by Paige Toon
After a while, I go to use the bathroom inside the log cabin. When I come out, I catch Jack’s eye. He jerks his head, beckoning me over. He’s still talking to his friend Morgan, but Morgan excuses himself to get a drink.
‘Having fun?’ Jack asks.
‘Yeah,’ I reply, perplexed at the edge I detect in his tone. ‘You?’
He shrugs, glancing towards the fire pit. ‘You two were looking pretty cosy.’
‘Who, me and Peter?’ I ask, bemused. ‘We’re friends.’
‘Is that how he sees it?’
‘Of course it is.’ I stare at him. ‘We’ve already established how many female friends you have,’ I add accusingly. ‘Christ, are we even exclusive?’
He stares at me in disbelief that quickly morphs into anger. ‘You need to ask?’
‘Yeah, actually, I do.’ Heat spreads across my cheeks as I glare at him, demanding clarification. ‘Am I your girlfriend, Jack? Or just someone you like to kiss from time to time?’
He casts a quick look over the crowd and then tugs me round the side of the cabin, out of sight of everyone.
‘Are you serious?’ he demands to know. ‘Of course you’re my fucking girlfriend. I’d be shouting it from the rooftops if it weren’t for Brandon and Miles giving us crap.’
I gawp at him for a long moment and then have a sudden uncontrollable urge to laugh. He still looks thoroughly pissed off as I guffaw, but his anger evaporates and he smiles sweetly, stepping forward to take my face in his hands. My lips part as his mouth closes over mine and soon my knees are wobbling and I’m finding it hard to stay upright. I pull away, gasping. His chest is pressed up against mine and we’re both breathing hard, competing to inhale the same air.
‘Man, you can kiss,’ he murmurs.
That’s about all I can do, I think to myself uneasily. I really should mention that I haven’t gone the whole way with anyone before.
‘You’re not so bad at it yourself,’ is what I say instead, inhaling sharply as he runs his hands over the curves of my body.
‘I should go and check on Agnes.’ I have to force out the words because I really don’t want him to stop.
‘Next weekend,’ he murmurs, drawing away and staring down at me intently. ‘Let’s do something, just the two of us.’
I nod up at him and feel a flurry of nerves. ‘OK.’
Chapter 12
But my date with Jack has to be postponed because the next weekend is Johnny’s birthday and, on Friday afternoon, I find myself sitting next to Barney in the back of a helicopter. This could be Johnny’s last free weekend before he goes on tour, so he and Meg decided to take all of us to one of their favourite places to get away from it all: Big Sur.
Even Gramps is coming – Johnny’s father. I never banked on getting a grandfather when I found out who my real dad was, so I can’t wait to hang out with him properly.
This week has been mental. Between keyboard lessons, singing lessons, GCSE tutorials, homework, driving lessons – both behind the wheel and online – not to mention school and band practice, I haven’t had a minute to myself.
Then yesterday morning Johnny landed this trip on me. Jack was pretty gutted when I had to cancel our date – I was, too – but it’ll be good to have some quality family time, even if I do have a stack of homework to get through this weekend.
The closer we get to Big Sur, the more beautiful the scenery below becomes. One side of the helicopter looks out at the impressive Santa Lucia Mountains, and on the other is a rugged stretch of coast and the Pacific Ocean. I think I’m going to appreciate the view more from solid ground, though. This journey is making me feel a little queasy.
It’s not long before the pilot is landing in a big field, and I look out of the window to see the long grass being flattened by the wind coming from the whirring rotor blades. When the noise dies down, Johnny’s voice comes over the headphones in my ears, telling me that I can unclick my harness and Barney’s, too.
The field turns out to be part of the property, which stretches all the way from the high cliffs overlooking the vast blue ocean, to a gently sloping hill that ends in a redwood pine forest. The mountains form a backdrop to the forest and I stare up at them in awe. I’ve never seen anything like this, apart from in the movies. I take a deep breath of the crisp sea air and follow the rest of my family towards the house.
It looks like a log cabin, but its size is deceptive. From the field, you’d think it’s only one storey, but, when we go inside, I realise there are three built in tiers down the cliff with floor-to-ceiling glass offering the most breathtaking views of the ocean.
It’s at moments like these that I have to pinch myself.
‘Wow,’ Meg utters, and I glance at her to see that she seems to be as blown away as I am. Barney has already gone in search of his bedroom, completely unfazed, but Meg flashes me a wide-eyed look and I feel a surge of warmth towards her. Barney and Phoenix were born into this lifestyle, but she’s just an ordinary girl like me.
Johnny comes over and throws his arm round her shoulders, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead.
‘Did Annie do good?’ he asks, gazing down at her.
‘Did she ever,’ Meg replies, looking around.
‘Cuppa?’ Johnny says. ‘I’ll make them.’
‘Yes, please,’ she replies. ‘I need one after that helicopter ride. Come on, Jessie, let’s go and explore.’
I don’t need to be asked twice.
Later, the whole family convenes in the living room on the bottom level, which has unspoilt views of the ocean. Big, comfy, fawn-coloured suede sofas packed with cushions surround a large glass coffee table and there are shaggy rugs underfoot. I sigh happily as I watch Johnny help Barney finish a jigsaw puzzle.
‘This is the life, eh, kiddo?’ Gramps says, nudging me conspiratorially.
‘It’s incredible!’ I exclaim, before my thoughts drift guiltily towards Mum…
The main reason Mum didn’t want to tell me about Johnny was because she was scared she might lose me. We didn’t have much in Maidenhead – a shabby 1970s townhouse and a crappy car. I had a Saturday job so I could afford to buy my own clothes, though things were always tight. It’s no wonder Mum worried that, if I had a choice between that life or this, I might be tempted. But I never would have left her.
Wouldn’t I?
Tom still wants a relationship with his dad, even though it’s hurting his mum. How can I honestly say that I wouldn’t have wanted to spend time with my dad if I’d known years ago that he existed? I adore being with him.
But then Johnny hasn’t always been as he is now. He went through a really rough patch in his twenties, first when he split up with his band, Fence, and later when he was a solo artist and Meg was working for him. There was also the whole Dana hell.
I googled her the other night and felt sick to my gut at some of the articles I read and the sight of her hanging off my dad’s arm, both of them looking pale-faced and half dead with the amount of drink and drugs they’d consumed. I looked Dana up because I’d been feeling guilty about Sienna – and yes, also because I was curious – but what I saw and read made me feel so uneasy that I ended up slamming down my laptop lid.
I already knew about my dad’s history with Dana, of course, and I’d even seen a lot of the same pap shots, but he’s no longer just a random celebrity. Looking at those pictures and reading those articles now, knowing Johnny’s my dad, felt completely different.
Johnny has been on a tough ride, that’s for sure, but thankfully he’s in a better place than he’s ever been. I’m not sure he could have handled me when he was younger – and I’m not sure that I could have handled him. I’m still struggling to blot out the images I saw of him and Dana – if I’d actually been there to witness what a screw-up he was, I probably would’ve ended up hating him.
So maybe Mum saved me from heartache. Maybe she knew what she was doing because she was well aware of what he was like. She was protecting me.
; The thought gives me some comfort.
Stu told me that she’d intended to tell me about Johnny on my eighteenth birthday. I wish with all my heart that she’d lived to fulfil her promise.
‘Right, I’d better check on the boys’ dinner,’ Meg says, getting to her feet. ‘Johnny, can you bring them through?’
‘You’re very quiet,’ Gramps says when they’ve left the room.
‘I’m just thinking,’ I reply softly.
‘Johnny tells me you’ve been hanging out with Billy Mitchell’s boy.’
This comment jolts me out of my reverie. The way he says Jack’s dad’s name makes me think that he knows the lead singer of Casino Girl personally.
‘That’s right. Have you met Billy?’
‘A few times back in the day,’ he replies. ‘Partied hard, that one. I hear his son is a chip off the old block,’ he adds slyly.
‘Johnny doesn’t know what he’s talking about,’ I state, jumping to Jack’s defence.
‘Steady on, lass.’ He grins. He’s only teasing me. I settle myself back in my corner. ‘Young love, hey?’ he says. ‘You can’t beat it. What am I saying? I still fall in love at the drop of a hat. No better feeling.’
‘How is your love life?’ I ask with amusement.
‘Oh, you know. Still searching for the one.’
He winks at me.
Gramps looks exactly how you’d expect an ageing musician to be: tanned and a little leathery, with slightly too long, greying, light-brown hair. He’s in his mid-sixties and he’s thin and wiry, but you can see that he was pretty good-looking once. He’s been around the block a few times.
The next morning we all go for a walk to the forest and gaze up at the towering redwood pines soaring into the sky. There are birds singing all around us, despite the noise of Barney jumping from fallen log to fallen log. Phoenix is on Johnny’s back in a rucksack-style baby carrier and Meg smiles at them fondly before leaning in close to me.
‘He used to refuse to even push a buggy, so this is a big step,’ she whispers, nodding at her husband walking ahead of us.
I return her smile.
She’s so pretty, so natural and kind-hearted. But, if I’m being completely honest, I wouldn’t have placed my dad with her. It makes me feel sick and wrong to even think this, but in some of the pictures of Johnny and Dana – not the horrible ones of them looking wasted – they actually looked kind of right together. They suited each other. Dana’s a fashionista rock chick with a real talent for music. Insiders used to call her the Next Big Thing before she screwed it all up. She couldn’t be more different from sweet, stable Meg.
Dana gave one interview after the news about Johnny and Meg’s engagement broke and I wish I could forget it, but unfortunately I remember it word for word: ‘When Johnny’s done playing mummies and daddies with Meggie Poppins, he’ll come back to me. He knows we’re soulmates. He knows we belong together. He may have issues with drink and drugs, but I’m his biggest addiction and I’ll be waiting for him when he cracks. And he will crack. It’s just a matter of time…’
Her words sent a chill down my spine.
My conscience pricks me again about my friendship with Sienna. I have a strong feeling that Johnny hasn’t told Meg that Dana is back in her life – in a roundabout sort of way. I can’t say I’m surprised he’s keeping it to himself. If I feel tainted by those articles and pictures, how must she react when she thinks about the hell she went through with Johnny? They’ve only been a proper couple for about two and a half years – the last pap shots of Johnny and Dana were taken around six months before that.
‘I hope you don’t mind that we sprang this trip on you,’ Meg says, interrupting my thoughts. We’ve been walking side by side since her comment about Johnny refusing to push a buggy, but I fell quiet after that.
‘Not at all!’ I say enthusiastically, keen to banish my dark thoughts.
‘I know you had a date planned with Jack,’ she says.
‘I’ll see him next weekend,’ I reply with a shrug, kicking at the carpet of pine needles under our feet as we walk.
‘How are things going there?’ She raises one eyebrow at me.
‘Pretty well,’ I reply.
‘He’s very good-looking.’
‘He is,’ I agree, smirking. ‘I seem to have a thing for bad-boy rock stars.’
She laughs drily. ‘I guess I do, too, although I didn’t know it until I met your dad.’
I cock my head at her, thoughtfully. ‘So you haven’t always gone for bad boys?’
‘God, no! No, it was just Johnny who had that effect on me.’
‘What are you two talking about?’ Johnny asks suddenly, looking over his shoulder at us.
‘Never you mind!’ Meg calls back at him.
He shakes his head and returns his attention to the front, but I’m pretty sure he’s still listening.
‘It seems to work for you both, in any case,’ I say, inwardly wincing at the memory of Dana’s claims in that interview.
She smiles affectionately. ‘Yeah. It does. I guess sometimes opposites attract.’
I hear Johnny chuckle. He turns round to face us, walking a couple of steps backwards and grinning widely as he speaks. ‘You’re not my opposite, Nutmeg. You’re the missing pieces of my jigsaw puzzle,’ he says in a teasing tone. ‘I wouldn’t be complete without you.’
He winks at her and flashes me a cheeky look, spinning back round as she bursts out laughing. Warmth surges through me. Dana must’ve got it wrong. My dad is exactly where he’s meant to be, now and forever.
After our walk, I go to my room to do some homework, but, when I glance over at my phone recharging on the side table, I decide to give Jack a quick call first. His phone rings out and goes to voicemail, so I try Agnes instead.
‘Hey, you,’ she says. ‘How’s Big Sur?’
‘Amazing. So beautiful.’
‘It is pretty up there,’ she agrees.
‘What are you up to? I just tried calling Jack, but he didn’t answer.’
‘He stayed out last night,’ she says casually. ‘Just over at Drew’s,’ she clarifies quickly. ‘I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.’
So why am I still feeling uneasy minutes after we end the call?
I don’t like this feeling. I usually feel confident, not insecure. Aren’t your boyfriends supposed to bring out the best in you, rather than the worst?
I don’t know why, but I have a sudden intense longing to speak to Tom, so, before I can think any more about Jack, I’m dialling his number. Some of the ice in my stomach thaws at the sound of the pleasure in his voice.
‘Guess what?’ he exclaims after we’ve exchanged hellos. ‘I’m coming to San Francisco for half-term!’
‘No way!’ I gasp. That’s in the middle of February – only three weeks away! ‘But I’m going to be there, too! We’ve got a gig!’
‘I know!’ He laughs. ‘Mr Taylor told me.’
It’s funny hearing him refer to Stu as Mr Taylor. He’s Tom’s old Maths teacher.
‘He’s coming to visit you, right?’ he asks.
‘Yes! Wow.’ My delight is suddenly tinged with apprehension. ‘Hey, is Stu still hanging out with your mum?’
‘Mmm. They went for dinner last weekend. I think they’re seeing a movie tonight.’ He sounds on edge.
My insides clench. ‘What, just the two of them?’
‘Yeah.’
‘They’re definitely dating, then.’ My voice sounds flat.
‘I’m not sure it’s like that,’ he tries to assure me. ‘They just seem friendly. I haven’t seen them kiss or anything.’
I swallow. I still don’t like it. Aside from the fact that Stu might be moving on with his life after Mum, does he really have to hook up with my ex-boyfriend’s mother?
‘So will you come to my gig?’ I ask, trying not to overthink it.
There’s a moment’s silence. ‘Maybe,’ he replies, and the enthusiasm has diminished from his voice. ‘If
I don’t, perhaps we could catch up before or after.’
‘I’ll probably only be there for the one weekend. They don’t have half-term here.’
‘Really?’
He listens with interest as I tell him about the differences between schools here and at home. They don’t even have time off for Easter. You just get one week off around the third week of March called Spring Break. School finishes much earlier for summer and, a whopping two and a half months later, it starts up again – in the middle of August. So strange.
‘Did Stu tell you that he wants me to do my GCSEs?’ I ask Tom.
‘No?!’
Once more, the time flies by as we chat. After a while, he divulges that everyone at school is still talking about me.
‘What’s this I keep hearing about a teen girl squad?’ he asks and I can picture the look of bemusement on his face.
‘It’s just a bit of fun,’ I reply with a giggle.
Celebrity gossip blogger Samuel Sarky coined the term, saying we’re like a mini, much less famous, version of Taylor Swift’s girl squad. A few other gossip sites have picked up on the phrase and run with it, which is pretty hilarious.
The Instagram pictures that Gina posted online got a crazy amount of attention this week, and three more tabloids have been in contact with Johnny’s PR, Hannah, requesting interviews with me. Johnny told me to stick with Hebe magazine and turn the newspapers down, so I didn’t even mention them to my bandmates. It’s all very surreal. The team from Hebe are flying over on Tuesday so I have to skip band practice. But I’ll be squeezing as many mentions of All Hype into the interview as I can to make up for it.
‘How many followers on Twitter and Instagram do you have now?’ Tom asks.
‘I don’t know. I haven’t checked for a few days.’
‘I hope you’re having as much fun as you look like you’re having,’ he says. ‘I went to a club last night and saw this girl sitting at the bar looking totally miserable. Then she got out her phone, plastered a completely false smile on her face, held up her drink and took a selfie, trying to make it look like she was having the time of her life. It was ridiculous,’ he says scathingly.