Not Quite Married

by Lorhainne Eckhart

  “Your dad is not taking you,” Logan said before Julia could respond, but he couldn’t make promises like that, and it made her furious that he would.

  “You promise?” Trinity sniffled. “I love Dad, but I don’t know him. I don’t want to live in California with him and Angie.”

  “Your mom and I are getting married next weekend. I’ll talk to your dad, and everything will be fine,” Logan said.

  “Logan…” Julia started, but he shook his head and directed a sharp glance to the girls, so she shut her mouth. “Do you want me to stay until you go to sleep?” she asked Trinity, prepared to climb into the single bed with her daughter even though her back was stiffening up and her shoulder still ached.

  “I can do it, Mom,” Dawn said. Trinity turned to her sister, and they both crawled under the covers together and held hands as Logan pulled the comforter up.

  Logan followed Julia to the doorway, sliding his arm around her and pulling her against him. “I’ll leave the door open, and I’ll check on you girls again before bed. No one’s getting in here. No one is getting past me,” he repeated, and Julia watched Trinity, who seemed to consider what he was saying and then nodded.

  “Okay, but you’ll check the doors again, make sure everything’s locked?”

  “I’ll check everything again.”

  “Thanks, Logan,” she added more calmly, and Julia realized she really did look to Logan to keep her safe.

  “Come on back to bed,” Logan said, following Julia into their bedroom.

  “She hasn’t had a nightmare for a while,” Julia said. “Now Kevin is stirring things up right when she was just beginning to settle and get back to normal. We’re right back where we started, aren’t we?” She fisted her hands as she sat on the edge of the bed, her pink nightshirt riding up to her thighs.

  Logan sat on the bed beside her and slid his arm around her. “We need to have a talk about that. She’s not fine, Julia. Coming through what she did, being kidnapped by Maloney and stuffed in a trunk…she needs help. She suffered a trauma, and I’m probably just as guilty as you for not seeing that she needs to talk to someone.”

  Julia slid away and turned so she could look up at Logan, feeling as if she’d been slapped. Maybe he hadn’t meant it that way, but to her if felt as if she’d forgotten to care for her own child and get her the help she so desperately needed.

  “I’ve been seeing someone,” Logan said in the next breath.

  It was instant: the fury, the fear, the panic. She was off the bed, instantly recalling the betrayal by her ex-husband.

  “Not like that,” he said quickly. “I’m talking about a counselor.” He was touching her, and she was still reeling from the unexpected shock of where her mind had gone.

  Her hand was shaking as she touched her chest. “Oh,” she said. “I don’t understand?”

  “For my PTSD. There’s a retired military doctor over in Arco who I see Tuesday afternoons. I don’t ever want to scare you again—or for something to trigger me.”

  Julia watched the range of emotions on Logan’s face in the dim light. She leaned down and flicked on the bedside lamp. “You’re just telling me this now? How long have you been seeing this doctor?”

  He didn’t say anything for the longest time. He just watched her, his gaze softening. “Since I found Trinity.” He didn’t add anything else.

  “Is this how our marriage is going to start, with secrets, with you doing what you want whenever you want and maybe mentioning it to me down the road? Logan, I’ve been there and done that, and it’s not something I ever want to go through again.” Her chest ached as she fought not to cry. How could she have been wrong about Logan? Maybe all men were the same. Logan’s expression darkened. Maybe she should have been worried about pushing him, but all she could think about was how angry she was. “You know what, Logan? I can’t do this.” She was off the bed, putting her hand to her back when she felt it tighten. He went to touch her, but she brushed his hand away. She stepped back and circled around him.

  “Julia, come on, baby. Calm down. You’re distraught. You’ve had a rough day, and you’re just not thinking clearly.”

  “Don’t you dare say one more word, because if the next words out of your mouth are that I’m pregnant and overreacting—”

  He stepped in and touched her. “Stop it,” he growled. “You are overreacting, so don’t put words in my mouth. I’m not the bad guy here, so don’t take this out on me, Julia.”

  “You lied to me. This isn’t an overreaction, Logan. I’ve been through this, and I’m not doing it again.”

  “What are you saying?” he asked.

  Julia wanted to cry, but she firmed her expression and said, “The wedding’s off.”

  Chapter 7

  Logan was stiff from the little sleep he’d managed to get. Then again, he had slept on the sofa, which was way too short for him, and he had spent the entire night reliving how Julia had reacted to him getting help, going so far as to call off the wedding. He couldn’t believe how she had lost it—and all because he didn’t tell her about that damn shrink his brother insisted he start seeing.

  He glanced over at the hallway when he heard rustling, then footsteps coming down the hall. He could tell it was Julia by the slight shuffle she did in the morning. There was a hesitation in her step, and any fool could feel the anxiety and stressful energy that filled the house. He listened to the bathroom door close. So she was hiding from him now.

  Logan tossed back the blanket and went to stand, but his leg, the one that had been pieced back together after a roadside bomb ended his career in the marines, reminded him with a sharp burning that it was far from all right. He took a deep breath and massaged his thigh muscle through his jeans before standing and stretching. Finally, the ache passed. He stopped in the hallway and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his bare chest just as the bathroom door opened.

  Julia had dark circles under her eyes, her short hair sticking up. She crossed her arms over her breasts in the thin nightshirt as if trying to hide from him. She put a shaky hand on the doorframe and glanced down at the floor. It was an awkward moment, especially when she wouldn’t meet his gaze. He could tell she’d slept as well as he had.

  “Can we talk?” Logan said, moving away from the wall. With the way she was holding herself so tightly, he didn’t dare reach for her.

  Her green eyes were empty of the powerful, dynamic presence that usually drew Logan to her. He could see her conflicting emotions. She seemed to consider what he was saying, at the same time so tired that she couldn’t be reasonable. Maybe she’d given up on something—everything. Maybe that was it.

  “Julia, come on. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “You should walk out that door, Logan. Go now. You don’t want to take on my problems, and I don’t want to be wondering if you’re hiding something from me. I can’t go there again.”

  “I know you can’t, and you’re misunderstanding me, Julia. Me not telling you about the shrink wasn’t about me hiding it from you,” he said.

  Her eyes widened, and she stepped in and jabbed her finger to his chest. “Are you kidding me? Marriage means you don’t have your own life. You don’t get to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it!” She stepped back and shut her eyes, frustrated, before wandering into the kitchen. She grabbed the coffeepot and filled it with water, and Logan watched her as she started scooping coffee into the basket and pressed the button.

  “You sure you should be drinking coffee?” he asked, wondering whether she would snap at him again.

  She just firmed her lips and shook her head, raising her hands in defeat as if telling him she’d had enough. She started past him, but he put his hand on her shoulder and stopped her, sliding his hand down her front, over her stomach. She stopped and just let him touch her. Her body couldn’t lie; she wanted him, and she wanted his touch. He could feel how she was responding, but she was fighting it.

  “Don’t walk away,” he
said. “You go on and on about not talking and hiding things, but that’s exactly what you’re doing. You think I don’t know what you’re afraid of? It’s the same thing that scares the hell out of me.”

  She glanced up at him, her expression guarded. “What is it you’re afraid of, Logan?” she finally asked.

  “Hurting you,” he replied.

  Chapter 8

  Julia stared up into Logan’s very tired blue eyes. Her head was thick, and she was an absolute mess after crying into her pillow off and on most of the night. She was afraid, but as the hours passed, she could have kicked herself for reacting so badly.

  “I can’t do secrets, Logan,” she whispered. “Why wouldn’t you tell me you were getting help? You have to know that was the one thing that held me back from being with you at first. I saw PTSD with my dad, and deep down, Logan, I know you’re not like that, but it scares the hell out of me that something could trigger you and you could hurt me or the girls. I can’t walk on eggshells ever again.”

  He didn’t let her go. Instead, he turned her and pinned her against the counter, his arms holding her there. “Trinity was triggered last night,” he said. “I saw it coming after you were served. She was upset. She is upset. Sometimes it’s the little things that can set you off. I’m sorry, Julia. I wish I could say that nothing will ever happen again with me. That’s why I went for help. I’m doing everything I can to make sure I’m okay, that you and the girls will be okay. Granted, I should have said something. I just…”

  “You what, Logan?” she snapped. Of course, she immediately regretted it. “Sorry.”

  Logan stepped back, and she could feel the distance between them. He put his hands on his hips and watched her. Had she pushed him too far? What would it take for him to walk out the door? Maybe he’d had enough.

  “I’m going to get ready for work,” he said, starting to turn away.

  “You’re just going to walk away? I expected more from you,” she said. A second later, he had her backed against the counter. His hand was pressed to her stomach.

  “There’s a time to fight, Julia, and then there’s wisdom in taking a breather, walking away from a fight before I say something I’ll regret. You’ve been pushing every one of my buttons like you want to fight with me. What is it you want, Julia? Seriously, do you even know?” He stepped away again, his expression unreadable. “I’m getting in the shower. I’m going to take the girls to school, and I have to go to work.” He turned away but turned back to face her from the hallway. “I would like it if you’d stay home in bed and rest.”

  There was no way that was going to happen. She crossed her arms. “No, Logan,” she said. “I didn’t open yesterday. I can’t do that again today.”

  His expression was guarded as she stood there facing him, a giant distance between them. Then he turned away, went down the hall into the bathroom, and shut the door.

  Chapter 9

  Logan was at his desk, sifting through a report that Clinton had taken. A horse on one of the nearby farms had had its tail hair cut off, and Logan couldn’t believe someone would do that—although there was a black market for just about everything. Rose, the mature woman who ran the sheriff’s office, put the phone before him, playing a recorded message from the town council. Logan pushed it aside, closed the file, and leaned back in his chair. Rose returned a second later and put a cup of coffee in front of him.

  “Would you stop fussing over me?” he said, glancing up into her shrewd mothering expression.

  “Logan, you need to go and see Julia.”

  Logan didn’t look away as he rubbed his chin, trying to figure out what she was talking about.

  “Oh, I’ve been married half a lifetime, and I know when there’s trouble at home,” Rose said.

  “With Julia being hurt yesterday, you need to go and work things out.”

  “What’s there to work out?” he asked.

  Rose responded by giving him a stern look, as if he’d done something really stupid and should have known better. “Logan Wilde, for a smart man, you are extremely dumb. Whatever it is, just apologize! She may think you’ve done something, or she may have taken something you’ve said the wrong way. The quickest way to work things out is to just say you’re sorry. Doesn’t matter who did what or who said what.”

  “Look, she’s pregnant. She’s creating a problem that’s not there.”

  Rose actually rolled her eyes at him. “You’re not listening. Being pregnant means your hormones are all over the map. You become sensitive, overreact. If you want a marriage that works, you need to understand it’s not all black and white. There’s no right and wrong. You make it work, and you need to apologize,” she said emphatically.

  He had to admit that a lot of what she said seemed sound, but Julia was overreacting and freaking out, and Logan knew darn well it was all because that jerk she used to be married to was pulling out all the stops. Julia’s way of handling it was to push him away.

  He slid his chair back, touching his holstered gun, and he noticed how Rose seemed to take in all of him. Maybe she had noticed that he was wearing yesterday’s clothes—wrinkled jeans, wrinkled shirt. When he’d climbed out of the shower, Julia had been in the bedroom with the door closed. He lifted his jean jacket from the hook and shrugged it on. “Call me if you need me,” he said.

  “We won’t. You go on, now.” Rose left his office, and Logan followed just as Jordy, his other deputy, who had been injured while trying to find Trinity, hobbled in with a cane, his leg still in a cast. He moved a little slower, but Logan could tell the man had been climbing the walls, being cared for by Rose day and night. He needed something to do.

  “Hey, Jordy, how’re you feeling?”

  “Never better. Can’t wait to get this darn thing off.” He tapped his cast with his cane, his pant leg snug. He wore his tan deputy uniform, the star pinned on his chest as he rested at a desk.

  “Well, take it easy. Call me if you need me.”

  “We won’t,” Rose said again, and Jordy watched the two of them as if trying to figure out what was going on. He shook his head as he pulled his drawer open and lifted a file out.

  Logan left and slid in behind the wheel of his Jeep. He sat there for a minute, considering what Rose had said. How did you begin to reason with a woman who was overreacting and only looking for a fight? Maybe Rose was right. He smiled, wondering to himself what would happen if he just apologized.

  He didn’t have long to think about it, as he had already pulled in front of Julia’s café and noticed several vehicles parked up and down the street. There were people walking past, and a couple he didn’t recognize came out of the café. Julia was serving a broad-shouldered man—clean cut, with dark hair. It was the worn leather jacket that gave him away. The man turned around, his blue eyes flashing as he took in Logan and then Julia.

  “Hey, big brother. Just met your lovely bride, here.”

  Julia pursed her lips and wiped the counter nervously, but she said nothing.

  “What are you doing here?” Logan asked, realizing another of his mistakes. He hadn’t told Julia about his call to Samuel last night. He couldn’t believe his brother would just show up here! He wanted a moment with his brother just to make sure he hadn’t opened his big mouth, which, without a doubt, would have put him in even more hot water with a woman he wasn’t so sure still wanted to marry him. “You clean up well. So when did you get your hair cut?” he said instead.

  “This morning, actually. When I heard you’re finally taking the big plunge and getting married, I thought I could at least make myself presentable,” Samuel said.

  Logan glanced to Julia, who was looking tired and uncomfortable. She definitely hadn’t said anything about the wedding, then. “You feeling okay?” he asked. For a moment, she looked startled.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” she replied politely, forcing a smile. “What are you doing here?”

  Logan didn’t miss the confused expression on his brother’s face. Anyone coul
d see there was trouble in paradise. He put his hands on his hips but made no move to step behind the counter, closer to Julia. “Came to see you and how you are. Didn’t expect my brother to be here, though.” Logan stepped up beside Samuel and put his hand on his shoulder. He squeezed hard, hoping his brother had learned when to talk and when to keep his mouth shut.

  “Well, after you called last night and told me about the custodial problem, I thought I could be more help here,” Samuel said with a big grin. “Besides, I spoke with my boss, Tanner Cole, and you should be happy to know he’s agreed to take the case. He’s good, too.”

  Logan sighed. No, Samuel definitely still had a lot to learn. Logan squeezed his shoulder harder just as Julia glared at him and tossed her cloth on the counter.

  “Uh, is there a problem here?” Samuel asked as he looked from Julia to Logan.

  “Yeah, you idiot,” Logan said. “Your big mouth is the problem.”

  Chapter 10

  “Well, how was I supposed to know you hadn’t told her? You called me, remember?” Samuel snapped.

  Julia continued into the back room, to the rear door, thankful no one else was left in the café. She needed a breather to wrap her head around the fact that now Logan was going behind her back, telling his family about all her problems. She was horrified and wanted nothing more than to crawl in a hole and hide. What must they think of her? She worried they would see her as a bad mother.

  “Julia?” Logan was beside her, standing in the doorway as she leaned against the concrete wall out back.

  “So now you’re going behind my back and telling your family about my legal problems, how Kevin is trying to take my girls away? Your brother thinks we’re getting married,” she said, immediately wishing she had had a chance to think. What the hell was she doing? She kept pushing Logan away. She needed to stop this, and of course she instantly regretted the harshness and plain old bitchiness in her voice. This just wasn’t like her.