Want & Need

by CJ Laurence

  I sighed and flopped down into my chair, biting back tears of frustration. He meant more to me than what I let on. I wanted nothing more than for him to stake his claim on me but I knew it wouldn’t happen. I had to make this the final cut despite my heart tearing into pieces at the thought of losing him.

  “Kyra?”

  I snapped my head up, my heart filling with hope. He motioned for me to step into his office. Every cell in my body trembled with apprehension as I ventured inside.

  His blue eyes caught my vulnerable stare, captivating me in a split second. “I’m sorry.”

  I ran a hand over my face. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that…”

  “I shouldn’t have made you tell me.”

  “I just…you’re the first man who has made me want more, Paul, made me realise that really, I need that and now, now you tell me you can’t give me it.”

  “I know.” He reached out, brushing my cheek with his hand. “I’m sorry, Kyra. I really am.”

  I shivered from his touch and sighed. “So where does this leave us?”

  He grinned, pulling me into his arms. “Well, until you’re officially someone’s girlfriend, it leaves us wherever we want to be…”

  He crushed his lips to mine, sweeping me up in his comforting embrace. His tongue played with me, each movement shooting throbs straight between my legs. I searched for the edge of his shirt, crawling my hands along the inside in their desperate need to feel him bare.

  He pulled away just enough to ask, “Can I take you out for dinner tonight?”

  I smiled and nodded.

  Dressing myself later on for our dinner, I began to wonder if the little hiccup earlier had been down to his jealousy. Perhaps he just might change his mind after all.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I woke the next morning in a groggy haze. When my eyes focused on Paul’s bare body laid next to me, a massive grin spread over my face. He rolled over, awake, wandering a smooth touch over my body already. I shivered, tingles beginning to pop inside me as I relished in the thought of what was coming next.

  A shrill noise cut through our anticipated bliss—his alarm. He groaned and declared he was now late. “I need to go home yet and change my clothes. Can’t have people thinking I’m a dirty stop out.”

  I giggled as I watched him throw his clothes on. He graced me with a kiss before disappearing, leaving me lost in my imagination for several minutes as I wondered what we could be doing right now.

  I eventually tore myself from the bed and sorted my own wardrobe choice for today. Picking through my summer dresses, my phone chimed with a text. Expecting it to be a cheeky message from Paul, I was more than shocked to see it was from an unknown number.

  Good morning Kyra. I hope you are well. I was wondering if you would like to grab a coffee on your lunch break today? Scott X X

  I bit my lip, debating my options. Despite tea last night being good fun, especially once we arrived back to mine, nothing was going to change with Paul—that I knew of anyway. But how bad would it be for me to have had Paul in my bed last night and then to go out with Scott today? Just thinking of it made me feel like a complete slut.

  A quick phone call to Ash regarding my dilemma only served me with his laughter followed by telling me it was fine. Would I think any less of Scott if he’d slept with another girl last night? No, I wouldn’t; it would be awkward maybe, but nothing else.

  I confirmed my lunch date with Scott before making an apprehensive journey to work. Did I tell Paul or not? Was it really any of his business? It wasn’t like we were together. Those questions kept repeating over and over until Paul strolled in, half an hour after me. He flashed me a cheeky wink as he walked past my desk.

  When lunchtime arrived, Paul appeared before me, his eyes twinkling. “I’m nipping out. Did you want your usual from the sandwich shop?”

  My cheeks burned. “No, thanks. I’m…going out.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Oh, okay. Ash treating you?”

  I winced. “No…Scott is taking me for coffee.”

  “Scott?”

  “Molly’s brother-in-law…”

  The twinkle in his eyes hardened over with a glassy stare. His jaw clenched and he barked his next words. “Don’t be late.”

  He turned and marched out without so much of a backwards glance.

  ***

  I ambled outside, smiling when I spotted Scott waiting for me near the entrance. His dark eyes held an invigorating sparkle as he greeted me.

  “You look lovely today.”

  I blushed and gave him my thanks.

  “Where would you like to go?”

  I pointed over the road. “There’s quite a nice little café over there.”

  He nodded. “Sure.”

  Walking next to me, making small talk about the weather, I couldn’t help but steal glances at his incredible physique. His sexy yet casual appearance caught my eye in an instant. Where Paul dressed himself in designer suits tailored to fit, Scott seemed to know his cool fashion and what suited him. His dark denim jeans and plain white t-shirt showed him off just right.

  I found us a table while he stood in the queue for our food. I couldn’t help but let my gaze linger over his broad shoulders, ripped biceps, and tight waist. It didn’t take much to notice every female in here roved their eyes over him in expectation. The young girl who served him our order turned bright red when she took his money, accidentally touching his hand.

  A sly smile played on my lips as I watched her become flustered under his intense look. A minute or so later, he was at our table, serving me with my tea and sandwich.

  He sat down, asking me about myself. I indulged him for several minutes before turning the conversation back to him.

  “So, what do you do?”

  He smiled. “I’m a personal trainer. I’ve spent the last two years travelling around different countries, picking up tips, and learning from the best of the best. I’ve come back home to finally set up on my own.”

  “Have you got any clients lined up yet?”

  He rolled his eyes. “I’ve had Molly begging me to get her in shape for her wedding day. She is a persistent woman for sure, isn’t she?”

  “You have no idea. If she wants something, she gets it.”

  He grinned. “Looks like I may as well just do it, then, and save myself the earache.”

  I laughed, agreeing with him. We continued chatting to the point of which I was very nearly late getting back to work. He escorted me back to the front door, pecking my cheek before he left. His soft lips grazed my cheek, and I couldn’t help but draw a deep breath of his invigorating aftershave. I struggled to contain my grin as I headed back inside. This guy really was the complete package.

  ***

  I almost skipped back to my desk, grinning like a Cheshire cat. My broad smile soon evaporated into a deep frown as Paul appeared from nowhere. He dumped a huge stack of notes in front of me with a resounding thud. His face was nothing but a blank canvas.

  “I want them typed up before you go home,” he said. His tone of voice was nothing short of rude and demanding.

  “You are kidding me?”

  He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me. “Do I look like I’m kidding?”

  I raised my eyebrows and lost the filter on my mouth. “What the fuck crawled up your ass today?”

  “Kyra!”

  I turned to see Mr. Tate walking up from the meeting room, his podgy face flushed red with anger. Paul flashed me a smug smirk before disappearing back inside his office, slamming the door shut.

  Mr. Tate stood in front of his office door. “In my office. Now.”

  My heart pounded as I dragged myself over to his open door. I kept myself preoccupied by cursing Paul. Arrogant, good-looking bastard.

  Mr. Tate slammed his door shut behind me. He wiped his plump, sweaty face with his wishy washy white handkerchief. “You can take this as an official warning that if you speak to a director like th
at again, you will be instantly dismissed. Do you understand?”

  I nodded, not saying anything in my fuming rage at Paul.

  “Good. This is going on your record. Let this be a warning. Watch your tongue. You are here to do a job without questioning what is asked of you. That is what you are paid for.”

  I nodded again, feeling like nothing but a slave.

  “I’m glad that is understood. Out.”

  I scowled as I scooted back to my desk. I glared at Paul’s closed door, imagining the glee on his annoyingly handsome face at my telling off.

  As per usual on Thursday afternoons, three or four of the directors left early to play golf. Once they’d all gone, Mr. Tate included, I stormed into Paul’s office.

  “You’re a fucking dick.”

  He leaned back in his black leather chair, making a temple figure with his hands. An amused smile crossed his face as he stared back at me, his features completely impassive.

  “I thought Mr. Tate made it quite clear what would happen if you spoke to one of us like that again?”

  “Seriously? Is that really how we’re going to play this?”

  He kicked his feet up on his desk, crossing them at his ankles, and leaned back in his chair. He shrugged his shoulders, exuding nothing but sheer arrogance.

  “Fine. I’ll save you the fucking bother, you arrogant tosser.”

  I stomped back to my desk and grabbed his pile of notes. Marching back in to him, I threw them on his desk. The majority of them thudded against his wooden desk whilst a few scattered through the air, floating their way down to several different resting places.

  “Do the fuckers yourself.” I marched back out and stopped in his doorway, fixing him one last killer stare. “Just in case I’d not made it clear—I quit.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Emotions running high, I went to the one place I could relax and absorb myself in my thoughts—the riverbank where Scotch and I had our last ride. Edging quiet country lanes with ruins of an old monastery in the background, it was the one place where he and I could truly lose ourselves. In the summer, I would often pack a sandwich and a bunch of carrots, ride down to the quiet spot under the shade of the picturesque old bridge here, and sit and have lunch with him munching happily next to me.

  I parked my car on the grass verge, climbing my way up the steep embankment barefoot. Leaning back against the cool grey bricks of the bridge, I closed my eyes, revelling in the heat from the afternoon sun. Nothing but the sounds of buzzing insects surrounded me—it was sheer bliss. I gazed out over the still, green waters, watching a pair of swans gliding through the water in all their grace.

  Thoughts of my father began to surface, guilt nibbling at me once again for not visiting his grave more often. I had never been able to visit it without thinking of a rotting skeleton beneath my feet. The morbid silence that hung over the entire cemetery sent chills down my spine. Scotch had been my living memory of him in a way, my small sliver of reality that really, he was still around.

  I sighed, resting my head back against the rough surface. Losing myself in thoughts, I didn’t even register the fact my body was slowly coaxing me into a deep sleep. My mind embraced the darkness, shutting off the jumbled mix of emotions tumbling around inside me…

  “Kyra. Kyra. Kyra.”

  I startled awake, opening my eyes to see Ash stood over me. A vibrant night sky littered with stars served as a background for his looming figure, jumping me to my feet.

  “What the…?”

  He chuckled. “You’ve been asleep. And err…” He pointed at my face before picking bits of grass from my cheek.

  I rubbed at my face, looking down to see an imprint of my body in the long grass where I must have slid onto my side at some point. I blushed.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  I nodded. “What you doing here?”

  “Your charming boss rang me. He was worried about you.”

  A dawning realisation hit me square in the face. “Oh shit…”

  “Yeah, he told me about your lovers’ tiff.”

  “It wasn’t a lovers’ tiff, Ash. He was being a first class dickhead.”

  “Well, he told me to tell you he won’t be accepting your resignation.”

  I snorted. “About right. I can’t even do what I want to do.”

  He raised an eyebrow at me. “Really? And just how are you going to survive without a job?”

  I glared at him, narrowing my eyes. “Shut up. Just let me have my moment.”

  He chuckled as he picked up my shoes, taking my hand to help me back down the riverbank. “Can I trust you to get home okay or do I need to escort you?”

  “I’m fine.”

  As I sat in the driver’s seat, he knelt down next to me, his eyes filling with concern. “I know you’re emotional, Ky, but I am worried about you lately. You sure you’re okay?”

  “Yes. Honestly, I’m fine. Stop fussing.”

  He fell silent for a few seconds. “You know he went everywhere looking for you—Paul. He does care.”

  I reached for my car door. “Good night, Ash.”

  He grinned and walked away, melting into the depths of the night.

  ***

  I woke the next morning, my stomach churning as I made my way to work. When I pushed open the office door, Paul was sat on the edge of my desk. He broke out into a huge smile, his eyes gleaming. “Are you okay?”

  I walked straight past him, putting my bag down on my desk with a definitive slam. “Fine, thank you.”

  “Listen, I’m sorry about yesterday—”

  “I don’t want to hear it.” I stole a glance at his handsome face as I crossed my arms over my chest.

  “Okay.”

  “Is that all?”

  “Yes. I mean, no.” He paused and scratched his head. “Well, yes, I suppose, seeing as you don’t want to hear what I have to say.”

  “Okay.”

  “Can I take you out tonight as an apology?”

  “No.”

  “Oh. What about tomorrow?”

  “No.”

  “Next week?”

  “No.”

  “Is any day I ask for going to be a no?”

  “Yes.”

  A strained silence fell between us for a minute or two before he switched tactics.

  “I’ve had your warning taken off your record and I’ve told Tate it was my fault. I’ve told him to back off with you.”

  “Okay.”

  He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m trying here, Kyra. Work with me. Please.”

  “Why should I? All you caused me yesterday was a shitty afternoon and a hell of a headache.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I acted like a complete dick.”

  I snorted. “Yeah. You can say that again.”

  He pouted, batting his eyelashes. “Forgive me? Please?”

  My body betrayed me as I looked into those dangerous sapphire eyes of his. Before I could even think, my head was nodding, agreeing to his demands. I was utterly useless when it came to resisting him. He surged forwards, scooping me up in his strong arms and planting a delicious kiss on my reddening cheek.

  “So can I take you out tonight?”

  I shook my head.

  “Why not?”

  “You think because you apologised I’m going to let you off that easy?”

  He was silent.

  I rolled my eyes. “Figured as much.”

  “Have you got plans?”

  “And what if I have?”

  He scanned across my face for a few seconds before admitting defeat and retreating back into his office. As much as I wanted to jump at his offer of dinner, my stubborn side refused to allow it. He needed to learn a lesson.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Paul hibernated in his office for the rest of the day. Just before lunch I received a text from Scott, asking me if I would like to have dinner with him tonight. I smiled, texting my acceptance before even thinking of Paul. I spen
t all afternoon repeating his words about relationships to myself. I had to focus on the fact that no matter how much I wanted him, I couldn’t have him how I wanted. I had now accepted my want for a proper family life and I sure as hell needed it.

  As I readied myself later that evening for my date with Scott, I pushed Paul from my mind. I had to think of my future, not right now. Paul couldn’t, and wouldn’t, ever offer me anything more than sex. However, guys like Scott potentially could.

  Right on time, Scott knocked on my front door. My heart started pounding in an instant, nerves grabbing me once again. I opened the door, taking great delight in the handsome man smiling back at me. His bronzed skin held a subtle glow under the dying sunlight. The white cotton shirt stretching over his chest clung to him like a second skin, showing off his body underneath.

  He smiled, offering me a single red rose. “Wow. You look amazing.”

  I blushed, paying him a compliment back.

  “I hope you don’t mind but I thought I would cook for you instead of taking you out.”

  Gobsmacked, I shook my head. “Not at all. Sounds really nice.”

  “Don’t worry. I trained as a chef in my younger days. It’ll be more than beans on toast.”

  I grinned, hitching my soft pink dress up to seat myself in his Mercedes Coupe. Conversation flowed easily on the short drive over to Molly’s. He assured me that Molly and Chris had gone out for the evening to give us some privacy. My stomach churned at the thought of being alone with him in a house. The temptation to peek beneath his clothes was already there.

  Once we arrived at the house, he led me through the kitchen and out into the back garden. I gasped, and very nearly choked up at the marvellous sight laid out before me. Molly’s huge dark green marquee stood proud in the centre of the grass. The front opening had been draped back to show off the beautiful candle lit table for two inside. Fairy lights hung all around the insides, bathing the scene in a romantic setting.