Ash

by Shani Petroff

  I was about to apologize, when he gently lifted my chin back toward him. Theron’s gaze was so strong I couldn’t turn away. I didn’t want to. It was like there was a magnetic pull drawing us together. Then Theron leaned down and kissed me. His lips, his tongue, hungrily exploring mine. He circled his arms around my waist, drawing me closer. I relaxed into him, like we were two pieces fitting together. For the next minute I think I left my body.

  We were interrupted by the squeak of someone on the stairs. My dad, coming up to bed. I froze and Theron pulled away. I held a finger up to my lips and listened as my parents’ bedroom door opened, then closed shut.

  “Dax,” he began.

  “You should go,” I said, panicked that my father would stop in to say goodnight.

  Theron started to speak, then paused, nodding instead. He took a step back, grasping the windowsill with one hand. His face was full of emotions. “I hope, I mean—”

  I closed the distance between us before he could say anything else, and gave him a quick kiss. “You really need to go,” I said, looking back at my door.

  “Okay,” he said. “Just promise me you’ll be careful, alright?” he said.

  I nodded. There was so much I wanted to say. More than anything, I wanted to tell him what Madden said about our destinies. If it was true, Theron and I might actually have a real chance at a future together. But I couldn’t say anything—not yet.

  The next thing I knew he was climbing out of the window and down the trellis. He looked back up at me and our eyes locked one last time. He flashed a final smile at me before darting across the street.

  I stood at the window long after he’d gone, grinning into the darkness. Who knew what my future held, but at this very minute, I didn’t care. Link was safe. The Revenants had my back. And Theron Oliver had snuck into my room and given me my very first kiss.

  Once I made the decision to give in to my blackmailer, my betrayal was surprisingly simple. Sol hacked the system and located Worthington’s code within minutes. As an extra precaution he set up a new account for me to send the information through that was filtered through layers of encryptions and codes and false documentation that ultimately would keep my name out of it. The Revenants had given me a thirty-six-hour window to get them what they wanted. I waited to send the code until the very last moment, partly because I was hoping a better option would present itself and partly because I wanted to make things as difficult for them as possible. I shouldn’t have been surprised by the ping I got back upon delivery, but it still had me steaming.

  “Now was that so hard? Stay tuned for further instruction.”

  Of course they were going to demand more. They had me under their thumb now, we both knew that. I just had to come up with a solution to fix everything before things got too out of control. The problem was that nothing was coming to mind. Not in the hospital, and not at home.

  I took five full days off of school to recover. My father even cut his hours short to be there with me for most of it. It was just him, Nora, and me. He didn’t even allow visitors, he just wanted me to get better. It was the most time we’d spent together, really together—not at some briefing or formal event—since I was a small child. As much as I was horrified by everything that had happened over the last week, I was thankful for the time it gave me with my dad. I would hold on to that once the truth came out.

  As much as I wanted to hide in my room for another week, I knew it wasn’t feasible. People were getting antsy for my return. I’d collected a garden’s worth of get-well foliage. The media had set up shop in our front lawn, despite my father’s ongoing threats and more than one broken hovercam. Lavender and Portia pinged me constantly, and I had a nonstop influx of messages from my classmates. Even Bas got in on the action, sending me notes and coming to the door armed with five-dozen violets. I had Nora send him packing. Now that I was New City’s favorite victimized hero, I suppose it was only natural that he would want to share the spotlight. But I was having none of it. I wasn’t even seeing my best friends, I certainly wasn’t seeing my obnoxious ex. It was strange to think about. Had my entire life not been a lie, I would have been pleased with all the attention.

  The only other message that I really cared about came from Dax saying that she needed to talk to me. It wasn’t a conversation I was looking forward to having, but I knew it was inevitable. So on the morning I returned to school, I told her to meet me after final period in Ms. Almodovar’s classroom.

  That morning, my father insisted on driving me to school even though I was perfectly fine to walk. I knew he was concerned about the media frenzy surrounding me, but there wasn’t much either of us could do about that. Reporters and hovercams weren’t allowed on school grounds, but that didn’t mean I could avoid my classmate’s scrutiny. I knew there were some who would share a snap of me within moments of my arrival.

  With that in mind, I made sure to march, albeit with a slight limp, out of my father’s car and onto the courtyard with my head held high. As far as everyone, well, almost everyone, was concerned, I was still the future minister, and that’s how it needed to stay.

  I made it barely five feet when I was bombarded by that irritating Ash. Laira, I corrected myself.

  “Oh Madden. You’re finally back. We were all so worried. How are you feeling? Can I help you?” she asked. She didn’t wait for my response, instead barreling along. “I have all of the notes you missed from class if you want to borrow them. Just let me know. I’m happy to help.” She got close. Too close. She clearly didn’t know a thing about personal space. In fact, I thought she was actually going to try to hug me until Portia showed up.

  “Don’t you have a street to cross?” Portia snapped, pushing past her to stand by my side. “Why don’t you go try not to get run over? Or do, it doesn’t really matter.”

  “Portia,” I warned.

  “Oh, don’t give me that,” she said, clasping my hand in hers. “I haven’t seen you in almost a week, and I’m supposed to let some Ash get to you first. I don’t think so.”

  Lavendar joined us from the other side. “Hey, don’t forget about me.” She gave me a squeeze on the shoulders. “Give me that,” she said taking my purse. “You don’t need to carry anything today.”

  “Thanks, but I’m fine.”

  “Don’t be silly. That’s what friends are for,” she said, and her eyes got a little misty. “When I heard you got shot, Madden. I mean, thinking about losing you. I...” Her words got caught in her throat.

  “Hey,” I said. “I’m still here.” My eyes started to water too. I’d known Lavendar since we were three. She was the one who was there when Link ended things, the one who convinced me everything would be okay, the one who listened to me rehearse my first public speech dozens of times. She wouldn’t lose me, but chances were when she found out what ring I really belonged too, I’d lose her.

  “Welcome back, Madden,” Theron said, joining us to complete the circle. A crowd of students hung back, whispering and staring at me. Theron cocked his head, sizing up the teary moment in a glance. He gave a loud groan. “You guys, seriously, don’t make Madden cry. You know it makes it look like I’m not doing my job.” He mock whispered. “Plus we’ve got an audience.”

  I smiled as he leaned down to hug me, but was really just trying not to heave. I had forgotten what my lie meant for Theron. His destiny was to make the future minister laugh. Had he missed his moment because of me? How many others would be affected because my destiny was swapped with Dax’s?

  I couldn’t dwell on it too long. I was bombarded with well wishes from throngs of classmates who were now permeating our circle.

  “Do you need space? I can get you space,” Portia said.

  “It’s okay,” I told her. “Class is only a couple of minutes away.” And seeing the look of concern in everyone’s eyes was nice. If my conversation with Dax later went the wrong way, it could be the last time I ever felt it.

  “Well, we have you covered if you need anything,
” Lavendar assured me. She linked one of her elbows with mine and Portia did the same with the other. Crossing the courtyard was near impossible. Everyone was trying to talk to me at once. A kind word here. A sympathetic pat there. I’d never heard the courtyard so alive with voices. Sol sat at his usual place on the wall ledge, there but on the periphery. I thought about calling him over, introducing him as the Ash who saved me, but I knew better than to try and mix our worlds. My friends wouldn’t understand and it would just make Sol uncomfortable. And soon enough a friendship with me would prove toxic. I’d call a formal event before the truth came out. I’d even ask Minister Worthington to preside, that way if… when… my status was revoked, it wouldn’t affect him. Sol wasn’t looking at me, he was staring at his plexi, but I couldn’t help but smile when he peeked up to glance my way.

  So many people were asking me for details about the night Link escaped. They all wanted to hear what happened. Only I couldn’t tell them. Not the truth anyway.

  The official word from the ministry was that the entire breakout and my shooting was Link’s fault. That was what they wanted me to say. I tried to reason with Minister Worthington, but I’d gotten a curt response. “The public can’t handle the truth, Madden. Link Harris is responsible, and that is all anyone needs to know.” My father, whose position in the ministry made him privy to what the government actually knew about the escape, told me not to argue, but I couldn’t believe they were going to spread a lie. If the breakout events weren’t true and the Revenants were real, what else was the ministry hiding? When I tried to discuss it with my father he said I was being ridiculous, that everything was being done in the interest of public safety, and I’d understand when I was a minister. I wasn’t so sure. But regardless, rather than towing the line, my public statement was “a complete lack of memory due to shock and trauma” and a “thanks to the Ash who stepped in to help.” I wasn’t going to further implicate Link for something he didn’t do, and if I could help Sol’s standing in the process, even better.

  The sound of the crowd went quiet. I turned to see what—or rather whom— everyone was looking at. It was Dax.

  I think it was the first time I ever really noticed her. I mean, truly took her in as a person. Her clothing was too big—she wore an oversized long sleeve shirt. The arms were rolled up and pinned to stay that way. The neck was beginning to fray. Her pants had been hemmed a little too short, and there was a hole in one knee. Her sneakers were streaked with dirt. Everything about her was colorless and threadbare, and yet is still somehow worked. Dax was pretty—very pretty—despite the ragged ensemble. She’d be downright beautiful in a purple gown. My future was standing in front of me, as clear as looking into a mirror.

  “Seriously?” Portia said, interrupting my thoughts. “I can’t believe they still let her go to school here. Hey,” she yelled. She waved a hand toward Dax. “Hey you,” she shouted again. “At least have the courtesy to go inside or something. No one wants you here.”

  “It’s not her fault,” I said.

  “Madden, her brother shot you,” Lavendar said in a way-too-loud whisper. “She’s always hated you, I’m sure that played a part. She’s a Blank after all. You know they’re sneaky and dangerous.”

  Dax nodded in agreement, her eyes glittering. Her voice carried across the courtyard like a bullet. “Very sneaky, right Madden?”

  This was not how I wanted my first interaction with Dax to go. If they kept egging her on, she might spit out the truth right there in the courtyard.

  “Enough,” I called out. “I don’t need this today. Can someone please lighten the mood?”

  “Sure,” Portia said, coiling her finger around one of her ringlets. “In fact, since we have a total mutant in our midst, maybe someone should just remove it.”

  I saw Theron glance from Dax to Portia, weighing the situation. “On it,” he said. Only he didn’t go over to Dax. He lifted Portia, and looked at the crowd, “Where should I put her?”

  Everyone started talking at once. The crowd was in disbelief. Portia was screaming and kicking her legs in outrage. And then there was Dax.

  She was cracking up like it was the funniest thing she’d ever seen. When our eyes met again she just nodded, a smile plastered over her face. She didn’t have to say anything. The message came through loud and clear. Theron’s destiny was to make her laugh, not me.

  The bell rang then and the student body dispersed, saving me from listening to more of Portia’s hysterics. Temporarily anyway. It was all she talked about between classes until Lavendar finally told her to stop making the day about her. I even got Portia to forgive Theron, which she said she only did because I almost died. True friendship at its finest.

  At the end of the day, I told everyone I was going to Ms. Almodovar’s class to catch up on some missed assignments. She was my favorite teacher, and I had touched base with her when I was home. I told her I needed a place away from my family, friends, and work where I could just concentrate. She said I could use the room undisturbed all week. When I got there, Dax was already waiting.

  I couldn’t quite read the expression on her face. We stood there facing one another, each waiting for the other to begin.

  I looked back at the door to make sure it was shut and that the shade on the window was closed. “Link?” I asked, breaking the silence.

  “He’s fine,” she answered.

  I looked down. I hadn’t realized how much his escape had been weighing on me. “Good,” I said. I wanted to say more, but it wasn’t the time or the place. Link was gone from my world and needed to stay away. It was the only way he’d be safe.

  “He was worried about you. I guess we both were.”

  “They had me walking the next day. Wonders of modern science and all that.” I knew my health wasn’t the topic Dax was interested in, and for that matter, I wasn’t either. “You said you wanted to talk, so talk.”

  She looked at me incredulously. “I want to know the truth. What you said—am I really the future minister?”

  She knew full well it was the truth. You don’t go stealing codes for a lie. This had to be a trap.

  “Madden?” she prompted.

  “Why are you doing this?” I asked.

  “What?”

  “Are you recording our conversation?”

  “No,” she said, “Would I admit to knowing my brother’s whereabouts if I was?”

  She probably wouldn’t, but you could do amazing things with editing. Although, I guess I could claim the whole thing was a fake. “Fine,” I replied. “It’s the truth. But you know that. I got your friends’ blackmail request while I was in the hospital. I did their dirty work.”

  “What?”

  “Please,” I said. “Don’t act innocent. I told you something that could save you, and you used it to hurt me.”

  “Madden, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Right.”

  “No,” she said, her voice rising. “I’m not letting you turn this around on me. You’re the one who knew our destinies were swapped and didn’t say anything until you thought you were going to die. You’re the one who always wants to tell everyone how great the system is, and yet you were going to break it.”

  “I wasn’t going to break it,” I yelled back, before remembering to lower my voice. “I was going to tell you. I just needed time to think.”

  I felt my mouth go dry. I couldn’t believe we were having this conversation.

  “Go on,” she said.

  “I found a discrepancy in my birth records a few weeks ago when I was doing some family research. I hired Sol to dig into it. You and I were born on the same day.”

  She nodded. “I know. Your yearly birthday gala is all anyone can ever talk about that day.”

  That was going to change soon enough. I forced myself to keep talking. “Sol looked through my birth records, and he realized the switch happened with someone who was born on the same day. In the same hospital. That was you.”

 
“Impossible.”

  “It should have been,” I said.

  “How could someone switch a Blank destiny with a minister’s destiny? They triple check every birth. Link told me sometimes they even do a fourth check for good measure. There’s no way to mix up something like that.”

  “Someone did,” I said, trying to keep the bitterness from my tone. “Sol checked and rechecked, Dax. It’s the truth. You’re the future minister, not me.”

  Dax narrowed her eyes, still trying to process it. “So you’re telling me that my entire life has been monitored, controlled, and preordained for a limited Ash existence. And it was all just, what? Some big misunderstanding?”

  “Yes,” I said. “But this can still be fixed. There was a time stamp. The future minister isn’t scheduled for induction until December eleventh of this year. That’s why I didn’t say anything yet, I needed time to plan, to come up with something. I still do.”

  “You mean so you don’t get stuck like me? At the bottom rung.”

  I didn’t answer. We both knew it was true.

  Dax paced back and forth, her hands covering her mouth. I was scared to ask the question, but I needed to know. “What are you going to do?”

  She stopped pacing, and looked right at me. “I have no idea.”

  I walked out of the building in a daze. It was true. All of it. I was actually the future minister. Madden’s secret could change everything. Part of me wanted to climb onto central fountain and scream the news for all of my classmates to hear. I could just imagine the reactions. Shock. Awe. Regret for the way they treated me over the years. Or more likely, they’d think I was trying to pull something. I needed hard proof before I opened my mouth. If word got back to the PAE that some Ash was claiming she was a member of the Seven, I didn’t want to think about what would happen. My family was in enough trouble as it was. Still, the idea of everyone knowing was freeing, and I let myself slip back into the daydream as I walked across lawn in front of Spectrum. It took me a minute before I realized someone was yelling at me.