. My grandma drilled into his head growing up that, ‘If you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all,’ so he has chosen to leave anything Hollister out of our conversations. Which is fine by me since the longer I’m with him the harder it is to defend him.

  I email Kali as soon as I get to the office before I can change my mind.

  Hey Kali,

  Any chance I can tag along to the Hamptons with you this weekend? I need to get out of my condo and the city as soon as possible; it’s been a hectic few days and its only freakin’ Tuesday morning. Lemme know when you can. Thanks!

  Yours truly,

  One stressed out Bailey

  I get up to file some papers from yesterday and my computer dings immediately.

  Yaaay!! I was really hoping you would want to come! Talon doesn’t have a game this weekend so he’s going up tomorrow morning and Hunter and I are leaving early Thursday morning. Alan is driving up after work on Friday so if you can’t take off work you can just jump in with him. I hope everything’s okay with you Bailey!

  -Kali

  Thursday works perfectly! Thanks so much Kali, I’ll see you then, just send me a text when you think you’ll be by to pick me up so I can be ready.

  The rest of the day drags on slowly and I don’t hear from Hollister, which doesn’t surprise me at all. Before I head home for the night I call and order Italian for delivery to the condo. I’m not even close to being in the mood to cook and then clean up after myself.

  When I unlock the front door, I notice the living room lamp is on and I know I did not leave that on this morning. My heart rate starts to pick up and I look around for something, or maybe someone, I don’t know. I take another step inside and set down my things on the entryway console and keep my eyes peeled for anything out of place. I see nothing, then I hear footsteps coming from the hall and I freeze. Wide eyed and shaking, half expecting a crazed burglar to come lunging at me, instead
I find Hollister. I begin to relax and let out the breath I was holding for fear of being heard, and then he speaks.

  “Where have you been Bailey? It’s nearly eight o’clock.” His voice is low and menacing. He has that dark look to his eyes and I can tell he is attempting to keep control over his voice.

  “I worked late tonight, what are you doing here? I thought you were staying another week.” My voice comes out way shakier than I would have liked.

  “That was the plan, until my girlfriend decided she can do whatever the hell she wants whenever she wants while living in my house!” His voice is rising and his anger is getting the best of him. This is something he has fought to control his whole life apparently. But right now it is seeping out of his pores, I can see him flexing and fisting his right hand down by his thigh. He has been stewing over our early morning conversation all day long and now looks like he is going to explode. This is not a side of him I see often so I’m caught off guard and can’t decide how to respond. Typically, I would have gone off with an attitude about him referring to this as his house or bring up the fact that he always does whatever whenever the hell he wants; but now seems more like a time to cower.

  “Hollister, I was just upset this morning that you weren’t coming home. I wasn’t going anywhere without you, you should know that.” Although I can’t hide the shakiness in my voice and the quiver to my lip, I make my best attempt at sounding sweet and peaceful.

  “SHOULD I? SHOULD I KNOW THAT BAILEY? BECAUSE IT SURE AS HELL DOESN’T FEEL LIKE I KNOW THAT. NO! IT FEELS LIKE YOU ARE SELFISH AND HIGH MAINTENANCE AND I AM SO TIRED OF HAVING TO DEAL WITH YOU ALONG WITH ALL THE OTHER SHIT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH IN MY LIFE!!” He now has me gripped by my upper arms and shoved against the wall. My heart is pounding out of my chest, tears are beginning to spill out of my eyes from the pain in my arms and the fear he has instilled in me.