There is something about Devon that mystifies me. Always has since the night I first saw him. It’s like there’s something unknown hanging in his shadows.
Or maybe it’s just me. It’s the fear in me that’s conjuring up all these thoughts about him in my head. Because I feel guilty when I am happy.
Either way, I need to stay away from him. He’s bad for me as much as I am bad for him.
Chapter Ten
“Did you talk to Devon?” Stef asks next to me in the passenger seat as I drive to school that morning.
A tinge of unrest crosses my chest. I wish she hasn’t asked me that. Because I’m trying so hard to forget so many things, so many thoughts and so many feelings that speak to me about Devon and I’m still trying so damn hard to shut them all out.
“Yeah, I did.” I keep my eyes on the long stretch of road ahead.
“What did he say?” she asks, her tone piqued with interest.
“Turns out he had a secret girlfriend in New York,” I lie and sigh to make it sound believable. “He was―and most likely still is―looking for a rebound. That’s everything to the story.”
“Really?” Stef asks in utter disbelief. “So this was not about you?”
“Nope.”
“But it so much looked like it did!”
“I told you, Stef. You were imagining things. Happens to those who are crazy in love,” I shoot her a teasing glance which makes her blush.
“So…what happens now?”
I see doubt cloud her expression from the corner of my eye.
“Nothing happens now,” I shrug. “I mean Devon and I were only pretending, and we ended it. It’s not like we had a thing for each other. So,” I take a deep breath to brace myself, “it’s time I go back and fix my relationship with Luke because I don’t want to be with anybody else but him.”
“Geez, not again!” Stef groans.
“I know Luke cares about me even though he doesn’t show it,” I say in an attempt to believe it. “So it’s totally worth it.”
“I don’t know about that but you’re just gonna give another reason for people at school to bitch all the more about you.”
“When have I ever cared about that?”
“Right.”
***
I spot Luke in the hallways taking books out of his locker. I don’t want to have anything to do with him but I have to. It’s for the best. It’s like going back to the barren reality from an irresistible dream.
I should be with Luke and not with Devon. That’s all there is to it. Every relationship goes through some rough patch and ordeals, and I start to think that Devon is one of those trials that Luke and I have to overcome. Yes, that’s right. He’s got to be.
Taking a deep breath, I approach him. “Hey, Luke, can we talk?”
He turns to look at me with a hint of surprise and ridicule on his face. “Only if you’re done being the silly girl prancing around the school with Parker.”
“Yeah, I’m done,” I tell him with a stoic expression.
“Always knew you’d beg me to take you back after you’re done being used and thrown away by Parker.” He snorts as we settle down in the courtyard. “He came after you with the sole reason of pissing me off. He wanted me to lose focus from my training so that he could easily become the quarterback. His plan was to just use you to distract me, Eleanor. And you fell for it.”
I just sit in silence and let him talk whatever the shit he wants to. I guess listening to him talk like this is part of hardships and adjustments in relationship too.
“But thanks to you, babe. I followed your advice,” he continues with a proud smile. “Remember you told me to not let Parker bother me? I did just that ‘cause like you said, he’s not worth it.”
“Glad.”
“If it weren’t for the hidden motive, Parker would have gone after girls his type, not you,” says Luke in an obvious tone. “Funny that you took so long to connect it all together.”
“Yeah, my bad,” I chuckle dryly. “So…are we good?” I ask him.
“I foiled Parker’s plan.” He scoffs. “So yeah, we are good.”
“Can you, uh, kiss me?” I ask. Of course I want him to kiss me. I missed Luke. Right? But what crosses my mind next baffled me because I secretly hope for Devon to suddenly appear and see Luke and me kissing.
What?!
Luke smirks. “Desperate much?”
I swallow that taunt and keep myself calm.
“Fine.”
Flashing a conceited smile, Luke leans towards me and plants his lips on mine. Who am I kidding? Kissing Luke now only reminds me of how my kiss with Devon was a thousand times better. But I force myself to concentrate and kiss him back. While we are kissing, I happen to glance over Luke’s shoulder and indeed, I see Devon walk in the courtyard. The look on his face when he sees us makes my heart fall. But the very next moment, a dangerous fury clouds his fierce blue orbs. I feel my breath stop. I watch numbly as Devon’s hands curl into fists at his sides, as his expression grows harder by the second.
He leaves in a blaze of anger.
***
Stef is right. Not that I don’t know it already. People are bitching about me more than before in the hallways and the campus. According to them, I am that vamp who jumps between two dicks. But I’ve better things to do than give a damn to all the hate and disgusting looks they’re throwing my way. Better things like doing my assignment.
I am in the library scanning the bookshelves to find something to help me write an essay for History class. I haven’t come across what I’m looking for yet but I sure do run into Devon.
I avoid his gaze and start to walk away―
“You look like crap every time you turn your back on me,” he snaps bitterly.
I brace myself and turn around to face him. “Look away then. Simple.”
His eyes spew venom. “I can’t decide who is the bigger fucking nitwit out of the two of us, you for going back to that pig boy or me for not breaking his asshole of a jaw yet.”
“That would be you because you can’t accept that Luke and I are back together and that I am happy with him.”
“Dump that douche. You will be happier.”
I scoff. “You know what? I’m not obliged to stand here and fill you with any kind of explanation.”
“You are, Eleanor.” He stretches a hand out to block my way. “Because when we were together, I wasn’t pretending and neither were you,” he adds firmly.
I shudder when he presses his forehead onto mine. My eyes close even though I don’t want them to. The way his breath mixes with my quivering one entices me somehow. I can feel the heat of his mouth on my lips.
“I already miss everything about you, Eleanor,” he breathes hoarsely. “I miss holding your hand,” my heart jumps as I feel his fingers intertwine with mine, “I miss your hold around me when you sat behind me on my bike; I miss your sassy remarks; I miss the little rolling thing that you do with your eyes, but more than anything else, I miss the feeling of being complete when I kissed you.”
I feel his lips touch mine which breaks off my reverie. My eyes dart open and I pull away from him.
“We’re not supposed to be doing this. I am back with Luke. Can’t you understand that?” I snap in frustration.
“That little piece of information doesn’t bother me at all,” he says darkly.
“Trust me, that little piece of information is the only and the most important thing you should know about me,” I counter, my eyes clashing with his fiery ones.
But my breath quivers as he advances a step towards me. I step back but sense the hard bookshelf behind me.
“I don’t like you, Devon,” I say sharply as he places his hands on either side of my head to cage me.
“Liar, liar Sanchez on fire.”
“That’s not funny!”
“It wasn’t even meant to be funny. Can’t you see I’m angry?!” he snaps. “Why are you doing this to me? Do you think I’ll be okay thin
king that you’re kissing that swine because I won’t be okay, Eleanor! Look into yourself. There has to be a Pandora’s box somewhere. Unlock it and I’m sure you’ll find some bits of dignity that you could really use right now.”
His harsh words cut through my chest like a knife. “You love to remind me that I’m only worthy of being used and thrown away, don’t you?!” I ask bitterly.
That catches him off guard. “I-I didn’t mean that, I swear,” he says at once, shaking his head.
“I don’t care what you meant, Devon! Just leave me alone.” I move past him and run out of the library, almost in tears…
“Eleanor, wait!” He comes after me. “Eleanor!”
But I don’t stop at all.
***
I sit through all the classes with pain slicing my heart. My eyes fall too numb for tears. I just wish someone speeds up the hands of time so that senior year is all over and done with. When I get to the courtyard during free period, I spot Josh and Stef sitting at the bench. The former is sulking, while the latter looks very much irritated.
“Whaddup, guys?” I ask gaily, taking my bag off as I sit down with them.
“I wanna tell you how I got bankrupt today, E,” Stef says to which the boy rolls his eyes.
“Yeah, bring it on. I’m all ears,” I tell her.
“It cost me seven burgers, six packets of french fries, and three Cokes in an attempt to cheer this guy up but all I get is this sullen grouchy face in return.” Stef frowns at him.
“Josh even ate all that?!” I stare at him incredulously. “What’s wrong with you, dude?”
“Coach Harrison announced in PE that Devon Parker is the star quarterback of the Westford High football team,” Josh admits gruffly.
“O…kay?” I nod. “But what took the coach so long to assign a quarterback?”
Stef snorts. “It’s pretty much obvious. The coach was using the fierce competition among the boys to make them work harder and get better at the game. It was only a matter of time before Devon was declared quarterback. He has a fan in Coach Harrison despite his troublemaking ways.”
“You’re not helping here!” snaps Josh.
Stef rolls her eyes. “I’m sorry but I believe in voicing the truth than false flattery.”
And they bicker on as usual. At least I’ve a reason for now to forget the crap that my life is. I only wonder what Luke is going through now. I wonder to what extent the recent developments have bruised his ego.
“Hey, are you okay?” I catch up with him in the hallways before last period.
“I am fine.” Luke seems eerily calm. Okay, that’s pretty weird. Is the shock just too much?
“Really?” I just can’t believe it.
“Yeah. Coach Harrison will soon regret his decision,” smiles Luke smugly. “Let’s just say I got hold of Parker’s weakness today,” he adds, looking at something from over my shoulder.
Before I could think over what he just said or turn around and look at what he saw, Luke grabs my hand and tugs me across the hallway inside the biology lab.
“What are you doing?” I ask, puzzled.
Luke holds my face and kisses me instead. That catches me off guard. The next thing I know his hand goes around my waist and he is kissing my shoulders. It fills me with disgust. I feel filthy.
“Luke…stop…”
But Luke continued and before I can protest further, I heard a voice.
“Leave her, dickhead.”
That dark savage voice sends waves of chill down my back. Luke stops and we both look to the direction of the voice.
Devon is standing at the door with a clenched jaw and eyes resembling burnt blue coal.
“Fuck off, douche,” spews Luke. “She’s my girlfriend.”
“Devon, go. Please.” I almost plead, sensing danger. My throat feels dry already.
Devon snorts. “Why, Eleanor? Am I making your ass of a boyfriend look more of a pig than he already is?”
“Luke, NO!!” I shriek but it’s too late―
“How dare you, scum!” Luke already lunges towards Devon and lands a hard punch on his nose.
I clamp a sweaty hand on my mouth as I stand paralyzed with a pain that slashes my insides. Devon is bleeding.
But it was Luke I’m scared for now. Because Devon’s hostile features seem violent enough to send a surge of tremors down my being. Fear grips my skin as I watch his hands curl into trembling fists as he looks scathingly at Luke.
“Devon, please. No!” I clamor in alarm when he is right about to smash Luke’s jaw.
I am nowhere close to expecting Devon to listen. But surprisingly, he does. He stops at once and yanks his fist back. Time stands still as if too afraid to start ticking again. Devon walks back a couple of steps with his intense gaze fastened on me before he wheels around and storms out of the lab.
My heart pounds in despair. Devon’s temper looks scarier than anything I’ve ever witnessed.
***
I burst into the Men’s room without prior warning.
Devon does a double take at my reflection in the mirror. There are two other guys in there who are just about to pee but they zip back up and leave when they see me.
“This is the Men’s Room,” Devon states, turning around to face me. “Unless you’ve a different anatomy than you should, you’re not supposed to be here.”
Thank God he is not bleeding anymore but the wound makes my heart sink. I want to run to him but I stand where I am.
“Are you okay…?” My voice is more unsteady than I’d expected it to be.
Devon scoffs. “Tell your pig boyfriend that he needs to punch like a man,” he drawls. “And don’t worry, my face still looks irresistible like the rest of me,” he adds, pleased.
I feel dreadful.
Looking at my troubled expressions, Devon speaks bitterly, “You know what really pains and tortures me?” He walks to me. “Seeing you with pig boy Thomas…together.”
“Then look the other way,” I say quietly.
He doesn’t like that. “Remember when I said that you deserve better? Well, guess what, Sanchez, that better has an amazing name. Devon. Accept that as soon as you can because I lack patience.”
Devon walks past me and heads out of the room. It’s all my fault. None of this would’ve happened if I didn’t agree to his stupid idea in the first place. I just feel so awful now.
Chapter Eleven
All the boys on the Westford High football team, including Josh, welcomed in good faith Coach Harrison’s decision of making Devon quarterback. The team knows that they need to get along well and be each other’s strength to build a team that could win matches against other schools. It is that common feeling of sportsmanship which unfortunately Luke doesn’t share with the rest—he is a self-obsessed jerk who believes that the world revolves around him.
After I have gotten back together with Luke, everything becomes quite crystal clear now; it’s like hanging out with Devon has opened my eyes to a lot of things, which includes seeing my so-called boyfriend’s true colors. It’s become quite obvious to me now that the only reason why he agreed to get back with me was to throw Devon off the game through me because, for some reason, he believes that I am Devon’s weakness.
Right now, every inch of my being finds Luke repulsive. I am angry at him for using me like an object. I know I have to do something, but I don’t say a word to him or to anyone. I’ve no right to complain. After what I did, I deserve this pain and everything that’s going on in my life right now.
I hope Coach Harrison or someone else talks some sense of teamwork into Luke soon but in the meantime, I let him believe that I’m dumb enough not to understand his sudden displays of affection in the hallways and in the courtyard. Because I want Devon to hate me. Hate me enough to forget I exist. Hopefully then I will be able to stop dreaming about being with him and holding his hand.
***
I don’t expect Devon to be home at this hour of the day when I arrive at the Parke
rs’ but unfortunately, he is. I walk in through the front door, and I see him coming down the stairs. His gaze meets mine a second later. Surprisingly, he smiles at me.
That gorgeous and sexy smile.
I can see the genuineness in it, something he is totally unaware of. And that affects me a lot more than I’ve wanted to be affected.
“Where is Jackson?” I ask, almost in a rush as he walks over to me.
“Hello to you too, Eleanor.”
“He asked me to come over, which is why I am here.”
“I’m doing great, thanks for asking.”
I sigh at his sarcasm. “Glad that you’re doing great, Devon.”
“You didn’t let me finish, Eleanor,” he says crisply. “I’m doing great at thinking how surreal it would be if you agreed to go out on a date with me tonight,” he adds in a deep husky tone, staring at me in a way that makes my heart skip.
I am somewhere caught up between blushing and frowning. “I won’t go out on a date with you, Devon,” I tell him flatly, frowning.
“C’mon, Eleanor, I promise I won’t be annoying,” he insists. “I promise to be very charming if I haven’t been able to charm you yet.”
I resist the urge to giggle. “I don’t think that’s a great idea.”
“Of course, it’s a great idea ‘cause it came from the amazing me,” he acts cocky. “Get to know me, Eleanor. Let me know you so I can do something about whatever it is that’s keeping you from me.”
I walk past him to take the stairs.
“Eleanor!” he calls me from behind.
“Devon.” I turn around to look at him again, and I’m left speechless when I see him down on one knee.
What the fudge?!
And he flashes a winning smile that gets my heart to beat faster. Is this even happening?
“Devon, stand up.” I can’t help but laugh to fight the blush that is making its way to my cheeks. It’s honestly scary how good he can make me feel about myself with his silliness.
“Give me a chance, Eleanor!” he says. “You won’t regret it.”
Again: A Young Adult Romance Page 9