Again: A Young Adult Romance

by Rashmita Bhattacharjee

  “And I will give you the reasons why he should be told the truth,” I speak with conviction. “Devon is hurting a lot, Mr. Parker. You know that better. He is trying hard to have closure, but that can’t happen unless you talk to him. He needs to know that his mom was not weak like he thinks she was but was brave enough to run away so that she could provide him with a good and safe life. He needs to know that the man he hates is the one who gave up all his hopes, his dreams, his aspirations and risked his life to protect him and his mom. He needs to know that the man he hates has always loved him to pieces. Just like his mom did.”

  Mr. Parker looks frail and weak. His face is white, and he looks very much skeptical.

  “Devon deserves to know that he is extremely lucky to have a father like you,” I say earnestly. “And this might somehow be the only way for him to finally make peace with his past and get him to be close to you again.”

  Mr. Parker exhales deeply. “Alright. I’ll…tell him the truth.” He agrees, looking hesitant though.

  “I’ll get him to see you here soon,” I say, rising to my feet.

  ***

  I make my way to the trailer with a sinking feeling in my chest. If this is a nightmare, I want to wake up. I want to wake up fast.

  I don’t think the truth would have mattered if Nicole were still alive and if she and Mr. Parker were together, but since none of that is possible now, the truth does matter. I’ve no idea how Devon’s gonna take it, but all I know is that this is the closure that he has been struggling day and night to find. Even though this is not how I’d want him to move on.

  I try my best not to tear up but guess I’m depleted of all my strength. Soon, tears start to cascade down my cheeks.

  I find Devon sitting on the steps outside the trailer. He shoots to his feet upon seeing me. “Eleanor, are you okay? Were you…crying?” he asks, sounding alert, as I walk up to him.

  “What happened?” he demands to know, looking at me with urgent eyes as he holds my shoulders.

  “You need to talk to your father.”

  Devon’s eyes turn cold, and he drops his hands. “Which part of it did you not understand when I said that I’m gonna hate that man for the rest of my life?”

  “Devon, please.” My voice cracks. “You have to speak to him. You have to hear him out. And then come back to me.”

  His puzzled gaze lingers on me for a second or two after which he responds, “Okay, I’ll talk to him.”

  “Now.”

  “Not now. Later.”

  “Now!”

  “Okay, now.” Devon sighs reluctantly and walks past me to leave.

  I slump down onto the steps as he disappears out of sight. And I tear up all over again. I feel so damn scared. What if he never comes back to me? What if the truth changes everything about the way he looks at the world? What if the truth breaks everything that he believes in including love? What if the truth pulls him further down rather than do him good?

  I can’t lose him. I can’t imagine even a moment after he breaks up with me, if it ever came to that point. He is as important to my survival as my heart. I’ve already got him to walk away from me once. And I don’t know what I’m gonna do if that happens again.

  My heart beats loudly and begins to slow down with every passing minute. There is this whole different kind of unrest that has seeped through me. How much does Devon know at this point? Is he halfway down to the truth or has he heard the whole of it already? Or is he yet to start?

  What is he going through at this moment? What are the thoughts taking shape in his mind? What are the feelings coursing through him? Or is he feeling numb just like I did?

  My gaze doesn’t waver even once from the spot where I’d be able to first see him if he comes back here. But there’s no sign of him even as time crawls by in silence. The air is chilly, but I’m cold already. As darkness penetrates deeper into the night sky, my hope starts to shatter just like the rest of me.

  I lower my gaze to the ground. I just hope he is fine. I don’t want anything else…

  “Eleanor.”

  I look up, hearing that voice. My heart misses a beat. Devon’s here. I watch in concern as he walks over to me. He seems to be in some sort of a trance. The truth about his past must have been too much for him to take in. I get to my feet, feeling my breath stuck at the base of my throat.

  “Devon…” I trail off in a whisper. “Are you okay?”

  “I…guess.”

  “Wanna talk about it?”

  I sit alongside Devon onto the steps of the trailer. It takes him a while to process the myriad of emotions within him and to put them into words. I give him the time. Even if it’s gonna be just silence that he comes up with, I’m gonna be here right by his side.

  “I just got to know that my real father was a most wanted assassin.” Devon lets out a low, humorless chuckle. “Guess rather than having Jackson’s DNA matched with…Dave, I should’ve got mine tested with his. Could’ve found out everything sooner.”

  “Hey.” I reach out for his hand. “You were never wrong every time you thought that Mr. Parker is your father.”

  “My mom…wrote letters addressed to me ‘cause she didn’t feel good about keeping me in the dark about the truth,” he says. “Funny thing is she never gave those letters to me…but to Dave and told him that I should never find out their secret. And today…I read those letters, and…everything clicked.”

  “As a kid,” he continues, “I believed that my parents were the best parents in the world which is why I always felt I was luckier and happier than other kids my age. I always knew my mom and dad were different than other moms and dads, but I couldn’t tell how. And now I know the how and also why.”

  “I can never…thank Dave enough for everything that he did for my mom and me,” Devon says meaningfully. “And I deeply regret not having treated him well. He did right by my mom and me,” he broke off, “I just humiliated him…”

  “Because you were not aware that the past ran deeper than you knew,” I tell him. “But you know now. And it’s never too late to start over again.”

  Devon nods slowly. “In spite of all the pain and trouble that I caused him, he still told me to call him ‘Dad.’ He said that I am and will always be his son just like I used to be years ago. And I-I can’t help but wish that he were my father for real…”

  “He is, Devon,” I say, clutching his hand tight. “Sometimes facts don’t count, love and affection do.”

  “Guess you’re right.” He smiles a little at me. “I think it’s time that I accept my past the way it is without fighting it anymore and try to move on.”

  “I’m glad to hear that coming from you, Devon.” I smile. “I thought that I…might have lost you.”

  “I’ll always come back to you, Eleanor,” he responds earnestly. “I’m grateful to my mom for being so fearless to protect me. And you saved me again.”

  “I love you, Devon.”

  “I love you too, Eleanor,” he says, wiping away a tear that had just left my eye. “We’re gonna be okay.”

  “We’ll be okay.” I nod.

  He holds the side of my face, bringing his lips closer to mine. I close my eyes. And we kiss under the moonlight with all the stars shining overhead.

  ***

  I enter my home through the kitchen door with a smile on my face and relief in my heart. Devon is moving back in with Mr. Parker, and I’m so happy for both of them. They have been through a lot. Nicole’s absence will always be felt, but I just hope that the scars of their past will start to heal now.

  The day couldn’t have ended in a better way. And I’m honestly so exhausted right now that I could honestly sleep my way to the next century. No kidding. All I want is peace now and my comfy bed.

  I leave the dark kitchen to climb upstairs to my room, but my feet come to a halt the moment I find that Gran is not alone in the living room. My heart comes to an abrupt standstill when I see the tall man who is more familiar to me than my breat
h. He breaks into a warm smile when his gaze meets my wide one.

  “Ellie, how are you doing?”

  My Dad is home.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  “I am good.” I manage to respond even through the awful knot in my throat.

  My father is dressed in a navy blue business suit. He has dark brown hair and a striking pair of hazel brown eyes. He usually prefers to be clean shaven although he now sports a light stubble on his chiseled jawline which surprisingly makes him look very young and more handsome.

  I just can’t believe he is actually here. I’m standing rooted to the spot, my mind drawing a complete blank. More than anything else, I feel so confused right now. The past couple of months, I’ve only seen Dad in my nightmares. So I kind of just forgot how it is like to be seeing him for real and that too for the first time ever since reading those words in his journal.

  And he’s not back alone. There’s a woman standing alongside him. She’s wearing a black ruffle V-neck pencil dress. I don’t know who she is. Never seen her before.

  “Mom’s been telling me that you’ve been a wonderful teenager,” Dad says, looking at Gran and then back at me.

  Really? I find those words pretty much hard to believe because the strain in the air between the three of them is so palpable that I can feel it in my bones. I wonder what they were talking about when I wasn’t here.

  “Your daughter has missed you a lot though,” says Gran.

  “I’m really sorry for taking this long, hon,” Dad tells me earnestly. “But why didn’t you get on the phone if you wanted to talk?”

  An uneasy feeling spreads under my skin. “How . . . how are you?” I ask quickly. “When did you arrive?”

  “I got back a while ago. And…I wanted to surprise you.” Dad smiles his usual dimpled smile.

  “Well, mission accomplished,” I remark which makes him laugh.

  “Ellie, I’d like you to meet Katherine,” Dad introduces me to his perhaps girlfriend.

  “Hey.” The long chestnut-haired stranger with a fringe smiles affably. “Eron’s been telling me a lot about his super girl. So good to be finally meeting you, Eleanor! I’m so glad that I’m here just in time for your eighteenth birthday.”

  Which reminds me that it’s my birthday tomorrow. And for the record, she has an American accent, not British like I thought she is.

  “Thanks.” I smile awkwardly.

  “Eron,” Katherine turns to my father, “your daughter is beautiful.”

  “Told you.” Dad smiles at her.

  I think she is admiring me just to please Dad.

  After the little surprise, we have dinner, and it is mostly silent and far from comfortable. Katherine tries to make small talk with me though. She asks me about me, my friends, school, and the neighborhood. I answer her as briefly as possible, hoping that I don’t come off as rude. I don’t know what else to do when a complete stranger tries to get too friendly all at once. Gran is not her usual self. I can still feel the unease in the air. I just want to go upstairs to my room.

  ***

  I lie wide awake in my bed, staring at the dark ceiling looming overhead. Dad is really, like really back. My nightmares didn’t become real after all.

  But right now, everything just feels too weird between us. Like there’s this huge gap. And I don’t really like Katherine, his new girlfriend. I don’t see any reason to feel that way though because she might actually be nice after all. But what if she is just faking her kindness and niceness? Even Gran wasn’t really happy about her sudden presence.

  But one thing is for sure, Katherine doesn’t seem like any fling. My father looks like he is pretty much serious about her, which is why he has even brought her home in the first place. He has never done that before.

  So, does that mean that Dad has moved on from Mom? Does that mean he doesn’t regret my birth anymore? Do I still have to talk to him about what I read in his journal? Do those words hold any relevance now? I hope they don’t. Because I just don’t know how to tell my father that I snooped into his journal and found out that he wished my mom had lived instead of me.

  The following morning is the first day back to school after the winter break. And also, my birthday. I remember the promise I made to myself. I have to feel happy, not guilty.

  I take a shower and choose a leopard print dress to wear. I put on mascara and lip gloss and leave my hair loose. I get my feet into a pair of black wedges and go downstairs to have breakfast. But there’s a surprise for me in the kitchen. Three bright smiling faces stand next to the counter with a chocolate cake, yelling “Happy Birthday!” the moment I step in.

  I smile back, walking over to them. Gran hands me the knife, and they sing the happy birthday song as I cut the cake. I cut a piece and give the first bite to my dad. And he, in turn, makes me have the rest of it.

  “Happy birthday, hon.” Dad gives me a hug.

  “Thanks, Dad.” I manage to smile with an uneasy feeling rippling in my chest. I can’t help but think that the smile on his face right now is so much different than the words he had written about me in his journal.

  I give the second bite of the scrumptious cake to my dear gran who has obviously baked it for me. I can never fail to recognize a recipe that belongs to the Secret Sanchez Cookbook. She gives me a bear hug in return. As I pull away, I notice that Katherine looks expectant that I’ll cut a piece for her and give her a bite too, but I don’t. I don’t feel like it. I hardly know her.

  So I keep the knife down on the counter. “I need to get my bag from upstairs,” I say, and make a move out of the kitchen to head to my room. I’m just about to take to the stairs―

  “Eleanor.” I hear Katherine’s voice from behind.

  Not her!

  I turn around to face her. “I’m sorry, but I really don’t want to be late for school,” I tell her.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to,” she is apologetic. “I got you a present.” She nervously hands me a gift bag. “Hope you like it.”

  “Oh…uh, Thanks,” I mumble, taking the bag from her.

  I feel kinda bad now for having been kinda rude to her.

  I had intended to celebrate every moment of my birthday without any guilt and feeling good about myself. I somehow don’t see that happening now.

  “It’s a dress, Ellie,” Dad smiles, joining us. “Katherine’s been obsessing about finding the perfect present for you. Be great if you could wear it this evening.”

  “Now, that’s not fair, Eron,” Katherine protests mildly. To me, she says, “Eleanor, I’m sure you must have already picked the dress for your birthday. And I can’t wait to see you in it!”

  As I go upstairs to my room, I don’t bother to have a look at the present. I grab my bag and leave for school.

  ***

  “Unbelievable.” Stef stares at me in disbelief as we sit at the school courtyard before first period. “Your Dad gave you a sexy red convertible, and you didn’t drive it to school to rub it on Kelly’s face!”

  “It’s a present for college, Stef,” I tell her although I don’t think I’ll be using the car even then.

  “So what? It’s not like the hood of the car screams, ‘College fucker? Use me!’”

  I roll my eyes at her choice of words.

  “But seriously, how is Katherine?” Stef asks solemnly. I’d texted her last night about Dad’s new girlfriend. “I mean, like, it’s all so sudden that your dad asked her to move in with you guys. How are you taking it?”

  “I’m just…taking it.” I shrug matter-of-factly.

  My friend is about to speak when she’s cut short.

  “Hey, Stef!” a voice booms from behind. “My parents are not home tonight. So we can throw Eleanor a surp―”

  “Josh!” Stef sends a death glare to the boy standing behind me.

  I turn my head around, and Josh is left gobsmacked realizing it’s none but me Stef is talking to. Guess he was so excited to break the news that he didn’t recognize me from the back
.

  “Eleanor?” he mumbles sheepishly. “Can we pretend that you just weren’t here right now? No? Okay, I gotta grow an extra pair of abs. Bye.”

  I crack up as Josh dashes off. “So, you guys are planning a surprise party for me tonight at his place?” I giggle, looking back at Stef.

  “Damn you, Josh!” she curses under her breath. “Yeah, we were,” she tells me with a sigh. “But I wasn’t sure though whether you’d like it…”

  “Of course, I’d love that, Stef!” I say, meaning it. “Go ahead with it. I promise I’ll pretend to be surprised when I walk in.”

  I don’t wanna be home or anywhere near Katherine tonight.

  ***

  I did pick up a dress for my birthday, but right now, in my room, I’m just holding it in front of me as I look at myself in the mirror. It’s a strapless shimmery black dress. I sure want to wear it to the party, but I don’t know if I should.

  The gift bag Katherine gave me lies untouched in the corner. I have no intention of opening her present at all, but I guess I have to now because it’s getting hard to deal with the unease in my chest.

  So I keep the shimmery dress back in the closet and wear the one given by my father’s girlfriend. It turns out to be a one-shoulder metallic silver dress. I pair it with black stilettos.

  I was just getting done with the mascara when there’s a knock on the door. It clicks open, and I see Devon’s reflection in the mirror as he walks in. I had a really good time with him and Jackson after school this afternoon. The little boy made an adorable birthday card for me, and the three of us had trooped to The Icy Affair for ice creams.

  “Hey,” I greet with a smile as I turn around to face him.

  “Wow,” Devon exclaims seeing me. “You look stunning, Eleanor.”

  I giggle. “Thanks.”

  “I, uh, got a little something for you,” he says, walking across the room to me. “Hope you like it,” Devon adds as he awkwardly hands me a small exquisitely wrapped box.