by Paige Toon
‘Well, I’m not doing that,’ I tell him, feeling stung that he might think that I am.
‘I’m not saying you are.’ He’s quick to put me right. ‘At least I think I know you better than that.’
‘You do,’ I say in a small voice.
We both fall silent for a long moment.
‘So are you official yet?’
I know what he’s talking about and I’m instantly uncomfortable. ‘Yes. He calls me his girlfriend, just not when our bandmates are around,’ I clarify.
‘Why?’ His tone is disparaging.
‘I’ve told you why,’ I reply. ‘It would complicate things. Can we not talk about Jack? How’s your love life?’
The question spills off the tip of my tongue, but, as soon as I ask it, I dread his answer.
‘What love life?’ he responds.
I let out the breath I’d been holding, knowing I have no right to feel tense.
I try to sound light-hearted as I say, ‘Are you telling me that the hottest boy in school doesn’t have dozens of girls chasing him around?’
My joke falls flat on its face when he doesn’t answer for a long time. Eventually he says, ‘Yeah, right,’ sarcastically.
We wind up our conversation soon after that.
I try Jack’s number once more and, when he doesn’t answer, I do my best to get on with some homework, but I’m preoccupied. My fingers are twitching, but I manage to resist calling him again. After a while I give up on what I’m doing and return to the living room, seeking a distraction in the form of my half-brothers. I find them sandwiching Gramps on the sofa, watching a Disney movie.
‘Come and join us,’ Gramps offers, patting the space beside Phee’s cuddly body.
As soon as I sit down, Phee gets up and clambers onto my lap. I wrap my arms round his chunky waist from behind and press my cheek against his. He giggles and I instantly feel a lot better.
When the movie is finished, Barney drags me over to the enormous box of Lego that he found in the children’s bedrooms here, while Meg takes Phoenix for his nap. I help Bee to build a couple of cars and we race them round the sections of the floor that aren’t covered in plush rugs.
‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ he asks me later when we’re lying on our stomachs with a mound of Lego between us, building stuff.
I stare into his solemn green eyes and fight the urge to giggle. ‘Well, I really like singing.’
‘I wanted to drive a train, but now I don’t know,’ he confides.
‘It’s a long time before you have to make any decisions like that,’ I tell him.
‘Mummy says that I can’t be a singer like Daddy.’
‘Does she?’ I ask, surprised.
‘So you should probably think about what else you can do, too,’ he finishes seriously.
‘I didn’t say that.’ Meg casts her eyes to the ceiling as she enters the room, closely followed by a smirking Johnny. They obviously overheard. ‘I just said that it’s good to have a couple of alternatives. Right, Jessie?’ She looks at me for help.
‘Definitely,’ I reply. ‘Always good to keep your options open.’
‘I think I would’ve been an architect if I hadn’t been a singer,’ Johnny muses, collapsing on the sofa.
‘You’ve always said you would have been a racing driver,’ Meg says, as she sits down beside him.
He grins at her sideways. ‘I mean a normal job.’
‘An architect? Really?’ I ask with interest.
‘Yeah, I love design and I love houses. I reckon I would’ve liked to combine the two as a job.’
‘What would you do if you couldn’t sing?’ Meg asks me.
I shrug and sit up, thinking. ‘I don’t know. I mean, now that you’ve said that, Johnny, I do quite like the idea of designing houses. But I really hope the singing works out,’ I add quickly.
‘I reckon it will,’ Gramps says encouragingly. ‘You’ve got a stunning voice, you really do.’
‘Aw, thanks, Gramps,’ I say warmly.
‘Why do you get called Gramps and I’m still Johnny?’ Johnny asks with annoyance, frowning at his dad.
‘Aah,’ Meg interjects sympathetically, giving her husband’s leg a tender squeeze.
Is he being serious? ‘Does it bother you?’ I ask with a furrowed brow. I know he’s teased me about it in the past, but is there more to it than that?
‘It does a bit,’ he admits, and he looks quite vulnerable as he crosses his arms in front of his chest. Barney is still knee-deep in Lego and Phoenix is asleep in his room, but everyone else is staring at me.
‘I guess it’s because I’ve only just met Gramps, but I’ve known you as Johnny Jefferson for my entire life. It’s harder to get used to calling you Dad.’
He nods, accepting my explanation, but I still feel bad.
‘What are you making?’ he asks, nodding at the Lego construction.
‘A garage.’
He gets up and comes to lie on the floor beside me and we work in contented silence while Meg and Gramps chat between themselves.
‘What are you after?’ Johnny asks me, as I rummage through the pile in search of the largest-sized bricks. I tell him and he helps me look, throwing a few my way.
‘Thanks.’ Pause. ‘Dad,’ I add cheekily.
He purses his lips, but doesn’t comment, making me giggle. The central heating is turned up and he’s only wearing a short-sleeved T-shirt so his tattoos are visible. The B one catches my eye. He sees me studying it.
‘Guess I’ll have to get a J one soon,’ he says under his breath.
My stomach flips. ‘Would you?’ I ask with surprise.
‘’Course I would,’ he replies, making my heart swell.
‘Can I get a tattoo?’ I ask eagerly.
He throws his head back and laughs. ‘I don’t think so, no,’ he replies, as I scowl at him.
‘Is that your phone ringing, Jessie?’ Meg asks suddenly.
My ears prick up. Yes, it is. I race to my room to see a missed call from Jack. I ring him straight back.
‘Hey,’ he says in his sexy, deep voice. ‘You called earlier.’
‘I did. Agnes said you stayed out last night.’ I try not to sound as on edge as I feel.
‘Yeah, crashed at Drew’s. I did a gig with him last night.’
‘DJ-ing? I didn’t know you had anything lined up.’
‘I didn’t. He called me yesterday afternoon,’ he explains.
‘Was anyone else there that you knew?’
He pauses, then says warily, ‘Have you got a sixth sense?’ Before I can ask what he’s going on about, he continues. ‘I saw Eve.’
A wave of nausea crashes through me. ‘Did you speak to her?’
‘A little, unfortunately.’
‘Why unfortunately?’
He falls silent for a long moment, as though trying to decide whether to tell me. ‘She was being a bitch,’ he says eventually. ‘You don’t wanna know.’
‘Well, now I really do.’
He sighs heavily. ‘She was giving me crap about you.’
‘In what way?’ I ask, my stomach clenching.
‘She says we only chose you because of who your dad is.’
‘Oh,’ I say flatly. I thought he meant she was giving him grief about our relationship. It feels oddly worse that it’s about All Hype and Johnny. Somehow that makes it even more personal.
‘You wanted to know,’ he reminds me.
‘Does she know you and I are together?’ I ask.
‘Probably.’ He doesn’t divulge details. On second thoughts, he’s right. I don’t want to hear whatever catty comment she came out with.
‘Don’t let her get to you,’ he adds.
‘Do you think she wants you back?’ I find myself asking.
‘Probably,’ he replies. My eyes widen, then he continues. ‘I’m a catch,’ he teases.
‘You’re such a dick,’ I say with a laugh. He doesn’t deny it, but I know he’s smiling.
‘So what is her band called?’ I ask.
‘Gold Leaf,’ he replies.
‘You lied to the journalist, then.’
‘I knew it was Gold something, but I couldn’t remember what. Anyway, why should we give her any press?’
I hate that now it feels like even more of a competition.
‘What are you doing tonight?’ I ask, trying to change the subject.
‘Now that my girlfriend has cancelled my date?’ he replies drily, and I get a thrill at the sound of him calling me his girlfriend. ‘Aggie and I are gonna catch another movie.’
‘Are you really?’ I ask with a smile. ‘You’re such a good big brother.’ I was an only child growing up. It was lonely. ‘I wish I’d had a brother like you.’
‘You wish I was your brother?’ he asks, jokily startled.
‘No!’ I laugh. ‘There’s nothing sisterly about the way I think about you, Jack.’
‘I should hope not.’
A shiver goes down my spine at the underlying meaning in his voice.
‘Man, I really wish you weren’t so far away,’ he murmurs.
‘Next weekend,’ I say significantly, and my stomach twangs with nerves as I realise that that sounded like a promise. We seriously need to have a conversation about the sex thing.
It’s Johnny’s birthday tomorrow, and when I hang up I remember that I haven’t yet written in his card. It was hard enough knowing what to get him – Jack helped me in the end. He came across a rare B-side record at work and I could have kissed him when he suggested it. I did kiss him, actually. Johnny might already have it, but then what do you get the man who has everything? Hopefully the thought will count.
I go to fetch a pen and the card out of the back of my suitcase and open it up, staring at the blank space. What do I write? Sudden inspiration strikes for my opening line and, after that, it’s easy…
Dear Dad,
You’ll smile at that, I think. And do you know what? It came out surprisingly effortlessly, which is pretty nuts, considering I didn’t even know you a year ago.
I’m so glad I know you now. Thank you for welcoming me into your crazy life. I love being a part of the Jefferson family and I can’t wait to celebrate loads more birthdays with you.
Love Jessie xxx
That evening, Gramps goes off in search of a pub, accompanied by Lewis, and Meg jokes that he can only do the doting grandfather routine for so long before he cracks and needs a drink. I hang out with Johnny and Meg for a bit before finally calling it a night myself. I’m in my bedroom getting ready when I remember that I left my phone on the coffee table, so I set off back to the living room to retrieve it, halting in the darkened corridor when I hear Meg and Johnny talking.
‘I’m going to miss you so much,’ I hear Meg say. ‘I can’t get my head around the fact that you’re going on the road without me.’
‘I’m going to miss you, too,’ Johnny replies in a strained voice. ‘But you’ll be there for some of the dates.’
I take it they’re talking about his upcoming world tour. I poke my head round the corner to see them cuddling on the sofa in much the same position as I left them.
‘Yes, but not enough of them,’ she replies fretfully. ‘I want to be there for all of them. I want to support you. I hate the idea of you doing this on your own.’
‘I won’t be on my own. I’ll have my team around me,’ he says calmly, before falling silent. He presses a kiss to her forehead, looking apprehensive. ‘You’re going to have to trust me, Meg.’
Is he talking about women or drugs or both? It must be drink and drugs. I can’t believe he’d cheat on her – he dotes on her too much.
She withdraws and stares up into his face. ‘Can you one hundred per cent honestly say that you trust yourself?’
He doesn’t answer her and my heart races. Come on, Dad!
‘I’m taking Barney out of school,’ she declares suddenly, firmly, as though her mind has just been made up. ‘We’re coming with you.’
He sighs and tucks her hair behind her ears. ‘What about Jessie?’ he asks quietly.
She stares at him for a long moment and then her shoulders slump.
I can’t bear this. Without even thinking, I walk into the room. Meg looks shocked when she sees me.
‘I came back for my phone,’ I say, sitting on the sofa next to Johnny. ‘It’s OK,’ I try to reassure them. It’s pretty obvious I was eavesdropping. ‘I don’t want you to stay behind because I’m here.’ I stare at Meg. ‘I couldn’t bear that. I’m sixteen. I’m more than capable of looking after myself.’
Johnny shakes his head in disbelief. ‘If you think that we’re leaving you without a proper guardian, then you’re out of your mind. There is no way…’
Meg looks drained, but clearly agrees with him.
‘Yeah, but it’s not Meg’s job to look after me,’ I state.
I’m only just settling in here, only just becoming accepted. I don’t want to be the bane of her life, and, if she feels that she still needs to support Johnny while he’s on tour, then I don’t want to be responsible for stopping her from doing that.
‘Maybe Stu could come over?’ I suggest, and almost instantly dismiss the idea. He won’t be able to leave his job.
‘We’ll think of something,’ Johnny says, and then a commotion from the top of the stairs makes us all jolt.
‘What the—’ Johnny starts, but doesn’t finish his sentence.
‘Couldn’t help overhearing,’ Gramps says, stumbling slightly as he starts to walk down the stairs. ‘How about I come over and look after the little blighter?’ he says with a grin, opening his arms wide with a flourish as he reaches the bottom of the stairs.
I giggle. He’s slurring his words.
‘I don’t think so, Dad,’ Johnny says wryly. Meg looks completely unimpressed.
‘Why not?’ he asks spiritedly, swaying slightly. ‘We’d have a laugh, wouldn’t we, kiddo?’
‘You bet we would,’ I reply with a grin, nodding. I bloody love this idea.
‘I think we might talk about it some more when you’re sober,’ Johnny states, getting to his feet. ‘That OK, Jess?’ He squeezes my shoulder.
‘Sure,’ I say with a nod, standing up, too. ‘But we’ll have to think of something, because I don’t want to be a burden.’
‘You’re not a burden,’ Meg says quickly.
I flash her a small smile. Even if her heart is in the right place, we both know that’s not true.
Chapter 13
‘What’s your new school like?’ the interviewer from Hebe magazine asks conspiratorially.
His name is Russ and he reminds me of Ed Sheeran with his short ginger hair and a generous sprinkling of freckles. I liked him as soon as he introduced himself.
It’s Tuesday afternoon and we’re sitting in the Mondrian Hotel’s Skybar on a cushioned bench seat framed by large windows overlooking LA. This is one of Agnes’s favourite places to grab a coffee – the open-air bar is full of beautiful people lounging around a central swimming pool. We’ve already done the photos – up in Beverly Hills with the Hollywood sign in the background – and now we’re onto the words.
Johnny decided it was too much of an invasion of privacy to have them photograph and interview me at home, even though he sniggered at the sound of our clichéd Hollywood backdrop. That made me smile, too, but there’s no denying it was exciting being photographed in public with that famous sign in the background, even if it was a little cheesy.
‘It’s different,’ I say in answer to Russ’s question. ‘You don’t have to wear school uniform, for a start.’
‘I was thinking more along the lines of what it’s like to go to school with so many famous teenagers?’
I laugh. ‘There are a fair few of those.’
He wrinkles up his nose and leans in closer. ‘What are they like? Is Margarita Ramirez as much of a diva as they say?’
‘Not at all,’ I reply adamantly. ‘She’s been nothing but nice to
me. On my first day of school, she offered to show me to the office, which was really sweet of her because I was nervous.’
‘I bet you were.’
‘My dad gave me a lift on his motorbike and she said, “That’s one way to make an exit,” or something like that.’
I almost said Johnny, then, but remembered to refer to him as my dad.
‘You get lifts to school on the back of Johnny Jefferson’s motorbike? That is so cool!’ Russ effuses.
‘Only on my first day. He wanted to take me, but mostly I go in a car with their driver.’
‘Your life has changed so much—’
‘You’re telling me,’ I interrupt him.
‘Do you ever just want to pinch yourself?’
‘Every day. I had to pinch myself at the weekend when we went to Big Sur for my dad’s birthday. The house we were staying in overlooking the ocean was incredible.’ I describe it to him. ‘It’s hard to believe I’m just an ordinary girl from Maidenhead.’
‘Do you miss anything about your old life?’ he asks.
I shrug and swallow. ‘Of course,’ I reply around the sudden lump in my throat. ‘I miss my friends and seeing my stepdad every day. I miss the familiarity of my old school. And I miss my home and my bedroom. We didn’t have much, but it was mine and I have a lot of happy memories there.’
He nods, seriously, and I can tell that he’s thinking about asking me about Mum, but he doesn’t.
‘So what’s the best thing you’ve bought with your new-found wealth?’ he asks with a grin.
We’re sticking to the fun stuff and I can’t say it’s not a relief. This is Hebe we’re talking about, after all. We’re not on Oprah.
Because the interview is about me and the way my life has changed personally, I don’t get to talk about All Hype as much as I’d like to. Luckily, the Muso magazine interview hits the shelves on Thursday, so at band practice the guys are all over it.
It’s a good, strong piece – half a page, which is amazing for an unsigned band, even if they did miss out loads of stuff. It flags up our upcoming gig in San Francisco, thankfully, and it also makes a lot out of the fact that I’m Johnny Jefferson’s daughter. I’m worried about that sort of publicity at first, especially remembering what Eve said, but then Brandon reads aloud Owen’s verdict on our last gig, saying that I: ‘more than hold my own as a front girl’.