Healing A Hero (The Camerons of Tide’s Way #4)

by Skye Taylor

  “Julie, please let me in. Let me explain.”

  “There’s nothing to explain.” Julie’s words were muffled as if she had thrown herself across her bed and buried her face in the quilt.

  Elena rested her forehead against Julie’s door. “I’m not perfect. I never claimed to be. I made mistakes, and I’m sorry. Maybe I should have told you before now, but I didn’t know how. There just never seemed to be a right time.”

  Julie didn’t respond.

  “Please, can’t we talk about it? Without this door between us?”

  “You waited all this time. Now you can wait until I feel like listening to your excuses. And it’s not going to be tonight. And maybe not tomorrow either.”

  Elena’s tears scalded her eyes, then brimmed over. She sagged against Julie’s door, unwilling to give up, unable to do anything else. “Please, Julie.”

  The door swung open so swiftly that Elena staggered.

  Julie’s face was streaked with tears. “This isn’t just about you, Mom. It’s about me. I’m not who I thought I was. I’m angry, and I’m confused, and right now, I want to be alone.”

  This time, she closed the door gently, but the click echoed in Elena’s brain with the finality of a judge’s gavel. She backed into the wall behind her and slid down it. She wrapped her arms about her bent legs and pressed her eyes against her knees. Her heart had been broken when she believed that Philip had abandoned her, but this felt a whole lot worse. And this time, she had no one to turn to.

  “Philip,” she whispered brokenly. “I need you and you’re still not here.”

  Chapter 34

  April 2015

  Camp Lejeune, North Carolina

  PHILIP STEPPED OUT of the shower and toweled himself off. It had been a good workout, and he was eager to reach Elena and see her again. She hadn’t called him today, which given the week previous, seemed odd. She hadn’t returned the message he’d left on her voice mail either. It didn’t seem like Elena to hold it against him that he’d had to run out on her on their last night together before Julie came home.

  He pulled on a pair of jeans and reached for a clean T-shirt. He was hunting for his phone when a knock sounded on his door.

  No one ever came knocking on his door. Had Elena come here because she wasn’t ready to have him go to her with Julie around?

  He strode to the door and yanked it open with a happy bounce in his heart.

  But it wasn’t Elena.

  It was Julie.

  “Miss Tischler,” Philip said, doing his best to keep the disappointment out of his voice. He opened the door wider to let her come in. “This is a surprise. How was your trip to San Diego?”

  “It’s not Miss Tischler. And it never has been, but I guess you’d already know that.” She stormed past him into the center of his small room, then turned to face him, her feet spread wide and her eyes narrowed.

  Philip shut the door and faced her. Why is she so angry? If this is her reaction to being told about me and her mother, my immediate future sucks.

  “Have I done something to upset you?” Maybe she was incensed that he had been sleeping in Elena’s bed. In the place Julie felt her father belonged.

  “It’s what you didn’t do that upsets me.”

  “Okay, then what didn’t I do?” His confusion grew and a knot of inexplicable apprehension settled in his gut.

  “You could have stuck around and acknowledged me instead of running off and pretending I didn’t happen.”

  The little knot in the pit of Philip’s stomach surged into full-blown unease. He barely knew this girl, and she seemed to be accusing him of some heinous crime. “I don’t understand.” He gestured toward the only comfortable chair in the room. “Why don’t we sit down and talk about it.”

  “I’m talking about this.” Julie thrust a folded piece of paper toward him.

  He unfolded the page and realized it was a birth certificate. For a female child named Juliana Blair Castillo.

  Ice suddenly seemed to have replaced the blood in Philip’s veins. Date of birth: May twenty, two thousand and two. He swallowed hard. Mother: Elena Rose Castillo. Father: Philip Blair Cameron. He swallowed again and looked at the girl before him.

  No wonder those eyes looked so familiar. And the dimple. They were his. Julie was his. Why hadn’t he seen it before? His head spun and breathing seemed suddenly impossible. Condoms failed sometimes, but he’d never thought it would happen to him.

  “Mom lied to me,” Julie spat. “I asked her if you were her boyfriend before she met my dad. She said you were just friends. But it wasn’t like that, was it? You fucked her and blew town.”

  Julie’s vulgarity shocked him, but it barely registered. “I was only home on compassionate leave. I had to return to my unit.”

  “You left her pregnant and alone,” Julie’s voice rose to a shout. “That’s not how friendship works.”

  “We weren’t just friends. I was in love with your mother.”

  Julie hesitated for only a moment. “Then why did you abandon us?”

  Philip’s blood roared in his ears, and his heart threatened to beat its way out of his chest. “I didn’t know,” he croaked, his voice breaking.

  Julie’s shoulders suddenly slumped, and the fire went out of her eyes, leaving her looking lost and vulnerable. “She never told you either?”

  Philip shook his head, too stunned to elaborate.

  “All this time, I thought Eli was my father. I thought I had Mom’s name for some kind of feminist statement she was making. I didn’t know why he didn’t ask for joint custody. No one ever told me. Now there’s—” She broke off on a sobbing hiccough. Tears welled up and began running down her cheeks.

  In two strides, Philip closed the gap between them and enfolded her in his arms. She stood, ramrod-stiff and unresponsive. Another wave of grief coursed through her, and she shuddered. Philip tightened his embrace.

  This weeping, broken girl was his daughter. His own eyes stung with the realization. His heart ached at Elena’s deceit.

  Julie was his daughter, and Elena had kept it from him. He’d missed so much. He hadn’t been there when she was born. He hadn’t seen her first steps or heard her first words. She’d learned to call another man Daddy. Another man had read her bedtime stories and taught her how to play tennis. Another man had taken what should have been Philip’s.

  A flood of anger surged through Philip’s bloodstream, chasing away the ice. He’d lost so much. Elena had lied to them both.

  Julie recovered first and pushed her way free of Philip’s arms. She dashed angrily at the tears still trickling down her cheeks. “So, what are you going to do about it now that you know?”

  “I’m going to tell the whole world I have a daughter,” he replied, biting back the anger. Finding out why Elena had not told him could wait. He felt betrayed all over again, but that had nothing to do with the girl standing in front of him doing her level best to stop weeping.

  He wiped her tears away with his thumbs, and then bracketed her face with his hands and bent to kiss her forehead. “I’ve got a lot of time to make up for. Please give me a chance?”

  Julie fell against his chest, wrapped her slender young arms about his waist, and pressed her face into his shirt. A fresh round of weeping began and, before long, the front of his shirt was soaked. He rubbed her back and murmured soothing sounds. Who needed comfort more was a tossup.

  “I’ve missed so much.” He kissed the top of her head. The enormity of it was just beginning to sink in. Fourteen years he’d been a father and never knew. Fourteen years of thinking if only the demands of the life he’d chosen hadn’t separated him from the only woman he’d ever really loved. And all this time . . .

  “You won’t mind if I still call Eli Dad, will you?” Her voice was muffle
d against his damp shirt.

  The pang of loss cut sharply into Philip’s heart, but he tightened his arms about her and rocked them both. He shook his head, and then realized she couldn’t see it. “I won’t pretend it doesn’t hurt that someone else is your Daddy, but—” he said past the painful lump in his throat. “But, I understand.” He settled his cheek against the top of her sleek black head.

  “I don’t know what to call you.” She pulled her head away to look up at him, but didn’t loosen the grip of her arms about his waist.

  He kissed her forehead again. “Anything you feel comfortable with.” The rush of emotions left him feeling like he did after a battle when the adrenaline wore off and he crashed. His knees felt weak and his head buzzed.

  He had a daughter.

  She stared up at him for a long time. “I’m not sure where you fit into my life even.” She released her grip and stepped away.

  Philip wanted to pull her back into his arms again. He’d just discovered he had a daughter and he wanted to hang onto her forever.

  “I’ll fit in anywhere you’ll let me.”

  “I don’t know what to call you,” she said again. “Sergeant Cameron seems too—” A frown furrowed her brow.

  Call me Daddy. He bit the words back. It wasn’t about what he wanted. It was about what she needed. “There’s always Gunny.”

  “Gunny,” Julie repeated softly, as if trying it on for size.

  “It’s what my men call me. When they’re being informal. And I let ’em.”

  “Gunny,” she said again. “It’s a Marine thing, right?”

  He nodded. It was better than Sergeant Cameron, but still light-years away from Daddy. On the other hand, it was familiar. A name he was comfortable with. One reserved for those he respected . . . men who respected him.

  “Does your mother know you’re here?” Philip tamped down a surge of anger. He and Elena had some talking to do, but that could wait.

  Julie shook her head.

  “Then don’t you think you should let her know?” If he was going to be a father, he had to start acting like one.

  “She’s at work still. She’s got a meeting.”

  “How did you get here?”

  “The school bus,” she answered. “I get dropped off at the gate.” She folded up on the edge of Philip’s bed and gazed up at him, her expression uncertain. “I guess maybe I shouldn’t be here.”

  Philip went down on his knees in front of her. “You are always welcome in my home. Wherever that is. Always. Got that?”

  She nodded, her eyes going glassy again. “I’m not usually like this,” she said, wiping at her face.

  Philip reached out to caress her cheek. “No need to apologize. And no need to pretend with me. Ever.” He grabbed the box of tissues off the head of the bed and handed it to her. “I’m pretty broke up myself, and the only reason I’m not bawling is because if I started, I might never stop.” He touched his chest. “If you knew what I’m feeling right now, finding out I have a daughter, a little girl I should have been there for—” He broke off, unable to put the enormity of what he felt into words.

  They stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment. Then Philip got to his feet, scooped her into his arms, and sat down with her on his lap. When his tears began, he made no effort to stop them. Elena’s lie of omission was killing him.

  “Now we’re both a mess,” Julie said, handing him a handful of tissues.

  Philip wiped his eyes and tossed the soggy wad into the wastebasket. “I guess one of us should call your mother.” His voice felt raspy and his throat ached. He stood and set Julie on her feet. “Want me to call her?”

  Julie nodded and Philip grabbed his cell phone off the dresser where he’d left it when he went to take a shower.

  He pressed Elena’s number and waited. Her line went to voice mail.

  “Hi. Julie’s with me. Call when you get in, and I’ll bring her home.”

  “You didn’t say who was calling,” Julie observed as he dropped his phone into his pocket.

  “She’ll know.”

  Chapter 35

  April 2015

  Camp Lejeune, North Carolina

  “WHEN WERE YOU going to tell me about Julie?” Seated with his back to the wall in the busy lunch canteen, he did his best to keep the tumult of hurt and disappointment out of his voice.

  The night before, still reeling and trying to come to grips with his changed situation, he’d pulled up in front of Elena’s, hugged Julie hard before letting her go, and watched her run up the stairs and let herself into the apartment. He’d driven aimlessly for nearly an hour before ending up at the beach where he sat in the dunes replaying all the facts in his head.

  The truth of the situation wasn’t in question. The more they’d talked, and the longer he studied Julie’s face, the plainer the connection had become. Eli might have blue eyes, but he didn’t have high cheekbones or a dimple in his cheek. Except for the smooth, young skin with the warmth of her mother’s Hispanic heritage framed by silky black hair, Julie’s face was so like the one Philip had been looking at in the mirror for his whole life, he felt the bond clear down to his bones. Julie was his daughter. Conceived in spite of their precautions, and in the heat of a love that had changed Philip’s life and soul forever.

  He hadn’t returned to his quarters for hours and hadn’t slept much when he did. He just kept replaying his memories of the passion he and Elena had shared all those years ago. And more recently, a week so full of hope, a week of hope built on the quicksand of deceit.

  He’d called Elena as soon as he’d gotten to his desk this morning and asked her to meet him for lunch. Whatever happened between them didn’t need to hang like a cloud over the tenuous relationship he was fostering with Julie.

  “I was going to tell you—”

  “You should have told me fourteen years ago,” he said, cutting her off, his tone harsher than he intended.

  “Fourteen years ago I didn’t think you cared.” Elena set her untouched sandwich back into the wrapping it had come out of.

  Her accusation slammed into Philip with the force of a sucker-punch. “After everything that happened to us that summer?” he asked incredulously. “How could you ever have believed I wouldn’t care?”

  “You never replied to my emails. What was I supposed to think?”

  “You could have called Jake. He’d have told you why I couldn’t write.”

  “I didn’t know Jake knew about us.”

  “He knew I loved you,” Philip shot back. He shoved the sandwich he no longer felt like eating into the bag and pushed it aside. “You could have swallowed that damned pride of yours and called my parents.”

  Elena blanched. “I couldn’t call them, Philip. I’d have been too embarrassed.”

  “Embarrassed?” Philip shouted. Several heads turned their way. Coming to the canteen for this conversation had been a bad idea. His uniform betrayed his rank, and his behavior was inappropriate. He lowered his voice. “You going to eat that?”

  She shook her head.

  “Good. Let’s get out of here.”

  He grabbed her hand and pulled her from her chair, led her through the now-goggling crowd, and out the door. He kept walking, dragging her along in his wake until they were clear of the buildings. He turned onto path where the grass was flattened by feet taking a shortcut to somewhere on the next block. He finally stopped when he reached a cluster of young trees that afforded them at least the illusion of privacy.

  “My parents would never have blamed you. I’d have gotten a reaming, but if you’d gone to them, they’d have helped you out in any way they could.”

  “I barely knew them.” Elena crossed her arms over her chest.

  “But they’re my parents. Julie’s grandparents. A
nd they’d have been better able to reach me and get me back home to accept my share of the responsibility for getting you pregnant. I might have been in disgrace, but I’d have come no matter what was happening in Afghanistan. I’d have found a way.” Distress was tearing him up inside.

  Elena lost some of the defensive posture, but her body language told him she still blamed him for everything she’d endured.

  “Do you have any idea how I felt when I got back and discovered you were married? After you promised to wait for me?” His chest ached.

  “I can explain.”

  A bloom of anger erupted, shoving the pain aside. “You’ve had fourteen years to explain. You were pregnant with my baby. I had a right to know.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry!” Philip shouted. He felt the veins popping out in his neck and temples. He shouldn’t be dumping on her like this, but he couldn’t seem to stop the steamroller that had gotten hold of his self-control and was flattening everything in its path. “I’ve missed my daughter’s whole growing up. And you’re sorry? You can’t ever give those years back, Elena. They’re just gone.”

  Elena stopped arguing. Stopped apologizing and just stood there cringing like a whipped puppy. Philip ignored the stab of doubt and plowed on.

  “What about last week? When we were baring our souls and promising each other a new beginning? What about then? Why didn’t you tell me then?”

  Philip’s cell phone rang. He ignored it.

  “Didn’t you think it would be important to tell me about Julie when we were talking about the rest of our lives? You’re as big a liar as Holly.”

  Elena looked like he’d hit her.

  “What about Julie? Didn’t she have the right to know her own father? If you’d told me you were pregnant, I would never have forced you to marry me if you didn’t want to, but I had a right to know. Julie is my daughter. I had a right to know about her. And she had a right to know who her real father was.”