Dazed

by Katie Hauenstein

  He quirked an eyebrow, probably at my stating that I did not want to deal with my best friend. Affirming my assessment of his face, he said, “Not my business.”

  I laughed a breath. “No, it is not. Let us just say he is complicating things right now. So, what is it I can do for you? Have you eaten dinner?”

  He had to think about it. “No. In fact, I have not eaten since breakfast.”

  Putting a hand on my hip and smirking, I responded, “Well, if you are going to last all night, you will need to eat something. Honestly, you are a doctor. You should know better than to skip meals. The cooks are done in the kitchen for the night, but I will walk over and get you something. I will be back in a bit.”

  Before he could stop me, I walked out with my light stick and my Guard again. I decided to jog to make it there faster. When I got to the kitchen, I threw together a chicken sandwich with some raw carrots, an apple, and a tall glass of water. After putting it all on a tray, I walked slowly back to his lab.

  On my way out, I ran into Peter, literally, and almost dropped everything. Even though I knew it was partially my fault, I glared at him. “I’m sorry, Rose!” He looked at the tray. “What are you doing with all that food?”

  “Doctor Winston hasn’t eaten since breakfast, so I am bringing him some food.”

  He grabbed the tray, handed it off to a surprised Guard, then pulled me to him by my hips. “You’ve never brought me food. Should I be jealous?”

  Irritated with his impertinence, but needing to go, I gave him a short kiss on his lips, escaped his embrace, and took my tray back from my grateful Guard, who smiled at me.

  I am on a mission of great importance and I will not be swayed by the temptation of Peter this time.

  “Of course you should be jealous. He’s much brighter than you.” I teased him with a wink and he laughed.

  Peter placed his hand over his heart, “Rose, you wound me.” Chuckling, he said, “I’ll walk you to the door.” He did and kissed me goodnight before I began walking back to Darrel’s lab. Just as I was arriving, the freezer hover was as well.

  My smile quickly fell from my face. I knew what was in the hover-truck. The door to the lab was open when I got there. As I walked in, I set the tray on a blank spot on his counter near the door and made my way over to the body that was laid out on the table. Darrel was having the others put into the waiting mortuary.

  “Oh,” I said softly when I got to the table. Sitting in the chair next to him, I brushed a lock of dark hair from Theo’s damp face and my eyes filled with tears. Taking his cold hand in mine, I whispered to him as if he could hear me. “I’m so sorry, Theo. I wish I could have done something to help you. If it means anything now, I forgive you for the other night.” I closed my wet eyes and kissed his forehead.

  As I kissed him, my mind flashed to the image I had seen of the seven coffins. One disappeared. I straightened out abruptly and gasped at the event and the major headache that followed. Before that moment, I had never had a premonition while awake.

  I jumped when Darrel came and stood next to me. He hesitated a moment, then put an arm around me awkwardly for comfort and said, “If this is too difficult for you, we can start with someone else.”

  I considered telling him what happened, but decided against it. I didn’t need him worrying about me and the disease that took the Cedars and Willows, as well. Looking at him with my damp eyes, I swallowed and said, “I think this is going to be hard for me no matter who it is. I knew all of these people.” After a pause, I added, “I placed your tray of food over by the door.”

  “I am afraid I have lost my appetite, but I might munch on it throughout the night.”

  I looked back at Theo. “What were his symptoms? Was it horrible for him?”

  Nodding, he answered, “I wish I could tell you it was not horrible, but it was. By the sound of things, he died from a heart attack.”

  “But he was so young. We only just danced together a few nights ago.”

  “It is definitely a conundrum. I was told that it began with a slight headache and a slightly increased heart rate. By the end, he was delusional and sweating profusely as a result of his rapid heart rate.”

  I furrowed my brows and stepped out of his arm. Leaning against a nearby counter, I noted, “It sounds almost like Oramatosis, but that is not possible, right?”

  He laughed dryly. “Right. Look, Miriam. I am very grateful for you coming down here and offering me help, but I think it might be best if you go to your room and turn in for the night. I do not think this will be good for you.”

  “You are right. I am sorry I could not be of more assistance, Darrel. Please let me know anything you find out.”

  He took my hand and helped me stand. Escorting me to the door, he said, "Thank you for the food and again for offering assistance."

  "You are welcome," I answered numbly and walked as if in a trance to my room on the fifth floor of the palace.

  Chapter 18

  Staring at my ceiling, I thought about everything I had just witnessed. I honestly had not expected to see Theo that way. I couldn’t help remembering all the time we had laughed together – before I learned what he wanted from me. He was a great dancer.

  Was. I can't help wondering how he would have fared in the King's Test. Not well, probably. He definitely wouldn’t have made it to the final two with Stephan. Oh! Stephan!

  I had completely forgotten that I told him I would comm him no matter the time. Glancing at my clock, I sighed when I saw it was 1:00 AM. After rising and stretching, I walked over to my holostation and commed him.

  "Rose? Is that you?" He was squinting at me and looked disheveled. He ran a quick hand through his hair.

  "I'm sorry, Stephan. I know it's late, but the Steward told me to comm you back no matter the time. Did he give me the wrong message?"

  Stephan rubbed his eyes with his fingers and yawned. "No. No. He gave you the right message. I've just been having a little headache and decided to take a nap before you called."

  My eyes widened. "A headache? How's your heart rate?"

  He laughed. "I don't know. I haven't been checking it."

  "I'm sorry. I got back from Doctor Winston's lab about an hour ago and it was disturbing."

  "Why were you with Doctor Winston?"

  "I was tired of sitting around doing nothing when such a strange disease was taking residence with the Cedars and Willows and God knows who else."

  "Yeah. I heard about that. So weird. I wonder if Count Theodore will be better by the King's Test."

  My bottom lip began trembling and I looked down. "Both the Cedars and Willows died this evening within minutes of each other."

  There was silence between us for a few moments. "They're dead?" Stephan asked.

  Tears started to fall again despite my trying to stop them and I looked back at him. "Yes. Doctor Winston still doesn't know what's going on. The samples he took earlier when they were still – alive – weren't adequate for proper testing. He's thinking he'll know more once he performs the autopsies."

  "Trees and Blossoms. Is that why it was disturbing for you? Did you see one of the bodies?"

  Nodding, I choked a response. "Yes. I saw Theo. Doctor Winston hadn't closed his eyes yet and his hair was over his face like it was when he danced. His face and hands were so cold and damp."

  "I'm so sorry you had to see him like that. I know he was one of your favorites to dance with at balls."

  Sniffling, I changed the subject. "What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

  Stephan shrugged. "Nothing really. I just wanted to talk with you. I felt like we left things kind of – awkward last night."

  I scoffed. "Yeah. Just a little. Why didn't you tell me that you knew about Peter and me?"

  His jaw dropped. "You told Peter?"

  "Of course I told Peter. I figured he should know given that the King's Test isn't far away."

  Stephan slapped his hand on his face. "How did he react?"

&
nbsp; "His exact words were 'I'm going to kill him.' He felt pretty angry with what he referred to as your 'betrayal'."

  "I wish you would have told me you were going to tell him." He was mad, but keeping a calm face. I didn't have the patience to match his calm.

  "I didn't know that Peter had told you about us! How was I supposed to know that?!"

  Stephan put his hands up in front of him as a sign of surrender. "You're right. You're right. I'll just have to talk with Peter when I get there." There was another pause in our conversation.

  Quietly, he said, "Rose, I know you're not in love with me. I even know you're probably having a difficult time facing the possibility of marrying anyone besides Peter. If I don’t make it to the end, I hope he does; there isn’t anyone else I’d trust to make you happy.”

  “He said something very similar about you earlier.”

  “Well, at least there’s that. I’m sure I’ve upset the balance in our friendship by telling you how I feel, that I love you, but I can’t control that.”

  He said it.

  “Even if I hadn’t told you, the balance would be off; it has been for some time now. I have talked with my parents, who were not happy when I told them what I told you, and they’ve agreed to release me from the commitment I made to them to stay home another week. Seems like they don’t want you stewing on it too long with Peter there alone. I’ll be at Evergreen Palace at around noon.”

  I gulped. “This is a lot to take in.”

  “That’s why I think I should come up now rather than later. I think the anticipation and anxiety waiting will only make things tenser between us.”

  “You’re probably not wrong.” I laughed quietly. “I’ve got to go now, Stephan. I need to sleep. Good night.”

  “Good night, Rose. I’ll see you later.”

  Relieved that he disconnected first, I went back to my bed and pulled myself into the blankets. Closing my eyes, I thought about the situation with Stephan. I knew why it consumed my thoughts, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it. It was too much to bear that a part of me felt the same way for him.

  I loved Peter, but I also loved Stephan. Knowing I needed to make a decision even if a relationship wouldn’t necessarily last because of the King’s Test, I decided to break things off with Peter so I could make a choice.

  Having decided what I needed to do that day, I quieted my mind and focused on the rain pelting on the roof above me to ease myself into sleep.

  I sit in my treehouse in the middle of the forest after learning about the King’s Test. At thirteen, I now know I will not be permitted to marry for love and have been expressly forbidden from pursuing romance before the King’s Test in eight years.

  I think about the gentlemen who will be participating. Because they are all older than me, they all know already. I’m unfamiliar with Brian and Christopher. Theo is a good dancer and is awfully cute. Peter seems arrogant, so I try to ignore him as much as possible.

  Leonard and Lincoln’s mother is friends with mine and every so often I have to endure their obnoxious presences. Luckily, Mother never makes me entertain them alone, though I wonder whether that is a mercy or protection on her part.

  What hurt to find out was that Stephan will be a participant and has known about the King’s Test for years; he never even hinted at it. We have always been so close. I love him like a brother and it confuses me that he would keep something so big from me.

  “Rose?” I hear from the bottom of the tree. “Are you up there?” I would recognize Stephan’s voice anywhere.

  “Go away, traitor!” I yell down at him. “I don’t want to talk to you!”

  The sounds of a breathy chuckle and feet scrambling up the ladder tell me he has ignored me. The weed. When he pulls himself up to find me sitting in my glassless window, he crosses his arms.

  “Why so sad, Princess?” Stephan asks, knowing I hate when he uses my title.

  “Don’t call me that, Count,” I mumble, “and don’t pretend like you don’t know. Father sent you out here didn’t he?”

  Stephan unfolds his arms and comes over to sit next to me. “Yes, he did.”

  “Did you know?” I ask, even though I know the answer.

  “Yes, I did,” he sounds like he feels bad. Good. He should feel bad.

  Turning watery eyes to meet his gaze, I ask, “Why didn’t you tell me? How could you keep this from me?”

  “I’m so sorry, Rose. I had no choice. I was forbidden and I had to promise not to tell you. The King said if I didn’t promise not to tell you, I wouldn’t be able to see you again until you found out from him. That would have been four years.”

  My eyes widen at the news. I can’t believe Father made such a threat. Wait. Yes, I can. Tears begin flowing freely and I cover my face with my hands. “Oh, Rose,” Stephan murmurs and pulls me into a hug. Stroking my hair, he comforts me.

  “What if I have to marry Leonard or Lincoln? I don’t think I can live with Leonard’s annoying tick or Lincoln’s bragging for my whole life.”

  “I won’t let that happen.”

  I look at him again. “Promise?”

  Stephan smiles big. “I promise I will at least do better than Leonard and Lincoln, Rose.”

  ~ ~ ~

  I woke up at around 10:00 AM that morning from my memory to the sound of knocking at my door. Before I could get up, I saw Marie get up off the sofa to answer. I must have been worn out because I didn’t even hear her enter.

  “Good morning, Marie. Is Princess Miriam awake?” I heard Peter at the door and groaned.

  Before she could answer, I sat up and called out to them with slurred words. “I’m awake! Marie, you can take a break for a bit.” She grabbed a green satin robe from my closet, handed it to me, and left the room.

  As I stood up, I put the robe on and walked to the door to welcome Peter in. He smiled, came in, and sat on my sofa. Sitting down next to him, I folded my hands in my lap and looked down at them. “Stephan is going to be here around noon today.”

  Seemingly oblivious to how I was feeling, he lifted my chin and kissed me with zeal, clearly ignoring my morning breath. Wrapping his arms all the way around my back, he pulled me in as close as he could. As he dipped me against the arm of the sofa and threaded his fingers into my hair, I returned the kiss with the same passion he showed me. Tears began to drip from the corners of my eyes and down the sides of my head. Stopping the kiss, he kept his face close, looking into my eyes and still stroking my hair.

  “I know, Rose. I know.”

  I inhaled sharply, trying to breathe normally. “What?” I asked without success to control my breathing.

  Peter tilted his head. “I know that you’re going to break up with me now.”

  My eyes widened. “How could you possibly know that?”

  “I understand the way your mind works. When you told me about Stephan’s affections, I could see the turmoil in your eyes. You’re not the kind of person to be in a relationship with someone if he can’t have your full heart and you have feelings for Stephan, too.

  “There’s also the fact that I’ve told you I love you several times since arriving here and you’ve never returned a similar statement.”

  Still rapidly breathing and a quicker heart, I tried to speak. “I – How – I never said I didn’t.”

  Peter nodded. “I understand. But I can see you have strong emotions for Stephan and you may love him, too. I thought we would have more time. I felt that when he arrived, it would be over for us.”

  “But I still have feelings for you. I’m so confused right now.”

  Kissing my forehead and releasing me, he said, “Again, I know. You do not need to be sorry, Rose. I will always love you, just like I said yesterday.” Without another word, he stood up and left me laying on my sofa completely dumbstruck.

  Turning to face the back of my sofa and mourning my relationship with Peter, I let my tears freely fall. Incomprehension swept through me; on the one hand, I was so sad to end things with Pete
r. On the other, I was relieved that I would have the opportunity to feel things out with Stephan without thinking I was betraying Peter.

  Marie came back in after a while to help me get ready for the day. I confided in her about what had been going on. Although she was my assistant, I also counted her among my friends. After I was done explaining, she gave me a big hug and suggested a nice, hot shower.

  While I showered, she chose a dark brown A-line, halter top dress with ivory roses lining the hem. When I got out, she helped me get into my dress and quickly applied my everyday makeup. She also put my long, black hair in a simple ivory ribbon to keep it down, but out of my face. Forgetting to choose shoes for me, she left. I didn’t mind.

  As I walked into my closet to look at my selection of shoes, I heard my door slide open and close without invitation. Stepping out, I saw Ella trying to find me.

  “Ella?”

  “Rose? I saw Peter wandering the rose maze and he said I should come up to see you. What is going on?”

  I sighed and moved back into the closet. It had become easier to breathe as I slowly calmed down after Peter left. “I broke up with Peter.”

  “What?!”

  “Well, technically, he broke up with me, but I was going to do it anyway. I couldn’t stay in a relationship with him because – I might share Stephan’s affections. I still love Peter, but I can’t be in a relationship with him if I can’t give him everything.” I shrugged. “I was going to have to end things eventually anyway.”

  Turning around, I selected a pair of ivory ballet flats. Slipping them on, I watched Ella as she joined me in my closet. When I was done and standing straight, she hugged me. “I am so sorry, Rose. This has to be hard for you.”

  Gently separating us, I said, “Yes and no. Yes, it rots that I had to end things with Peter sooner than I anticipated. No, because now I can explore whatever is going on with Stephan when he gets here at noon without a sense of disloyalty consuming my mind.”

  “Noon? Today?”

  “Yes.”

  “Rose, you haven’t been paying attention to the time. It’s 12:30 right now.”