Boy in the Mirror

by Robert J. Duperre

“Uh, okay. Where is she?”

  “Upstairs. Second door on the right.”

  “Sure thing.”

  Jordan made his way to the stairs, meandering, counting steps. At the second door on the right he paused, took a breath, and knocked.

  “Coming!” Jacqueline shouted.

  The door opened, and there was Jacqueline, wearing pink leggings and an oversized tee shirt, her hair mussed. She gawked, blinking like she didn’t recognize him. “What’re you doing here?” she asked.

  Jordan’s heart sank. “Your aunt invited me.”

  “Oh.”

  “She didn’t tell you.”

  “Nope.”

  He took a deep breath. “I’ll go if you want me to.”

  Jacqueline shook her head. “No, no. It’s fine. Really. I just…‌wasn’t expecting you.” She leaned out the door and glanced down the hall. “What the heck is that smell?”

  “Don’t know. Something in the oven.”

  “Mitzy’s cooking?”

  “I guess so. Why?”

  “Because Mitzy doesn’t cook. Well, except cookies. But I guess that’s technically baking.”

  “Oh.”

  “Listen,” Jacqueline said, “I gotta do something for a sec. I’ll meet you downstairs. ’Kay?”

  “Okay.”

  With that, Jacqueline shut the door. Jordan stuffed his hands in his pockets and made for the stairs. Just like a good puppy, he thought, frowning.

  Dinner was veggie lasagna. It had the requisite pasta smell, and it tasted okay as long as he heaped fake parmesan cheese on top.

  Mitzy cringed as she watched him shake the cheese over his plate. “Sorry if it’s not perfect. I’m not a great cook.”

  Jacqueline mouthed, She can’t cook at all.

  Jordan chuckled.

  They ate in relative silence, Mitzy staring at him while Jacqueline stared at her food. Jordan was just starting to think this hadn’t been such a great idea when a warming sensation spread through his abdomen and his nerves settled. Jacqueline even offered him a shy smile from across the table. The slope of her jaw was tender, her round cheeks adorable, the twinkle in her hazel eyes mysterious.

  It was Mitzy who broke the silence. “So Jordan, how’d the game go on Thursday?”

  “I don’t know. I quit the football team.”

  “Really? Jackie didn’t tell me. Why?”

  “Didn’t want to deal with my, er, friend.” He fidgeted with his fork. “You know who.”

  Mitzy glowered. “Oh, him.”

  “Anyway, I’ve always liked baseball more anyway,” Jordan said with an offhanded wave.

  “You play? What position?”

  “Outfield.”

  Jacqueline finally spoke up. “I didn’t know that. Are you good?”

  “I am. Coach thinks I could get drafted. Late rounds, but it’d still be cool.”

  “I hope the Monarchs draft you,” Mitzy said.

  “The who?” asked Jordan

  “The New York Monarchs?” Miss Sarin said, perplexed.

  “You mean the Yankees?” said Jacqueline. “Or the Mets?”

  “Oh yeah, the Yankees. I don’t know sports.”

  Jordan chuckled. “There’s more important things in the world.”

  “Very true, Jordan.” Miss Sarin winked. “Such as how things have gone for my niece at school. Jackie’s told me she’s fine, but sometimes I wonder about her…‌earnestness with me.”

  “Mitzy!” Jacqueline exclaimed.

  Jordan cleared his throat. “It’s actually been good, Miss Sarin.”

  “Really? No teasing? No threats?”

  Jacqueline moaned and sunk in her chair.

  “Well, some,” Jordan said, looking at Jacqueline. Her cheeks flushed. “But better than you would’ve thought. Most kids’ve been really supportive.”

  “Excellent,” Miss Sarin said. “Kids get a bad rap. Everyone talks about how cruel they are, but there has to be some niceness there too. Right?”

  “I guess. ’Course, it’s always possible being nice is just a trend.” Jordan grinned in Jacqueline’s direction. She seemed to force a smile in return.

  “You’re a smart kid, Jordan,” Mitzy said, picking up her glass of water. “Let’s toast to helpful trends.”

  “Here, here.”

  They clinked glasses together, even Jacqueline. Mitzy got up and brought in dessert, which was a store-bought carrot cake. Jordan felt more and more relaxed as he told Mitzy his college plans, told them both about his family.

  It was almost ten o’clock by the time Jordan stood up from the table and announced he had to leave.

  “So soon?” said Jacqueline’s aunt.

  “Yeah, sorry. Got a chem paper to finish.”

  “We’ll do this again, right?”

  He glanced at Jacqueline, who passed him an odd look. “Uh, sure,” he said.

  Mitzy hugged him, squeezing him a little too tightly, before heading into the kitchen to clean up. Jacqueline walked him to the door. Jordan retrieved his coat and paused. Jacqueline stood in front of him, biting her lip.

  “Dinner was nice,” Jordan told her.

  “Yeah,” she replied.

  “Though your aunt really can’t cook.”

  “Told you.”

  “Maybe takeout next time?”

  “Sure.”

  They lingered there for an uncomfortable moment, until Jordan took a deep breath and said, “Guess that’s my cue to leave.”

  “Okay.”

  “Can I get a hug at least?”

  She nodded slowly.

  He leaned over and put his hands around her back. She didn’t hug him back, but she seemed to relax a little. It was something at least.

  “I had fun tonight,” he told her.

  “So did I.”

  Jordan glanced toward the entry into the dining room, making sure her aunt wasn’t watching. He swallowed hard, hands shaking. He wasn’t sure why he was so nervous. He was eighteen years old, an adult in the eyes of the law, and he was panicking about asking out a girl who wasn’t even old enough to drive. It didn’t make sense. Just say it already, he told himself.

  “Listen, Jackie, I like you. A lot.”

  She shuffled from foot to foot. “Okay.”

  “Can we go out sometime? A movie or something?”

  A conflicted half-smile appeared on Jacqueline’s face. “I guess I’d like that,” she said.

  He whispered into her ear, “I’d like that, too.”

  When his breath struck her, Jacqueline shivered.

  Jordan kissed her on the forehead before leaving. He walked out into the cold night, happy despite it all.

  There was a message from Andrea on his phone: How’d it go?

  I think I’m falling, he typed.

  Of course you are.

  “There’s worse things to fall into,” he thought, and with his hands shaking, he drove on down the road.

  CHAPTER 36

  To Jacqueline, the first day of Christmas break almost seemed like shorts and tee shirt weather. The cold snap had finally broken, the temperature outside a balmy forty degrees.

  Mitzy was out of town for business, and Jacqueline had secretly invited her friends over for a Tuesday night of fun and relaxation. She currently stood with Annette in front of the picture window, watching the road, wishing the rest of the Otakus would hurry up and get there already.

  “You sure they said three o’clock?” Jacqueline asked.

  “Yup,” Annette replied.

  Jacqueline glanced over her shoulder, at the clock above the television. “It’s past three.”

  “Patience, Jackie-san. Neil’s father’s driving them. The Phungs are never on time.”

  “Oh.”

  Annette grinned. “What, my company not enough?”

  “It’s not that,” Jacqueline said. “It’s just…‌y’know…”

  The shorter girl nodded in understanding. They’d spent all last night talking about the mutual t
ragedies in their lives. Annette went on at length about her parents’ divorce, while Jacqueline began to open up about how it’d felt when she’d first lost her father. Jacqueline found it a relief, although it was a hard subject to broach, and so she’d been more than relieved when Annette started talking about dreams, particularly a recurring one she’d had as a little kid, in which she was in the hospital and an older version of herself came to visit. They both had a laugh at that, even though Jacqueline ended up having a few pretty terrifying nightmares that night because of the discussion. Now, she wanted nothing more than to hang out with a large group, toss casual insults back and forth, and laugh.

  The fact Annette understood spoke volumes about how close they’d become.

  “Hey Jackie,” Annette said, head tilting sideways. “There’s something I forgot to ask you last night.”

  “Um, okay. Shoot.”

  “What’s up with Jordan Thompson?”

  Jacqueline winced, not wanting to talk about it. “Nothing. Why?” Please don’t ask…

  “Well, your aunt told me he came here for dinner a couple weeks ago.”

  Damn. “Uh-huh.”

  “And he’s always trying to talk to you in the hall.”

  She nodded but kept quiet.

  “Just wondering why?”

  “Why he’d want to talk to me? I dunno. You’d have to ask him.”

  Annette grinned. “No, silly. Why you’re avoiding him. Don’t think I didn’t notice that you spun me around and started walking in the other direction last Friday when you saw him coming toward us. It’s weird.”

  “Just because,” Jacqueline said with a shrug.

  Annette narrowed her eyes. “C’mon, Jackie. You told me all about your dad last night. We cried together. Be straight with me.”

  “Fine,” Jacqueline said, sighing. “I just feel uncomfortable around him. He treats me like I’m delicate or something. Like I’m broken.” She grunted. “I don’t need someone to save me. I was on my own for five years. I can handle myself.”

  Annette tilted her head. “Well, he did kinda help you out of a couple bad sitches. Y’know, times when you really did need to be saved.”

  “I know, I know,” Jacqueline said. She let out a frustrated breath. “And I know it’s selfish, but that only makes things worse. I mean, I know he likes me, and wants to get to know me and stuff, but he’s…‌well, stiff. I want midnight walks and sneaky kisses and talking about dreams. I don’t think he’d be into any of that. He’s more like a big brother than someone I could actually love, y’know?” She frowned. “Does that make me sound bad?”

  Annette chuckled. “Nope. Not in the slightest. But why’d I have to prod you? Why not just tell me first thing and get it out of the way?”

  “Truth?”

  “Of course.”

  “Because boys are boring. You talk about them all the time.”

  “Har-de-har-har,” Annette said, rolling of her eyes.

  A car approached outside; Neil’s dad pulled up in front of the house.

  “They’re here,” Annette said. “Only fifteen minutes late. That might be a record for Mr. Phung.”

  Olivia, Neil, and Ronni piled into the house, and there were hugs all around. Ronni complimented Jacqueline on the quaint little Christmas tree Mitzy had set up in the corner of the room. Jacqueline showed off the new PlayStation Mitzy had gotten her. Then they played video games until Olivia complained about a blister on her thumb.

  The pizza they ordered arrived at just past six o’clock. Jacqueline scarfed down her three slices, hungrily licking the grease from her fingers afterward. Everyone helped themselves to cans of soda from the fridge. Then came the vat of ice cream Neil had brought, and chips and dip.

  When the binge was finished, Annette was the only one who hadn’t eaten herself into a coma. The tiny girl sat patiently on the chair in the corner, hands on her crossed knees, a smile on her face as she watched her friends moan and laze about.

  Finally, Jacqueline sat up with a groan. “What now?”

  Neil rummaged through his backpack. “I have Call of Duty in here somewhere.”

  “Please, no,” said Ronni timidly.

  “We could watch a movie,” Annette suggested. “Anything good on Netflix?”

  Olivia sighed and rolled around on her back. “I wish I had some pot,” she said. “I’d love to get stoned and take a walk.”

  “I thought you were bringing some?” Neil asked.

  Olivia shook her head. “Sis didn’t have anything. Nada. High and dry.”

  “Oh,” said Ronni.

  “I still say we should watch a movie,” said Annette.

  Jacqueline’s gaze bounced between her friends, the germ of an idea entering her mind. She still had that nugget of Mitzy’s weed hidden in her dresser drawer. Her heart fluttered with excitement as she slid her legs beneath her and stood up. Only Annette noticed her sneaking away, and passed her a questioning look. Jacqueline put a finger to her lips and tiptoed out the room.

  In a flash, she was upstairs, rummaging through her drawer and pulling out the wad of balled-up paper. She opened her compact, kissed Mal in the mirror, and then put him back away before he could reply. A second later she was rushing back to her friends.

  Jacqueline put her hands behind her back and cleared her throat, strutting until she stood in front of the television. She then held out her hand, showing off the small wad she held.

  “Is that what I think it is?” asked Olivia.

  Jacqueline nodded, beaming.

  Olivia scurried over and snatched the balled-up newspaper. When she unfolded it, her eyes widened and she grinned. “Holy shit. I never seen this much purple before.” She glanced Jacqueline’s way, brow furrowed. “Where’d you get this, chica?”

  “Around,” said Jacqueline.

  Olivia waved her off, downed what was left in her soda can, and stood up with a start. “Jackie, get me something sharp. The rest of you, outside!”

  Everyone followed her out to the back porch. The night was clear, full moon hanging in the sky. It was a little chilly, and Jacqueline bundled up in her coat after handing Olivia a steak knife. Olivia knelt down, used the knife to transform the can into a makeshift pipe. “Sis taught me this,” she said, winking. “Works when you don’t have papers.” Olivia turned to Ronni. “Nurse, scalpel!”

  Ronni handed her the nugget, and Olivia stuck it in the indent she’d made in the can. She fished a lighter from her pocket and held the flame to the clump of dried plant matter while pressing her lips to the popped top. The nugget hissed and fizzled and glowed. Olivia inhaled deeply, her eyes growing all the wider. She then quickly pulled the can away from her face and coughed out a thick plume of gray smoke.

  “Oh man,” she said between hacks. “That’s harsh.”

  The can was passed down the line. Jacqueline was nervous when it was her turn—she hadn’t done something like this since Tyler—but she followed the example set by her friends, holding her thumb over the hole on the bottom of the can as hot smoke entered her lungs. She coughed almost immediately, smoke traveling up her sinuses and out her nose, making her gag. Neil went to take the can from her, but she shot him a dirty look and he backed off. She tried it again, this time not sucking in so hard, and she was able to hold the smoke in for a good five seconds before coughing again.

  Annette held out her hand, and Jacqueline eyed her in disbelief. “Can’t let you guys have all the fun,” she said before taking a hit. Unlike everyone else, she barely coughed.

  Annette passed the can to Olivia, then stood on her tiptoes and whispered in Jacqueline’s ear. “Anxiety relief. Mom swears by it.” She dropped back to the flat of her feet, giggling.

  The nugget fizzled to nothing after the second pass. Olivia moaned and stared at the small clump of ash left behind. “Cashed,” she said.

  “What now?” Jacqueline asked. She felt lightheaded, her body numb. It wasn’t an entirely pleasant experience.

  “Now we wal
k,” Olivia said.

  “Where to?” Ronni asked.

  “Wherever our feet take us!”

  The five friends exited the back porch, rounded the house, and began their stroll along Chestnut Street. The sound of their footsteps was strange to Jacqueline’s ears. Muted, distant, and echoing.

  She took a deep breath and concentrated on her friends, all of whom were acting strangely. Ronni was rubbing up against Neil, who kept shoving her away, once so hard that Ronni almost fell over. Neil then strutted around by his lonesome as if he were in a parade, whooping at the moon like a wolf.

  Olivia was shivering, Annette holding her clasped hands. A deathly serious look came over the white-haired girl’s face. Jacqueline fought off a wave of dizziness, saw that Olivia’s eyes were wide, her teeth chattering. She looked absolutely terrified.

  “It’s okay,” Annette whispered. “You’re fine.”

  Olivia whimpered. “I’m not. We need to go back. I can’t let them see me.”

  “See you what, Olive?” Jacqueline asked.

  Olivia turtled in on herself and quivered.

  “This is the best pot ever!” shouted Ronni from up ahead. She’d caught up with Neil, and the two of them were spinning in the middle of the street. A car veered around them, headlights flashing, horn blaring.

  “Stop it, guys!” Annette snapped. “You want to get hit?”

  “I don’t want them to see me,” muttered Olivia.

  Jacqueline’s teeth rattled together. This whole situation was unsettling. Why’d I have to grab Mitzy’s weed?

  Neil cackled, breaking Jacqueline from her stupor. “I know!” he shouted. “The manor’s just a couple streets from here, right?”

  “It is!” said Ronni.

  Jacqueline cringed when she glanced to the house on her right and saw someone peek through the curtains. “Uh, guys…‌what manor?”

  “The old Coppington place,” Neil said, spinning, prancing as he circled his friends. The crazy grin on his face was almost predatory. “What, you guys scared or somethin’?”

  “Yeah,” shouted Ronni, “you scared?”

  Olivia sobbed in Annette’s arms.

  Annette snagged Neil by his collar as he flounced by and pulled him in close. “Fine, we’ll go,” she said, her voice a growl. “But you need to shut…‌the hell…‌up.”