Don’t Ever Wonder

by Darren Coleman

  She looked like a porn star as she stared into my eyes, licking her lips. “You love this pussy don’t you, daddy?” she asked.

  “Yeah, you know I do.” I replied in hurried breath.

  “Then tell me, Cory.” She was bouncing up and down, pulling on her nipples. “Tell me you love it.”

  “Oh, I love it.”

  “Say it again.”

  “I love it.” She was wet as a waterfall and her flower was opening wider, taking me all in.

  “Call my name.” My eyes opened and my head was thrashing back and forth. She yelled it a second time. “Call my name, baby. Who’s your bitch?” I loved it when she talked foul during sex. “Qué es mi nombre?” She said in her native tongue.

  In that instant I lost control and yelled out, “Nina.”

  Instantly the room froze and a smile formed on Shelly’s face. I looked at her and then back to the door of our bedroom. “Nina, what the hell are you doing here?”

  Shelly was still on top of me and made no attempt to move or cover herself. “Cory, I invited her. I figured that it was time that Nina and I made up. No man is worth losing a sister over.” I looked at Nina in disbelief.

  Nina finally spoke. “Listen, Cory. It’s obvious that you love us both and there’s no fighting it. Shelly and I decided that we would do anything to make you happy and now we’re going to give you what you want. I just hope you can handle us both.” Once she said that, she opened her three-quarter-length jacket, revealing what she was wearing underneath. Nothing.

  I watched her approach the bed as she dropped her jacket to the floor. Shelly climbed off me and got down on all fours. I immediately entered her from behind.

  Nina walked up and placed her hand on the small of my back and her other hand on my chest. She then pulled my face to hers and she began to kiss me. I had never been with two women at one time and the experience had my heart beating so fast that I felt like I might pass out. “Here, lil’ sis, your turn,” Shelly said. She moved away from me and guided Nina to the bed. She pulled Nina’s legs apart and guided me into her. On one hand I was so shocked that Shelly was allowing this, but on the other I was so overjoyed and turned on that I was working myself into a frenzy.

  I was pounding Nina the same way I had the entire year before Shelly and I got married. Nina and I had enjoyed some hot sex. While Nina was a little more reserved than Shelly in the beginning, I had gotten her to open up as time went on. Now she was beneath me humping me back as if her life depended on it. “Papi, I missed you so. Ahhhh,” she moaned out.

  “I missed you too, baby.” I felt myself on the brink of my orgasm when Shelly grabbed my shoulder and yelled.

  “Who the hell do you miss?” she said angrily as I opened my eyes. She startled me so much that I rolled out of Nina and felt myself falling. In the next instant I hit the hardwood floor with a thud.

  I opened my eyes to the sunlight bursting through the windows. I came to and realized that I was lying on my back. Shelly was looking over the edge of the bed at me. “No more Domino’s Pizza for you in the middle of the night. You must have had a hellified dream.”

  When I realized that it was all a dream, I felt a sense of relief and disappointment at the same time. “Yeah, I must have been having a nightmare.” I climbed up off the floor and headed for the bathroom to try to get rid of the hard-on that I had. A few splashes of cold water and a morning piss would do the trick.

  I ran cold water on my washcloth and scrubbed my eyes as I stared at myself in the mirror. I thought back on my dream and wondered if I had slipped up and said Nina’s name.

  “So you don’t remember your dream, Cory?” Shelly said as I climbed back into the bed.

  I slid underneath the covers and the scene came back to me. I was inside Nina with Shelly watching. I closed my eyes and said. “I almost never do.”

  “Mmm hmm,” she purred. I felt her fumble for the remote to the radio. A few seconds later Rick James and Teena Marie were singing “Fire and Desire.” My eyes opened wide and I knew that going back to sleep was going to be hard.

  Mrs. Lamar showed up at one thirty as she did every Saturday. She worked for us Tuesday through Saturday. On Saturdays she would bring her granddaughter with her to play with Amani. They were both six going on sixteen and would take turns doing each other’s hair. They would see who could outdo the other’s Powerpuff Girls drawings and then sing on the karaoke machine for another hour or two. I often used the opportunity to escape and do a little shopping or meet up with one of the guys from work at a bar. Shelly was almost never home on Saturdays. She had several college friends in the area and had really embraced the whole idea of being a New Yorker.

  Amani and I were still bonding. Meeting your daughter for the first time when she is already five years old can make it tough turning mommy’s princess into a daddy’s girl, which is what I was trying to do. Up until I came around, Shelly’s whole life had centered around Amani and vice versa. Most of the time I felt more like her buddy than her father.

  Shelly had left earlier for Christina’s baby shower. I had mentioned the possibility of going into the office and was about to do so when my cell rang. “Hello.”

  “Good afternoon, Mr. Dandridge, are you busy?”

  “Is this who I think it is?” I asked.

  “Perhaps. This is Elena in shipping. Mr. Hakito told me that you’d be expecting my call.”

  My heart sank. “Oh, okay,” I said, my tone shifting from playful to business, “So I’m assuming you all have the Winthrop order ready to ship to Phoenix?”

  “Actually we do. All we need are the final approval forms. That’s why I was calling to see if you could fax them over. Mr. Hakito is in Orlando and he said that you had the authority sign off on it.”

  “Okay. I was headed to the office anyway. I’ll have them to you within the hour.” I took down her fax number and headed out the door. I was a little disappointed. Elena was Dominican, and her accent threw me off for a moment. I honestly thought that it was Nina calling to tell me that she would see me after all before she left. She stayed on my mind the entire time as I left my Gramercy Park neighborhood and headed up Madison Avenue to the office.

  I faxed Elena the documents and went over the agenda for a meeting that I was holding on Monday morning. I decided to head home and catch the Sixers and Spurs game and let Mrs. Lamar leave early. She usually stayed until seven or so, but I figured that she would appreciate a short workday.

  As I rode home I noticed that a light drizzle had begun to fall. I remembered a time when I welcomed the rain because it provided an excuse to fall back into bed with a lover and snuggle up. I passed the driver a ten and hopped out the cab. I was headed for my building when I heard my name called. “Cory.”

  I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Nina standing there in the rain. I tried to keep it in, but the joy that captured me at that moment brought a smile to my face. She smiled back and said, “Coffee. Nothing more.”

  “Yeah, I’d like that.” I said. “I’d like that a lot.”

  5

  How Sweet the Sound

  While having sex with Janette one night Nate looked down at his own stomach and couldn’t believe the condition he was allowing his body to slip into. He had never been so out of shape in his life. Lying in the aftermath of lovemaking, he ran his hands over his stomach and sides and felt the love handles that were beginning to form at his midsection. He was disgusted. Then he looked over at Janette, dozing off, happy and confident with her ample size, and decided that he could never be all right with his pudginess. While he still longed for control over his up and down emotional state, he knew that his physical condition was one thing that he could control. That night’s self-reflection had finally prompted Nate to act.

  The laps were getting easier each day for Nate. He had gotten a gym membership and was making good use of it. It was his fourth week of working out and he had shed ten pounds already. What had been a big help was that on his second day at Ru
n n’ Shoot he had met Larry Lawson. Larry was a big man; he threw the javelin at the University of North Carolina in the nineties. Now he spent his days working as a personal trainer part-time. He’d also told Nate he was active at his church.

  Nate was struggling to get to his two-hundredth crunch of the afternoon when Larry came over and started barking in his ear. “Come on, Nate. Suck it up. You can do it. No pain, no gain.” Painfully, he pulled it together and yanked his body up.

  “Two hundred.” Nate yelled and then stood up to grab his towel. He was drenched in sweat.

  “Good job. You’re a natural, bro.” Larry said, giving Nate a pound. “You could do the same thing, you know?”

  “What’s that?” Nate asked.

  “Train folks. You have this workout down to a science. You have more drive than anyone I’ve ever seen. When you first came in here you couldn’t do thirty crunches. Now look at you.” Nate’s body had started to come back. He was working out with a vengeance. His grandmother had come to town for a visit and told him that he looked like shit. She had told him to get himself together and most importantly to get a haircut. While he had started working out, he still hadn’t visited a barber. He looked a lot like R. Kelly did when he pulled his braids out. Afro Almighty.

  Responding to Larry’s comments, “I enjoy working out. I had gotten away from it for a while. To be honest I had been kind of depressed, but I’m starting to feel a little better.”

  “Of course you do. Working out allows you to release some stress and releases endorphins.”

  “Endorphins?”

  “Yeah, those are the body’s natural happy juices. Working out has been scientifically linked with the release of them endorphins in the bloodstream.”

  “Cool. I need all the happiness that I can get right now.” Nate said.

  “It’s funny that you say that. I noticed from the time that we met that your heart seemed heavy. Anyone who spends any time around you can tell that you’ve been carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders.”

  “Really? It shows?”

  “Yeah, it does,” Larry said, peering straight into Nate’s eyes. “Listen, Nate, I don’t want to be pushy, but I’ve got a spot that I want to take you to. All I need is a couple hours of your time. I’ll even feed you afterward.”

  Without thinking about it Nate answered, “Sure, man, where to?”

  “It’s a surprise. But let me get your address and I’ll pick you up on Sunday morning.”

  Nate knew where this was headed, but it was too late to back out. “Church?” Nate asked.

  “The best one in the state of North Carolina.” Larry wrote down Nate’s address. “So I’ll see you Sunday morning.” Larry was smiling ear to ear.

  “No doubt.” Then Nate thought about Janette. “Would it be all right if I bring along a friend?”

  “Don’t be silly. We always have room for more in the house of the Lord.” Larry gave Nate a pound and was about to head for the locker room. “Be blessed and remember one thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Between now and Sunday you are going to find ten reasons why you shouldn’t come to church, and if you fight the spirit of doubt off, then be ready for the devil to throw five more obstacles in your way.” He placed his hand on Nate’s shoulder and added, “Just keep bobbing and weaving. Just don’t give up the fight. I have a feeling that this could change your life.”

  Larry’s words rang through Nate’s head and in that instant he was determined to make it. He hadn’t been to a church in almost ten years. The closest he had come to attending church were the Sundays that he had to drive his grandmother to church. She was the one person who commanded his respect but even her request for him to attend had fallen on deaf ears. With the life that he had lived, getting up on Sundays had never been a consideration.

  For a couple of reasons, Nate felt compelled to accept Larry’s invite. Though he had tried to fight admitting it, there was no denying that Nate wanted to atone for his part in Kim’s death. He also felt that something was missing in his life and deep down he held some hope that there might be an answer for him in church, but most of all he appreciated Larry’s help as a workout partner and didn’t want to offend him. As soon as Larry left, Nate decided to find a barbershop and headed to Southpoint Mall to hit Belk’s and Nordstrom’s to find a suit. He had left his entire wardrobe behind and only shopped on an as-needed basis. Up to this point he’d had no use for a suit.

  Janette had been up since seven thirty. She’d been to the grocery store and back by the time Nate woke up. When he finally stirred from the bed, Janette had prepared him a plate with sliced fruit, a bagel, and turkey bacon. Janette’s body cringed from desire when she saw his naked body come into the kitchen. She had asked him not to a hundred times but as usual he took the Sunny Delight from the fridge and held the bottle to his lips. Janette watched the muscles in his throat as he chugged the juice down. He had lost all the weight that she had put on him.

  She placed the sports page on the table next to his breakfast. Then she pretended to be interested in the sale paper as she sat and watched him. His hair was cut close, not bald, as he had worn it when they met. His goatee was neatly trimmed and she noticed that his dark skin shone as if he had had an expensive facial. He had.

  Janette didn’t say anything about Nate’s appearance. She had seen his rapid transformation back to a model-quality physique. She would have lied if she said she didn’t feel a little insecure about him restoring his self back to optimum status. She also felt a little bad that she hadn’t taken the initiative to start working out as well. It made her wonder if it was just a matter of time before he grew tired of her thick girl lovin’.

  “I’m going to get dressed. I’ll lay your clothes out for you,” she said as she walked past him. She had on a mid-cut silk robe and her breasts were bouncing freely inside. Part of her was hoping that she would arouse him to the point where he would come and take her, but when he never looked up from the Observer sports section, she realized that his mind was somewhere else.

  “Okay. I’m right behind you.”

  When Larry arrived at ten o’clock sharp, Nate was surprised to see that he was driving a burgundy twenty-passenger luxury bus with the name GREATER CHARLOTTE WORD CONGREGATION on the side of it. Nate yelled to Janette and she came to the door, purse and Bible in hand. She hadn’t been to church in ages but welcomed the chance to get back into it. She’d been raised in the church and often thought about finding a new church home. She took Nate’s suggestion as a sign to finally start.

  “Man, you are looking cleaner than the board of health,” Larry said as he greeted Nate. Nate laughed and shook Larry’s hand. “And good morning to you, lovely lady.”

  “Good morning.” Janette replied.

  There were almost fifteen ladies, most of them elderly, and a couple of small children on the bus. Everyone spoke as Nate and Janette took a seat. “You two are in for a treat. My brother is preaching today. He came down from Washington, D.C. He has his own church up there, but he brought his choir down for a concert that we had last night and today he is going to bless us with a presentation of the Word. He is out of sight. I promise you won’t forget it.”

  “Is that so?” Janette asked.

  “You’ll see. You won’t regret coming today, not one bit.” Larry said and winked at Nate.

  As the bus moved up Speedway Avenue, Nate sat back, closed his eyes, and leaned his head against the window behind him. He was trying to remember the last time he had gone to church, or prayed for that matter. Thoughts of Kim slowly crept into his mind. It still bothered him that he didn’t attend her funeral. There was a distinct possibility that he would have met his own death at the hands of a few of her cousins, but what weighed more in his decision not to show up was the fact that deep down, he felt responsible for her death. She was so young and beautiful, but she made one huge mistake. She fell in love with and gave her heart and soul to Nate. He swallowed hard and tried to
fight back the feelings of guilt that began to consume him. Just then he felt a slap on his knee.

  “Wake up, nigga.”

  Nate opened his eyes to see a little kid no more than eight. Shocked, he said to the kid, “Excuse me?”

  “No sleeping in church. That’s what my grammaw be saying.” Just then an older lady called up from a few seats back.

  “Boy, get your tail over here. Leave that man alone.”

  Nate felt compelled to interject. Though he didn’t feel like being bothered with the kid, he said, “Ma’am, he’s fine.” Then he turned back to the boy. “So what’s your name?”

  The kid stared at Nate and replied, “Man, why you all up in my business?” Just that quick the kid turned and walked back to the rear of the bus to go irritate someone else.

  Nate’s face turned into a scowl and he made a mental note to stick his foot up the little boy’s ass the first chance he got. He couldn’t believe how awful these kids had gotten today.

  The church was a renovated grocery store. There was still a sign out front that said Winn-Dixie and there was evidence of construction all over the grounds. Larry explained that the congregation had only been in this location for two months. His brother, Reverend Lloyd Lawson, had purchased the building for their congregation. He explained how Lloyd’s church was doing really well. So well, in fact, that they had been able to build a church from the ground up near 7th Street in northeast D.C.