"Okay then, stay quiet, and don’t come out unless I come to get you no matter what you may hear, understand?"
"Aye," I say.
He pulls his head out, and I wait for the fake door to close, but then another body squeezes through the opening. All of a sudden, it feels like the crawl space shrinks in size as Jax fills the compartment.
"Hell, no," I say instantly, shaking my head. I ain't being cooped up in here with him.
"No choice, mutie," he says as he looks around for a bit then decides the most comfortable spot for him to sit would be directly on the blankets beside me. I’m crushed into the wall as he falls next to me, our shoulders and arms squeezed together. I try to stand, but I’m stuck like a hog on a spit between Jax and the wall.
Mack," I yell. "Mack, switch me and Finn. I’ll travel with Cat. Mack."
The only response to my plea is the slight click of the fake wall as it closes shut. Shizen. What have I done to the gods to deserve this?
"Mack," I yell again but to no avail.
"May as well stop your belly aching, Tara. Mack’s not going to take the time to unload Finn's wagon just so you two can switch places," he says.
I glare at him the best I can, but our noses are only inches apart, so I don't think he quite appreciates my frosty stare.
"You did this on purpose," I say. "You could have gotten in the wagon with Finn, but you planned on being in mine."
He raises an eyebrow at me.
"Actually, I did consider traveling with Finn at first, but then I realized to keep Cat calm and quiet, they couldn't put anyone but Finn with her. Still, it's good to know you think yourself so irresistible that I would 'plan' to be stuck in a tiny crawlspace with someone who …," he wrinkles his nose up at me, "I don't think has seen a bath in quite a while."
I can feel heat flooding my cheeks as I remember the shower I had forgone earlier so I could go to town instead. Jax is right; I’m ripe. But serves him right to be stuck in here with my smell. I flap my armpit at him trying to enhance my stench, but he just laughs and bumps me into the wall.
"May as well get comfortable, freak. It's gonna be a long ride."
Not as long as we thought. We’ve barely gone four leagues before we’re unexpectedly stopped and from the shouting I overhear, I reckon it’s guards. We must be at the city gates. My earlier irritation forgotten, I stare nervously at Jax. I thought Mack said the pretend Army riding with us would guarantee safe passage?
The guards are yelling at Mack and Riven, inquiring as to the nature of their business. Riven's deep growl answers back, but I cain't quite make out what he says. I do hear the order to open the wagon doors though, and my gut clenches tight. Terrified to make the slightest movement, we listen as the guard rummages through the back of the wagon. Sweat beads my upper lip and trickles down my back as the footsteps shuffle closer to our hiding spot. Nuthin' but a thin sheet of wood separating us from certain capture. I cain't help the images popping into my head of the fake door opening and the soldier finding us cowering here. Stop it! I scold myself, but it don't seem to work. The images stay in my head like some bad night terror.
After what seems like an eternity of baskets being tossed about and faint cussin', we hear, "All clear. It's just like they said, more supplies meant for those spoiled cruds in Skytown."
"Move along!" I nearly jump from my skin as the yell bellows right at our heads, and a fist bangs the wagon wall, giving us permission to move. Jax holds a finger to his lips in warning. I know the message he’s sending. Don’t make a sound. I can only hope Finn and Cat know to do the same.
The wagon starts moving again. The intense wobbling causes my stomach to flip flop before we finally seem to level out and move into the flat plains of the outerlands beyond the gate. I exhale the air trapped in my chest. We did it. We made it through.
"Can I have my hand back now before you crush it?" Jax's words are whispered so close to my ear his breath stirs my hair. I look down, shocked to find his hand wrapped in mine. I’m holding it so tightly his fingers are actually turning purple. When had I done that? I don't remember grabbing his hand. I drop it like it is a red-hot ember and fold both my own hands in my lap so as not to touch any part of him, my cheeks flushing from our contact.
"Sorry," I mutter.
I can feel his body shake with his quiet laughter as he flexes his hand. "It's okay. Glad to be of assistance. I didn't really need that hand anyways … other than for feeding myself. And dressing myself. Shooting. Hunting. Harvesting maybe. Useless stuff really."
I choose not to respond to his sarcasm, and we continue on in silence, the only sound the creaking of the wagon as it moves over the broken trail. My heartbeat slows to normal and the fear in my gut fades as we don't meet any more obstacles. I finally relax my head back against the wall. Shizen, it’s so hot in here. Wiping the sweat offa my face with my sleeve, I try to fan myself with my hand. What I wouldn't give to feel just a little breeze right now.
"How long you think they’re goin' to make us ride back here?" I say, the heat getting the better of me. "Not all the way, surely?"
"Long enough to make sure we’re well away from prying eyes," he says.
I glance sideways at him. He ain't sweating at all, the heat not bothering him in the least. It adds to my irritation. "How come you let Talbert and Beanie leave their young'uns in Gray Valley? When me and Finn and Tater were there, you couldn't wait to get rid of us you was so scared we were gonna draw the Army, yet you're helpin' them?"
He gives a little sigh. "I should have ridden with Finn," he mutters to himself before he turns his head to look at me. "It was Ma's choice, not mine. As you well know, she is a very mule-headed woman. Most stubborn woman I ever met … until now." I narrow my eyes at the insult. "She took one look at those bedraggled children and insisted they go no further. They were still in shock and dehydrated and in no condition to go anyplace else. I'm surprised they even survived the trip to us."
Immediately, I regret asking him to explain his reasons for helping. Sometimes I could be a real, unfeeling jackass.
"How many of 'em survived the attack?" I ask and it comes out as a whisper.
"Including Beanie and Talbert? Fourteen," he says.
Fourteen. Shizen, there had to have been well over fifty or sixty of 'em living there and only fourteen survived. His words make my heart feel like there’s some kinda binding around it, drawing tight and squeezing the life outta it.
"Your ma is a good woman," I say. "Those young'uns are in good hands. The girl who collected our bowls that night, the marked one, was she one of the survivors?"
Jax nods at my question, and it makes me feel just a tiny bit better knowing that she, at least, had made it out alive.
"When I left home, Ma and Sky were taking good care of them all. No need to worry 'bout them."
I swallow the lump in my throat, and look away from him back down at my folded hands.
"Good," I say. We fall quiet for a bit more while I ponder what he’s told me. Finally, I sneak another sideways glance at him. "Sky musta been real upset at you leavin' again since you only just got back and all …," I trail off, wondering if he’ll answer the unspoken question that’s been gnawing at me these past few weeks.
"If she was, she didn't say as much. She knows our wedded day will come eventually. She don't harp about it. She's real good like that," he says.
The little twinge of relief I feel at knowing they ain't wedded yet is followed by immediate guilt. I just found out only fourteen innocent souls survived a massacre, and here I am feeling relief that Jax ain't wedded. I truly am an evil soul.
"Well, thank you for comin' to warn us. If you hadn't come …," I stop talking, not wanting to say out loud what woulda happened to everyone involved if I’d been found at Sanctuary.
"You should thank Talbert and Beanie for that. They were determined to get to you with the warning, to keep you safe. I've never seen anyone believe in your ability to stop the Prezedant as much as
those two. I truly believe they would just lie down and die if you asked them to."
I know he's only half teasing, but it don't sit well with me. I cain't stand the thought of anyone having that much faith in me. I don't deserve it. If only they knew the fear and cowardice that lives in my heart. The desire to just run away from it all. Nobody should risk their lives for someone as yellow-bellied as me.
"I wish y'all would stop treatin' me like I'm some kinda savior," I say, irritated again. "Don't know why any of you think I can make a difference to anything. There's only one reason I'm involved in any of this shite, and that's just to find my kin."
Instead of being pissed at my words like I reckoned he would be, Jax just busts out laughing. What the hell is so funny?
"You are a piece of work, you know that? In one breath, you're showing your grief and concern over a bunch of people you hardly even know, and the next you're pretending you don't give a damn about anybody but your kin. Cold-hearted snake or mistress of the light? Decide for yourself who you truly are, Tara, 'cause the rest of us already know."
I glare at him. "You think you know me?" I question softly.
"Aye, not much to figure out really. You're pretty simple."
I raise a brow and scowl, not quite sure if I should be angry at him. "Are you callin' me a simpleton?"
He laughs softly. "No, I mean simple in the fact that there’s nothing deceitful about you, Tara. You’re honest, straightforward, even abrasive at times, but you’re basically good. It didn't take me long to see that about you as much as I didn't want to admit it." He pulls his knees up and rests his forearms on them, staring at me so intently with those light eyes that I forget to breathe. "The way you look out for Finn and Cat and Tater, hell, even me. Your determination to save Ben and the rest of your kin without a second thought to your own safety. The way Talbert and Beanie would follow you to the ends of the Earth and bow to your every command. It makes me believe Orakel may have been right. Whether you like it or not, Tara, you’ve become a symbol of hope to many."
His words do nuthin' but add to my unease. And why is it so damn hot in here? I feel like I cain't catch a breath, like the very air itself is scorching my lungs. I feel the sweat dripping down my temple as Jax keeps staring at me like he’s expecting some sorta answer, so I say the very first thing that pops into my jumbled head.
"I was glad you ain't wedded yet."
"What?" The puzzlement in his voice matches his furrowed brow.
"That was the only thought in my head … even after you told me 'bout the terrible massacre and the fourteen survivors and the poor young'uns, all I could think was how glad I am that you ain't wedded yet. That ain't something any good or noble person would think, Jax. I'm selfish and stubborn and … and a scared coward at heart. You don't know me at all."
I watch as his puzzlement quickly turns to amusement.
"You’re happy because I'm not wedded?"
I stare at him in disbelief. "That's all you got outta that whole confession?"
A huge grin splits his face, causing the blue eyes to sparkle brightly. "Why, Tara, if I didn't know any better, I’d say you actually like me."
"I didn't say that," I say, mortified now at what I’ve let spill.
"Yes, you did. Not in so many words, but that's what it means," he says.
"No, it don't," I say, shaking my head at him.
"Well, why else would you care if Sky and I are wedded yet?" he says.
"Oh, geez, I dunno. Maybe it's 'cause I'm glad that the poor girl ain't stuck for a lifetime with a jackass like you," I say, his grin pissing me off. He’s such a cocky bastard.
"Too late, I know how you really feel now," he says, grabbing a strand of white hair that has fallen outta my braid and twirling it around his finger. I knock his hand away, but it just causes him to laugh even harder. Ignoring his laughter and refusing to even look at him, I stare straight ahead at the other side of the wagon. The damage is done. I cain't take back what’s already said, but I sure as hell ain't giving him any more reason to taunt me, so I don't talk any more. Let him stew the rest of the way in uncomfortable silence 'cause I ain't saying another word to that mule turd.
The lack of movement is what awakes me. I open my eyes and look around in confusion. I’d been dreaming. Dreaming about cattle hung in a line for bleeding out, only none of 'em had normal heads. Instead of cow heads, they all had human heads with long, black hair and white stripes. I was glad I hadn't seen a face, though, 'cause I have a sinking suspicion the face woulda been my own. I blink my eyes a couple more times and shake my head, trying to clear away the remnants of the lingering dream. I squish the pillow underneath my fingers. Why is my pillow so hard? I poke at it a bit more, and it starts moving up and down in laughter.
"Stop tickling me," it says, and instantly I know it ain't no damn pillow I'm laying on.
Horrified, I realize the rough cloth underneath my fingers is Jax's tunic. I'm lying against his chest. Pushing myself upright, I snarl at him, "Get offa me!"
"Get off of you? Beg to differ, but you're the one sprawled all over me like some wet blanket. Well, actually, I'm the one who feels more like the wet blanket since you were snoring and drooling so much."
He points to the wet spot on his tunic, and I can feel my flushed cheeks get even hotter. Instead of rising to his bait, I change the subject. No point in arguing what I can see to be true though he didn't have to be such a jackass and point it out to me.
"Why have we stopped movin'? Is anything wrong? How long have I been asleep?"
"A few hours at the most. And no, I don't think anything’s wrong. I heard Mack and Riven laughing earlier. I think we’ve just stopped to make camp. They should be letting us out soon."
As if in response, I hear movement just outside the false door. Thank gods, I think. I cain't stand to be cooped up in here any longer. I wait with growing impatience as the goods get shifted around to let us out.
Mack’s voice calls out, "All is well. Time to come out."
Jax don't get the opportunity to move. As soon as the false wall opens, I crawl over him in my frantic attempt to be free. Ignoring his winded "omph" as my knee comes into contact with a tender spot, I literally fall out of the crawlspace at Mack's feet.
"Up we go," Mack says gently, hoisting me to my feet.
My whole body feels like it has seized up, and I shuffle my way stiffly out of the wagon, the wind a welcoming relief on my flushed face as soon as I step outside. Oh gods, that feels good.
"Tara," Finn spots me as soon as his feet hit the ground, and his short legs fly the distance to my side. Cat follows him outta the wagon, but she hightails it in the opposite direction, straight to the low brush on the other side. Her intentions are quite obvious as she squats in the brush, oblivious to anyone's eyes watching. Kinda jealous really since I'm wishing I could do the same right now.
"What's goin' on?" Finn's head swivels as he takes in the Army get ups surrounding us. "Are we being captured by the Army again? Nobody told me nuthin'. They just said there was danger and herded us into that wagon. I didn't know if you were okay, but I figured I could believe Mack, and is that Jax? What's Jax doin' here?"
"I don't quite know," I sigh as I watch Jax jump down from the wagon and stretch, his toned body moving fluidly with cat-like grace, like he ain't just traveled for hours in a cramped position with me drooling all over his chest. He don't seem the least bit stiff like I am. It makes me hate him even more. He gives Finn a cheery wave and the boy waves back, all smiles. It irritates me to no end.
"Ya be needin' water, Mistress?"
One of Riven's fake soldiers approaches me with a water skin, but I don't need to see the face underneath the wrapper to know who it is. I'd recognize that voice anywhere.
"I thought I told you already I don't want you followin' me," I say in annoyance as I yank the water skin from his hands and take a deep drink. Talbert merely shrugs as he pulls the wrapper away from his face and grins ghoulishly at Finn
with his black lips. Finn's smile falters, and his gaze flickers uncertainly back and forth between me and Talbert. The look of confusion on his face would’ve been almost comical if I didn't know it was soon to be followed by a hundred more rapid-fire questions.
"And I suppose Beanie’s here as well?"
"Oh, aye," Talbert says and points with his chin to the soldier unhitching the horses from one of the wagons. "We's sworn brothers; one ain't never far from the other. An' now we's sworn protectors to you, Mistress."
Great. Just what I need. An offer of protection from those two. Sighing loudly, I hand Finn the water skin, hoping to delay the inevitable questions from blubbering out. It don't work.
"Why are they here, Tara? What’s goin' on? Why did we have to leave Sanctuary? Where are we goin'? Why are they dressed like the Army?"
Finn's questions are making my head spin, and honestly, I just don't have to gumption to answer any of 'em right now. Thank gods I'm spared the ordeal as a shout from Beanie interrupts.
"We got company," he yells, and I follow his pointing arm to the glow of the low setting sun. He's right, sure enough. There's a cloud of dust approaching from the west. Something is moving and coming straight for us.
"Mistress, 'urry, git back in the wagon!" Talbert pushes the baskets of supplies aside, as I grab Finn by the scruff of the neck and toss him unceremoniously into the wagon.
"Cat, hide," I yell at the beast as I quickly follow Finn. There ain't time to get her back into either wagon. She’s too far away, so I hope she heeds my warning.
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