Surviving Love
Page 21
“I love you so much that my heart breaks whenever I think about you, but I don’t want it to break anymore. I’m tired of thinking about that night. I’m tired of seeing your beautiful face covered in blood. I’m ready to remember you from before that night. The girl I fell in love with and the woman I created a child with. I want to remember your smile and the way you’d look at me with the most incredible eyes I’d ever seen. I don’t want to remember your pain. I want to remember your happiness, baby.” I take a deep breath in and out. My chest hurts and my gut aches, but I need to do this. I need to be free.
“Remember the letter I wrote you? How I was begging you to choose life, well…I guess that’s what I’m doing now. I’m choosing to live. I haven’t been living since you died, Presley. I’ve been walking in a constant loop, never going anywhere, only going through the motions of living. So…I’m here to gain your blessing, although I’m not sure how you’ll give that to me.”
Just as the words pass my lips, the sun peeks out from behind the clouds and lights up her headstone. The chill in my skin instantly warms and I can feel her there. I close my eyes and picture her beautiful face. It’s like she’s telling me it’s okay and that she will always be around. Through the warmth of the sun, Presley is giving me her blessing and the weight of her death finally releases from my body. All that remains is the happiness we shared. The solemn feeling of her depression, her heroin overdose and her death leaves my body as the sun heats up my soul. The good is all that is left.
I stand to my feet and brush the dirt from my jeans. I bend forward and place a kiss to the top of her stone then rest my forehead against the granite. “You will always be with me, baby. I love you. And I promise…to never forget. I will never forget. I love you.”
Chapter 24
Zoe
“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Mia. Happy birthday to you!” we all sing in unison as Mia stares happily at the three candles on her butterfly cake.
“Make a wish, princess,” Drake coos as he strokes the back of her head before placing a kiss to the side of her face.
Mia sucks in a big gasp of air and releases it, blowing out the fire. We all clap and cheer as we celebrate another year of Mia’s life.
I pull the candles out and begin cutting the butterfly shaped cake into small servable pieces.
“I want that one, Zoe.” She points to the tip of the wing with a small zigzag design on it. I swiftly cut the piece and serve it to the birthday girl. Then Delilah and I serve the rest of the cake to the guests.
It’s a small party, consisting only of family, but Mia is lavished upon like she is the queen of England. Jake and Delilah have decided Mia needed a trampoline to add to her collection of outdoor toys, and of course, Jake is the first one to test it out.
“Come on, Axl! Come jump with Uncle.” Mia abandons her cake and runs to the backyard of the Evans’s family home. The spring air is warm and only a long sleeved shirt is needed to keep the chill away. Jake lifts Mia onto the trampoline and they begin to jump. Mia is giggling with delight as Jake and she hold hands bopping up and down.
Drake was a little uneasy about the trampoline, knowing how easy it would be for her to get hurt, but as he watches her, his smile couldn’t possibly get any bigger. He is a good dad and would give Mia his beating heart if she needed it. Drake is the epitome of a great parent. I only wish more kids had parents as loving as Drake is with Mia.
We all stand around and watch the train wreck unfold as Jake starts to show off his non-existent jumping talent. Mia has abandoned him minutes ago to swing on her play set and she’s laughing loudly at her uncle showing off.
“You’re gonna break your neck, Jake!” Delilah shouts as she tries to coax him off the enclosed death trap. “Get down now!”
“Come on, D! You know how talented I am!” Jake shouts back as he jumps high into the air. He lands and he doesn’t get back up. “OW! Mother fucker, son of a bitch, goddamn it, that fucking hurt!”
“Uncie Jake, four dollars for my piggy bank!” Mia shouts from the swing. She’s able to hold up her hand, showing Jake the amount of four dollars and has no remorse for Jake’s now swelling ankle.
Drake had to invoke a new rule a few days ago when he got a phone call from daycare stating Mia called a boy in her class a fucking d-bag when he stole her chicken nugget at lunch. Drake held a family meeting and said we all needed to watch our mouths around her or else we’d have to pay. Between Jake, Darcie, and sometimes Reggie, Mia has collected about fifty bucks, and if it keeps up at this rate, she will be able to pay for Harvard by the time she graduates high school.
“You stupid fuck! Why do you do dumb shit like that?” Reggie shouts to Jake as Delilah helps him climb down from the trampoline then slaps his hand over his mouth, knowing he’s just cursed.
“Three dollars, Uncie Reggie!” Mia reminds him as she holds up three fingers.
“Three? I only said two curse words.”
“Stupid is a mean word and my teacher said mean words are like curse words. Three dollars, Uncie!”
Reggie opens his mouth to argue, but Darcie just shakes her head, knowing it’s a battle he will never win. Drake just laughs at his brothers’ antics as we all sit around the picnic table, laughing and enjoying each other’s company.
It’s been two weeks since Drake’s visit to the cemetery and there’s been a recognizable change to his demeanor. It’s like a huge weight is gone and he’s finally living life again.
He never told me what he said to Presley, and to be honest, I don’t want to know. That was a private conversation between the two of them and I don’t need to be in the middle of his feelings for her. I know he deeply cares for me and God knows I love him. He will come around eventually. We’ve got time.
I look over to Drake and fall victim as he flashes me his sparkling brown eyes. When we met, his eyes were always black as coal, absorbed in sadness and pain. Since the cemetery, Drake’s eyes have lightened to a devastatingly rich chocolate-brown. Very, very sexy.
“Hey,” Drake whispers, getting my attention. “Come inside with me real quick.”
Drake
Zoe nods and I start to gather dishes in my hands. I instruct Darcie to keep an eye on Mia while Zoe and I go inside to clean up. I follow her up the back steps and we toss the paper plates in the trash then she starts rinsing off the dishes.
I take a minute to watch her as she works on cleaning up. Moments ago, I’ve finally come to realize we were meant to find one another. Through our pain, Zoe and I experienced tragedy and loss, and we did it so we could be led to each other. I understand it now. And with Zoe by my side, I’ve started to slowly heal and accept my life for what it is. She has helped me with that and I want her to know. In this very moment, I want Zoe to know just how precious she is to me.
I wrap my arms around her waist as she finishes rinsing the cake off the silverware. I brush my lips to the back of her neck and feel her slowly melt into me. With my lips, I slowly trail light pecks across the base of her neck until I land on the other side. She spins around and I connect my eyes to hers. They are a faint, light blue that sparkle whenever she looks at me.
I hold her cheeks in my hand and stop thinking, beginning to only feel. “Thank you, Zoe.” She looks at me confused so I elaborate. “Thank you for being in my life. I know it hasn’t been easy, so thank you for never giving up on me.”
“I would never,” she whispers back then places her lips to mine. For a moment, we get lost in each other’s touch. It’s something we always do; we simply get lost.
“When you came into my life, I felt like I was dying inside. If it wasn’t from the pain of losing Presley, it was from the anger toward my brother.” Speaking about Jeremy is still very hard for me. I’m not sure when those feelings will ever dissolve, but I can at least function when I push it down and ignore it like he never existed. “But from the moment I met you, it’s been getting easier, little by little, day by day.” I’m fumbling with
my words. I know what I want to say; it’s just trying to find the words to say it is difficult. “I guess what I’m trying to say is…I… love you.”
Zoe’s eyes fill with tears as she smiles her big, radiant smile. I continue to hold her face as the tears fall from her eyes and dampen my hands. “I love you,” she whispers.
I can’t stand it anymore. I crash my lips into hers. I kiss her like I’ve never kissed anyone before. I pour every ounce of feeling into that kiss and she does the same. We get lost in the love we’ve developed for each other. And for the first time, I actually feel like life is going to work out. I feel that, with her by my side, we can overcome and conquer the hate, betrayal and pain that comes from living.
***
Mia is quietly tucked in bed and all the party goers are either alone in their rooms or home for the night. I’ve kissed Zoe goodbye minutes ago and walked back to my room. This day has been a good one. I finally feel the possibilities my future holds, and my daughter and Zoe will be there with me every step of the way.
I walk deeper into my room and start removing my clothes. I toss the dirty ones in my laundry basket, however when I turn to my dresser to get a clean pair of basketball shorts out, I notice a letter sitting on top. Strange, I don’t remember this coming in the mail today.
Then I look at the postmark date and its dated one year after Presley’s death. The floor falls out from underneath me. I grasp onto the dresser to keep from falling. I notice the sender, and all my good feelings vanish as the anger sets in.
Jeremy Evans #815.2245
Ionia Correctional Facility
1576 W. Bluewater Highway
Ionia, MI 48846
The letter from my brother is addressed to Mia and me. I pick it up in my hands and it feels like it weighs a hundred pounds. The letter is dingy and worn on the sides, like it’s been quietly tucked away for the last couple of years. I can only guess who’s had the letter since it arrived. Reggie may think I’m ready to open it, but I’m not so sure.
I walk back to my bed and hold the one piece of my past I don’t ever want to forgive or forget. I’ve dealt with the pain of losing Presley and the guilt of the events that surrounded that night, but I don’t—in fact, won’t—deal with the anger I feel toward my brother. Presley is gone and there is nothing I can do about that, but Jeremy is not. He is living and breathing while Presley is gone.
I start to tremble from the onslaught of ferocity. The paper envelope is shaking in my hand. I have to start expelling deep breaths to calm myself down. Inside is the letter which imprisons his possible apology or explanation for that night. Inside this letter will mostly say how sorry he is or how bad he feels for his involvement with Presley’s death. It may even mention he’s found Jesus and is now asking for my forgiveness.
It’s all there again. In full force—the fury I’ve kept tightly capped inside of myself is now boiling to a raging ocean that soon will explode.
I squeeze the letter, crushing it in my hand. I close my eyes and attempt to find a sentiment of peace. I search the depths of my brain to find something to bring me out of this raging inferno of hatred. I close them tighter and think of Mia, my precious daughter. The expressions on Mia’s face when she opened her gifts today and the gleeful reactions she gives me whenever I come home from work. I think about how she looks to no other to keep her safe, sing her to sleep and brush away her tears. I see my daughter’s honey-brown eyes, bouncy brown curls veiling her face and her radiant smile. She is my solace now, her and Zoe, and if I open this letter, I will have nothing but anger and hate.
My nerves are too raw. The conversation I’ve had with Presley a couple of weeks ago was enough to last me a lifetime of emotional breakdowns. I’ve only accepted the peace and I can’t read this letter and let it disturb what it has taken me two years to find.
I lay the envelope over my knee and smooth out the crinkles. Staring at the black ink for an eternity, I finally stand and tuck the letter into my dresser. I realize that someday I will need to face the anger I have toward my brother. Maybe when he gets out the day of confrontation will come, but until then, I will keep the pains of his betrayal locked away and this letter of his forgiveness trapped in my dresser. I’m not ready to forgive. Not him. Not now. Possibly, not ever. Only time will tell if I have enough of my heart left to accept his betrayal and love my brother once again.
~The End~
Surviving Love Playlist
“Black Gives Way to Blue” by Alice in Chains
“Lovesong” by Adele
“Alibi” by Thirty Seconds to Mars
“Lullaby” by Billy Joel
“Angel” by Jimi Hendrix
“Bleeding Me” by Metallica
“Bones” by Young Guns
“Send me an Angel” by Alicia Keys
“Breaking Inside” by Shinedown
“Dead & Bloated” by Stone Temple Pilots
“For You” by Staind
“Happy” by Leona Lewis
“I Just Want to Make Love to You” by Etta James
“These Arms” by Otis Redding
“Gloomy Sunday” by Billie Holiday
“Stupid Girl” by Garbage
“You” by The Pretty Reckless
“ZzyZx Rd.” by Stone Sour
“Wait” by Seven Mary Three
“Love, Reign O’er Me” by Pearl Jam
“Black” by Pearl Jam
“Let It Be Me” by Ray LaMontagne
“Love the Way You Lie” by Skylar Grey
“Master of Puppets” Metallica
“Waste My Hate” Metallica
“I Found You” by Alabama Shakes
“Call Me” by Shinedown
“Cumbersome” by Seven Mary Three
“Drive” by Ziggy Marley
“Hats Off to the Bull” Chevelle
“Left for Dead” by Citizen Cope
“Son’s Gonna Rise” by Citizen Cope
“Not Meant to Be” by Theory of a Deadman
Acknowledgements
This book would not have existed if it wasn’t for my fans that begged and pleaded to give Drake his happily ever after. I would have done it eventually, but not in this format. So I want to tell you thank you for making Surviving Love happen. I was hesitant on writing this book knowing I would have to tap into the agony I left behind in Tragic Love. I knew I would have to feel the gut wrenching pain Drake experienced then all the other emotions that accompany the grieving process. It wasn’t easy, but like Drake, I started to feel solace in the characters, and by the time I was half way through, fell head over heels in love. I only hope you did the same.
I want to express a big thank you to my personal assistant, Michele, my proofreader, Georgette, street team members, beta readers and editors. You’ve all worked so hard to promote Surviving Love and I’m eternally grateful. I’m surrounded by the most amazing individuals and I could’ve asked for a greater collection of people.
Thank you to my family and friends, as well as, all those who give me the encouragement to keep writing. I love you all!
Other Books by M.S. Brannon
Sulfur Heights Series
Scarred Love, available for purchase on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and KOBO
Tragic Love, available for purchase on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and KOBO
Blind Love, available for purchase on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and KOBO
Surviving Love, available for purchase on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and KOBO
Redeemed Love, coming in June 2014
Stand Alones
Forbidden from You, Forbidden for me, coming in 2014
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