by Paige Toon
‘Is your mum here?’ I ask Jack, looking around.
‘Somewhere,’ he replies.
‘I should say hi. Shouldn’t I?’
He shrugs, not seeming to care either way. ‘Mom?’ he calls out.
Her voice comes back from a room off the living room. I follow him nervously.
‘Jessie wanted to say hello,’ he says, as I look past him to see his mum, Lucille, sitting at a large desk, surrounded by paperwork.
‘Well, hello there!’ she gushes warmly, getting to her feet. She’s slim and attractive with a wide smile and long dark hair that comes all the way to her waist. ‘How are you, Jessie? It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.’
I’ve barely spoken to her at all, truth be told. I get the feeling she’s very laid-back about what Jack and Agnes get up to. I’m not even sure she knows I’m going out with her son.
‘Does your mum know about you and me?’ I whisper a few minutes later, after we’ve exhausted the small talk with Lucille and I feel free to wander upstairs.
‘Yeah. Agnes told her.’ He comes to a stop outside my friend’s room. ‘Come and say bye to me before you go.’
I nod and knock on the door.
‘Come in,’ Agnes calls.
I walk in to find her lying on her double bed, atop her hot-pink bedspread. Fairy lights are twirled round the white iron bedhead behind her, but they’re turned off and the only light in the room is coming from two burning, vanilla-scented candles.
She likes a lot of the same actors and bands that I do and I pause to admire the posters of Harry Styles, Justin Bieber, Liam Hemsworth and Joseph Strike looking all sexy and ripped. I express my appreciation as I shrug off my jacket.
‘Didn’t Meg go out with Joseph Strike once?’ she asks, furrowing her brow as she sits up.
I shoot her a startled look. ‘Are you serious?’
‘I’m sure I heard that somewhere,’ Agnes says. ‘Maybe she can get us tickets to his next premiere.’
‘Oh my God, can you imagine?’ I say with wide-eyed excitement as I perch on the end of her bed. ‘I bet she keeps it quiet because Johnny gets so jealous.’
Agnes screws up her nose. ‘He doesn’t, does he?’
‘Yeah.’ I smirk. ‘He’s so into her.’
Shame he didn’t love my mother like that… I push the thought away. Some things aren’t meant to be and, if Johnny hadn’t met Meg, Barney and Phoenix wouldn’t exist.
‘Did you know Sienna was Dana’s Reed’s little sister?’ I ask Agnes with a frown, now that we’re onto the subject of my dad’s love life.
Her eyes widen. ‘God. Yes, I did, but I had completely forgotten. She never talks about her.’
‘I hung out with her a bit on Saturday night and she didn’t mention it.’ I don’t reveal that I’ve sort of been avoiding her this week. I’ve said hi, of course, but I do feel strange about the whole thing. ‘I just thought that maybe that would have been something she’d think to bring up,’ I add.
‘Maybe she’s embarrassed,’ Agnes says with a shrug.
‘Anyway, let’s change the subject.’
Agnes’s cheeks flame as it becomes clear what that subject is.
‘So you guys had sex?’ I whisper.
She nods, squirming.
‘When?’
‘Last night,’ she replies.
‘Oh my God.’ I have so many questions. What was it like? Did it hurt? Where were they when it happened? How does she feel now? I barely even know how to start.
‘I thought you’d decided not to,’ is what I come out with.
She chews a snag off her thumbnail. ‘We sort of had,’ she says in a small voice. ‘What you said in San Fran, about me giving my virginity away to someone who’s not going to be around afterwards… That got to me. And it bothered him, too. But things have been getting so heated. I’ve seen him practically every day for the last few weeks and we almost went the whole way in his car that day we drove to Malibu. He stopped it, and again on Saturday night. Then, last night, Mum and Tim were out and Jack was, too, and we had the whole house to ourselves.’
Where was Jack? I try to shake the question out of my head and focus on my friend.
‘So he came over?’ I prompt.
She nods. ‘Things were getting pretty heavy and I told him I didn’t want him to stop. So he didn’t.’
‘God. Are you alright?’ I ask.
She nods slightly, but then her eyes fill with tears.
‘Oh, Agnes,’ I say with dismay, gathering her in my arms. ‘Was it OK? Did it hurt?’ I ask tentatively – and curiously, if I’m being honest.
‘Yes, but it was bearable. And lovely. What’s killing me is that he’s leaving tomorrow.’
‘Maybe he’ll come back? I mean, you’ll stay in touch, right?’
She nods. ‘Of course we will. But he’s starting a new job soon and, I don’t know, Australia is just so far away.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I say, rubbing her back. This is what I was afraid of. Brett won’t be around to pick up the pieces.
‘I don’t regret it,’ she whispers. ‘I love him. It was so special. I wanted it to be him.’
I squeeze her tighter, wishing I could protect her from the pain I’m certain is to come.
Before I go home, I ask her if Jack knows. I’m relieved when she says that Brett confided in him earlier. From the age of twelve, Brett lived with his mum in what is now the Mitchells’ games room. His mum was a housekeeper here and Brett and Jack were the same age. Although Brett didn’t go to the same exclusive school as the Mitchells, he never felt threatened or uncomfortable around them. He and Jack were like brothers, Agnes told me.
Jack’s bedroom door is closed when I go to say goodbye and I can hear the familiar riff of The White Stripes’ ‘Seven Nation Army’ playing inside. Retro. I knock and the music stops. When I go in, I’m surprised to see him holding his electric guitar in his hands.
‘Was that you?’ I ask, impressed.
‘Yeah.’ He plays the riff again.
Jesus, I fancy him.
He goes to put his guitar down.
‘Wait, can you teach me how to do that?’ I ask impulsively.
‘Lead vocals, keyboard and guitar? Are you planning on going solo?’
‘Don’t say that. I hate the thought of not being in All Hype.’
‘I’m teasing.’ He picks up his instrument again and edges backwards, leaving a space on the bed between his legs for me. My breathing accelerates as I sit where he wants me, my back snug against his chest as he brings the guitar across my front. I’m in his bedroom, and we’re alone.
OK, so Agnes is next door and his mum is downstairs and Sam is going to be coming for me any minute, but I still feel on edge when I’m this close to him.
His cheek is against mine as he shows me how to play the riff, talking me through the different frets on the neck of his guitar and then letting me have a turn.
‘How long have you played your guitar?’ I ask, pausing a moment.
‘Ever since I can remember,’ he replies.
‘How did you learn?’
‘My dad taught me. It was the one good thing he did.’
‘Are you close to him, though?’ I ask, eyeing Jack over my shoulder.
He shrugs. ‘We’re pretty cool. He’s probably closer to Drew than Agnes and me. We wanted to stay with Mom when he left. Here,’ he says, moving my left hand with his to the tenth fret. I take the hint that he’s done enough talking about his dad.
‘Your fingers are so rough,’ I murmur, as he shows me how to play the riff once more.
‘Only on my left hand,’ he says. ‘It’s from years of holding down the strings. But my right hand is smooth.’ He runs the tips of his right hand along the side of my face, his thumb coming to rest on my bottom lip, leaving a ribbon of skin sparking with electricity. Every nerve ending in my body is on edge as I melt into him, turning to offer my mouth to his. Our kiss is warm and wet and makes me feel so very tingly.
He takes the guitar out of my hands and props it up against the bed, pulling me to lie on top of him. A moan escapes my lips as he pulls me against him. He’s breathing heavily as he gently eases me upwards so I’m sitting astride him, looking down at his face.
‘What are you doing to me?’ he murmurs.
My heart seems to be making an attempt to crash out through the bars of my ribcage. We stare at each other for a long few seconds and then jolt simultaneously as the downstairs buzzer sounds. That’ll be Sam.
As I climb down from the bed, I notice him adjusting his crotch. His cheeks brighten as he meets my eyes.
‘You might have to see yourself out,’ he apologises, casting a quick look south. ‘I don’t want your dad to have me castrated.’
I giggle. I did that to him. The realisation makes me feel kind of powerful.
But, as I walk down the stairs alone, I muse that surely it’s only a matter of time before he wants – maybe even needs – more from me. And what’s going to happen if I’m not ready to give it to him? Will he get it from someone else?
As Sam drives out through the gates, I also realise that I forgot to ask Jack where he was last night.
Chapter 10
It’s a ridiculous twenty degrees and sunny the next afternoon when Davey drives me to Soho House in West Hollywood to do the Muso interview. I’m meeting my bandmates there and I’m a bit gutted to receive a text from Jack telling me that the journalist has already arrived. I would have liked a moment to get my nerves under control.
As it is, the view distracts me from my jitters as I head along the walkway to the roof garden, listening to the sound of car horns honking below, helicopters whirring up above and my heels click-clacking across the stone tiles. Soho House is on Sunset Boulevard on the top two floors of a fourteen-storey building and the view stretches across LA with downtown in the distance. I round the corner to see olive trees in large plant pots and lanterns in spherical wicker lampshades hanging from the underside of their branches.
I manage to avoid the temptation of scanning the crowd, looking for famous faces – I should try to be cooler than that – but I do have a quick search for my friends, locating them on a couple of sofas near the window.
‘Hi!’ I exclaim, attempting to sound confident as the journalist gets to his feet to shake my hand. ‘Owen, right?’
He seems pleased that I remember his name. I recognise him from our San Fran gig. He’s in his mid-twenties and he’s wearing a crumpled black jacket over blue jeans. His brown hair looks recently slept-in.
‘And I remember you, of course,’ he replies with a friendly smile. ‘You look just like your father.’ He motions to a wicker garden chair situated between the two sofas. ‘What can I get you to drink?’ he asks, as I sit down.
‘I’m happy with water.’ I nod at the bottle of sparkling that rests on the table, flashing my bandmates a quick smile.
‘You mind if I turn this on?’ Owen asks, indicating the recording device on the table.
‘Go for it,’ Jack responds.
My eyes linger on him for a moment. He looks so cool, calm and collected, lazing back on the sofa. Brandon seems pretty relaxed beside him, but Miles is sitting forward with his elbows resting on his knees and his foot tapping an unheard beat. The tips of his black hair are dyed orange, and they look even more vibrant than usual. I’m guessing he’s just had them redone.
‘So let’s get a few specifics out of the way first,’ Owen says. ‘When did you guys form?’
Brandon takes the lead, talking about how they got together when they were still at school. Someone is discussing a new TV show at the table next to us, saying that the pilot has been picked up. I try to concentrate on our interview and not eavesdrop on the conversations going on around me.
‘Your original singer quit, right?’
My ears prick up.
‘That’s right,’ Brandon replies, casting a long, accusatory look at Jack.
‘What’s that all about?’ Owen asks with a grin, sitting up straighter.
‘It’s not important,’ Jack says, glaring at his so-called friend. ‘Things didn’t work out with Eve, but we’re in a better place now,’ he says steadily.
‘Why didn’t things work out?’ Owen asks, not about to let it drop. The seconds tick by. ‘You got involved?’ he asks Jack, as realisation dawns on him.
Jack shrugs, but doesn’t deny it. I very much want to kick Brandon.
‘And it went sour,’ Owen sums it up. ‘So where is she now?’
‘In another band,’ Jack replies.
I stare at him in surprise. Is she? How does he know that? Has he seen her? Are they still in touch?
‘What’s it called?’ Owen asks.
‘I can’t remember,’ Jack replies, scratching his chin. Owen looks dubious, and I am, too, but I imagine he’ll find it out if he wants to.
‘So, Jessie…’
I start as he fixes his attention on me.
‘How did you come to be in All Hype?’
The interview gets easier after that, but I’m still mortified when Miles and Brandon rib Jack about the way he flirts with me.
‘Luckily she’s got a boyfriend,’ Miles states jokily, ‘otherwise we would’ve had to stick to our plan of getting a guy.’
I try to cover up my shock at the fact that my break-up with Tom has gone unnoticed.
‘That’s not true, dude,’ Brandon interrupts. ‘As soon as we heard her sing, it was a done deal.’
Miles nods, conceding, and my insides expand with warmth.
‘So it had nothing to do with who her dad is?’
‘Definitely not,’ Jack says. The strength in his voice startles me – in a good way.
‘It helps, though, right? I mean, you guys are gonna get more attention this way.’
‘That’s not always a good thing,’ Jack points out calmly.
‘Yeah, I mean, we want it to be about our music,’ Miles chips in.
‘Sure, your music’s great,’ Owen says, nodding. ‘But it doesn’t hurt that one of your songs has gone viral because Johnny Jefferson sang it at his daughter’s birthday party. His daughter that he didn’t even know existed until a year ago. That’s a great story, man.’ Owen looks at me. ‘You’ve been on some journey.’
‘You could say that,’ I reply.
‘And I hear you’re gonna be singing on his new album?’
‘How did you know that?’ I ask with a frown.
‘So it’s true, then?’ He raises one eyebrow.
‘I don’t think it’s a secret…’ I hope not, otherwise I’m in big trouble.
‘Have you guys heard the track?’ Owen asks my bandmates.
‘I haven’t even heard it myself yet,’ I chip in before they can reply.
‘Are you all doing solo stuff?’ He looks around the table.
‘I wouldn’t say I’m doing solo stuff,’ I quickly say, feeling tense at the expressions on my bandmates’ faces. ‘I’m just helping out my dad.’
‘Right…’ he says, moving on.
Luckily there aren’t too many difficult questions after that and the interview flies by. I wish I could travel home with Jack – I really want to ask him if he’s still in contact with Eve – but Davey is waiting and I’m still trying to make amends for messing him around after Jenna and Justin’s party.
‘See you tomorrow,’ I say, touching my fingertips to Jack’s when Brandon and Miles aren’t looking.
‘Four o’clock,’ he replies, glancing at his friends. ‘Guys, can we do four o’clock tomorrow? I’m having a late lunch with my dad and Drew.’
‘Sure,’ they reply.
‘See you then,’ I say meaningfully, turning to walk towards Davey, who’s holding the door open for me. I climb in and he shuts the door, but I still feel on edge, even though the interview is over.
‘I’m so glad I don’t have to rush out of the house today for school,’ I say the next morning, revelling in being able to come downstairs in my PJs for br
eakfast and find my family sitting round the table and dressed accordingly.
‘Me too,’ Meg says. ‘Well, I mean I’m glad I don’t have to rush to get Barney ready.’
Bee started back at nursery this week and he’s been in a foul mood every evening because he’s been so tired. Now he’s chattering away quite happily and Phoenix is also trying to get a babbled word in edgeways between mouthfuls of Rice Krispies.
Johnny looks like he has a bit of a headache. He’s resting his head against his palm and he smiles groggily up at me as Meg places two pills and a glass of water in front of him.
‘Take these,’ she says wryly.
Phoenix is around a year and a half old now and his vocabulary is coming along in leaps and bounds. I pull up a chair next to him and ask him what a cow says.
‘Moo,’ he replies obligingly.
I reach into his highchair and tickle his ribs. He lets out a squeal and spits Rice Krispies all over the place.
‘Whoops!’ I say with a laugh, grabbing a napkin.
‘Dezzie,’ he says in a silly voice, giggling.
‘Jessie,’ I correct him, my face close to his. ‘Je, je, je.’
‘De, de, de,’ he tries to mimic me.
‘Jessie, will you play with me today?’ Barney asks, seeking my attention.
‘Of course I will, buddy. What do you reckon – Lego?’
‘YEAH!’
‘Haven’t you got band practice?’ Meg asks me, smiling.
‘Not until four.’
‘Maybe we could all go somewhere this morning?’ she suggests hopefully.
‘No, I want to play here!’ Barney complains.
‘I’ve got to be in the studio, anyway,’ Johnny tells Meg reluctantly.
The corners of her lips turn down. ‘On a weekend?’
‘Afraid so.’
He’s putting the last touches to his album, but his schedule is not going to let up. He has to start rehearsing for his tour on Monday so the next couple of months are going to be really full-on, apparently.