Don’t Ever Wonder

by Darren Coleman

  Once he sat back down I commented, “So it’s like that now?”

  He was grinning ear to ear. “What was I supposed to do?” He laughed. “You saw the ass on her, right?”

  “Cory, this dude is off the chain right now,” Dee said approvingly.

  “You mean this dog, right?”

  “Gimme a break, man,” Brendan replied.

  “Looks like you making your own breaks.” Nate laughed, shaking his head. “You got both feet in the game now, bruh.”

  Dee chimed in and began to tell the story of Brendan’s new and improved attitude. It was like Dee was proud of his new Frankenstein’s monster. “B, tell them about Tuesday.” Then he laughed out. “Ya’ll, this guy is unbelievable.”

  Brendan, with no shame, told the story of his night with his new sex partner. Nate’s mouth dropped open when Brendan explained how Tuesday had sexed him all night and scratched his back up. When he finally made it home, luckily Trina had already left for work. Just thinking of how he nearly got busted made him take a deep breath. It wasn’t until the hot water and soap hit his back in the shower that he realized he had been carved up like a turkey.

  When I asked how he kept Trina from noticing during sex, he answered, “We haven’t had it in weeks. I think she gave me an infection and all of a sudden her sex drive has fallen off. It don’t take a scientist to figure out that she must be doing her own thing. I guess a leopard never really does change its spots. The hell with it.”

  Nate joined in, “Why don’t you be a man about it and confront her? Why play games with her?”

  Every time he spoke like that it shocked us all. He was a brand-new man. Brendan shot back, “No use. Her days are numbered. I’m waiting for the right time to get rid of her, but right now she is paying half my mortgage. She doesn’t give me much fuss about what I’m doing. Shit, most of the time when I get in she’s asleep already.” He laughed.

  “So you’re cool living like that?” I asked.

  He smiled and looked at his ringing cell phone. “For now,” he said, nodding slowly. “Hello.” He answered. “Oh, what’s up Tanisha?” Dee grinned from ear to ear as if to say look at how I’ve helped him.

  When it came to Brendan and Dee, it was a case of a lost soul following a blind man. Wherever Dee was leading him, it was sure to be uncharted territory. He had unleashed the player in Brendan and at this point there was nothing Nate or I could offer that could compare to the sense of self-worth that he had now with his new identity. We did what men do in these situations. We decided to live and let live.

  We left the bar and headed downtown to my favorite club, Dream. I loved the spot because it was a place where you could see a thousand black folks together looking good and partying, and almost never a fight. There were fine women everywhere, even if half of them were looking for ballers, the other half came to play and have a good time. The warm night had the spot jumping and there was a line down the block. We valet parked and this time Dee knew a bouncer at the door, so Nate didn’t even have to ask for Marc, the owner, to get us into VIP. We were inside in no time and were enjoying the atmosphere. OutKast and Sleepy Brown were scheduled to perform, so we made our way upstairs to the stage area.

  We stepped in and took notice of the jam-packed room. Nate decided to play the back, so we followed suit. Soon the group came on and had the place rocking. When they performed “I Like the Way You Move” all the women who were dancing near the back rushed the crowded floor and suddenly there was a little breathing room. I prepared to take a seat and it was déjà vu all over again when I saw her standing in the back sipping a drink. I didn’t say anything to Nate as I strolled over to her.

  “What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?”

  Paula’s eyes lit up when she saw me and she beamed with affection. “Well, if it isn’t Cory Dandridge.”

  The embrace was genuine and lasted a little longer than it should have. She smelled like a dream and was dressed to kill. She was wearing leather pants and a tight-fitting cashmere sweater that showed her cleavage. We began talking and she explained that she was in town for a conference and was staying with one of her sorors. I was so caught up in the shock of seeing her again after all this time that it never even registered that she was in my hometown and in a nightclub of all places. I asked her a series of questions but never got around to asking about her husband. The last I’d heard from her she was going to give her marriage the old college try. Our affair had ended when I left Atlanta to move back north. Months later on a trip back to Atlanta for a wedding I made an attempt to see her again. She agreed to see me but at the last minute, instead of showing, she wrote me a letter telling me that she wouldn’t be seeing me in my hotel. I understood that she wanted to do right by her husband but her letter had stung me nonetheless.

  “I’m headed back to Atlanta on Sunday,” she said.

  I nodded in response.

  “I’d like to see you before I leave,” she said matter-of-factly.

  I felt a sense of pride and my chest swelled a bit with her offer and I replied, “I would like nothing more but…”

  “But what?”

  I held my hand up showing her my wedding band. Then all of a sudden she covered her mouth and her eyes showed both hurt and shock. When I reached for her she attempted to shove me away and I dropped my drink causing it to splash all over my shoes and pants leg. “How could you?” she screamed and stormed off.

  I was in shock, and within seconds Nate had come to my side. “Yo, what the hell did you do to her?”

  “Huh.” I was still in shock.

  “Who was that?” Nate asked as we watched her head down the steps making a getaway.

  When I explained to Nate who she was, he shook his head and like a true friend he tried to hold back his laughter. He bought me another drink, a coke with no liquor in it, and we sat and talked. I was as confused as I was upset when he made sense of it for me.

  “Cory, if that’s the worst that ever happens to you for messing with a married woman, then consider yourself lucky. You were in a situation that was in no way sanctioned or blessed by God. It was chaos and we know who the author of chaos is.”

  “Yeah, I feel you.”

  “When you step out there like that, things become unpredictable. You may think that you’re in control but in all actuality you’re nothing more than a pawn.” He paused, “Now what do you think would have happened if you had tried to shove her the way she did you?” He burst out laughing and I laughed too.

  “They would have locked my ass up tonight.”

  “You know it.”

  “Come on. You ready to bounce up out of here?” I asked.

  “Ready when you are.”

  The club was too crowded to look for Brendan, but since he was riding with Dee we figured he’d do exactly what he wanted to and make his way home eventually. We headed down the steps and toward the exit. As soon as we walked out the front door and headed toward the car, Nate tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Brother, for you tonight is like that old show This Is Your Life. The one where you meet up with everybody from your past.”

  “How so?” I asked just in time to see Nina standing in front of me waiting for someone. As I moved past her our eyes met and the connection that we shared made it hard to breathe.

  He smiled and said, “I’m going to get the car, man.” Then he spoke to Nina briefly and kept moving.

  The night was getting weirder and weirder. “So what brings you to town?” Nina asked.

  “I came home to see Nate.”

  “Is she here with you?”

  “No.”

  There was silence and a black BMW pulled up to the curb. “Keep this.” She slipped me her cell phone. “I’ll call you in an hour from my house. Don’t answer it unless you see the word home appear on that screen, brother.” She had a smirk on her face. “Unless you want to get your feelings hurt.”

  I nodded and watched her jump into the passenger seat of the Beemer. T
he windows were tinted and I couldn’t make out the driver’s face. She pulled off and Nate pulled up.

  He drove. We hit New York Avenue and headed toward 395 toward Crystal City. He didn’t ask me any questions about Nina. He did tell me that he wanted me to take him to get his Lexus out of my mother’s garage in the morning. “Ready to put the top down on it?” I asked.

  “Nah, I’m getting rid of it tomorrow.”

  The car was practically brand new but nothing surprised me about the way he spent money. I figured he was trading it in even though he hadn’t had much of a chance to enjoy it. I probably would have asked about it if my mind hadn’t been preoccupied with the phone in my pants pocket. We drove straight to the hotel and both went to our rooms. I looked down at my slacks and shoes and thought about Paula. She was a nut. As crazy as she had acted I had to admit that I was glad to have run into her. Some part of me even felt good about rejecting her advance. After all, she had done the exact same thing to me one year earlier. I laughed aloud as I began to get undressed.

  I called Shelly to say good night but she must have been asleep because there was no answer at the house. I put on ESPN and plopped onto the bed. I was excited and nervous about going to see Nina at least once before I went home. She had to get her phone. My mind began to drift back to the summer day when Shelly told me that she was pregnant. I was truly happy that day. I couldn’t quite remember where we got off track. It dawned on me that we never really did. I got caught wondering about whether Shelly and I still had the magic. When Nina’s phone rang and I saw home appear on the screen, I realized once and for all that we didn’t.

  11

  If Heaven’s Missing an Angel

  Sitting through church sermons was a new experience for Nate. Although he was extremely attentive to the messages that Reverend Lawson delivered, he sometimes caught his mind drifting. Reverend Lawson looked like a dark-skinned version of Suge Knight except that his goatee was salt and pepper and his cheeks a little chubbier. His voice echoed through the entire church as he roused the congregation with colorful analogies and inspirational scripture. Today he preached about the spirit of second chances.

  The words were extremely timely for Nate. He fully recognized that he’d been given one. Through all the sinning, deceit, and abuse he’d committed he was still here. He thought about the women who would have loved to have ended his life for the heartache he’d given them. Then there were the many boyfriends and husbands who had sat up waiting for their women to come in from the clubs or girls’ night out only to have to wait until the next day or whenever Nate was done with them. His life had been filled with self-indulgence and reckless abandon when it came to the feelings of anyone else.

  “Be mindful, folks, that some of you are walking around so high and mighty that you don’t feel that you don’t need to, or want to, give anyone…your husband, your wife, your children, or your friends second chances. You don’t even realize that God gives you second second chances daily. Shucks, sometimes you need a third second chance before you even make it to lunchtime. I know I do.” The church erupted in low laughter. “So make it a point to show that humility. That’s why we have erasers on pencils…we all make mistakes.” He quoted a few more scriptures, led the congregation in a closing prayer, and directed the choir to end the service with a song.

  One thing that Nate loved about church was that everyone whom he came in contact with seemed so eager to fellowship and encourage him. Without noticing, it seemed as though Nate sought out forgiveness for his past from everyone he met. He’d become extremely humble and his demeanor had changed. It was as if a part of him had died right along with Kim. He was thinking of her as he exited the pew and headed up the aisle toward the doors of the church.

  As he made his way down the steps he noticed a woman pointing at him. She was standing with two other women. Nate pretended not to notice and kept moving until she shouted his name. “Nate. Nate Montgomery.” He glanced over and she shouted, “I thought that was you in the church.”

  He looked over and made eye contact this time and recognized her face. It was Erika. He hadn’t seen her since he had thrown her and her cousin out of his apartment after sleeping with them both. He wasn’t sure if he should stop and say hello or wave and keep moving. As he was thinking it over, he found himself right in front of her. She was still looking good and he wondered for a moment why he had never taken her seriously. “Hey, Erika. It’s nice to see you.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Nice to see me?”

  Nate released an uncomfortable chuckle. “Yeah. Nice to see you.” He decided to play dumb. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

  Her eyes narrowed and her lips got tight. “Oh, I see you’re still a real jackass, huh?”

  “Erika,” one of her friends said, trying to quell an outburst.

  Nate shook his head. He wasn’t disgusted at her behavior but a little shocked that she was about to take it there in front of the church. He understood why she would still be angry. She was really digging him for a while. The last time he had seen her he’d made love to her all night long and probably promised her the world. The next morning, though, instead of breakfast in bed, he served her the shock of her life. After sleeping like a baby she was awakened by a thumping sound. When she realized she was in Nate’s bed alone she got up to find him. Moments later, she walked in on him banging her cousin, Jay, who had slept in the next room. A horrible scene unfolded and he, of course, had sent them both packing. Erika had never enjoyed a worse Thanksgiving, thanks to Nate.

  “Hey listen E—”

  She cut him off and pointed her finger into his face. “My name is Erika and—”

  “Erika, I’m sorry,” Nate said calmly, interrupting her before she started her tirade. “I was in a really bad place then. I behaved ya’know…real foul back then. I know I hurt you and I know what I did was worse than just wrong. So from the bottom of my heart I want you to know that I truly apologize.” Erika was silent. An apology was the last thing she expected. It was evident that she had long awaited the chance to confront him and to blast him. Now here she was looking deep into the eyes of a sincere man. “Even if you can’t forgive me, then at least accept my apology.”

  A few seconds and she nodded her head. Her friends were silent as well. One of them was looking Nate up and down. He was wearing a dark brown Helmut Lang suit and a five-hundred-dollar pair of Polo loafers. It wasn’t until he had spoken so gently that they noticed how appealing he was. “O…okay…I accept your apology.” Nate extended his hand to shake hers and was surprised when she reached out and pulled him in for a hug. He was even more surprised when during the embrace she whispered into his ear, “I have missed you soooooo much. No one ever made me feel like you did.”

  When Nate pulled away he immediately felt uncomfortable. Before he had to come up with a response, he heard a welcome voice. “Nathan. Come here for a second.” He looked over and saw Reverend Lawson waving him over.

  “E…I mean Erika, it was good seeing you again,” he said. She nodded in agreement.

  “You too. Do you come here every week?” She asked.

  “Well I just moved back in town and…”

  “Nathan,” Reverend Lawson called again.

  “Let me run. Maybe I’ll see you again,” he said and walked off toward his pastor, glad that he didn’t’ have to tell a lie to avoid seeing her again.

  He walked up on the reverend and shook his hand. “How’d you like that message today?”

  “It was great. I enjoyed it thoroughly.”

  “That’s good.” He laughed. “Listen, Nate, I have someone I want you to meet.” He spun his big body and pulled a sister from a group of ladies behind him. He led her lightly by the arm and placed her in front of Nate. “Charley, this is the young man I was telling you about. Nathan Montgomery.” Then he patted Nate on the shoulder. “Nate, I present to you my lovely sister-in-law. She is single and ready to mingle, or should I say ready to meet a fine young man like yourself.
” He laughed.

  “Hi Nate, I’m Charlene.” She extended her hand and they shook as they exchanged pleasantries. Nate noticed that Charlene had a really firm grip. Her build was like Angela Bassett’s when she played the role of Tina Turner. His mind immediately took him back to the fluffy body of Janette in Charlotte. He had grown used to the soft curves of a larger woman and though he was focused on remaining celibate, when he had broken down and masturbated images of Janette and other full-figured women were always flooding his mind. Charlene was pretty enough and her smile was bright, but Nate felt no connection to her.

  “Nate, I want you to come to the house for lunch. We’re having some people over and I would love for you to meet my wife.”

  Nate knew that it was a setup. The good reverend was trying to play matchmaker and it was obvious. “Rev, I really have a lot to do this afternoon.”

  “Nathan, I would take it as a personal insult if you didn’t come and join me.”

  Nate shook his head and a cordial grin appeared on his face hiding the pressure he was feeling. “Well, since you put it like that I don’t see how I could refuse.”

  They both laughed and Charlene smiled and winked at Nate.

  The church parking lot cleared and a half hour later Nate followed the pastor and ten carloads of church members into a gated community out in Mitchellville, Maryland. Lloyd Lawson had a seven-thousand-square-foot home in a community reserved for the area’s elite. Nate remembered coming into the community for a party at Chris Webber’s house when he played for the Wizards a few years back. It was strange to imagine that a man working for a church could afford such a house. The thought crossed his mind that a good portion of the collections must have gone into paying the mortgage on this place.

  Lloyd’s Mercedes disappeared into the garage and everyone else parked in the driveway and gravel next to it. He exited his car and followed the other members of the congregation toward the front door. “Hey, Nathan,” Charlene said as she appeared.