Reaching forward, he plucked his glass from its place next to his plate, the deep red wine swirling as he lifted the glass into the air.“So,” he said triumphantly,“Welcome to the family, Xander. I wish you a successful marriage, a happy marriage, and more babies than my sister has the energy to chase.”
His stomach still twisting anxiously, Michael brought the glass to his lips and tipped it, sipping as the rest of his family followed suit.“That was good,” Renee whispered, leaning close to speak in his ear as he took his seat again.“See? Not so scary after all.”
She was wrong; speaking in front of everyone had covered his skin in tiny droplets of clammy sweat, had twisted his stomach into knots, and given him nightmares for days, dreams where he repeatedly relived his one public speaking event, the one where he’d been named the top of his class in high school– the one where he had spoken only three words of unintelligible gibberish before turning aside to throw up neatly beside the podium in front of the entire school. But the people that surrounded him were his family, and it had been much easier than he had anticipated to give the speech.
He thought perhaps his parents had been right to nominate him for the job, knowing as they did that he would be giving the best man’s toast following the actual wedding. Giving the rehearsal speech had been scary as hell– but it had been good practice, as he knew that the wedding speech would be even harder with a larger audience.
And at some point, Michael knew he’d have to gather his nerves for another speech he had written – a speech for an audience of one.
Chapter Fifty-Four
Seeing Nicolette for the last time at Xander’s bachelor party, having to stand there and accept what she had told him as she confessed the truth behind their divorce, had flipped a switch in Michael that had given him freedom– freedom to accept the divorce as something beyond his control, freedom to accept it as something other than a personal failure. Freedom to think even more seriously about moving on, and to do it without the crushing burden of doubt.
It wasn't a new thought, certainly; Michael had been wishing he couldmove on for years, craving companionship and comfort, longing for passion that wasn’t emotionless. He had tried, too, but every dating attempt ended the same; with sex that made him feel unfaithful to a wife that was no longer his. The only variation had been how many dates took place before the sex, and there were never more than five. Not that he minded the sex, he thought, as he stood in the church and watched the pews fill. He winked at Renee, who had grinned and waved at him as she and Chelsea found their seats in the pews.
No, he hadn’t minded the sex at all. But now that he had something more, he could look back and see just how strongly he had wanted the authenticity of a relationship– and he could see too, in hindsight, that even as he’d pursued relationships with various women, his heart simply hadn’t been in it. He still couldn’t say honestly if he had been seeking to replace Nicolette, or only to cover up the pain of losing her, but it hadn’t taken him long to give up on dating and just look for sex. Still, even that had left an uncomfortable weight of guilt on his conscience– not of unfaithfulness, perhaps, but of womanizing. Dating had made him feel like a cheater, but having no-strings-attached sex had made him feel like a user.
But then there was Sherry, and Michael had wanted to feel something then, had wanted to give her more than long nights and great sex. And now there was Renee, glancing over to smile at him now and then as she talked with her sister and their mother, Janet. Cass was seated in the pew in front of them, with Drew beside her, and in front of them, Michael’s mother sat alone– Adam had gone to take his place in the hallway, preparing himself to give away the last of his daughters.
Xander looked over at Michael, bumping his elbow gently to draw his attention.“How much longer?” he murmured quietly, his face flushing slightly trying not to move his lips.
Michael grinned, amused, and answered,“Dude, you have no idea. How long they take to get ready for a date is nothing to how long they take getting glammed up for a wedding.” He nudged Xander’s broad shoulder with his own, holding back a laugh, and went on.“Seriously, man; I think when I got married, she went to the church the night before to start getting dressed.” He grinned at the dismayed look on Xander’s face, marveling at how little it had hurt just then, to speak of his wedding. Renee caught his eye again, sending him a little wave that was barely more than the flutter of her fingertips. She held up her cell phone, dropped it into her lap, and pointed to the delicate watch encircling her slender wrist. Michael nodded, straightening his shoulders, and looked to Xander; he had seen the silent conversation and broken out in a sudden sweat– tiny beads of perspiration stood out on his forehead. Renee had gotten the prearranged text from Harmony. Everything was ready. It was time.
When the music switched from a slow, elegant classical tune, Xander straightened too; he and Michael turned as one to watch the chapel door as it opened. Xander’s little niece, Laney, stepped into the open doorway first, her skirts swishing slightly, a basket hanging over the bend of one arm. She stopped abruptly in the center of the doorway, looking in at the number of people filling the pews, and Michael saw the light catch on the beaded bodice of her dress as she drew a breath for courage. Finally, she closed her eyes, stuffed her hand into the basket over her elbow, and took the first step forward. Michael smiled, watching her make her way shyly down the aisle, sprinkling bits of silver and gold confetti into the aisle, carefully avoiding the line of flickering candles that lined each side of the walkway. Behind her, Harmony’s best friend Whitney moved into the doorway, but as he took notice of the pretty flush on her face and the way she seemed to be leaning against Evan’s arm, he saw, too, the tender look in Renee’s eyes as Laney made her way to the front of the church and took her seat on the pew beside her mother.
It was an unguarded look, a look of such profound longing that Michael’s chest clenched tight around his heart, strangling his breath; he brought his fist up to his mouth and cleared his throat quietly, trying to dislodge the sudden lump of emotion that had formed there. The sound drew Xander’s attention, though, and he turned questioning blue eyes toward Michael.“You alright?”
Michael nodded, smiling reassuringly.“Whitney’s hair looks really pretty like that, hmm?”
Narrowing his eyes, Xander nodded.“Yeah. Look at her with your brother, though. What a pair.”
They werequite a pair, making their way down the church aisle together, Whitney in a soft gown of blood-red lace that spilled beautifully toward the floor, fluttering gently as she moved, with her slim little fingers curled around Evan’s forearm. As they walked, Evan rested his free hand on top of Whitney’s fingers, bracing her, guiding her down the aisle to the front of the church. They stopped together at the end of the walkway; Michael tipped his head curiously at the look that passed between them.
It passed in only seconds, but he was sure it had been there, a silent question of support in Whitney’s eyes, the promisingly affirmative tilt of Evan’s head. What the hell was that about? Butthen the moment passed; Evan released her, and she made her way to the altar alone, her eyes lowered, her hands skimming down her sides to smooth her dress. Michael looked at Xander again, but he hadn’t noticed– his eyes were fixed on the doorway at the other end of the church’s aisle, slowly filling with tears.
Harmony was there, breathtaking in a white strapless gown, her smile radiant asshe gripped Adam’s forearm. She brought her free hand up, touched her mouth briefly, and blew a kiss to Xander; the audience in the church laughed quietly, but Xander stood silent, motionless, his emotions flowing out to fill the space around him. Standing beside him, Michael felt as if the entire altar were suddenly electrically charged, and he bumped Xander’s elbow gently with his own.“Good?” he asked quietly, his voice just barely audible.
Xander heard him though; his chin jerked as he nodded once. He bit down on his lip as Michael watched, to stop it from trembling, and released it on a sigh.“She’s perfe
ct,” he breathed.
Throughout the wedding Michael followed the guidelines of his duties: he stood proudly in support of his new brother-in-law, he witnessed the traditional sharing of vows between Xander and Harmony– the speaking of words so old and so often used, but still so meaningful, spoken in love before their families. He attended the exchange of the rings, rings which had been warmed by their time in the breast pocket of his coat. He watched, from his vantage point behind Xander’s shoulder, as Harmony’s eyes sparkled with tears, filled with love as she looked up into Xander’s face. And then it was over, the wedding was finished, and his baby sister was a married woman.
There was a pit of emotion in his belly; envy for her happiness, pride in her choice, simple happiness for her sake. Michael tried to quiet the storm, still standing by the altar as the pastor officially pronounced the marriage, smiling openly as Harmony and Xander made their way together down the church aisle and through the doors. Evan and Drew stood up, making their way slowly down the aisle as well, one man on either side, each with a silver candle snuff dangling at the end of a long silver handle. As they walked together, they dipped the tools down into each candle dish, extinguishing the flames as they made their way toward the door; behind them, a rush of people made their way from the church, heading toward the reception hall downstairs. Michael watched as his parents made their way together down the aisle too, a vision of the marriage he hoped his sister would have, of the marriage he himself had hoped for. A marriage he thought perhaps he might be willing to hope for again.
Renee was still there as he worked his way into the crowd and began to move down the aisle alone; she had waited at the end of her pew, standing with her tiny purse swinging cheerfully from her wrist as she watched for him.“Wow, that was something, hmm?” she asked, moving into the aisle beside him as he stopped to let her out.
“It was.” She kept her face lowered slightly as they walked, presumably keeping the hem of her dress away from the still-liquid wax of the candles. Michael had seen her face though, several times throughout the ceremony, and he had seen how deeply affected she had been. There were still tear tracks in her makeup. He wanted to ask why she had been so touched this time, as opposed to when she had attended Cass’s wedding to Drew,or when they had attended Cameron and Mac’s wedding together– he wanted to ask why he had caught her staring at Laney’s mother as Bethany had cradled her sleeping son in her arms during the ceremony. Instead, he took her hand, lacing his fingers together with hers, and led her quietly down the aisle, through the doorway, and into a small alcove he had noticed at the end of the hall.
She glanced up once, curious as he led her away from the reception hall everyone else was headed toward, but she walked with him, her fingers comfortable between his own. In the alcove, she looked up again as he turned her to face him, stepping close as he leaned back against the wall and brought her neatly against his chest.
Michael looked down into her eyes, softened with romantic fantasy, smudged with the evidence of tears shed during the wedding, and took her face in his hands. Her cheeks were warm against his palms, and he felt her fists twisting against his stomach as she unbuttoned his suit coat to slip her hands inside; goosebumps covered him as her hands slipped along the line of his belt to clench together at his back.
The corners of her mouth lifted as Michael tipped her face, and she smiled against him as he lowered his mouth to hers. He could feel his own breath quickening, could feel her hands fist together against his lower back. She pressed herself closer, and Michael dropped his hands over her shoulders, smoothing his palms down her back, cupping her hips to pull her more firmly against himself.“I love weddings,” she whispered, when the kiss broke.
“I think I love you,” Michael whispered back.
“Hmm,” Renee answered, smiling again.“I’d say it’s about time you noticed.”
“Maybe I was a little blind.”
“Well come on, blind man,” she said, stepping back and tugging at his hands.“There’s a wedding party going on downstairs, and it’ll be noticed if you aren’t part of it.”
Chapter Fifty-Five
She was right, and Michael sighed as he allowed Renee to pull him from the shadowed alcove. Downstairs, they took their places among the tables scattered throughout the room, with Renee to his right and her sister seated beside her. Chelsea’s boyfriend Nick sat to her right, and the last seat at the table was taken by Clay, one of Xander’s friends. Michael nodded at Nick and Clay as he held Renee’s chair out for her. She sat, and her face flushed hotly as Chelsea leaned over to whisper something in her ear.“Shut up,” she whispered.“And I don’t know yet.”
Quirking an eyebrow, Michael watched the twins from the corner of his eye, Chelsea teasing and Renee still pink-faced with embarrassment over whatever had been said. Underneath the table, he could feel the flurry of movement as the twins exchanged teasing kicks, and Chelsea began to hum the tune of the wedding march that had been played upstairs during the ceremony. Renee elbowed her sister in the side and the humming stopped, but Michael’s curiosity had been raised; even as he stood and made his wedding toast to Harmony and Xander as Xander’s best man, his thoughts were on the exchange between the twins.
It was a wedding, after all, he thought later, leaning slightly to the side as he allowed a catering waiter to settle a salad plate in front of him. And he and Renee had been friends for a very long time. It made sense then, didn’t it, that if his family had been waiting for them to get together, maybe her family had, too? And now they weretogether; it had been just over a month since their first kiss. He couldn’t believe how much had changed in that short time– but then again, not much had changed at all. She was by his side, just as she had been almost since the day they’d met, his best friend and the source of his courage to hope. And she hadn’t been surprised when he’d said he’d loved her; no, she had only smiled and said,“It’s about time you noticed.”
Chatting with Clay about what it was like to work with Xander and Harmony as a wrestler, Michael glanced over at the bridal table, where the newlyweds sat in a romantic cloud of happy oblivion– he watched the light wink off the ring on his sister’s left hand, watched her smile at her new husband as he moved closer to press a tender kiss to her forehead. Michael had spent most of the day with his clothes full of jewelry– Harmony’s rings in his breast pocket, Xander’s ring there with them. But there had been one other, a ring that even now burned a small circlet of heat against his thigh, a small band of shining white gold, wrapped with curling slivers of rose and yellow, adorned with a simple diamond surrounded by tiny rubies. He had found it by chance only two days before, tucked into the corners of the jeweler’s display when he had gone to pick up the wedding rings for Harmony and Xander.
It had reminded him of Renee’s earring, the one she had left at his house, now sparkling daintily in the lobe of her ear as she tucked her hair away from her face, and he had stood staring at it for so long that the jeweler had had to touch his arm to get his attention. He had bought it then, and had carried it with him these past two days, unsure of what to do with it, whether to wait or not, what would be the right words to say.
She hadn’t said it back; she hadn’t said that she loved him, too. But he believed with all his heart that she did– she must, to have smiled so at his words, as if she had already known them before Michael himself had even thought them. She had been glad for them; he had felt her seem to swell softly against him as he’d told her he loved her. But no, she hadn’t needed the words– she had already known. Maybe theydidn’t need words now, either. Clay had turned to Nick, asking him about his job on the local police force, and Michael lifted his wine glass, drinking deeply. No, maybe he didn’t need words at all– Renee had always understood him. Would she understand him now?
Shifting in his seat, he slipped his left hand into his pocket, catching the band of the ring between his fingertips. He halted though, as the ring caught slightly against the threads of his sla
cks… was this really the right time? It was his sister’s wedding day, and he had no desire to spoil that or to take the light from her on what should be the most beautiful day of her life. Beside him, Renee and Chelsea had made up, and they laughed together as dinner was served. Renee leaned softly against his shoulder, making room for the server to put her plate down.
More Than Friends (Kingsley #4) Page 27